Tiredofdrugs

Hi everyone!

This is not my first time off opiates. However? I wanted to reach out to those newbies or people returning to let y'all know it is possible to get off them! I've gotten more accomplished in these 102 days than I did for over a year!

Just remember to keep trying! If you make the decision to get off the pain meds? Then you have reached a point in your life where it's do-able! I've always chosen to go off them CT!

Best of luck to y'all!

Tiredofdrugs (TOD)

tbeit

TOD you are truely an inspiration

Tiredofdrugs

Thanks tbeit!

I'm not stacking BB's!

But I am stacking the clean days!

How are you doing?

TOD

tbeit

I'm well, not clean but having serious pain problems. It's really hard for me with 25 years of program even though I'm sticking to the script strictly it always feels dirty. You know how it is I'm sure. Thanks for asking you always look out for me and I appreciate it. Keep up the good work my friend awesome job

mkintexas

Good job TOD. I am off the garbage 7 out of 8 weeks. That is by far my best run since I started down this dark soul stealing path. I will be very happy when I reach 102 days. And I will. I finally have some momentum. I am also a new daddy as my son was born a little over a day ago so that helps keep me going.

finaltime

TOD that is great to hear, I think about you and go check the hen house every once in a while. Do you mind telling me what type of pain med user you where? I was the type where I would take a 30 a day then when I quit I would always go cold turkey. No other way for me as with tapering I would fail, night after night I would have these huge goals, then the next day saying F IT I will deal with it when I am out.

So proud of you. Thanks for sharing. I get my 7 month chip on the 5th.

Did you do it only with SR or do you do any other types of recovery? I know you still have them in the house right with Jethro? or do you have to keep them all locked away?

All of this helps me and helps others.

Tiredofdrugs

Congrat's on being a daddy for the 2nd time!

I'm not going to sugar coat it! It is hard in the first 30 days! And even days later I think about the pills! But a thought of something only lasts (7) seven minutes! SEVEN MINUTES! That's plenty of time to find something else to occupy your thoughts, hands and mouth! Grab a candy bar! So what if you gain some pounds! Beats feeding your addiction! That sucker NEVER goes away! But you can step on it like the dirty snake it is! It's always hissing in our ears! When it coils around our leg and sinks it's fangs into our body? The poison starts to kill us! This is the same thing when we take our DOC over and over! I don't want to die due to my addiction!

You have a job MK! Put your concentration into your job! Put your love and extra time into your family! The more time you spend doing things other than thinking about using your DOC? The more days you can have stacked up w/o it in your body! You'll learn to love yourself again and will be much happier off the stuff! You have to love yourself before you love someone else!

Don't beat yourself up over the "what if's" and the "yesterday's"! If I lived my days by those standards? I'd probably already be dead! I can't change the "yesterdays" so why should I live my life in them? Good or bad? They're gone now! I can focus on the here and now though! I can make plans for the tomorrows! And I can do it w/o the opiates controlling my every day or moment!

TOD

Tiredofdrugs

finaltime; TOD that is great to hear, I think about you and go check the hen house every once in a while. I post there and on The Animal People Thread! Do you mind telling me what type of pain med user you were? I used Hydrocodone 10MG. I was the type where I would take 30 a day then when I quit I would always go cold turkey. I've used all sorts of amounts in a day. I've always CT'ed off them. No other way for me as with tapering I would fail, night after night I would have these huge goals, then the next day saying F IT I will deal with it when I am out. I would rush around getting everything ready for a week or two of being down after going off the Hydro's.

So proud of you. Thanks! Thanks for sharing. I wanted others to know, that don't follow my Threads, it is possible to survive w/o the pain meds! I get my 7 month chip on the 5th. That is wonderful news! Great Job!

Did you do it only with SR or do you do any other types of recovery? Thru the years I've done NA/AA meetings! I don't go to them now! They were great tools in the beginning of my Recovery though! I think it's something every newbie should experience! And even continue with if it's working well for them. I come here on SR to talk with everyone and I also have a strong willpower to stay off of them. I know you still have them in the house right with Jethro? Yes! or do you have to keep them all locked away? He's in control of them. He keeps them hidden because I've asked him to! I mean REALLY? What's one two or three pills going to do for me? That's how I view them! I could call my doctor and have them prescribed to me again if I wanted them. But I'd reach the point again of the amount I get never being enough! Then I'd be in real trouble! I DON'T want to be there again! So I'm not willing to allow myself to take even one pill. I don't want to do that over and over and over again!

I only have so many Recovery's in me! I don't want to find out with each one if that was the last one!

All of this helps me and helps others. I hope this helps to answer some of your questions and concerns!

TOD

MariahGayle

Great Job TOD

finaltime

TOD you are amazing, truly inspiring and one of my favourite people on this site. I love your posts, view your house/farm/animal kingdom as something cool like out of movie. I don't know if you know much about me or have followed me, but I sure follow you!!! keep up the good work!!!!

Tiredofdrugs

Thanks finaltime!

I'm just an honest person posting about my life stuff and things that go on around here!

I've read some of your things here and there, but not really sure I know you!?! I know some have changed their Avatars too!

