Rlong87

I have been with my husband for 5 years and before that we were friends for many years, and we have 2 young children together. He has always had problems with substances over the years (cocaine at one point, always alcohol and now opiates and narcotics too). I found out last year that he was addicted to Oxy. I told him that he needed to get help. He went to a doctor and got a script for suboxone. He took them for a while and then started selling them and pawning stuff to buy pills. I found out again. He refused to go to inpatient rehab. Says he withdrawled at home. Got back on them (if he ever quit). Last month I threatened to leave him because it was so bad. So he says he got clean again. He was for about a week. I am not blind. I see him nodding. He lies all the time. He is a master manipulator and is great at making me feel like I'm crazy when I know I'm not. I'm a medical professional, an active mother, intelligent, yet I am so weak when it comes to him.
I am trying to decide what to do at this point. He keeps telling me he is clean, but I know that is not the truth. He goes to a Celebrate Recovery meeting once a week but I think that is just for show. His father found that for him.
Any advice? Non-confrontational ways to approach him, get him to rehab? Or is it a lost cause? Stay or go?

JessicaLives

Im here trying to find out about opiate use and how to talk to me boyfriend (fiance) too. Ive caught him nodding off like you said with your husband. I hope there is hope! I feel like my boyfriend needs rehab because hes had anxiety issues for years and dealt with it using weed, but now it looks like even its not enough. I could tolerate that, but this scares me. My boyfriend's family isnt too stable, but ihes close to my family. f I can confirm hes using then I think we all need to work together so he cant blindside any of us.

RedManc7

If you think he is using and is going on the nod then he is. As a heroin addict clean 8 months i know that no one wants to face the fact they are actually a smack head. I used to use the fact my girlfriend didn't know I was addicted as some bizarre warped proof I wasn't - an addict couldn't pull this off im just clearing the mind, having a wee puff, heading south to the free state etc etc - attending meetings pretending to be clean though - the denial factor is sky high there. Well for me anyway I could only do that if I didn't actually think I was addicted and so was just going for someone else's benefit. Sounds to me like he doesn't think he addicted.

Rlong87

Jessicalives, my husband has anxiety issues too. He has an appt to see a doctor this week and hopefully get some medication or something.
he just got home from his meeting and I brought up going to rehab. He refused said he doesn't need it. It won't help. But then he said he did 30mg oxy on Friday. But he "says no all the time." Just messed up once. I don't believe that. I see him nod more often.
I don't know what to do. Especially with kids involved. He is a fantastic, involved father. His family is very involved and supportive, but though they have helped in the past, they also are blind to it. He has a brother who is also addicted to opiates. So it's hard for them.

Rlong87

I think he is very much in denial! He says he just messes up sometimes, or he doesn't seek it out it just comes to him because he works with his old dealers. The meeting helps him (once a week), he comes up with it all .
he says it is a slow steady process and he's better than he use to be. I do think he is doing better than before (he doesn't look AS bad, money not flying off the shelf as quickly) but he also gets pills for free most of the time from his buddies, or sells to get what he needs. I just don't know what to do. It just seems to me like he doesn't want to change anything.

JessicaLives

when confronted what was the reaction by your husband? If someone is in denial then I know they will minimize use, or lie about what drugs are being used, but RedM Im hearing correctly? If it was out in the open then you were forced to face it? or maybe run from the girlfriend to keep pretending? RLong, with two babies it has to be 100x worse for you. At least he will see a doctor. Do you think he would admit using pills not prescribed? I know my boyfriend is scared for a doctor to find out he smoked weed for his anxiety, and now if hes doing more like suspected? what does a doctor do? refer a person to a specialist?

Rlong87

With me it is already known that he has a problem. But he plays it down like it's not that bad, when in reality it is and he has told me in the past that the drugs have ahold of his life. So denial is on point!! When I confront him he always says I don't know how to talk to people, I attack him, I beat him up about it...etc. he is good at twisting things around, a master manipulator.
a general practitioner can't really do much but refer him to either a rehab center/methadone clinic or a psychiatrist. I'm just hoping the doc can give him something that may help with his anxiety. But at the same time I'm worried about what he might get as I don't want him to abuse it or sell it to get his fix.

Rlong87

The doctor can't do anything. So he shouldn't be worried about it.

