BF using cocaine...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 41
BF using cocaine...
Hi guys...
My story is probably very similar to many others... however I am completely overwhelmed and in shock at the moment....
I have been dating this guy for almost a year now.... i know that he used cocaine a couple of times before we dated... but he promised me that it was only a couple of times and that it hasn't been happening whilst we've been dating. I believed him but i kept getting these funny feelings...
Sometimes he would be extremely depressed and moody and paranoid and other times he would be sooo happy. And even though he has a good job he never has any money....
I started getting worried when his moods became worse... so i checked his wallet this week... and found a folded square piece of plastic, wrapped in toilet paper. Inside of the folded plastic was white powder residue... i tested this with a swab test that i bought from the pharmacy... and it tested positive for meth and cocaine... i couldn't believe it so i purchased two more tests today... positive again...
I asked him a couple of times this week whether he was clean.. he promised me that he was... but he got mad and said that he was dissapointed in me that i dont trust him... because i kept on asking...
I just left it at that... he thinks everything is fine now... and that we are fine... but I'm kinda freaking out... dono what to do... surely if i tell someone (like his parents) it will turn his life upside down...? But he won't admit it to me.... I want to help him... but i dont want to ruin his life... please post of you have any advice... I have no idea how to deal with this...
My story is probably very similar to many others... however I am completely overwhelmed and in shock at the moment....
I have been dating this guy for almost a year now.... i know that he used cocaine a couple of times before we dated... but he promised me that it was only a couple of times and that it hasn't been happening whilst we've been dating. I believed him but i kept getting these funny feelings...
Sometimes he would be extremely depressed and moody and paranoid and other times he would be sooo happy. And even though he has a good job he never has any money....
I started getting worried when his moods became worse... so i checked his wallet this week... and found a folded square piece of plastic, wrapped in toilet paper. Inside of the folded plastic was white powder residue... i tested this with a swab test that i bought from the pharmacy... and it tested positive for meth and cocaine... i couldn't believe it so i purchased two more tests today... positive again...
I asked him a couple of times this week whether he was clean.. he promised me that he was... but he got mad and said that he was dissapointed in me that i dont trust him... because i kept on asking...
I just left it at that... he thinks everything is fine now... and that we are fine... but I'm kinda freaking out... dono what to do... surely if i tell someone (like his parents) it will turn his life upside down...? But he won't admit it to me.... I want to help him... but i dont want to ruin his life... please post of you have any advice... I have no idea how to deal with this...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
YOU aren't ruining his life......but his drug use has the potential to.
as a former addict myself, here is what I surmise.....he was using when you met, not just once or twice, and he has continued to use behind your back and lying straight to your face. now me personally I can't fathom keeping a small amount in my wallet.....I never grasped the concept of SAVING dope.
that you went so far as to test the drugs THREE TIMES tells me you are struggling to see what is right in front of you. but it sounds like this revelation is fairly new TO YOU.
he is going to protect his using at all costs. that he already never has any money indicates that he is at the very least irresponsible with money and more likely spending a lot on drugs. coke ain't cheap.
there is nothing that you can SAY to make him stop. telling his parents really won't bring about the change you hope for. addicts don't just quit cuz their gf gets upset. and coke addiction has a tendency to get WAY worse before the addict really considers that maybe there is a problem.
if you live together, protect yourself, your possessions, your finances. if he gets to acting weird and paro, get some distance. coke and/or meth makes people really insane.
as a former addict myself, here is what I surmise.....he was using when you met, not just once or twice, and he has continued to use behind your back and lying straight to your face. now me personally I can't fathom keeping a small amount in my wallet.....I never grasped the concept of SAVING dope.
that you went so far as to test the drugs THREE TIMES tells me you are struggling to see what is right in front of you. but it sounds like this revelation is fairly new TO YOU.
he is going to protect his using at all costs. that he already never has any money indicates that he is at the very least irresponsible with money and more likely spending a lot on drugs. coke ain't cheap.
there is nothing that you can SAY to make him stop. telling his parents really won't bring about the change you hope for. addicts don't just quit cuz their gf gets upset. and coke addiction has a tendency to get WAY worse before the addict really considers that maybe there is a problem.
if you live together, protect yourself, your possessions, your finances. if he gets to acting weird and paro, get some distance. coke and/or meth makes people really insane.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 41
Thanx for all the replies guys... really appreciate it....
I got really mad yesterday because he kept denying using even after i confronted him with the solid evidence... i know it was a really bad move to get angry as he is a bit unpredictable.... but he eventually started crying..... confessing that he used.... but he swears he only used once.... Tuesday.... and that it wont happen again....
