Madmartigan

Absolutely could be. It could also be from drinking, as you said he is, it could also be his brain being on aN emotional roller coaster from not using. That is very common as well. Regardless, it's not a good situation for you. He has agreed to drug tests in the past correct? I think you should give him an ultimatum that either he gets testes or he's on his own.

Blue21

I posted the following on the friends and family of substance abusers group just now. Thanx for the advice.
And yes in the past we did drug tests often, but lately he has been going all "you dont trust me even after being clean and you should get over it" on me...

"Hi

I was encouraged by someone on another thread to post here. I have been dating this guy for a bit more than a year. I love him very very much. I found out that he was a user like 8 months into our relationship, and that he had lief to my face so many many times... it took about two months of arguing and trying before he went to re-hab... well actually he got a fright and went to re-hab. I cannot remember if i ever shared this on the other thread, but he got incredibly drunk and high one night. At the same time. He phoned me to come and get him (it was my birthday actually) i went and i knew that he was high and wasted the moment i saw him. As we drove away i said i was taking him to the police station. He got mad and screamed At me and grabbed the steering wheel, driving the car into incomming traffic. No one got seriously hurt. Just the car. Anyway, after that his parents found out and he said then that "he wants to go to rehab". I supported him all the way. He has been home for a few months now. Has a job. Functioning. However, before he went to rehab (when he was using and i didnt know it) he used to be very Very moody and manipulative, to the point where he made me feel guilty about absolutely everything. He was checking my phone everyday to see if i was cheating, would tell me that i have "Abandoned" him on days that i gave him lunch money for work instead of driving to his work at lunch time to take him food. I am busy doing my honours and working (engineer) at the same time so i cannot drive to his work to take him food everyday.. anyways... stuff like that... drop him off to play cricket three times a week but only stay for two of the games (2 days of the three days i drop him off) because i have to go to work... silly things... but somehow he makes me feel like crap about them
.... anyways... the manipulative behavior was gone for about a month after rehab... now its back... with a vengeance.... not sure if it might have something to do with drugs?

He used cocaine and cat in the past as far as i know. I am not sure if he is clean... if i ask him about it he says something in the line of " it's been four months you should get over it and trust me i am not going to pay for past mistakes for the rest of my life..."
..

Tonight he went out with one of the friends he Used to use with. To a bar they used to use at. But he claims the guy is clean.

Am i wrong for having this creepy feeling? I am trying to trust him but its hard...

Also, does anyone have some advice with regards to his behavior? Other than to run away? "

Soberwolf

I agree this don't sound right at all blue I would ask for tests if this was Mrs Sw I asked her what would she do & she said I would never get back with you if you were like that

Remember you always have us Blue

damascus1986

4 months really isnt a long time. I just turned down going to a bar and ive been clean for 4 years. i still contend if he is drinking he is not clean. A drug test isnt much maybe pop one on him. if he doesnt pass leave. My sponsor would tell me to keep it simple if i were in the same situation.........
on second thought my sponsor would tell me to get the heck away.\

Im not sure why you feel guilty as it sounds your doing alot to try to keep this relationship. I think alot of the things he says is a guilt tactic. A truely clean person should have no problem taking a drug test as it is proof we are doing the right thing. All this is a mute subject since he is still drinking which is still using , I cannot stress that enough.


As i said before ive been with my gf about a year and a half I still tell her if i ever relapse and dont want to change in one month give me a ultimateum.
Which is unhealthy but so is a relationship with a still using addict. i feel its the lesser of two evils.

damascus1986

Sorry im not tyring to be harsh just knowing how addicts can be i hate to see what seesm like a good person being taken advantage of.
Some of us need to just hear keep coming back, Some of us need to hear get busy living or get busy dying. from what you have said it seems the bf needs the latter.
Addicts will take advantage of you if they can. Dont let yourself be fooled. The first step is honesty and it seems hes lacking and its very important for any type of lasting recovery.

Familyhelper151

Cocaine is a drug a lot of people give excuses for. Especially saying it's not as 'bad' as harder drugs.

Cocaine destroys peoples lives, this misconception needs to stop.

I really hope your boyfriend gets some help!

Blue21

Hi

Last night, after i asked him whether he is okay with being at that place with that guy and he msged me back "I would rather die than use again"...

Truth or just a way of him trying to get into my head?

Didnt see him last night after they went to that bar. He went straight home afterwards. Or so he says. He phoned me "when he got home" and said goodnight and that he was going to sleep. Two hours later his phone was still going online-offline on whatsapp, not chatting to me.

Anyway, planning on asking for a drug test when i see him tonight.

happycampers

Good lick Blue. I think that's smart and if he refuses or tries another guilt trip on you, INSIST on a drug test today ! Tell him to prove then if he's clean - tell him he shouldn't have any problem taking one then, if he's clean as he says. My money is on he ISN'T . If he's using, RUN and get on with your own life !

Soberwolf

Youl always have us Blue

Madmartigan

Let us know how it went blue

damascus1986

what they said. i wish there was more we can do to help you in this situation.
Where i come from pain shared is pain lessened. were here for you.

Blue21

Hi guys

It was weird. He made a big scene about what a bad person i am for wanting to test him and everything... like a big big big scene.....but eventually he did the test and it said invalid... so i dono...

Madmartigan

He tried to cheat it then. What type/brand of test was it?

Madmartigan

Google invalid drug test results. Basically every drug test you can find gives you "invalid" when either it's fake urine, not urine at all, or the donor is taking something to attempt to clean or cover up the drugs in their system. It's your life ... but you have to open your eyes.

Blue21

It was a standard urine test i bought from my pharmacy. The same type i used to test him before.

Marcus

Drug tests can be a waste of time. Unfortunately you need to stand there and watch him actually pee into it (if using urine). No not behind him either - like actually seeing the pee coming from his you know into the cup. They have temperature gauges on some. There are still ways around that, but harder if he doesn't know it is coming. Yes pretty invasive and crazy. The mouth swabs are decent too, but is that really a road you want to be going down.

damascus1986

just tried to google it. id be skeptical to say the least.

https://answers.*****.com/question/i...9091032AA2b40E

https://answers.*****.com/question/i...7223329AAhFN5y

Soberwolf

Blue if it is the same test he previously used and it proved he was clean & now it's saying invalid not to mention how reactive he sounds i find it strange he wouldnt be trying to prove his innocence at 4 months

Plus hes hanging around with old using friends

I would run a mile i know mrs sw would you deserve to be happy

Madmartigan

Haven't heard from you lately blue. Hope everything is well. We are here for you to talk to anytime!!

damascus1986

Hope ur doing OK blue. Thinking and praying for u