Working the 12-Step Program and Still Using Weekly
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 10
Working the 12-Step Program and Still Using Weekly
I had a real moment of clarity on February 26 of this year.
I stopped taking suboxone after a 3 month taper on January 1st and quickly found my addictive behaviors were escalating again. I was becoming increasingly addicted to phenibut (a legal sedative that is VERY physically addictive), had multiple relapses on pain killers (partially due to having surgery on January 25) and began using more "unusual" drugs that I purchased online. By February 26, I was waking up in GABA withdrawals around 2am each morning.
I realized, more intensely than ever before, "I can't do this anymore - I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired."
Since then I have attended one or two AA meetings a day. I also secured a sponsor at my first meeting and I have been following all of his directions and spending at least an hour a day on the phone with him.
Despite this, I have relapsed four times in the past month. Granted, using four times in a month is a HUGE improvement over the old me - I was a polysubstance abuser who could not stay sober off any of my three drugs of choice for a SINGLE day.
I have been honest about my relapses and am working as hard as I can to surrender to the program.
Has anyone ever had a similar experience? Was there anything that alleviated the mental obsession in those early days? Any tips on how to subdue "Hyde"?
I stopped taking suboxone after a 3 month taper on January 1st and quickly found my addictive behaviors were escalating again. I was becoming increasingly addicted to phenibut (a legal sedative that is VERY physically addictive), had multiple relapses on pain killers (partially due to having surgery on January 25) and began using more "unusual" drugs that I purchased online. By February 26, I was waking up in GABA withdrawals around 2am each morning.
I realized, more intensely than ever before, "I can't do this anymore - I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired."
Since then I have attended one or two AA meetings a day. I also secured a sponsor at my first meeting and I have been following all of his directions and spending at least an hour a day on the phone with him.
Despite this, I have relapsed four times in the past month. Granted, using four times in a month is a HUGE improvement over the old me - I was a polysubstance abuser who could not stay sober off any of my three drugs of choice for a SINGLE day.
I have been honest about my relapses and am working as hard as I can to surrender to the program.
Has anyone ever had a similar experience? Was there anything that alleviated the mental obsession in those early days? Any tips on how to subdue "Hyde"?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 10
I am on Step 3, though we went back to Step 1 and 2 after the second relapse for a week.
I am also moving on Tuesday, so I am losing my sponsor. I was only home with my mom and sister for a month, whereas my apartment and fiancee are in another city.
One of the main problems the past few weeks is that my mom and sister are not sober and drink and smoke marijuana everyday. Plus my mom has drawers full of prescription pills. This has made maintaining my sobriety very challenging.
My fiancee is a normie and has already become involved in the alanaon program. He has made our apartment completely sober.
My plan when I move on Tuesday is to immediately hook into a schedule of going to 2 or 3 AA meetings a day.
As for my questions, my sponsor has told me to call and ask for help any time the obsession becomes unbearable. He has also taught me to work more intensely on Step 1 - in order to realize that "I cannot control this situation, and trying to use is a feeble attempt at controlling the situation and intervening in God's work."
I am also moving on Tuesday, so I am losing my sponsor. I was only home with my mom and sister for a month, whereas my apartment and fiancee are in another city.
One of the main problems the past few weeks is that my mom and sister are not sober and drink and smoke marijuana everyday. Plus my mom has drawers full of prescription pills. This has made maintaining my sobriety very challenging.
My fiancee is a normie and has already become involved in the alanaon program. He has made our apartment completely sober.
My plan when I move on Tuesday is to immediately hook into a schedule of going to 2 or 3 AA meetings a day.
As for my questions, my sponsor has told me to call and ask for help any time the obsession becomes unbearable. He has also taught me to work more intensely on Step 1 - in order to realize that "I cannot control this situation, and trying to use is a feeble attempt at controlling the situation and intervening in God's work."
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 211
Hey Palm,
I can relate to your story, I was a polysubstance abuser and the mental obsession in the early days in tough, the only way around it for me was to find other outlets that got me out of my head, there are a lot them out there, you may have to simply try new things until you find a shoe that fits. I ended up becoming quite full on with my yoga and meditation and also sport, each to their own though, do you have any hobbies you've always wanted to try?
I can relate to your story, I was a polysubstance abuser and the mental obsession in the early days in tough, the only way around it for me was to find other outlets that got me out of my head, there are a lot them out there, you may have to simply try new things until you find a shoe that fits. I ended up becoming quite full on with my yoga and meditation and also sport, each to their own though, do you have any hobbies you've always wanted to try?
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Michigan
Posts: 772
3 parts to step 1. 1. Honesty 2. Surrender 3. Acceptance
We always need to be completely honest with ourselves and surrender to the fact that we cannot drink or use drugs like regular people. That 1 willllll lead to many for us alcoholics/drug addicts. Lastly you need to accept that you are an alcoholic/addict. There will never be a day where we can casually use or just have a few. It's just not in our nature.
Goodluck. You can do it!
We always need to be completely honest with ourselves and surrender to the fact that we cannot drink or use drugs like regular people. That 1 willllll lead to many for us alcoholics/drug addicts. Lastly you need to accept that you are an alcoholic/addict. There will never be a day where we can casually use or just have a few. It's just not in our nature.
Goodluck. You can do it!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Posts: 367
Naught for nothing, but by my estimation if you haven't stopped using yet you likely haven't done step 1 properly.
And to clarify, if you're getting loaded four times a month you haven't stopped using yet, you've just changed the pattern of your using.
The trick to staying clean isn't to stop thinking about using, it's to NOT USE even when you want to.
And to clarify, if you're getting loaded four times a month you haven't stopped using yet, you've just changed the pattern of your using.
The trick to staying clean isn't to stop thinking about using, it's to NOT USE even when you want to.
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