the addict life is like SNOW BALLING

[zen77]

just came from my therapist and she said the same thing...i told her how i feel so guilty, because so many people on this site still have their loved ones/ADDICTS with them and are caring for them. I also realized that it is not really caring but ENABLING...although we all love our addicts, it seems the best for my son is TOUGH LOVE which I have never given. Nothing else I have done has helped and letting him GO at 18 years old, seems to be the only thing i havent tried.

Last night, my son called me from his 7 day inpatient facility, and said I cant believe your putting me out my mom, i might as well use again. He was pulling every manipulation tactic in the world on me to no avail.

All i know is this: Because of his addiction, me and my daughter live like we are HEROIN ADDICTS and it has brought us all down. the house is a wreck, the bills arent paid, im in debt from bailing out my son time after time, wrecked car, court dates, unpaid tickets from him, YOU NAME IT.

the new problem will be this:

in this halfway house, he is allowed to call our house everyday and within 30 days, they say he can come knock right on my door for the weekend.

I am going to have grow some real steel balls (ha im a woman) and lay down some laws....

I thinking about telling him , dont contact us until your 3 months clean with PROOF. and then just telling him i love him.........and let it go.

he has made me physicall sick, ill and im on numerous medications for stress, anxiety, colitis, nerves etc.

Im on the verge of losing my job and Im a single parent with no other income, because i cant sleep at night and then I cant function to work.

the entire HEROIN nightmare is killing 3 people, not just ONE.










QUOTE=Morning Glory]

Originally Posted by zen77

how old is ur son???

im struggling right now with trying to stand firm that he cant move home now from his 7 day rehab. I want him to agree with their recommendations to go a halfway house that actually offers as much as the facility he is in now it is a quite premeire place, but he keeps insisting (my son), that i am throwing him away and giving up on him.

I feel like :sink in sinking

Hi Zen,

My son is 30 now. I spent 10 years letting him move in and helping him out of his consequences. What makes me really sad now is that his alcoholism progressed terribly during those 10 years. I so wish I had done the hard things sooner, but I didn't know what was happening.

They will use every form of manipulation possible to get us to help them in ways that are not in their best interest. My son has always been very loving to me, but he could really lay on the guilt. I finally stopped.

It was so hard and I felt like I was sinking too. I felt like something died inside one night when I had to put him out in the cold rain. He knocked on the door all night telling me how cold he was. I sent him on his way after that.

What is best for you son? It sounds like the halfway house is the best option. Where is he going to get help with recovery? Probably not at home. His disease will probably progress at home. I don't know if you have heard of our quacking language yet, but that helped me get through the manipulation. I started recognizing all the ways my son was manipulating and was able to set his words aside and do what was best for him.

Everything we do will be very hard on us. Each time we do something different than we have been we will go through guilt and fear. Tell your son you love him. He won't hear that right now, but he will know it. Let him go to the program.

Hugs,
MG[/quote]

[wishIsedNO]

I was almost to tears reading your letter...Three years ago i would of been angry hearing somehing like that..Because i be defending myself....But now that im clean and i see more and more what its like for the addicts loved ones to deal with the issue...I feel more and more guilty..and sad about the whole thing..
I started using heroin when i was 16...I didnt know really what i was getting into,..I thought I'd actually not become addicted..I thought i would have alittle fun and when it got too much i would leave it alone...But then again i didnt know the horror of what heroin brings to a person..I never was around addicts growing up..I was from a good family...So i was very closed minded to that whole life...And boy was i shocked....i was sucked into it right away..Quickly i realized you get sick when you dont have it...And i began degrading myself and my family for it...And my mom was alot like you....Because she always gave herself totally to her kids...And when she found out i was using she tried her best to help me..And then she tried to basically keep me from killing myself...And the last 2 years she gave up....And i think it was her giving up that really got me to wake up...Because before then she was sooo co-dependant...She made it comfortable for me to use...She let me stay in the house...She gave me money when i bugged her enough...So why would i wanna stop...The only thing that got me into programs before was just the plain horror of it...Being a slave and having to deal with the people and all that...But the last two years i wasnt living at home and had a bundle a day habit...My arms were dirty and scarred with tracks...I was soo skinny that i wore kids clothes..And i was 21..Finally i got arrested...and thank god i didnt have to do no time or anything...But it woke me up..and i got tired and asked my mom if i went into a program would she let me back home...This time i went into a methadone program because i already tried 5 rehabs and used detoxs like a revolving door..And i thank god i did that..Even though many people including my mom and myself look down on methadone treatment...But i see it everyones different..But for me methadone has helped me have 2 yrs of clean time...and get myself back..and my family back...Even though my mom still doesnt approve but shes so thankful that she has her daughter back...And im glad to sit down and talk to my mom..And have her trust me to go to the store and buy groceries..Its just funny how life is..Because now that i found recovery...My father on the other hand is losing the battle for his alcoholism...It disgusting and annoying to watch him..And he aint only a drunk..But a nasty one at that..But instead of it making me go back to my DOC it keeps me going forward because now i see the horror addiction does to the person and the people who love them...
Even though it all seems bleak now..I tell ya theres hope...My mom and myself included thought id die a junkie....My mom sed that during that time she prayed for a call saying i was dead..Because she wanted the nitemare to end...And at first i was hurt when she sed that but i understand how an addict not only holds you hostage in your own home but even when they arent home your sitting there worrying about them..and also dreading the fact there gonna be home soon...But even with the way me and my mom was...we are the best of friends now..We go shopping together..Its amazing..And i have the hope that soon in the future things will be better for you and your son..Your in my prayers..Jackie

[dotcom]

hello zen,

i am very sorry for your situation. tough love is great. if not for tough love i would be even more of a you know what. i had a friend who had the option of going to halfway house or going home after getting out of prison after 6 yr. long story short, she went home and she should have gone to the halfway house because she needed the structure and she still was very young in her thinking. im sure you hurt alot because of your sons behaviors. i hope you find strength to make the decisions you need to make that will affect you and your family in a way that you will feel safe and healthy. or at least safer and healthier. hang in there!

longboarder

[skunkape138]

I just want you to know that i am also one like your child, my parents had sent me to two rehabs before the age of 18 and by 16 i was living in my own appartment 750 miles from home, due to my own decisions. If my parents hadn't taken the tough love approach i may have been dead before my 18th birthday. Now it did take me till the age of 30 to get clean but my concience would never let me get to far without at least feeling guilty and trying to get clean.
Your post damn near made me cry, seeing as i now have an 8 month old boy and may have to go through the same thing some day. All i can say is your doing the right thing and be strong and loving. Remember you have other children (it sounds like) who need the attention too. Your in my prayers

[Sandy Marie]

Hi Skunkape,
You've come a long way from those days of using drugs. Turn that old tape off and start playing a new one that says your life is new and improved. That's the tape your toddler will be listening to and learning from. He's blessed to have a parent who cares so much for him. Keep posting and let us know how things are going.
Prayers,
Sandy