Living in limbo
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 24
Living in limbo
First post here, been doing a lot of reading, after wanting to post this, I think I have answered my own question!
Been a crazy 8 months with a bf, learning he was a crack addict half way into the relationship.
Finally admit I cannot take anymore of the uncertainties, I've learned the patterns, if no text at 5 am on his way to work then he texts at 1pm to confess he messed up and didn't make it in, but then other times he has excuses and our right denies any use.
I told him this am that I can't continue because of his drug use, and I was met with hostility and ' basically how dare you accuse me of that'....
Just wondering what I should expect from him as he's been told to get walking.... More denial? Rage? Never been involved in this before.
Thank you
Been a crazy 8 months with a bf, learning he was a crack addict half way into the relationship.
Finally admit I cannot take anymore of the uncertainties, I've learned the patterns, if no text at 5 am on his way to work then he texts at 1pm to confess he messed up and didn't make it in, but then other times he has excuses and our right denies any use.
I told him this am that I can't continue because of his drug use, and I was met with hostility and ' basically how dare you accuse me of that'....
Just wondering what I should expect from him as he's been told to get walking.... More denial? Rage? Never been involved in this before.
Thank you
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi shanshan - I wish I could tell you with certainty what to expect but you probably know your bf better than we do.
If you got a 'how dare you' before you'll probably get more of the same when you serve him his walking papers.
I'm sorry for your situation but I'm very glad you found us - there's a ton of support here, and in our Family and Friends forums too
D
If you got a 'how dare you' before you'll probably get more of the same when you serve him his walking papers.
I'm sorry for your situation but I'm very glad you found us - there's a ton of support here, and in our Family and Friends forums too
D
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
Never been a crack addict but as a (non acting now thank god) heroin addict I can vouch that I became a 7th dan master of lying & manipulation of situations. Lack of trust destroys love that's for sure. I had a gf for well over 12m without her finding out i was addicted to Heroin. I'd suggest if he being unpredictable/unreliable in his behaviour then pretty strong chance he be using I reckon. My pal s gf knew he used didn't know how bad it was and she occasionally would leave little traps like an unopened roll of foil when we were at his house before she came home from work and we wanted to get on and high before then. Id be suspicious of this and suggest making some cheese on toast or whatever to justify opening the foil. Get on then have our cheese on toast. She came in suspicious check the foil and accuse us of using, to which we'd say thanks for not believing us by then explaining we had some cheese on toast check the grill and she'd be all apologetic & feel bad for the accusation we'd just be act a bit disappointed mate would act hurt her guilt factor would be high. Horrible thing to do, real manipulative but you don't see it like that at the time, you just see it as pragmatism and enabling her to doubt her (totally justified) concerns. Plus you're addicted & by the time she cooks dinner later we Would have been getting sick. This then gave us more wiggle room for future scenarios. Not my finest hour. But you just don't care when you need to get on its all Machiavellian & then when you high you oblivious to emotions anyway.
So if he a crack addict am sure he good at knocking out a few lies etc. Good luck. I'd end it if I was you. We are unreliable, manipulative liars and the drug always comes first.
So if he a crack addict am sure he good at knocking out a few lies etc. Good luck. I'd end it if I was you. We are unreliable, manipulative liars and the drug always comes first.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 24
Originally Posted by RedManc7 
Never been a crack addict but as a (non acting now thank god) heroin addict I can vouch that I became a 7th dan master of lying & manipulation of situations. Lack of trust destroys love that's for sure. I had a gf for well over 12m without her finding out i was addicted to Heroin. I'd suggest if he being unpredictable/unreliable in his behaviour then pretty strong chance he be using I reckon. My pal s gf knew he used didn't know how bad it was and she occasionally would leave little traps like an unopened roll of foil when we were at his house before she came home from work and we wanted to get on and high before then. Id be suspicious of this and suggest making some cheese on toast or whatever to justify opening the foil. Get on then have our cheese on toast. She came in suspicious check the foil and accuse us of using, to which we'd say thanks for not believing us by then explaining we had some cheese on toast check the grill and she'd be all apologetic & feel bad for the accusation we'd just be act a bit disappointed mate would act hurt her guilt factor would be high. Horrible thing to do, real manipulative but you don't see it like that at the time, you just see it as pragmatism and enabling her to doubt her (totally justified) concerns. Plus you're addicted & by the time she cooks dinner later we Would have been getting sick. This then gave us more wiggle room for future scenarios. Not my finest hour. But you just don't care when you need to get on its all Machiavellian & then when you high you oblivious to emotions anyway.
