Cocaine, Now I am worried!!!!

[Solace]

I have just done a search on the keyword Cocaine!

I have been a user for approx 18 months, it started small then eventually became quite excesive. I was in a depressed state and the coke took me out, unfourtunately it took me to another addiction SEX! (I was already high on natural urges anyway, yet I kept faithful) now I am in a relationship, no sorry! was in a relationship (11 years, 2 children etc) now it has gone! my cocaine useage is nil (24 days), I don't crave it, yet I can't answer the question? "if it was in front of me and no one would ever know if I took it, what would I do?"

To be honest, I do not know the answer!

Would you say I was an addict?

The thought of what I had and lost just kills me, I have thought of suicide but only because I am struggling with the loss of my partner and children.

My partner dismisses my sexual actions from the effect of cocaine has just an excuse, yet I know from post reading that cocaine and sexual promiscuity go hand in hand with a lot of users (bad speller by the way!)

How can I convince my partner, who says she still loves me! that cocaine had an adverse affect on my actions with relation to my monogamy

Does all that make any sense?


Solace.

getting more and more confused has I delve into this forum!