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TOD has One Year Clean!

Old 09-19-2015, 11:51 PM
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Hi everyone!

Yes soberwolf! It's cooling off a little here too! If I could walk outside and hug the air? I'd do it! LOL

I have been putting off a chore of dread! Cleaning out my dresser! Underclothing dresser! UGH! As a woman? We buy things we think we want to wear. Some we do! Some we don't! And of course there's the clothing that's too small now! Well I reached a point something had to GO! So I took the dive and got it done!

Of course the mind goes into full blown decision making at this point! What to keep? What to trash? What to see if my sister's want? And donation pile! Just makes me want to pull my hair out! It's a no decision maker on worn underwear though! In the trash it goes! But alas? I got it done! The closet will be next! If I disappear from here? You'll find me buried in my closet!

The other closets are so full of stuff pushed into them that I can't get anymore in them. So of course the other stuff is stacked around the house! It's really getting on my nerves at this {clean self} point! When I was popping pills? It was easy to ignore the stuff! It was also damned hard to try and get rid of stuff while Jethro was on the pain meds! It turned into an outright war anytime I attempted! But now that he's off them? He's willing to start getting rid of things! Hallelujah!

When our next door neighbor moved? They left a ton of stuff behind! Jethro had keys to the place and we ended up bringing way too much home with us! It's all in bags and boxes all over the place! So the time has come to start getting things organized and put away!

Pain meds did us both in! We were just surviving here in our home! Not doing anything more than what needed to be done. There are repairs that need to be done to our home too! This is another reason I want to get things cleaned up! There's no way I want to do repairs while all the stuff is in the way! And while it is in the way? Jethro isn't making a move to do anything about the repairs!

It's going to take awhile to get it all done though! If I attack one area at a time? It will eventually all be cleared up!

I wish everyone a clean day and the ambition to get things done!

TOD
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Old 09-21-2015, 01:35 AM
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Hi everyone!

So far I've survived the chore of cleaning out half my closet! I'm shocked! Half of my room is covered in boxes! Empty boxes! I'm bad about keeping empty boxes to use for gift wrapping! Had NO clue I had that many in my closet! No wonder I can't get into there anymore! LOL So when I get up later today I'll be doing the chore of cutting and flattening them to put in the recycling trash can.

I have tons of egg cartons in there too! I'll be passing them on to my neighbor if she wants them? Back when I had tons of hens giving us eggs? I used them a lot. Now that we don't have layers? They need to be passed on! We only have spoiled chickens now! LOL They still eat tons of bugs around here for us so I'm not complaining!

Molly wasn't too happy to see the bedroom covered in boxes when I took her to her bed tonight! Anything out of the ordinary isn't a good thing for our feathered kids. They growl and make funny noises!

I'm doing my best at not getting overwhelmed at what needs to be done around here! I'm trying to stick to the plan of one area at a time! So far! So good! Now if I could only pull Jethro off his job of fixing the latest 4wheeler we've gotten to start working on his bedroom and bathroom? That's a job that's going to take days to complete! He's got clothes boxed in his closet from the 80's! Nothing sentimental either! Also boxes and boxes of cords to everything! Living with a Technician can drive anyone crazy! Not him though! I had to laugh a couple of days ago when he was looking for one particular cord to something. And couldn't find it! Well DUH! I just walked off! I plan to buy a large tote and dump all those boxes of cords into it! He can dig thru it when he needs something!

I got my pleasure out of pulling the sticky patches off his hairy back this evening when he took the tens unit off! He says I get too much pleasure out of that? You betcha! It's also pleasing to know he isn't popping pain meds!

Life is good and progress is being made around here too! It's been a long time coming!

Wishing everyone a clean day and progress in getting things done too!

TOD
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Old 09-21-2015, 03:21 AM
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Old 09-23-2015, 02:31 AM
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Hi everyone!

I've made it 24 days w/o drinking any cokes! I've even reached a point I don't think about them anymore when I reach for my jug of tea! As for pain meds? One year, two months and two weeks w/o any of those either!

It's nice to be able to reach my toes again w/o a large stomach in the way anymore! That's a Bittch! I can also bend down to pick my feathered kids up w/o feeling like I need to rush to the ER! I'm really disgusted with myself for letting myself get this large! I've NEVER been this big, unless you count the time I was pregnant. At least I'm awake now and I'm doing something about it before I get any larger!

