TOD has One Year Clean!
RIP Maria
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Originally Posted by kzaug2014 
Congrats on 1yr., 3wks, my friend! I'm soooo happy for you! 
Living life now off the pain meds is so much nicer! I'm sure ppl reading this, still using, don't understand it, but it is! If you've ever been in a bad relationship with someone for a long time and then you are out of that relationship? That's what it's like! Freedom!
TOD
RIP Maria
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Thank you gnarly boots and Sober wolf!
I'm still keeping up with the clean days. Just not posting them like I was! Going back on the pain meds is something I never plan on doing again. Those pills change a person for the worst! Not a person I want to ever be again!
This Friday I will have one year, one month clean! It's the BEST feeling being off those damned things!
My grand daughter spent four days with us while she was here for two weeks. She and I laughed and had some good times together! New memories made while off the pain meds! Priceless! She's eleven!
Memories of the past days are slowly coming back to me also! Good and bad! But they are in the past!
There are still times I think about how I'd feel if I'd take just one pill! But thankfully they pass and I get on with whatever I'm doing at that time. Those pills are like a lost love! They existed in my life and now they don't!
Jethro seems to also be abstaining from them too! He's not such a pain to live with now! Lord knows I've bittched at him enough about getting off them. Maybe he's seeing the light? I sure hope so!
TOD
I'm still keeping up with the clean days. Just not posting them like I was! Going back on the pain meds is something I never plan on doing again. Those pills change a person for the worst! Not a person I want to ever be again!
This Friday I will have one year, one month clean!
It's the BEST feeling being off those damned things! My grand daughter spent four days with us while she was here for two weeks. She and I laughed and had some good times together! New memories made while off the pain meds! Priceless! She's eleven!
Memories of the past days are slowly coming back to me also! Good and bad! But they are in the past!
There are still times I think about how I'd feel if I'd take just one pill! But thankfully they pass and I get on with whatever I'm doing at that time. Those pills are like a lost love! They existed in my life and now they don't!
Jethro seems to also be abstaining from them too! He's not such a pain to live with now! Lord knows I've bittched at him enough about getting off them. Maybe he's seeing the light? I sure hope so!
TOD
RIP Maria
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Thanks Soberwolf! I'm glad it gave you an uplifting day!
I've been thru the ringer these past two weeks! Besides our GD being in town and staying four days with us? We also were dealing with our indoor pet Silkie rooster dying!
Ik Ik! Yes we have pet chickens in the house. The little silkie hen in my Avatar is Maria! She's spoiled more than a child! LOL So you can imagine the heartache I was battling while my GD was here and trying to stay happy for her!
Jethro was acting like a pill head this afternoon. Treating me cruelly! Not ONCE during these past two weeks or last night did taking a pill pop into my head. My thoughts were on keeping Mr. Cotton comfortable and keeping my GD fed and entertained! And of course that included taking care of the other little pets and the large dog outside! And all the house doing's we women do!
To put it bluntly! I would have been a mess/basket case if I'd been popping pills. So yeah! Being off the pain meds is truly a blessing! Even had to be around my XH while he visited at my mom's house with our GD. I might have a sore tongue from biting it, but I got thru it and played nice!
I just can't bring myself these days to believe "I NEEDED those pain pills" to make it thru each day! Sure I was there and took them. And I get to watch the actions I probably went thru while on them thru my husband taking the pain meds. It's not pretty! I've shed more tears this past year over his actions on the pain meds than I have in a long time. I'm happy again and I want him to feel happy too. But he's chosen to never get off them! That leaves me wondering where I'm going to be a year or two down the road.
So there's a little more for ya in reference to what I'm dealing with here at home while counting my clean days!
TOD
I've been thru the ringer these past two weeks! Besides our GD being in town and staying four days with us? We also were dealing with our indoor pet Silkie rooster dying!
Ik Ik! Yes we have pet chickens in the house. The little silkie hen in my Avatar is Maria! She's spoiled more than a child! LOL So you can imagine the heartache I was battling while my GD was here and trying to stay happy for her!Jethro was acting like a pill head this afternoon. Treating me cruelly! Not ONCE during these past two weeks or last night did taking a pill pop into my head. My thoughts were on keeping Mr. Cotton comfortable and keeping my GD fed and entertained! And of course that included taking care of the other little pets and the large dog outside! And all the house doing's we women do!