JessicaLives

thanks
Im going to read up on specialists and psychiatrists and see what they have to say. Im worried about how I talk to him too. If he gets angry, it will be game over and set the tone Im afraid.

I hope your husbands appointment will do some good.

Coldfusion

This is a major red flag. A common medication for anxiety is a benzodiazepine, which is a class of drugs that are very addicting. Also, they should not be used with alcohol or opiates.

Rlong87

This is exactly what scares me. Getting prescribed a benzo and then start mixing or whatever else

Soberwolf

All of your safety comes first IMO

And it has to be the person who wants to change i wish there was more we could do

SR has fantastic support & newcomers has heavy traffic so keep posting you will get replies

RedManc7

I'm just saying for ages when for years when I had a nasty habit id say at the start yeah I need to slow down a bit then I'd progress to saying I needed to lay off it I was a full blown junkie for about 2 years before I admitted i was an addict. Said the words in my head or out loud. The fact the only people who knew I was an addict were at various stages of the addiction cycle themselves meant it the A word was never mentioned. Ever. The fact that any straight members in my life never confronted me and called me on it meant I never had to face up to the truth and accept it- until I wanted to. We preferred to giggle like naughty schoolboys when we scored (until the darker days) and regale each other with how we blagged our wives/girlfriends - I used to volunteer to treat my bird to breakfast from the cafe and bring it her in bed on the weekend - Id call my dealer then potter about until she called to say she nearby - Id go out the flat go to my letter box get my tool kit (never fitted up just a decent pen foil lighter small deodorant some tissues in it) go score go the cafe order food get the key for the toilet for cafe go in there (it communal toilet for the block so well away from prying eyes) smoke $300 of smack in 10 mins then go back to cafe pay for food and coffee etc then go back to flat straightened up and ready to crack on with day. All chirpy now and rambling on the way you do when you just smoked a load of heroin. I thought yes I'm a druggy credit where credits due a bloody good one.
Obviously I was a lying manipulative selfish **** and I could turn any situation into an opportunity to disappear and smoke heroin. Shameful behaviour.

RedManc7

Obviously deodorant to get rid of smell of heroin in toilet the tissue to remind me to check Id cleaned up any black marks etc. Used to like to think standards were being maintained.

Rlong87

Well my husband is on his way home from work. He called me a few minutes ago and asked me "who would help you with the kids if I go to rehab?"
I told him we would be ok. He is talking about going in tomorrow. So now need to make the right phone calls. He needs to talk to his work and school. And hope they excuse his long absence. But his sobriety is much more important.

I wish that I had known about this site sooner. Truly helpful to talk to people that can relate and offer some insight into my situation. Thank you all. Now to start the hard journey with him!

JessicaLives

You must be relieved. Im thrilled for you. thank you for talking with me last night, yes it helps.

Rlong87

I truly feel like what is to come will be the hard part. But I just have to have faith in him. I hope your fiancé will get the help he needs as well.
And I hope my husband stays with this feeling and doesn't change his mind before admission.

Broncosys

Rlong87, your husband has legal rights as a recovering addict, so seek legal counsel if his school or employer try to jerk him around at all. My guess is that they will not but you never know. Good luck to you and your family.

Rlong87

His school only allows 2 absences per year and next week is the first week school starts back. So it is a matter of missing the first classes and whether that will be acceptable or whether they will make him forego this year and do it next year. Kind of a sticky situation. But hopefully he can make it work and get the help he needs.

openmind121

Hello ladies , I would like to share a few things
I too have been fighting the battle of (oxycodone at first) addiction with my husband for 5 long years.
The end result of me finding out after lies and lies that he had stopped was only bc I nabbed his hair and sent it to the lab.
Long story short the results were even worse . People said it to me they will end up on heroin . Yea I didn't think it would be but he was snorting it.
I sat at the results and cried and sobbed for hours before I could even confront him . Not to mention the amount of other things that showed up that seemed to be the worse to me .
Anyway after confronting the know it all family members with the REAL facts he entered recovery. 120 days sober to see those eyes normal and talking /acting normal was just a blessing .
I wish I could end this story with saying things are great but the past couple days the pupils looked small .. I have no fight left at this point . Needless to say I feel your same pain and hurt . I really hope your spouses reach the ultimate goal of sobriety . Always know there is hope. Part of the recovery should be honest open question/answers . This is always a good place to get some peace of mind and I hope you all find it .