I got all the boxes from my closet flattened and they are in the trash for pickup! Jethro said I needed to be put on the Hoarders List! Ummmmm I don't think so! LOL I have way less stuff than he does! It's so nice to see all the empty space now!

Everytime I get something cleaned up? I hate the pain meds even more! When I first moved in here I had this place sparkling! And then I got injured and was put back on the pain meds after being clean for two years. My heart ached for the way things used to be. So I'm on the ladder climbing slowly upwards to a much better me!

For those that knew him? Yogi Berra has passed away!

Wishing everyone a clean day!

TOD
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Old 09-29-2015, 02:48 AM
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Hi everyone!

I had several days of happiness with Jethro and then I saw him receiving another bottle of pain meds on the 24th from the delivery truck! So the one man circus is back in town again! UGH! He's back to his lethargic self again. Being rude to me again! Doing the feeling good one hour-being nice to me and then being an azz the next!

I have so much laughter in myself these days. It's so sad to see him the way he is and him thinking those pain meds are the answer to his needs! He was being so rude a couple of days ago I yelled at him: "He's a F'ing addict and loves his pills way more than he does his wife!" He didn't agree or disagree! He just went back to his little world in the living room and sat back down.

So? Besides where my husband is at mentally and physically?

I'm doing good! I'm one year, two months and three days off the pain meds. I'm now a month off the cokes too! Also banned snacks from the house! I've lost 10 pds and several inches all over!

I've reached the point I can't help my husband. He's going to fight me every time I try to bring up the subject of him getting off the pain meds! When I saw him getting the delivery the other day? I stood stirring my coffee after I just got up, with tears running down my face. I couldn't stop them! I just feel such a loss for such a wonderful relationship we had and could have!



TOD
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Old 09-30-2015, 12:44 AM
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After a screaming match between me and Jethro this late evening? I got my answer as to how many pills he's been taking!

He was really angry with me accusing him of taking them. So I told him to prove to me how many he's got! Well he was on a roll! Telling me I didn't know what I was talking about! I asked him: "If you're not taking them? Then why are you continuing to get them?" No answer!

I finally gave up and came out on the porch here! Well it wasn't long and here he come. He'd say a few things and then he'd slam the French door so hard I thought it was going to break the glass in it! He went back inside, put his shoes on and here he come again. Went thru the French door slamming it really hard again. Then out the glass screen door like a bear going thru it!

I had my back to the door when he came back inside. Then he started bittching while tossing pill bottles, full of pills on my desk top! Jesus! I didn't touch a one of the six bottles. They all had pills in them, but I wouldn't have a clue how many in each one! Well? At least I know he's not taking them all the time. Which I was truly happy about!

I told him I was happy he wasn't taking them and he started in on me with: "You're just jealous YOU can't take them because you're addicted to them and I'm not!" I said: "No I wasn't!" He kept repeating the same thing to me over and over in a very angry voice! He then walked over and gathered all the bottles up in his hands. He thrust them right up to my face and said: "I told you I wasn't taking them! And you're jealous I can take them when I need to and you can't!" I said: "You just told me what you've been denying! You are taking them from time to time and that's when I can't stand you! You're an azz towards me and your attitude is horrible to be around!" He just stormed back outside with bottles in hand.

He came back a little bit later, slamming the doors behind him as he went back inside! I had tried telling him "I'm happy now and damned glad I'm off the pills!" He told me: "No you're not!" I said: "Yes I am!" He told me: "No you're not!" I let it drop! He had told me he continues to get them for when he is in extreme pain. He doesn't want the script to lasp and have to fight to get them again if it comes to that! Well I do know how that is with the VAH!

I told him later on: "I don't care what you think? I'm happy you're off the pills. And I am a happy person being off them. And I'm damned sure NOT jealous of you being able to take them!"

TOD
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Old 10-02-2015, 12:43 AM
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Hi everyone!

After the explosion the other day? Things have settled down a lot around here!

Jethro is getting a pole barn to start his own business in too! He's been wanting one for years! He's not happy unless he's working! He can now be his own boss and have lots of ppl to talk to! I've told him he'll have to make Maria a spot in the barn so she can continue being close to her daddy! (The white chicken in my Avatar)! He laughed and said "not a problem"!

