Calling all Benzo addicts....

[madmag]

I just want to hear from recovering benzo addicts and see if it gets any easier. The anxiety is unbearable.

I started taking benzos because of the anxiety I had when I quit drinking...then I got addicted and went to a detox the end of march. I have been clean since then, but my anxiety is through the roof. I am on the edge every second of every day!!

Thanks in advance. Any opinions would be greatly appreciated. I think I am just having a bad day!! And want a quick release.

Madmaggggg

[foxybenzoaddict]

Hey I am a benzo addict myself I am very scared for my life If anyone has any advise or help please let me know I was almost raped and murdered at a very young age and was placed on benzos at the age of 13 I am now 24 and I want my life back any advise please help!!!!!!!!!!!

[angelgirl]

Hi, I take ativan, but have never abused it.
Can you tell me about your situation? How much you took, was it prescribed? That type of info. Basically what happened that you were taking it, and abusing it..
My DOC is pain killers. I have been off and on with benzos for a while. It I just recently, in the last few months began to take this dose of ativan, about 2mgs. The doctor prescribed 4mgs. But there's no way I will take that much, I told them that. So they just kept me at 2. I take a bunch of other meds also.
I am on suboxone for opiate addiction. It's been working quite well for me. I have been clean if illeagal opiates since April 6th. So that is going well.
I flipped out, and had a bad reaction to an anti-depressant recently and that is when they prescribed the ativan. I have been to the hospital a few more times since with panic attacks, and heart arrythmias, the ativan is helping alot with both problems..
Thanks for any info.
Love, Becky

[shestruggles]

Hey Madmag- another benzo addict here.

Been on xanax for a good 15 years. I recently started sub (for opiate addiction) and have to deal with the 'xanax-nazi' sub doctor. He basically yanked me off xanax - and I am soooo hurtin right now.

It's pathetic -find myself trying to score xanax - I feel just like I'm back in active addiction.

All I want is to find a doc that will taper me off properly. I know it can be done, and you don't end up being such a f'ing mess. I want off thr benzos, but not like this. I can;t drive, I can't teach, I can't do anything...

Peace:SS

[Demplee]

Hey Madmag...another benzo/opiate addict. I was on Klonopin for over 10 years, and for the most part, took it as prescribed. Got busted stealing Vicodin from work, and had to get clean from everything, so that I could pass random drug tests. It was one of the hardest things I ever did, and should only be done under a doctor's supervision, preferably in a hospital/detox setting. (The risk of sezuires is very high, depending on the drug, dose, lenght of time on the med, etc.) The anexity coming off of it SUCKED, I forgot how to do simple things like tie my shoe for a while...forget sleep, couldn't even keep still, paced the halls for hours. It took a long time to get over this, but I had to remember that I was not going to be "fixed and healthy" in a week or two. The anexity did pass, but only with time. I found that the more I worked my program, the more I learned to trust my higher power..the less anexity I had. I learned by cont to work the steps, that my anexity that I had over the years, was my addiction...my lack of self esteem, my fear of the unknown, my self centeredness. The only way to get over these things is by working the program. Hang in there it will get better. This is a simple program, but nobody ever said it was going to be easy.

[Shall]

Me too,
I just joined this group an hr ago b/c of the very same reason...your addiction is the very same one I have. I was placed on valium for detox from alcoholism and now I am addicted to valium. Its like a circular problem now.....frustrating.

Detox from alcohol was hard enough and cigarettes at the very same time...but now this valium/benzo problem and theres no OTC for it......no out patient remedy I know of....what were you given to detox from Valium ?

Shall

[skylar]

shall, the only thing i know of thats helpfull for benzo withdrawl is phenobarbital. I'm a valium addict as well. Was prescribed xanax by my doc for anxiety, then he swithched me to valium. Eventually he took away the valium and tried to give me paxil but i was sick as hell, so now i buy V's on the street. Just wish to god i knew where to find some phenob so i could kick this f-king habit.

[angelgirl]

Yes you are right Skylar,

That is what they pumped us full of when I was in detox at the hospital, a few times, or more htan a few times.. That's some nasty stuff in itself.
They filled us full through an IV for about a week, then removed the IV and we were detoxed, it is seizurre medicine. When they removed the IV, they sent us straight to our "treatment classes", and we would be so looped the only thing we could do for our first day or 2 of classes was sleep. It was bad. We called it Pheno-brain.. Believe it or not, there were was a guy there that admitted he LIKED to come and get detoxed because of the pheno, well I guess that's not hard to believe, and addict ya know we are. I didnt care much for it, made me feel like throwing up.. But it worked, I never saw anyone there have a seizure, yes normal withdrawal symptoms, but no seizures. I believe it also has some type of anestesia qualities, because it would be real hard for anyone to remember much of the suffering we did during the withdrawal,,
Why don't you go to the doctor and talk aboyut your anxiety? They can help you, and they make alot of non addictive anti-depressants liek Zoloft that help alot with anxiety and panic attacks as well. Any thing is better than buyin the stuff off the streets. That's dangerous. Who knows what you're getting.
Maybe you should check into a rehab for detox, they will take you for detox off benzo's, because it;s dangerous to do on your own, very dangerous..

