miamifella

I kind of did want someone to sit with me--literally, not metaphorically. But this experience with this woman earlier this week made me wonder if that was the right thing.

Usually I get someone on the phone and when I couldn't I started thinking about the stuff she said. I heard it before but not since I actually started calling people like this.

I sometimes wish I knew people in recovery in real life who I could go to. But it was lonely in the program and maybe its a little less because of SR....but I still feel alone with this. My friends empathize, but they don't know.

Soberpotamus

In my experience, it it works it's "right."

Sasha4

[QUOTE=miamifella;5453012]I have "found my own path." As I said it is being with people when I feel the urge.

However, I just recently ran into someone I knew from the rooms and had not seen in years. She asked about my recovery and I told her about what I did. She started yelling at me right there in the middle of a supermarket.

So rather than feel bad about what this woman said, I am trying to understand what is behind her vehement insistence that I am going to relapse because I am using my friends as "crutches" (to use her word).

12-step recovery was a big part of my life for many years. I cannot just turn off an interest and concern with it.



What did you say to her?

Did you tell her she was rude and actually she is breaching the anonymous rule of AA/NA by her screaming at you in the supermarket?!!
Anyone could have heard.

Who died and put her in charge of the world.

I would have told her to shut her face, not be a hypocrite and that she is a bad example of her practice in AA and she needs to change her attitude and behaviour.

I would go to a meeting with the actual intention of telling her this.
I would not be rude but I would be firm with her and demand an apology and ask her that the next time she see's you she is not to approach you in public or speak to you.

I would also stress its not friends sitting with you or not that could cause you to relapse, its the behaviour of dictators like her.

Maybe inform the home group she belongs to too so action can be taken to ensure this does not happen again.

No excuse can be found for behaving like that, especially in a public place like a supermarket.
Recovery is personal and how you decide to do it is your own choice. Not her choice.
If she read lemons cause you to relapse and she saw them in your shopping basket would that tip her over the edge too?!!!!

I feel like telling her myself I am disgusted even though I live in another country and do not know her.

I cannot stand bullies and that is what she is.

Now onwards and upwards for you after my rant!!

miamifella

[QUOTE=Sasha4;5453507] I told her that my recovery was doing well. She asked what I was doing, so I told her about the integrity I tried to live and that I talking to people when I had the urge to use helped me a lot.

I am not in the program anymore so I doubt the principle of anonymity applies, and I do not consider my addiction a secret anyway.

Given that the program as practiced here it is expected that feedback be given I can understand her behavior. When I was in the program, my recovery was her business and she was free to comment on it. I took this as a force of habit.

Usually when I meet people from the program they are a lot warmer than they were in the rooms, so this one was a shock.

The moment you tell something about yourself or your recovery, whether it is in the rooms, on SR, or in a supermarket, you open yourself up for comment. That is why I never reveal anything that it would hurt to get a bad response to. Knowing she was still in AA, I should not have revealed that I was doing anything that she would consider contrary to the program. This was my own bad judgement.

miamifella

My sponsor had a very different response from yours!

Mountainmanbob

I fired a few Sponsors before finding this solid one. One should not expect the first one or two to work out perfectly.

Mountainman

miamifella

There never are enough sponsors to go around so it is hard to pick and choose. And given that I refused to do tests of willingness, it was even harder.

That said this was my fourth real sponsor. Number 3 felt the same way. (I don't know about the first two.)

The fourth was very patient. He waited years for me to get through my first three steps and never gave up hope that I would get to the fourth step so we could work together. I cannot say that he was a bad sponsor. He was just very old-school in his approach and had a very strict view of how the program worked. A sponsor was to there to work steps with you--not to be a buddy. Anything not supported by the Big Book and not consistent with the steps was simply out of the question for him.

I did not want a watered-down program so that seemed fine by me. But maybe a more watered-down and friendly version of the program would have worked better.