To put it bluntly! I would have been a mess/basket case if I'd been popping pills. So yeah! Being off the pain meds is truly a blessing! Even had to be around my XH while he visited at my mom's house with our GD. I might have a sore tongue from biting it, but I got thru it and played nice!
I just can't bring myself these days to believe "I NEEDED those pain pills" to make it thru each day! Sure I was there and took them. And I get to watch the actions I probably went thru while on them thru my husband taking the pain meds. It's not pretty! I've shed more tears this past year over his actions on the pain meds than I have in a long time. I'm happy again and I want him to feel happy too. But he's chosen to never get off them! That leaves me wondering where I'm going to be a year or two down the road.
So there's a little more for ya in reference to what I'm dealing with here at home while counting my clean days!
TOD
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 14
Hi TOD, late to the party and new to the board but wanted to throw a big congrats in there on your time! As someone that changed my whole life around and got to the highest point in my life after 3 years sober, keep up the good work. It only gets better. It seems hypocritical for me to be cheering someone on after I relapsed, but I can remember fondly getting to 1 year, then the next, etc. so it feels right. keep on keeping on!
RIP Maria
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Welcome to SR AceofSpades!
You can't be considered late if you've just joined SR! LOL Thanks for the congrats!
Relapse is just one partake away from our DOC! We have to stay vigilant with ourselves! We NEVER can use it again! For myself, being opiates is my DOC? If I were to have a medical procedure done and needed to take them afterwards? I will not be in charge of the bottle. I'll also need to be honest with myself in how many I should take. I know myself! I know where I could end up again taking them. I NEVER want to be that person again.
So you've relapsed! You've admitted! Now get back to living the clean life again! Our freedom is a rollercoaster! We don't live in a glass cage with someone else tending to us! We have to tend to our own needs!
TOD
You can't be considered late if you've just joined SR! LOL Thanks for the congrats!
Relapse is just one partake away from our DOC! We have to stay vigilant with ourselves! We NEVER can use it again! For myself, being opiates is my DOC? If I were to have a medical procedure done and needed to take them afterwards? I will not be in charge of the bottle. I'll also need to be honest with myself in how many I should take. I know myself! I know where I could end up again taking them. I NEVER want to be that person again.
So you've relapsed! You've admitted! Now get back to living the clean life again! Our freedom is a rollercoaster! We don't live in a glass cage with someone else tending to us! We have to tend to our own needs!
TOD
RIP Maria
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Thanks soberwolf!
Living with my husband taking the pain meds each day is a challenge! The cruel attitude that screams out of him at myself just rips my heart out! His breathing is very labored and he's constantly hitting his inhalers. He moans and groans just trying to get up! I've preached at him how the pain meds can make him feel worse and make his breathing worse. He turns into this clown person, clapping his hands together while bent over and telling me: "Yeah! You're a pro when it comes to the pain meds!" I usually walk off with tears streaming down my face. There's no getting thru to him.
I've been tempted to leave many times! I love my freedom off the pain meds and I want to be happy. Not walking around on egg shells waiting for the next explosion from him. And those explosions can occur from the smallest things. So I stay quite and away from him in order to not get yelled at.
For anyone reading this? How do you live with someone that's actively using when you have a year or more off your DOC?
Watching him though is a reminder of how I could be again if I ever start the pain meds again. I love the person I am now! I don't ever want to be that negative person again!
TOD
Living with my husband taking the pain meds each day is a challenge! The cruel attitude that screams out of him at myself just rips my heart out! His breathing is very labored and he's constantly hitting his inhalers. He moans and groans just trying to get up! I've preached at him how the pain meds can make him feel worse and make his breathing worse. He turns into this clown person, clapping his hands together while bent over and telling me: "Yeah! You're a pro when it comes to the pain meds!" I usually walk off with tears streaming down my face. There's no getting thru to him.
I've been tempted to leave many times! I love my freedom off the pain meds and I want to be happy. Not walking around on egg shells waiting for the next explosion from him. And those explosions can occur from the smallest things. So I stay quite and away from him in order to not get yelled at.
For anyone reading this? How do you live with someone that's actively using when you have a year or more off your DOC?
Watching him though is a reminder of how I could be again if I ever start the pain meds again. I love the person I am now! I don't ever want to be that negative person again!