Please keep letting us know how you both are doing here, Shylar and Madmag. Oh, Ijust realized this thread is old.. About a months old.
Hope this helps, you shoudl do something to help tyourself get off... Do you attend any meetings?? Might want to give them a shot..

Love,
Becky
PS-- Don't ever steal anyone's Pheno, if you find some, they need it, or they will have a seizure...

[theNAway]

I am no authority on detoxing from any drugs. Although I have detoxed off of 12-16mgs of Zanax and 480-720mgs mixed opiates - morphine/demerol/hydromorphone/Oxy IR and anything else I could get high off.

The sickest thing I have read is "get off alcohol with valium, off of opiates with suboxone, off of benzo's with phenobarbital........................

I will post tomorrow. But does anybody care about their recovery? ? ? I don't let a doctor or anyone else tell me me I can take a little f#$T$$# fill to RECOVER..........! I would take 2 just to make sure I recovered quickly, then 4 just to make sure I was doing it right.
And even if I was taking them as Rxed, what the f$#%$# did people do in the past....................they RECOVERED without having to take pillllllllllllsssssssssss. I agree that some are necessary, such as Paxil for the depression and all that.
But for me, I don't take sh!t. I can't. If I could have got high off dirt, I would have snorted it.
(Do not take yourself off benzo's ever, regardless of the dose)
Benzo's are tricky, and yes the withdrawal suckkkkkkkkkssssssss. My wife watched me suffer in ICU for a week, and was there everyday just in case I didn't make it.
Yeah, I couldn't sleep for a long time. No I didn't go to the doc and ask for something for it. I took tylenol PM. Yes the anxiety sucked.
But you know what, the life I was living was worse.
Now in recovery, I don't suffer from all the crap that the Dr. had a magic pill for. And it ISN'T their fault. IT was mine. I conned them out of anything, and as much as I could get when I got high. It was my CHOICE.
Just like it is my choice not to let them feed me a line of crap that I need something else to get off of this or that, or I need to take something to stay clean everyday.
I read the Basic Text, got a sponsor, go to meetings and work the steps.
I also have faith in my HP, and do the first step everyday.
RECOVERY is possible. It just isn't going to come tomorrow. We didn't get here in one day...
Yeah the withdrawals suck, but guess what, if I didn't suffer the way I did, I wouldn't be so passionate about my recovery. It also makes sure I don't take it for granted.

My addiction wants to kill me. So I fight it for all I am worth, and put as much into my recovery as I did when I was using, which was 25/8.

If there are specific questions regarding Benzo usage. I will answer them to the best of my ability. But I will tell you I wouldn't listen to some f#$...er on teh internet giving me advice when I know what I have been through.
I tried to take myself off of them ONCE... I had a seizure in front of my garage to my house, with my truck running, in park thank god, and my foot on the gas pedal went to the floor when I started seizing. My HP was looking over me and my family. I had just gotten home from the Dr. and pharm, and drove 35min home, AND put 6 clonazepam under my tongue hoping it would be enough to stay out of withdrawals, but detox. It didn't work. Another one of my bright ideas gone SEVERELY wrong.
I HAD to be detoxed in a medical facility. Cause when I tried to taper, it lasted another 3 years back out there. As well as the physical (death) repercussions I would have had to deal with.

There are a bunch of withdrawal programs out there. Of which I tried most of them. The only thing that EVER worked for me, was seeking medical advice-attention- and withdrawal off of them in a medical setting, then on to treatment where I could learn how to EAT again, take a shower, TALK to other people, let alone do the rest of things in life that our now afforded to me since I got a concious contact with a god of my understanding and am Living the NA Way,
Chad H.

[Alrightnow]

Oh, man. I would love to talk to you further...I have been going through benzo hell, myself...and haven't found anyone to really share with.

Could we exchange e-mails?

I have been fully of Benzos for a couple of weeks, and it's hard....very hard....Adam

[tammille]

Can anyone tell me of a doctor that could help me with my 64 year old mother's withdrawal from Benzos. She is very sick. We live in southern Indiana. I don't know how to help her when I can't find a doctor who understands the Benzo addiction problem.