He's been working on equipment out in the backyard for years! In the cold and heat each year! A pop up tent in the dirt has been his shop! He uses a large plastic banner to lay on in the dirt to get underneath stuff too! It's way past time he got the barn he's been wanting and needing!

Life does change for the better when drugs are left out of the picture! It will take some time to get there, but it can be done! I'm proof of that!

Wishing everyone a clean - happy day!

TOD
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Old 10-05-2015, 02:45 AM
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Hi everyone!

I'm still coke cola, snack and pain med free! Jethro is also staying away from the pain meds!

Mom was here today! She's going to be onboard helping us get the yard cleaned up and ready for the pole barn construction to begin in about five weeks! I told her she can be the musher on Jethro's dog sled to keep him moving! Her answer? "Oh he'll work if I'm here!" LOL She'll work the both of us into the dirt! She's a little spitfire! She doesn't know how to slow down unless she's hungry! And she's 77 years old! She also wanted to know where her little house was going to be when she reached that point? Lordy!

The weather has finally cooled off and that's great weather for working outside in! Jethro will have the music cranking too! I'll just be glad when it's all done!

Our feathered kids are all doing wonderful! Maria is getting fat from eating all the crickets her daddy buys for her! She's a little pain in the butt at certain times of the day/evening when she hasn't gotten her cricket treat! I never realized a one pound chicken could make so much noise when she doesn't get her way! Afterwards she settles in the corner of the couch cushion and goes to sleep!

I just prepared some leftover steaks in the crockpot along with soup mix stuff! Supper will be ready when it's time to eat this evening! It will be hard trying to sleep with the smell swirling around the house though!

It's been nice having life back to normal! I cherish each day neither one of us is using the pain meds! It's been over a year and two months for myself!

Better get Jethro's laundry finished and head to bed!

Wishing everyone a clean day!

TOD
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Old 10-07-2015, 01:48 AM
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Hi everyone!

I woke up today really wanting a coke! I have no clue why, just did! I haven't drank any in over a month and one week now! So I got my coffee made and forgot about it! Shew!

Well Jethro was gone and when he came walking in? Can you believe he had a coke in his hand? ARGH! I felt like I looked like that coyote cartoon character salivating out of my mouth! LOL

I pointed at it and said: "What are you doing with that in here?" He snatched it up and poured it quickly into his large mug! Then he pushed the bottle way down into the recycle bag! LOL Oh how I wanted to grab it and take just one drink! But I left the house instead! LOL God give me the strength to refrain! So I'm still free of the sugary coke stuff! Shew! And I thought staying away from pain meds was hard? HAH!

But Hey! At least my mom didn't poke her finger in my belly while she was here Sunday! Then asking: "What you gonna do about that belly?" I don't have that large belly anymore! My entire body is also grateful it's getting smaller!

I've got a slight headache tonight due to my stepdaughter's mouth! Her soon to be XH gave me all sorts of info where she hates me, etc. etc. Oh really? Which isn't really anything new! But I'm done trying to lend her a hand! She also hates her dad for not kicking me out so she and the three kids can move in here on top of him! So he's pizzed too! I haven't met a family yet that doesn't have someone in their family like this! She's 26 now! Maybe by the time she reaches 40 she'll get it figured out?

So yeah! I'm still pain med free and learning to cope with life w/o them! Life is much more manageable w/o them! Jethro and I watched a meth house burn up last night at 2:30 am in the neighborhood too! Good riddance to that problem!

Wishing everyone a clean day!

TOD
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Old 10-08-2015, 01:55 AM
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Here's what we saw!

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Sorry about the double photo! There's a snafu I can't fix!

TOD
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Old 10-12-2015, 01:11 AM
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Hi everyone!
Hello Twofish!

Still pain med free! One year, three months and five days clean! Still not drinking cokes either! I did have some homemade cake that my Aunt kept begging me to eat at the family fish fry Saturday. She made it! It's one of my favorites! LOL I brought two, 2 liters of coke with us! Didn't touch them! Mom even told me: "You can have a little bit of cake every once in awhile!" Oh hell! Okay! Just to shut everyone up I had a small piece! LOL I'm back on no snacks again though! I've lost inches and pounds! I don't want to get off track here!