TOD
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
(((((TOD))))) If you have thought about leaving many times thats a red flag if he is being mentally abusive thats a red flag TOD staying quiet so you dont get yelled at. Thats another red flag
Tod this is a very toxic situation you are in and you sound in fear and that aint on i am really sorry things are like this
i hope some women see this and support you if you ever want to talk theres mods with experience and advice & you can msg me whenever you want
sorry if i sound worried hang in there TOD
Tod this is a very toxic situation you are in and you sound in fear and that aint on i am really sorry things are like this
i hope some women see this and support you if you ever want to talk theres mods with experience and advice & you can msg me whenever you want
sorry if i sound worried hang in there TOD
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 970
TOD, that IS a very difficult situation and a dangerous one for your mental/emotional health. It's up to YOU to fix it instead of waiting for an addict to fix it, you know this ! I would suggest you take a temporary leave of absence from the situation and see how that feels for you. You will grow in ways that will just make that smile bigger on your face. Even if money is tight, just look for a bachelor pad. They aren't too expensive and you don't need a lot of space to continue to grow. And it " might" wake up your partner in his aloneness to consider why you left, but really that's up to him to fix, not you. You are responsible for YOU ,and leaving you in such a poor situation is not self- caring. Sorry if I am sounding blunt , but I've been in your shoes and the best thing I did was find my own space to continue to grow so I could smile in the mirror.
RIP Maria
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Thank you happycamper! Believe me! I know all the bells and whistles when it comes to addiction due to popping pain pills. Lord knows I've spent enough years doing it myself!
During one of our arguments I asked Jethro if he wanted me to move out? I got a quick "NO"! I've also made comments about moving out and he's said "Don't let the door hit you in the azz!" His Italian pride and temper get in the way of him using common sense! If it wasn't for the little girl in my avatar? I'd probably have already left to see if it wakes him up! Maria needs her momma even though she's a daddy's girl! My other little feathered girl will go with her momma! She's a momma's girl!
So like women are with having children in a relationship? It's hard on me to leave her! My last 3rdXH couldn't stand my silkie chickens and I left with all 25 of them! They were in a cage in the back of a truck. It looked like someone with a feather pillow in the back releasing them! When I make my mind up to do something? I'm all over it!
I'm enjoying my freedom off the pain meds! I'm happy again! I laugh and don't hurt like I did while taking the pain meds in a large amount! I SOOOO want Jethro to get back to the man I married! He knows how bad the pain meds are! Hell! He's had a daughter and Stepdaughter addicted to them.
Jethro needs to be around ppl and working to be happy. Well he hasn't worked in a year. He's sitting on his pity pot popping pills! He's gained a huge amount of weight and is miserable. He doesn't want to listen to anything I say about his weight or the pain meds! He's already had one heart attack back in 2005! I keep warning him he's headed for another one at the rate he's going!
I've been sitting here all night paying bills and thinking how nice it would be to have him bringing in an income also! He's not concerned about a thing! He gets free medical care due to my status with the military and all his meds are free too. Doesn't have to worry about anything getting paid for or food either. Thanks to me! So yeah! My mind is all over the place right now with what to do! I said I wanted to marry this man when I was 15 years old. It only took me 34 years later to marry him. So I'd like for things to work out for us! The problem is though the pain meds have their grip on him and he's in love with them now. Not me!
I battled to get a year under my feet off the pain meds. It just disgusts me to be living with someone popping pills and telling me to watch what I say! I better stop talking! I get so damned mad I just walk off!
TOD
During one of our arguments I asked Jethro if he wanted me to move out? I got a quick "NO"! I've also made comments about moving out and he's said "Don't let the door hit you in the azz!" His Italian pride and temper get in the way of him using common sense! If it wasn't for the little girl in my avatar? I'd probably have already left to see if it wakes him up! Maria needs her momma even though she's a daddy's girl! My other little feathered girl will go with her momma! She's a momma's girl!
So like women are with having children in a relationship? It's hard on me to leave her! My last 3rdXH couldn't stand my silkie chickens and I left with all 25 of them! They were in a cage in the back of a truck. It looked like someone with a feather pillow in the back releasing them! When I make my mind up to do something? I'm all over it!
I'm enjoying my freedom off the pain meds! I'm happy again! I laugh and don't hurt like I did while taking the pain meds in a large amount! I SOOOO want Jethro to get back to the man I married! He knows how bad the pain meds are! Hell! He's had a daughter and Stepdaughter addicted to them.
