RedManc7

Yeah it's an ace suburb I live in, gorgeous views etc, weekends strong, need a strategy to avoid booze at BBQ tomorrow but other than that it's all water, lemon n ginger tea etc. You strong, PAWS factor low i hope.,

gnarlyboots

Afternoon guys, it just struck arvo here in New Zealand, cicadas are buzzing outside in the park and giving this bluebird summer day a proper relaxed vibe.

Been to an early NA meeting, did some gym training with one of the fellas from there and now I'm gonna head out for a trail run in the hills.

There must be something in the air, like a few of the crew here, I am struggling emotionally. Been working a few days a week in the country & doing all my recovery stuff everyday, but I'm feeling really unsettled. I've been meditating 60-90 min a day, as well as yoga and lots of trail runs but when I finish my day, I find it really hard to switch off & my brain goes into overdrive about anything and everything, usually reliving painful memories of the past or being super self-critical.

I bought a guitar this week, so it'll give me an outlet for all the the angst & anger I have atm, maybe I can write a few songs about recovery, oh that just made me think I wanna learn Johnny Cash's Hurt, that would be therapeutic song to learn I think.

Red you're making me miss my hometown man! nothing like summer in Sydney! Although your fire and Mexican sounds pretty epic too Chasing!!

RedManc7

Stay strong gnarly it sounds like you keeping busy and doing the right things. Just have to ride out the tough times. Addiction is an obsession and at times I find myself obsessing over my relationship with drugs and how i feel emotionally. as long as i remember drugs aren't a solution and even though it might not feel it my life gets better when I'm clean and worse when I use I will be right.
Yep Sydney is lovely today gnarly was 36 degrees earlier, lovely and hot!

gnarlyboots

Amen brother, it's not as if we're gonna get drowned by our emotions, we always float just fine, no matter how intense the roller coaster.

Chasingthedream

hey guys- I'm 12 hours behind you 2 I guess, which means I'm on the back foot a bit!

We just all have to go easy on ourselves. We have come a long way in a short time, but in the scheme of things it's still very early days. When you think about it objectively- of course we are all in PAWS. I have used drugs recreationally for about 20 years, with some down periods during pregnancy etc. But that is a LONG time man!

Learning to live life without that go to solution is gonna be a test for sure, but we're up for the challenge hey!

Gnarly, you sound like you've got it good where you are too. My family live in NZ, it is such a beautiful country. I'd love to live there or AUS for the outdoors, but I'm a london girl at heart and would miss the smog

Good to have this thread with you guys

gnarlyboots

I'm in the 20+ years basket too chasing! Whoa, it's a long time, it's curious how easily we loose sight of that fact and expect to be feeling good after a couple of months off! For now I just need to put in the work and have patience. As an old school NA fella I know says to me all the time about early recovery, "chop wood, carry water" , always makes me chuckle but also a lot of wisdom in those words.

Totally up for the recovery challenge, it's become a bit of a no brainer for me, too many years wasted, wasted! Lost opportunities, failed relationships, money blown, friendships neglected. Also not evolving as person, is something that really concerns me about the using lifestyle, i don't want to be stuck at the emotional depth of a 15yr old my entire life! lol.

Where in NZ are your family from in NZ chasing? I live in Christchurch atm, it's a bit apocalyptic still after the earthquakes but it's coming alive again slowly, the nature factor of NZ / AUST is pretty good , but I feel your love for London, half of my family live there, and I do love the big city buzz ... probably why I always end up in trouble in them!

How's everyones weekends going? I caught an Angus & Julia stone concert last night & they were pretty tight, still buzzing!!

Red hope you're making healthy choices whatever you're doing mate!!