Thanks - Tammy

[emmer]

Had an awful time withdrawing from benzos, I was on a heavy dose of klonopin (clonazepam here in Canada). It was pure hell.
I've detoxed off adivan and also valium. Valium was by far the easiest but I went cold turkey off the V and ended up in hospital thinking I was going nuts several times.

I am benzo free now for about 2 years and I also had bad anxiety at first and I shook afterwards for some time.
The good news is that it will get better.
Even though Ive been thru hell with Benzos many times ,I gladly kept on doing it over and over (being the pillhead that I was)

I'd still be doing it now if I hadn't made a commitment to recovery.
Im happy to be clean and not destroying my life with dope.

..Joe

[tanyapmc]

Another benzo/opiate addict here. And I am here to say that there is HOPE! I have been clean for 14 1/2 months. And I used EVERYDAY for 15 years. I had to go into detox. It was a 28 day program. I was there for 7 weeks. It was the worse experience of my life. But I am so very grateful for that experience. I never want to go back to that life.

If I can do it anyone here can do it. I go to meetings and talk about how I feel and how to live clean and sober.

Any of you can PM me anytime. I always want to help the addict who is still suffering.

[windysan]

Kicking the benzos abrubtly can cause major problems for some people. Do NOT cold turkey. Work out a plan with your doctor for weaning down. If you can't do a taper(I couldn't) then medically supervised detox is the way to go. Twelve Steps ain't gonna help anybody when they're on the floor, seizing, and swallowing their tongue.

please be careful

[ccgirl2]

Tam, you should start a new thread. Some people might be confused or lose your post in this one; it's pretty old. That way your specific problem can be talked about.

[Barto]

Since I’ve only taken then as directed, I don’t consider myself a benzo addict. However, as someone who takes them as prescribed, maybe my experience will be of some use.

I was off benzos for six months and I was worse off in some ways – anxiety, tinnitus, social anxiety, etc. I went off AMA. Since going back on them, I have been better in some key ways. Friends have said that I seem to be feeling and more outgoing.

My doctors say there should minimal or no withdrawal from benzos taken as prescribed and properly tapered. However, going off them prematurely will leave me with the problems the drugs were prescribed to treat.

I can’t speak to abusing them at all. Neither can I tell you whether it will get easier for you. My guess is your doctor can. If not, maybe a second opinion is in order. Because these drugs are powerful, and present the potential for abuse for some addicts, I think a good specialist is essential to properly managing the use or discontinuation of these drugs.

[peachy1005]

Originally Posted by Barto

Since I’ve only taken then as directed, I don’t consider myself a benzo addict.

Are you kidding??? I'm sorry, dont mean to jack here, but I had to say something- do you mean to say that as long as one takes meds (benzos/narcs/whatever) as prescribed one can't be considered an addict??
Do you have to take the pills every day, and when you stop taking them do you feel like sh!t?
That would be my definition of addicted.
I think alot of people get in way over their head because they think - ohh well, I am taking these as prescribed, so nothing can go wrong- and before they know it, they are A double-D ICTS. This wasn't really the case for me, I was never prescribed narcs, so I guess I can't use the excuse that I was just doing what my doctor told me to, but at least I am not in denial about having an addiction.

Didn't really mean to be harsh here, I know that sometimes typed words don't convey the inflection and tone that spoken conversation includes, and I was not trying to be an ass, I am just amazed at the distinction made in this post between legitimate use and addiction - The point I was trying to make, I guess, is that you can use a substance for legitimate reasons and still be an addict.

hijack over - please continue everyone

-Brad

[ccgirl2]

Peachy, I actually asked my psychiatris that specific question one time a few years ago when I was on klonopin (I've stopped them for almost a year now) I took a low dose .5-1 mg per day for years so I asked him if I was addicted to them. It came up in my session where I fessed up about my opiate addiction.

What he said to me was there were two types of addictions. One is the physical, in which you would have withdrawals upon stopping the medication even if you had been taking it as prescribed. His opinion on this one was, if under close supervision if the drug is needed and improves your quality of life, then you and the doctor must make that decision.

The other kind is the good old fashioned slobbering, looking through medicine cabinets, buying from dealers, physical and mental cravings and not being under medical supervision. That's how I understood it anyway.