Jethro needs to be around ppl and working to be happy. Well he hasn't worked in a year. He's sitting on his pity pot popping pills! He's gained a huge amount of weight and is miserable. He doesn't want to listen to anything I say about his weight or the pain meds! He's already had one heart attack back in 2005! I keep warning him he's headed for another one at the rate he's going!
I've been sitting here all night paying bills and thinking how nice it would be to have him bringing in an income also! He's not concerned about a thing! He gets free medical care due to my status with the military and all his meds are free too. Doesn't have to worry about anything getting paid for or food either. Thanks to me! So yeah! My mind is all over the place right now with what to do! I said I wanted to marry this man when I was 15 years old. It only took me 34 years later to marry him. So I'd like for things to work out for us! The problem is though the pain meds have their grip on him and he's in love with them now. Not me!
I battled to get a year under my feet off the pain meds. It just disgusts me to be living with someone popping pills and telling me to watch what I say! I better stop talking! I get so damned mad I just walk off!
TOD
RIP Maria
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Thank you happycampers!
Hi Twofish! You doing okay?
Made it to Friday! Still opiate free! Makes for one year, one month clean!
I heard this old country song for the first time today! It's so true and so funny. Thought I'd share it here for others to get a good laugh too!
TOD
Hi Twofish! You doing okay?
Made it to Friday! Still opiate free!
Makes for one year, one month clean! I heard this old country song for the first time today! It's so true and so funny. Thought I'd share it here for others to get a good laugh too!
TOD
RIP Maria
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Thank you Pondlady!
Thank you LadyinBC!
Hello Four!
It's been awhile since I've been here! I'm still talking with friends from SR! And enjoying life! One year, one month and one week clean today!
This past Monday I had an event with Jethro where I snapped! I turned into the same woman I was the day I snapped with my XH! I have baby stepped mostly around him taking the pain meds! But Monday I let it all out! I told him: "The only reason I'm still here is because of Maria! My Avatar little girl! If I left she wouldn't go with me! I then told him his attitude and him belittling me because of his pain med intake is beyond where I want to be anymore! I have a year and one month off the pain meds! You are in love with your pain meds! You might want to start looking for a J O B to support yourself!"
Well since Monday? Jethro has been pleasant to be around and hasn't taken any pain meds! I do believe he knew I meant business Monday when I snapped! He saw the person I was years ago again! No tears involved! No anger! Only determination from myself to tell it like it is! I was DONE putting up with it!
I had read the lady's post on 8-6 about needing advice in reference to her husband and him using pain meds! Everything she was saying was happening here with myself! She could have been writing my own story! I felt my heart tugging in her direction! Only we have chickens for kids, where she has actual children!
Drugs and alcohol is really damaging ppl's live's! As well as marriages! I had also told Jethro I waited to 32 years to get him back! I didn't want to leave, but I would if his negative actions continued!
So as of today! He and I are both having happy days! I pray it continues!
TOD
Thank you LadyinBC!
Hello Four!
It's been awhile since I've been here! I'm still talking with friends from SR! And enjoying life! One year, one month and one week clean today!
This past Monday I had an event with Jethro where I snapped! I turned into the same woman I was the day I snapped with my XH! I have baby stepped mostly around him taking the pain meds! But Monday I let it all out! I told him: "The only reason I'm still here is because of Maria! My Avatar little girl! If I left she wouldn't go with me! I then told him his attitude and him belittling me because of his pain med intake is beyond where I want to be anymore! I have a year and one month off the pain meds! You are in love with your pain meds! You might want to start looking for a J O B to support yourself!"
Well since Monday? Jethro has been pleasant to be around and hasn't taken any pain meds! I do believe he knew I meant business Monday when I snapped! He saw the person I was years ago again! No tears involved! No anger! Only determination from myself to tell it like it is! I was DONE putting up with it!
I had read the lady's post on 8-6 about needing advice in reference to her husband and him using pain meds! Everything she was saying was happening here with myself! She could have been writing my own story! I felt my heart tugging in her direction! Only we have chickens for kids, where she has actual children!
Drugs and alcohol is really damaging ppl's live's! As well as marriages! I had also told Jethro I waited to 32 years to get him back! I didn't want to leave, but I would if his negative actions continued!
So as of today! He and I are both having happy days! I pray it continues!
TOD
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