RedManc7

Gnarly I'm being sensible. Saturday's last year and the year before etc I'd say everywhere I'm gonna quit clean up etc and every time I woke I'd score straight away. Now I don't think about it, other then remembering I'm not thinking about it. This Saturday I'm going to watch the Asian cup final cheering on my adopted country, I've got a mate whose trying to line me up with a work colleague, he works for a bra company - loads of nice girls there. I'm gonna have to swerve it sadly but recovery comes first. I haven't even a bit of headspace for the insanity that even dates bring into your life - just being normal going to yoga, watching football and can't wait to see Anderson Silva's comeback tomorrow. What you up to gnarly?

gnarlyboots

You have a mate who works for a bra company eh, that's a promising intro back into the dating scene when you're ready for it.

Now you mentioned it, I'm hopefully gonna be watching Silva's comeback too. That guy is a strong athlete, go the UFC, I still remember watching UFC1 on VHS many years ago!

I've been pretty chilled out thanks mate, reading lots of books, meditating & training. Full swing into this kundalini stuff, been getting me high like drugs, got myself some good audio books for the long drives I've been doing for the farm work days & a stack of books from Amazon & now the house looks like a library that has been bombed by hippies.

RedManc7

Good work gnarly I went to the match tonight with a load of mates including the bra man (we went to school together from 11, lived together for 2 years at uni so are close friends, he got 3 kids and married to an Aussie girl been here 15 years now) so he is a dear friend of mine. This girl is blonde and me and blondes clash so it's a good excuse lol. Yeah I'm reading loads too, want to get in the kundalini scene as well but not ready yet. Feeling great though & positive & enjoying being clean. How you activate the kundalini ? Gonna see my kinesiologist in 3 weeks ( she Uber busy but I don't think I've won her trust yet) she told me I needed a month clean before seeing her again which I obviously have think she waiting to see if I slip up - no chance. (she said I had some surprising energy for a heroin addict the first time) so I hope next time she can help me more next time. Viva the clean life!

RedManc7

I've always had loads of energy though, even tonight with my mates I was at the front, swarming through the crowds, I can't saunter, I have too much energy, that's why I liked smack cos it stopped me thinking & bursting about like a lunatic. Now I'm adjusting and might even try and saunter one of the days :-)

Chasingthedream

Hey guys, all good here tonight, just chilling in front of the fire, making some healthy food. All good.

Gnarly, my fa,ily live on the North island, mostly around Auckland. I've never make it to the South Island which is nuts considering how beautiful it is there. Maybe next time I go...

Red I think you're being really sensible giving dating the flick for the time being. Touch to handle at s time when our emotions are out of whack.

gnarlyboots

You can't saunter bro? I can saunter but there's usually a big kid inside of me of that wants to burst at the seams and start hugging and jumping around like an ADHD diagnosis. I think they should have a group for that , Saunter's Anonymous, for those of us who have lost the ability to saunter.

Had my first kundalini awakening back in 2013, blew my mind, wasn't actively chasing it (didn't even know what i was back then), it just happened as I was practicing mindfulness of breath meditation. Looking back, I was in a good space, getting regular acupuncture, yoga, eating right and it think it all conspired to create the right internal environment. Reading a good book on it atm, Awakening Kundalini by Laurence Edwards, worth checking out if you're genuniely interested. Now days I activate connection thru pranayama breathing & then my own blend of vipassana / metta / mindfulness meditation

Kinesiology sounds interesting, what's been your experience with that? Sounds lile it must be related to craniosacral therapy

Chasing south is the bomb, esp if you ride or ski !!

RedManc7

I'll read that book that sounds awesome - yes saunters anonymous I need to start going - just come back from Bikram feeling good and refreshed. Gonna chill for a bit then do some work. The kundalini sounds amazing - I've only been to kinesiology once and she said cos I was using she needed me to be clean for at least a month - then I went on holiday so I've only just got a new session booked. I'll keep you in the loop when I go :-)

RedManc7

Yes it's hard in the sense my mate doesn't know about my addiction even though we both live in Sydney he a family man now and at times we'd go months not catching up. Remember once we went for a curry, I was smacked out of my head with my eyes half shut & almost going on the nod, he thought id just been boozing all day thankfully. So he thinks he doing me a favour but I need a date with a blonde HR manager like a hole in the head, me and blondes don't get on and HR managers are my work nemesis - so I've got good reason to say thanks but no thanks :-) you ok chasing.