Now I'm a complete idiot when it comes to these things... i always try to see the best in people and i trust easily.... forgive quickly.... but should i believe him? Is it possible that he only used once?
I got really mad yesterday because he kept denying using even after i confronted him with the solid evidence... i know it was a really bad move to get angry as he is a bit unpredictable.... but he eventually started crying..... confessing that he used.... but he swears he only used once.... Tuesday.... and that it wont happen again....
Now I'm a complete idiot when it comes to these things... i always try to see the best in people and i trust easily.... forgive quickly.... but should i believe him? Is it possible that he only used once?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 41
Originally Posted by larrylive 
This recoveredcrackhead thinks you should get a new boyfriend. It will get worse before it gets better.
Live on purpose,
Larry
Live on purpose,
Larry
He has admitted to me last night that he used... he said it was only once... on Tuesday. .... as a recoveredcrachead (as you call yourself, btw i admire your courage, admitting that you went through something and trying to help others) do you think its possible? Or is it just another lie?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
but he swears he only used once
I asked him a couple of times this week whether he was clean.. he promised me that he was
see how his "story" changed? from swearing to be clean, and being insulted that you would even THNK he had used....to claiming that he only used once. addicts are great at admitting "just enough" - a partial truth, to get the accuser off their backs. with the obligatory "it will never happen again."
while its a good trait to see the good in people, you sort of have to set that aside when it comes to active drug use. it's the nature of the beast. it's tricky because you want to avoid turning into a detective....snooping, ransacking pockets and checking phones. just watch his actions.....his behaviors. and keep yourself safe.
I asked him a couple of times this week whether he was clean.. he promised me that he was
see how his "story" changed? from swearing to be clean, and being insulted that you would even THNK he had used....to claiming that he only used once. addicts are great at admitting "just enough" - a partial truth, to get the accuser off their backs. with the obligatory "it will never happen again."
while its a good trait to see the good in people, you sort of have to set that aside when it comes to active drug use. it's the nature of the beast. it's tricky because you want to avoid turning into a detective....snooping, ransacking pockets and checking phones. just watch his actions.....his behaviors. and keep yourself safe.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 41
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
but he swears he only used once
I asked him a couple of times this week whether he was clean.. he promised me that he was
see how his "story" changed? from swearing to be clean, and being insulted that you would even THNK he had used....to claiming that he only used once. addicts are great at admitting "just enough" - a partial truth, to get the accuser off their backs. with the obligatory "it will never happen again."
while its a good trait to see the good in people, you sort of have to set that aside when it comes to active drug use. it's the nature of the beast. it's tricky because you want to avoid turning into a detective....snooping, ransacking pockets and checking phones. just watch his actions.....his behaviors. and keep yourself safe.
I asked him a couple of times this week whether he was clean.. he promised me that he was
see how his "story" changed? from swearing to be clean, and being insulted that you would even THNK he had used....to claiming that he only used once. addicts are great at admitting "just enough" - a partial truth, to get the accuser off their backs. with the obligatory "it will never happen again."
while its a good trait to see the good in people, you sort of have to set that aside when it comes to active drug use. it's the nature of the beast. it's tricky because you want to avoid turning into a detective....snooping, ransacking pockets and checking phones. just watch his actions.....his behaviors. and keep yourself safe.
Yes i realised that... i mean he lies and lies until he is confronted with evidence... then changes his story over and over again to try and avoid admitting to everything.... he has done that before... with other things... cheating and stuff... denial denial denial and making me seem like the crazy one... untill he is confronted with solid evidence... then suddenly his story changes....
I know I'm kinda an idiot for sticking with him this long....
Just another Pickle Man
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 105
Yep, I agree with a lot of people when they say to leave him. Now I usually dont suggest this when the person is at least willing to admit they have a problem and willing to make an honest attempt at recovery.
But he isnt even admitting he has a problem and he clearly does. I think you need to put your foot down and say he either needs to go to a rehab or you are leaving him.
Period.
But he isnt even admitting he has a problem and he clearly does. I think you need to put your foot down and say he either needs to go to a rehab or you are leaving him.
Period.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Blue21
I know I'm kinda an idiot for sticking with him this long....
"I have been in an incredibly destructive relationship with an alcoholic/cocaine addict..."
Yet you stay with him. My suggestion would be to quit worrying about his addiction and work on your problem--your addiction to the addict in your life.
