marce

Hello guys, thanks for taking the time to read my post, I'll try to explain the problem I have, what Ive been through and what Im doing it now.

Well, Ive been using drugs for the past 7 years, never ever was a day by day user, when I first got to know drugs, I was around 26, I went deep into the Rave scene, I was doing extasis about 2 times or even 3 times at month, on weekens. Well, after 2 years of abuse, I started to cut down, seeing that I wasnt getting the high I wanted and the side effects were worse every time, So I started educating myself on the issue. I decided to cut back to 1 times a month, tops, that kind of worked out well... for a while, during my first 4 years, I never touch cocaine, I knew that was going to destroy me, well one day, I did, and that was when my problems started, I was still a warrior weekend, no more than 2 times a month. Well, after turning 30 (yeah I know wtf is a 30 years old dude partying like a teenager) I started to make quite a good money, got to know a girl who like to bring girls into the bed, and things got pretty messy for the next 3 years, spent a **** ton of money on hookers and drugs, the periodicity of my use was always the same, but I had to party till I was almost dead, and I couldnt control myself, So I got scared and went to NA. My mom is AA 6 years sober, so I figured, **** if my mom did it, why not (and my mom was a mess) me. I went there stayed clean about a month, went back to use drugs went back and so on, I like to go to meetings, the longest Ive been clean going to meetings is 2 months. But it seems like my brain after a while when im "strong" again (I guess my dopamine and serotonin receptors go back to normal) stops relating to the people in there. I see people there who are fighting to stay sober one day, before this NY eve I went sober for 4 months, alone, not even thinking on drugs, I wasnt looking for them, so I think, every time I go there, I like having to leave with drugs 24/7, eventhough they dont say the specific substance, is all drugs drugs etc etc (although is very nice to be able to talk about anything you feel like)... By definition, I am an addict, Im the person who does the first dose and cant stop till theres no more, or sort of, but at the same time, I do a **** ton of sports, I take care of my body, I have a pretty decent job, run my own business at the same time, so my brain keeps telling me... dude you are not an addict, although I might be. Its a constant struggle. Today, I thought about telling my parents about this "issue" I have, may be they would help me, but in reality, I think thats going to be a selfish move, my mom is giong to be destroyed, after all she went through, my dad I dont know probably, either way I don't think in the long run them knowing or not knowing will do any favor to me.

So basically, what im asking is some advice from any of you guys, anything will be very much appreciated, on if whether under your opinion NA will work if I just keep on going or if there is alternative treatments or well. Ive been lurking about stuff, such as Buddhism and staff (am I atheist by the way) something to help me fulfill my life, im 35 and on top of everything, kidn of going through a middle age crisis...

Well, thanks for having the time to read this, I will really preciate any opinions /advice.

Thanks!

Dee74

Hi Marce and welcome

I'm not in NA but I think anything will work if you want it to, you know?
I really wanted to stop being a drunk and an addict and I changed my life to reflect that.

I think you need to pick a side to be successful tho? I needed to be in or out of recovery. No dabbling.

D

marce

hi dee, thanks for th replay, what do you think about smart recovery and such programs?

Marcus

Ever try AA meetings? Nothing against NA if you find the right meetings, but my experience has been less sobriety and a bit more of a social club going on. Again there are great meetings just a bit harder to find. I would suggest try going to a men's AA meeting (take the whole - wow that chick is hot out of the equation). I have had good luck going to early morning Saturday / Sunday men's meetings. My experience has been tons of sobriety there and many people there are alcoholic / addicts. After all it is the support you are looking for and not necessarily the war stories. I think you are outside the US so might be different where you are at.

There are other options to AA/NA too of course. I just kind of found a built in support system there. Lots of people with long term sobriety willing to give you their phone number to call when you are fiending. They can also steer you to the right meetings. Maybe eventually find a home group and I don't mean specific meeting you call your home group. I am talking about a group of guys who get together weekly at someone's house with a meeting format, but you can share a bit more about what is going on in your life. They can also offer suggestions which you might not get / want from your average meeting.

Good Luck to You!!

Dee74

I actually didn't go for any programme as such Marce - it was just time for me to quit, or die, to be honest.

I have heard good things about SMART recovery tho - LifeRing too.

Check out the Secular Connections forum to read more and discuss non 12 step approaches

D

dreamscape

I dabbled with pills for a long time ( many years) and I could easily ended up dead.
Don't dabble..ok

Get in to recovery or you might end up in the wrong side of the grass.....seriously!

CelticZebra

I was that person who had to have more than one, whatever it was.
The only way to stop having more is to not have the first one.
Meetings depress me but SR makes me feel capable.
Dee is right to suggest the secular forums, especially check out AVRT
I stopped after it caused damage but never touched it since (DOC)
I stopped drinking alcohol and I will stay stopped forever.
It's as simple as not having the first one...