Jethro was kind of a snot Saturday! I had a few choice words for him. I was nice, but he got the message! He said as we were pulling into mom's driveway: "You can get me a glass of tea as soon as we get it unloaded!" I said: "I bet you can get your own glass of tea too? Try asking in a nicer way instead of telling me what you want me to do!" While unloading the car I said: "Lose the attitude. I don't want to deal with it today at the family get together!" He smartly said: "YOU lose YOUR attitude!" Hmmmmm I was laughing and in a good mood! So I figured he'd taken a pain pill before we left!

After I got in the house I made himself and myself a glass of tea while talking with my sister for about 15 minutes! I finally walked up the hill to where the fish was being fried and a lot of ppl were sitting. I handed the tea to him and turned to walk off. He said: "Thank you in a way that he wanted me to be sure I heard as well as everyone else!" I turned and said: "You're welcome! You would have gotten it a lot quicker if you'd have asked me in a nicer way when we got here?" I don't put up with or tolerate his BS attitude anymore! He was trying to act the Big Dog in front of everyone and I crushed it quickly! That dog don't hunt in my backyard! Especially in my mom's backyard with all those family members there! But that's how he acts when he's taken a pain pill!

If he's in a lot of pain and takes a pain pill and treats me decently? I don't have a problem with it! But if he gets an attitude and treats me nasty? He's going to hear about it! I keep telling him if he'd lose weight and get rid of that huge belly? His back wouldn't hurt so badly! He tells me I don't know what I'm talking about! Whatever then! Continue hurting!

My girl Molly was chasing me around the house last night, purring her butt off. I knew she was needing something but didn't know what? Well I finally figured it out! She was needing crushed oyster shells! She was making an egg shell to go around the egg she needed to drop! So this afternoon when I got her up out of her bed. There was an egg in it!

Maria chases Jethro around the living room thinking he's got the cricket box anytime he's walking around! She gets them twice a day! She'd be happy if we'd just make her a self feeder of crickets! For her to have been so sick a couple of months ago? You wouldn't be able to tell it now! She's a healthy, fat little girl now!

Our large hen Marilyn runs after me outside begging for goodies too! Marvin is right behind her making goofy noises! I just love to hear Marilyn's sing song sounds she makes!

Everyone have a nice clean day!

TOD
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Old 10-15-2015, 01:24 AM
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Hi everyone!

Still pain med free! No coke drinking either! Jethro went to wally world today and came back with a bunch of snacks! UGH! I chewed on his butt for awhile over that business! I finally said: "When you end up back in the hospital with another heart attack? You'll be wishing you'd stopped this business!" He's bad about making a meal out of a bag of chips, instead of making himself something good to eat! All these snacks being in the house makes me have to work harder at not eating them too!

We are in the process of going to the pole barn company to put down 10% on one being constructed on the property here! It's a 30' x 30' x 10' sized building. It will be done today or Friday! It's nice knowing things are moving forward! Good changes on the way!

Back to laundry business!

Everyone have a clean day!

TOD
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Old 10-16-2015, 02:02 AM
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Hi everyone!

We are under a weather warning watch right now! We are super dry around here and the winds are blowing super hard! Any little spark could cause a major problem for us around here right now! Next week is our earliest at small chances of rain!

Wild animals are moving into the town areas looking for water and food! There was a 300 pd Black Bear in a neighboring town a few days ago. And we had a coyote at 11:00 AM in the yard beside us two days ago! I'm so glad we have our two acres fenced in! I wouldn't allow Marvin and Marilyn to run free if we didn't have the fenced in yard!

There's so many reason's I want to stay clean! The weather is one of them! I'm alert now. I'm not sitting around in a fog of pain meds! I'll be glad when those days are just a far off memory! I take care of myself so I hopefully don't have to ever take those pain meds again!

I'm still losing inches and weight! I'll be so glad when I'm back to where I feel more comfortable! I really let myself go for way too long! It's slow going, but it's going!

Wishing everyone a clean day!

TOD
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Old 10-18-2015, 12:06 AM
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Hello everyone!