Not again
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Central NY
Posts: 1,139
Hello Blue,
anything is possible (as to him quitting) But my experience makes me think that it will take great effort for him to stop. This includes changing who he is on the inside as well as outside. You would have to ask yourself if it's worth putting up with the pain and suffering that is sure to come until such changes are made. Then you may not even like the person he becomes. It's a tough road, I wish you all the best.
Be Well,
Larry
anything is possible (as to him quitting) But my experience makes me think that it will take great effort for him to stop. This includes changing who he is on the inside as well as outside. You would have to ask yourself if it's worth putting up with the pain and suffering that is sure to come until such changes are made. Then you may not even like the person he becomes. It's a tough road, I wish you all the best.
Be Well,
Larry
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 41
Progress or not....
Hi guys. ...
Sorry for being so quiet... thanx for all the advice and support....
He admitted to me yesterday that he did not only use once.... but a "few" times....
He begged me not to leave him and promised to get things back on track and stop using... which is a good thing I guess...
Not quite sure whether I should believe him though... we had the same discussion a couple of months ago regarding his alcohol consumption... things changed for a few weeks and then he just went back to his old ways....
Is it possible that he will get his act together and stop using.... or shouldn't I get my hopes up? I don't know anymore.... i don't trust him because he has lied to me so many times....
Sorry for being so quiet... thanx for all the advice and support....
He admitted to me yesterday that he did not only use once.... but a "few" times....
He begged me not to leave him and promised to get things back on track and stop using... which is a good thing I guess...
Not quite sure whether I should believe him though... we had the same discussion a couple of months ago regarding his alcohol consumption... things changed for a few weeks and then he just went back to his old ways....
Is it possible that he will get his act together and stop using.... or shouldn't I get my hopes up? I don't know anymore.... i don't trust him because he has lied to me so many times....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
I wouldn't get your hopes up.
Personally? I would bail now. You can still love someone-even if you can't be with them.
I would protect myself first and get my hind end to an Alanon or Narcanon meeting to learn how to take care of myself.
I live with a recovering alcoholic (I'm in recovery myself) and yesterday they prescribed him my drug of choice for dental pain. I watched him get a little loopy last night and even though he never abused my drug of choice, I still got so stressed out that I'm up at 4 am my time in these forums because I forgot about me. He's going to be fine. I need to focus on me.
Personally? I would bail now. You can still love someone-even if you can't be with them.
I would protect myself first and get my hind end to an Alanon or Narcanon meeting to learn how to take care of myself.
I live with a recovering alcoholic (I'm in recovery myself) and yesterday they prescribed him my drug of choice for dental pain. I watched him get a little loopy last night and even though he never abused my drug of choice, I still got so stressed out that I'm up at 4 am my time in these forums because I forgot about me. He's going to be fine. I need to focus on me.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
to set the stage - at first he absolutely DENIED ANY drug use. and how dare you even THINK it? then he finally backed down to admitting to using ONLYL ONCE. now he's revised that to A FEW TIMES.
why should you believe the latest version anymore than the others? they were all lies. THIS is still a lie. this is his pattern. whether it be finances, women, drinking or drugs.....he has put it all on display for you.....
SEE what you SEE.
KNOW what you know, not what you hope.
why should you believe the latest version anymore than the others? they were all lies. THIS is still a lie. this is his pattern. whether it be finances, women, drinking or drugs.....he has put it all on display for you.....
SEE what you SEE.
KNOW what you know, not what you hope.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 347
if i had 5$ for every time i said " this is the last time " to my loved ones . Even now in recovery with a few years i tell girls i date, if i should relapes i dont plan on it but if i do. give me a ultimatum, put me in jail, do whatever you have to if you care about me at all. and if your with me for a month and im usuing and im not doing anything to stop LEAVE ME. be cause i will only harm you.
honestly my opinion is most addicts cant stop alone. i know i couldnt. i needed the steps i needed NA. and i needed someone to be hard on me before my drug use killed me.
and i needed to really want it. more then saying i wanted it i had to take action.
sorry if i seem a lil harsh or abrupt just for me it was life or death and i would have lied till i died if my loved ones didnt finally get a lil mean.
honestly my opinion is most addicts cant stop alone. i know i couldnt. i needed the steps i needed NA. and i needed someone to be hard on me before my drug use killed me.
and i needed to really want it. more then saying i wanted it i had to take action.
sorry if i seem a lil harsh or abrupt just for me it was life or death and i would have lied till i died if my loved ones didnt finally get a lil mean.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