Welcome to SR

Driving my wagon of hope through beautiful views on my road to myself

Chasingthedream

Hey Marce- welcome.

You will see that we are all different here in our approach- and you will need to find what works for you.

I can identify a lot with what you are saying, I too was a recreational drug user for a long time before getting hooked on cocaine. I too only really did it fortnightly , but would then binge. I too told myself that as I wasn't using every day, I obviously didn't have a problem, But deep down i think I knew for a long time that I did have a problem.

You don't have to be using drugs every day to be an addict, or homeless or any of the other stereotypes. I don't fit the stereotypes either. In fact- I think most addicts don't.

I don't follow a program or go to NA, I just come on here every day to ask for support and hopefully give others some support too. But for a lot of people that wouldn't be enough.

Keep posting and good luck

marce

hi marcus, actually I did, I took my mom for about 3 months while she was a drunk, I actually took her by force, after 15 years of being a waste, and having try pretty much everything, I took her by force, went with her everyday for about 1 month or 2, cant remember. It worked for her. Weird thing is, I was starting to **** around with drugs about that time, nothing seriuos, but I already felt the discomfort. Of course I was going to. Anyways, on sundays we have meetings where theres AA members too. I agree with you that the most important thing is to find a group of people who can support each other, and in meetings I got phones from everyone and made friends too, whatsapp groups and stuff, but after a while, I just couldnt handle the 24 hours messaging about "recovery". I dont know, may be I wasnt ready.

Another thing that drives me nuts about meetings is the fact to know that I must attend meetings for the rest of my life, that rest of my life is a sentence that just seems to imprison myself to do something that is really not that fun. Although sometimes meetings can be fun, after a couple of weeks of the last use, the guilt and other bad feelings for having relapse kind of go away, and away go the good feeling of re comfort that you are getting at the meetings.

May be NA is not for me.

Marcus

Dude you are projecting again. It is a One Day At A Time thing (and I am sure that bugs you with me saying that), but it is. I mean when I think about not being able to take a DRINK or a DRUG for the rest of my life that scares the crap out of me. I mean what about the Superbowl this Sunday? What about when my daughters get married? Can't I at least toast with a glass of Champagne? My daughters are 10 and 6 by the way. You have to change that line of thinking. All you really have is today. You could drop dead tomorrow. I am not saying you can't plan ahead, but projecting into the future about what might be is a waste of time (especially when drinking and drugs are concerned). Many people addicted to pain meds say what if I get in a car accident? What if I need surgery? What if I have a tooth pulled? You know what? None of that has happened yet. Deal with it when it gets here. So you go to a meeting today and don't drink or use today and tomorrow we will deal with tomorrow. This whole figuring out your entire life or dwelling on your past screws up today. Here is another "SLOGAN" that will bug you too. If you have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow you are PIS*ING on today. So there you have it. Day at a time!!!

VirileAgitur

This might be a little harsh but I am trying to help you. First you need to slow down and think. Based on your posts it doesn't seem like yo are thinking before acting or speaking. Just take a breath and relax. Sit back and listen to the people who are more knowledgeable about this than you are. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. We need to listen twice as much as we speak.

Attend a meeting and just listen. I have been an addict for a long time and my biggest problem has always been not being able to actually APPLY the advice I receive and the knowledge I have. I have heard every piece of advice that can be given to an addict ten times over. It didn't matter until I shut up, and stopped trying to do things MY WAY.

That is the best advice I can give.

You say you can't deal with the ''24 hour recovery.'' Make a decision on whether you want to be an addict or not. Either one is going to take 24 hours, every day, for as long as you live. Get used to one or the other.

JeffreyAK

You might try not worrying about the rest of your life, prison sentences, etc., and bring the horizon in? Tomorrow, the next week, the next month, and see what happens. What a lot of people don't realize, I didn't either, is that your brain changes with abstinence. When you're an active heavy user/addict, your brain is not a normal brain and you can't really think straight, and you don't really even notice until you've been clean and sober a while. Things that seem really scary and make you want to use now, won't later on.

As for programs and support groups, whatever works for you.

TiredEnough

Sooner or later, dope won't accept dabbling as enough from you. It will demand a stronger commitment. We all started out dabbling. Then, the drugs got jealous and mean.

marce

thanks for your time, I agree with you, Im kind of the smart ass that thinks can do things his way, and I know the room is full with people thinking they can. If I take the NA road again, I will make sure not to do things these time my way...

What I meant about the "24 hour recovery" is the excessive talk about it on our whatsapp group, because talking about recovery does bring the drug subject up (even if the name of the drug is not brought up, by the way, im trying to figure it out what DOC means, "drug of choice" may be?) I guess Im kind of naive, I guess what I expcet is that after a while, my brain just totally forgets about drugs and I just can move on and never ever look back, sadly I know thats not going to happen.

Again, thanks for your time...