So if he a crack addict am sure he good at knocking out a few lies etc. Good luck. I'd end it if I was you. We are unreliable, manipulative liars and the drug always comes first.
So if he a crack addict am sure he good at knocking out a few lies etc. Good luck. I'd end it if I was you. We are unreliable, manipulative liars and the drug always comes first.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by RedManc7
Sorry I know not what you want to hear but just trying to show how screwed my thinking got - It's how you have to be to be an addict and give the impression life is normal.
Amazing how far down the rabbit hole we can go, and will take anyone willing to ride that crazy train with us.
Sigh......
Me? not me. LOL
Shanshan,
My ex husband found crack and did it until me and the kids gave up on him. It took me a while (2 years) because I had built up some mighty strong codependency muscles during childhood and my own alcoholism.
Make choices for yourself. Look for peace.
Just gave (forced to) up methadone on June 8 myself.
Taking one third the amount of hydrocodone to give it up (any opioid) for good.
As far as what you can expect?
My best guess if he is still using, you can expect more of the same.
Lying, denial, manipulation. Missing money? you betcha, and will try to blame you and manipulate you into believing you are the crazy one.
Stay too long, and you MAY become the crazy one.
That was my experience. I was sober, but completely crazy with my codependency, trying my own lies, manipulations, half-truths and just pure blindness when it came to him and his addiction.
Dealing with the double gravity (so well put) of this withdrawal is child's play compared to the misery I put myself through trying to save my children's father. Long and protracted, but as I said, I chose the battle.
Choose carefully, your life is at stake.
Good God, that was a little much. But, my experience only.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
Jeeps era that sounds heavy and a bit on top - I'm grateful I've always managed to f**k all my relationships up & have no desire to have kids as feckless father of the year is one trophy I'm happy to to not be in contention for, for once.
Good luck with it all, sounds complicated!
Honesty is a nice feeling even if it's a bit bittersweet sometimes - beats the addict lying through your teeth manipulation years though.
Good luck with it all, sounds complicated!
Honesty is a nice feeling even if it's a bit bittersweet sometimes - beats the addict lying through your teeth manipulation years though.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 24
Yes, I always think I know better and am ready to pack it in with him, I know it's gonna hurt for a while. Guess I just wanna know why and how people can treat you this way, I'm slowly seeing the light and when I've had enough, I will know it. Just want the best for him but that's his chiice
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Join Date: Jun 2015
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Realized wasn't doing either of us any favours playing the push pull game. I feel devastated, empty, sick and heart broken, crying all day and sent a point blank message, cutting any further contact. No wiggle room. I must stay strong!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 25
Hello. Sorry you are having to go through this. I know what it is
Iike dealing with a crack addict. It was a new world for me, I had never known a drug addict. There is zero possibility of a normal relationship with a crack addict. Be glad it was only eight months. Move on, learn from it (crack addicts are very deceiving and phenomenal liars) and do not look back. All you are leaving behind is heartache and someone that has ruined their life. Be strong!
Iike dealing with a crack addict. It was a new world for me, I had never known a drug addict. There is zero possibility of a normal relationship with a crack addict. Be glad it was only eight months. Move on, learn from it (crack addicts are very deceiving and phenomenal liars) and do not look back. All you are leaving behind is heartache and someone that has ruined their life. Be strong!
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
Shanshan be brave im sure this last 8 months has been a nightmare but you are already noticing becoming aware etc of the way the relationship affected you as an individual - stay strong. Don't let this define you.
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