[BCBoy87]

I was taking lorazpam, cholanzpam, ativan, and now i am off them because of there addicting properties warning from my expierance do not stop without the help of valium or other drug if you take regualary, i was taking them from two years of using and when took off had severe hallucinations, severe anxiety attacks, delirium, no sleep, and hearing things, doctors put me on valium to cope with the withdrawals which lasted for 2-3 days after that everything started to level out, and the worst anxiety went away, still had pretty bad anxiety for few weeks to a month after, thats just from my expeirance, i also switched from benzos, to risperdone which helps ease the mind and taking them four times a day, that is an option becasue risperdone has no addicting properties, also talk to your doctor about chlopixol shot which helps stabilize my panic, and anxiety attacks

Here are some things to help with anxiety
Control your worry. Pick a place and time to do your worrying. Make it the same place and time every day. Spend 30 minutes thinking about your concerns and what you can do about them. Try not to dwell on what "might" happen. Focus more on what's really happening. Then let go of the worry and go on with your day.

Learn ways to relax. These may include muscle relaxation, yoga, or deep breathing
Steps to deep breathing
Lie down on a flat surface.
Place one hand on your stomach, just above your navel. Place the other hand on your chest.
Breathe in slowly and try to make your stomach rise a little.
Hold your breath for a second.
Breathe out slowly and let your stomach go back down.

Muscle relaxation is simple. Start by choosing a muscle and holding it tight for a few seconds. Then relax the muscle. Do this with all of your muscles. Try starting with your feet muscles and working your way up your body.

Exercise regularly. People who have anxiety often quit exercising. But exercise can give you a sense of well-being and help decrease feelings of anxiety

Confront the things that have made you anxious in the past. Begin by just picturing yourself confronting these things. By doing this, you can get used to the idea of confronting the things that make you anxious before you actually do it. After you feel more comfortable picturing yourself confronting these things, you can begin to actually face them.

If you feel yourself getting anxious, practice a relaxation technique or focus on a simple task, such as counting backward from 100 to 0.

Although feelings of anxiety are scary, they won't hurt you. Label the level of your fear from 0 to 10 and keep track as it goes up and down. Notice that it doesn't stay at a very high level for more than a few seconds. When the fear comes, accept it. Wait and give it time to pass without running away from it

Confront the things that have made you anxious in the past. Begin by just picturing yourself confronting these things. By doing this, you can get used to the idea of confronting the things that make you anxious before you actually do it. After you feel more comfortable picturing yourself confronting these things, you can begin to actually face them.

If you feel yourself getting anxious, practice a relaxation technique or focus on a simple task, such as counting backward from 100 to 0.

Exercise Regularly
Relax
Sleep Well
Laugh It Up
Make Time for Fun
Improve Your Diet
Create a Support Network
Change Negative Thinking

Change Your Filters of Perception .

Your mind interprets your worldly affairs by passing them through a set of 'invisible filters' set up in your unconscious mind. For instance if you have an unconscious idea that getting jobs is difficult. Your mind will be filtering out only the 'difficult' part of things for you, and eliminating all the easy opportunities from your field of perception. Similarly if your mind is focused on "problems", you will simply be noticing more and more problems around you and in your life... Why not turn this around.

Change your focus from 'problems' to 'solutions'... you will start noticing more and more solutions in and around you. How do you change your 'mind filters', initially you will have to force yourself to focus on all the prosperity, health, happiness etc. around you. It will take a while before it becomes automatic. Affirmations help in changing your filters of perception. Hence you will be automatically eliminating worry, fear and anxiety from your life.

Here are some Affirmations to help You Cope with Anxiety and Depression:
"I now let go of worn out things, worn out conditions and worn out relationships. Divine order is now established and maintained in me and my world"... Catherine Ponder

"I now dissolve from my own mind and from the minds of all others any idea that my own can be withheld from me. No person thing or event can keep that from me which the universe has for me now"... Catherine Ponder

Repeat them as often as you can. You may even automate the process of helping you overcome anxiety, stress or depression, get some tapes and cd's to speed you on your way. It's simply a matter of how much you love yourself and want to take positive action right now to finally and firmly resolve your current issues

Yes nip worrisome thoughts in the bud...
One way to do this is by developing trust in God or higher powers of creation and unflinching belief that God/ higher power will always work in your best interest.
For instance instead of worrying whether your child / spouse will come home safe and not meet some bad accident on the way, totally believe and trust in God that your loved one will be brought to you safe. Or instead of worrying that you will be robbed / raped/ whatever... have faith in God / higher power for being able to protect you and keep you safe.

As soon as you feel a cycle of worrying thoughts circulating in your mind, get physically active or change the activity you are doing... For instance if you are sitting and doing something, get up and do some physical work. This may be as simple as organizing your closet, taking out the trash etc. Or start exercising / go for a walk.