Jethro and I went Friday to put the down payment on the pole barn! Jethro was dragging his feet due to this issue or that issue and I finally said: "We are putting the down payment down TODAY! This pole barn is going to happen! We'll work around the issues as they come up!" The man behind the desk asked him questions and gave me an amount to write the check for! DONE! LOL

We left there and went to visit his X boss about a lift that was sold to Jethro last year. His boss paid for it and Jethro was supposed to bring him the money. His boss decided he was going to charge him a thousand dollars for it instead of the two hundered he owed. The reason was because he was mad at Jethro for leaving the business! OMG! We both went off on him! The boss is afraid of me anyway and knew he was in trouble when I walked in with Jethro! I hold his feet to the fire when Jethro talks political talk around things! I go for the juggular and get straight direct answers! I don't have time to beat around the bush! We left there w/o the lift and told him we wouldn't darken his doorway again. He's lost good friends and a business partner to boot! As far as claiming to be a good Christian? He needs to do some more studying on that! He's in Church every time the doors are open too!

I have learned as I get cleaner off the opiates! I have to stand for what I feel is truthful and honest! I hate liars and have never been one myself! Ppl may not like hearing the truth about things, but I don't want to make up stories along the way and have to remember them later. So being honest from the get go will always win out!

Jethro is avoiding the opiates which makes working with him in this relationship of marriage much easier for the both of us! He knows I'm not one for putting up with him taking them either. He knows if I can obstain from them then I'm going to be pizzed at him for taking them. He knows I don't want to be a person sitting around doing nothing with my life too! I want to make progress in our lives! The damned opiates have stolen a lot of years from the both of us! Yes we both have medical issues we could continue popping pills until we are put in the ground! Lordy I hope that's a long way off for the both of us though!

Getting off those opiates was no picnic and I've done it many times. I'm praying this go round is the last time! There's too many other things out there in the world I can/am using to stay off the opiates for pain management!

So with one year and almost three months clean?

I'm wishing everyone a clean day!

TOD
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Old 10-18-2015, 10:51 AM
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Hi Tod keep up the good work
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Old 10-19-2015, 12:40 AM
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Hi Soberwolf! Thanks for checking in on me! It makes me feel like I'm not posting to myself all the time!

Jethro has been a busy camper around here! He cut down a small tree. Removed a stack of old cut up wood as well! And has hauled the limbs off to a spot to be chipper Vac'ed into mulch! He's getting ready for his pole barn to be put in! He's on a roll! LOL He's super excited about all of this!

I read this article today in reference to drugs and lots of other info! It was really interesting! The link is: http://www.the atlantic.com/ health/ archive/2014/10/ the-new-heroin-epidemic/382020/! I put spaces in it so the link wouldn't show up here! I couldn't stop reading it! It talks about AA, how the pain meds were started and how certain ones were considered non addictive to get them on the market! It talks about meetings and certain ppl in them. How doctor's struggled to get patients on subs too!

Wishing everyone a clean day!

TOD
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Old 10-19-2015, 01:20 AM
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Thanks Tod sounds like its all systems go thanks for the link
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Old 10-20-2015, 01:16 AM
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Thanks Soberwolf!

I'd like to hear from others on their stories of success! Or what they're struggling with that maybe I could help with? Or just be supportive to!

I'm truly glad Soberwolf you've won your fight against the alcohol! And that you and your wife have a happy life now!

Yes those links are truly informative on so many levels!

TOD
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Old 10-22-2015, 02:12 AM
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Hello friends!

For those that don't know? I was given pain meds in 1985 by a family doctor. That was my down fall into the drug world! I've never bought them off the streets either!

At this point I've managed to stay off them for a year and three months! I don't think about them or miss them. My daily life and routines have improved greatly since getting off the pain meds! People reading this thinking they can't survive w/o them? Think again! They become your crutch! Crutches are made to be broken! It only takes a week to get thru the worst of it!

The longer you are off them? The better you'll get! Yes it's a mental game after the first week and yes your body has to build it's energy back up!

There are many of us here that have survived the w/d's from alcohol and drugs! We are posting here to support others trying to get their lives back on track! As the saying goes: "We have walked the walk and talked the talk!" There's really nothing new you could say on here that we haven't already heard! Or done!

Wishing everyone a clean day!

TOD
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Old 10-22-2015, 04:45 AM
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Fabulous work TOD - your story shows how addiction can get a grip from all kinds of different routes - I never appreciated just how dangerous and pervasive over the counter drug addictions were. A few years ago I'd have thought any drug addict (unless in a job with access) would have had to go down the illegal route. Just shows what a broad church we are here on SR.

Well done TOD - keep clocking up the time - inspirational !!!!
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