Feel weird after Bikram today now, some of the postures open up your heart chakra and emotions and I'm a bit down now. Just enjoying watching the UFC and chilling now.

Chasingthedream

Red- I'm blonde and we seem to get on ok ha! Although it is out of a bottle I guess...

All this stuff you 2 are talking about is blowing my mind! When did you first get into it all, is it through yoga or mindfulness? I'm practising mindfulness/mind body relaxation but haven't started yoga yet. I did find a local teacher but he seemed just to be focusing on his own practice at the front of the room and not coming round and giving help to everyone/showing them how to correct poses etc, which is not how I thought it was meant to be?

I'm ok this morning, kind of. I've been feeling anxious on/off a lot recently and it's coming out in my obsession with unimportant stuff. Like obsessing over what house renovations i'd do if i could afford it etc- all stuff related to money which i know ism't important and doesn't make me happy, but i can't seem to stop focusing on it nonetheless..

I just need to switch my brain off and focus on the simple things- meditation, walking in the forest (I live next to one), eating well etc....

And just learn to be easy on myself. I'm so f****ing self critical it's annoying. We prob all are. But it really holds me back.

It's the simple things that make us happy isn't it. Like waking up next to The Ocean and Sydney harbour (Red), and the beauty of the South Island (Gnarly)- those 2 views must be awesome! I miss water. used to live by The Sea and loved waking up and seeing it. Beautiful in Summer, Beautiful in a storm.

Anyway I'm talking nonsense. Need another coffee!
How are you 2 today?

gnarlyboots

Nonsense is the best sort of talk chasing! Nothing I'd rather talk about! Especially when you're describing views. I used to live in Wellington in North Is NZ while I was studying post grad psyc and me and my missus had a pad right on the water, used to wake up and pull the curtains to these 6am mists which would lie over the calm grey harbor water, and then these red tug boats would sound their fog horns, and slowly chug out into the scene.

That's epic you're living next to a forest, everything you need for peace of mind in a forest, nature is a great healer, I bet you get some misty mornings there!

Red it is weird how the subtle energy body, chakras and all that can affect us, I have had the same thing with yoga asanas releasing different stored energies, I remember crying for almost a whole weekend straight once, my mates were freaking out but it felt so good to release all that grief and sadness!

gnarlyboots

C, yoga classes can be very different, if the teacher ain't doing hands on adjustments I would wonder if I was getting value for $, as they should come out and attend to each student here & there, but hard to judge from here. Have you got your own mat? A nice thing that you can do, is remember your fav poses from class and start your own little practice at home, takes a little self-discipline, but if you're feeling stressed and wanna unwind, even doing 5-10 minutes can shift your perspective.

I have been into meditation since i was 19, my godfather taught me, same with yoga etc. I'm working out a way to make make it my life atm, gonna do the yoga teacher training & thinking of heading to india and / or byron (cliched but what can ya do!! hah).

RedManc7

I don't mind a bit of posture improvement but at the same time bikram is so exhausting especially when u not exercised in ages they have to get the balance between posture improvement and recognising when you too fooked to pay attention. Been in work since 730am just finished at 915pm - must have spent 5+ hours on the phone today easy dead productive as well - up at 5am for bikram tomorrow and brought work home with me - getting my mojo and energy back. Like I say I can't be at the back sauntering. I can't saunter - FOMO. I used to saunter all the time as a smack head except when running to score if I was under pressure. Feel back to my old self which is good just need to make sure I have positive mental switch offs. How are you crazy cats?

RedManc7

Eating clean as well. Granola for breakfast, chicken avocado salad for lunch, veggie stir fry for dinner. Starting to feel the benefits. Under huge pressure at work but staying calm, not panicking, working through it. Will all come good I have no doubts.

four812

What a wonderful thread. Enjoying all the positive action and shares