Another very potent way is to change your feelings, and you will instantly change the thoughts going around in your mind. How do you do this... Say for instance you are feeling angry, immediately start thinking of some happy event in your past or in your future, you will start feeling happy and soon the angry thoughts will be replaced with happy thoughts.
The power to change your feelings is right inside you. You can choose to feel happy. You can choose to feel valuable. You can choose to feel successful. You can choose to feel prosperous. You can choose to feel confident. You can choose to feel beautiful or smart. YOu can choose to feel loved or loving. And very soon your thoughts will follow your feelings.

Get out of your 'comfort zones' more frequently to overcome fear, worry and anxiety
We all set up invisible boundaries around our day to day affairs. For instance most of us usually travel the same old tried and tested route to work. We may buy our clothes from the same shop. We would prefer to go to the same restaurant... Same hair dresser... Our choices or routines are pretty fixed. We don't like to change our choices or routines because it kind of pushes us out of our 'comfort zones'.

If you were to experience making small changes from day to day and getting out of your comfort zone in little ways. You will notice that it is quite safe to travel a different route to work, eat at a restaurant in a different part of town, go to a different hair dresser... And these small enjoyable variations in your daily routine are going to re-enforce your feelings of security and safety and help you in eliminating, unnecessary worry, fear, stress or anxiety during bigger changes. So get into the habit of getting out of your comfort zones more frequently.

Get into the habit of thanking God / higher power everyday. You can do this while commuting to and from work or at any time of the day.
It may go like this: Thank you God for the good clothes I am wearing; Thank you god for my excellent car; Thank you God for the healthy food in my body; Thank you God for my education; Thank you God for the loving people in my life; Thank you God for...
Yes thank God for every thing/person/place/situation in or around your life. If you do this exercise every day, you will start noticing more and more things to be thankful for, and will start experiencing more abundance and happiness, it also helps you develop an unflinching faith in the goodness in everything / supportiveness of higher power.
Whatever your life situation, you can surely find some thing to be thankful for.

Stop thinking of past negative events or of how something will happen in the future. Concentrate on what you need to do right now... Yes live in the present moment.
Yes if you take some quite time and pay attention to your thoughts, you will notice that most of the debilitating thoughts are about events that happened in the past or those that have not even happened yet! Instead of letting this pattern take hold of your mind, you need to develop the practice of paying attention to your thoughts. and correcting them as soon as you notice the wrong/harmful thoughts

Believe in Yourself.
Totally and completely accept yourself as you are and believe in yourself. Yes develop incredible self esteem. You have the God given power to face and satisfactorily handle any situation as it arises. So accept yourself. Believe in yourself. Love yourself. Appreciate Yourself. You are the best thing that has ever happened to you. YOU have all the POWER. What is the best thing you can do for yourself right now?... Go do it.
You can activate this self belief by repeating the affirmation: "Even though I have been stuck, I now totally and completely accept myself and believe in myself".

Imagine yourself having your worst anxeity attack...
You can't breathe easily, it feels like your chest is being squeezed hard.

Your heart is palpitating fast.

Your eyes are itching.

Your mouth is dry.

Your palms are sweaty.

You can't sleep, eat or rest.

You can't focus on anything.

Your worst nightmares are flashing at wrap speed through your mind and you can't even think clearly.

Your head is throbbing painfully.

With the constant shortness of breath, You just want to crawl between the covers and pass out... you desperately want to block the worrisome thoughts that have total hold over your mind body and spirit.... Also you can't lead a productive life. Your career suffers. Your personal quality of life suffers. Your family life suffers. Life becomes a total burden to keep living the same, day in and day out.

Learn to Manage Your Time
Stop Being a Perfectionist
.

[Barto]

Originally Posted by peachy1005

Are you kidding???

Actually no.

Originally Posted by peachy1005

Do you have to take the pills every day, and when you stop taking them do you feel like sh!t? That would be my definition of addicted.

So then (loving inflection inserted here), do you consider an insulin dependant diabetic an addict? How about a depressed person on anti-depressants? How about a GERD patient on a prescribed antacid? A smoker on cigarettes? A coffee drinker on caffeine? (Okay these last two are addicts.) Should I go on?

Originally Posted by peachy1005

… guess I can't use the excuse that I was just doing what my doctor told me to, but at least I am not in denial ...

It sounds like you are not sharing your experience either, but sitting in judgment.

Originally Posted by peachy1005

… The point I was trying to make, I guess, is that you can use a substance for legitimate reasons and still be an addict.

Well, I guess this is true. I am an addict of sorts. I’ve been addicted to caffeine, nicotine, and cocaine. But I don’t call myself an addict because I take prescribed medication (as prescribed) that I have been told I must take to avoid life threatening illness. BTW, The medical profession doesn’t consider this addiction either.