I know I entertain several with my stories! LOL It's who I am and I love being clean now in order to enjoy it more! I laugh more now and I'm able to get more done too! I don't just walk past stuff now telling myself it needs to get done! I actually DO IT now! Feels SOOOOO good!

I also see things now that I've missed before while on the pain meds! When I catch something that's wrong or different on TV? I'm like WOW! How did I miss that before? I've been watching a lot of movies and shows over and really enjoying them this time.

I need to stay clean too in order to be here for my mom! Dad passed last November. She depends on me and Jethro for a lot of things. I've warned her to just give me a days heads up since I'm a night owl if she wants my help. She'll even get Jethro to come over to her house or she'll come over here and they'll go out to eat together! I'm usually asleep! Doesn't bother me and she knows it!

I want others to feel the JOY I'm feeling off their DOC! I no longer chase the pain meds anymore either! What a relief that is! The only thing I fret over now is when I get low on milk! LOL I go thru 2 1/2 gallons a week!

I have a daily reminder watching Jethro on his pain meds as to how I used to be. It's usually in the evening's when I have to put up with him on them. I'm so glad I'm not that way anymore! Makes life tough around here putting up with him, but I just avoid him when he gets too bad. I've begged him to get off the pain meds. But he's refused!

TOD

Tiredofdrugs

I started this Thread with 102 clean days!

I now have 106 days clean!

TOD

Tiredofdrugs

I've made it to 115 days off the pain meds!

They used to bring me a warm fuzzy feeling! Now there's many more things doing that for me instead! Plus I don't have the sickness or headaches from the pills anymore either!

We all wonder? What in the world am I going to do to start feeling good again? How do I live my life w/o my DOC now? So here's a few ideas for ya!

1. Start reading! It doesn't matter the subject! Just read! Learn something new in what you're reading! It takes your mind away from the DOC!

2. Join a group of any kind!

3. Play some sort of sports!

4. Volunteer with a kids group! An elderly group! A soup kitchen! The animal shelters! Anywhere they need extra hands!

5. Start cleaning your home from top to bottom! Get rid of the old you and enjoy the freshness of the new you!

6. Change your deodorant, shampoo, hair style, looks, etc. Leave the old using you in the dust! As you run from the old life!

7. Start a diary of your days!

8. Go to Church!

If we continue living in the same old / same old? Nothing will ever change! I'm staying busy with my chickens, cleaning our home/property, going thru closets and dressers too! Watching lots of movies and shows I've missed or half watched while on the opiates. Enjoying time with family and friends!

MAKE A CHANGE!!!!!

TOD

liv1ce

TOD remember that the journey NEVER ends. I have been 3650 days clean and fell off, 410 days clean and fell off. Be forever vigilant and never get too cocky as it never goes away. I am now somewhere around 70-80 days clean. I don't really count anymore as I know that for me the number of days is meaningless. It is only today that counts.

Congratulations on making it this far. it takes a lot to get here.

finaltime

Livice thanks for sharing that. Was it always pills that you went back to? Do you work a program as well or do it on your own if you don't mind sharing. Do you detox cold turkey?

cleaninLI

Congratulations TOD on your 115 days! You are doing great this time around!

Liv1ce I couldn't agree with you more! I had 4 years and fell off. I also, stopped counting....for me it was meaningless....like you said what really matters is today.😊 I'm not foolish to think I've "made it" either. That stinkin thinkin is what sent me right back.

So for all you folks who are clean today....I know there are many of you....big congrats to you! Like liv1ce said TODAY is what really counts! As long as you are clean today....you deserve a big pat on the back....do something nice for yourself and have a wonderful clean and sober day!

liv1ce

I can be addicted to anything and it only depends on what has been available. I started with pot and when It got harder to get as I got older then became booze. After an intervention - and rehab - I couldn't go back to booze due to the smell of one's breath so I turned to pills which had little that could be observed by the uninitiated.

I have always quit cold turkey. Even rehab for alcohol was cold turkey although I was given some kind of medication to make the withdrawal easier and I - true to my nature - got a buzz off it. So no more of that.

Subsequently I stayed with pills when I fell. After 10 years I had a very painful problem for which I broke down and said "I don't care what it takes just get rid of this pain." Deep down - or maybe not so deep down - I knew what was coming and couldn't wait. A legitimate legal medically supervised and approved high! What could be better? I was given "a few" in case the pain didn't go away and it took me about a day to finish them off. I subsequently disappeared from the sober life for years. I did a lot of things that were despicable to get high during that time but eventually got "caught" and cold turkey'd on my own with a face to face counselor. I stayed sober for a number of years again.

Eventually, I got away from such things as AA and SR became cocky and one day thought while staring at an oxy that was fully available for the taking "wonder what getting high would be like now. It's only just one." And away I went again.

The trouble is the feeling is so delicious to me that one pill reminds me what I like about it and then that feeling begins to wear off so quickly. Once that happens the rationalization begins that justifies finding that next pill. If I know where it is then I go and get it and then as many as I can get and then all thoughts of sobriety, guilt, remorse, my wife, my kids...........disappear.

And so do I.

As to a program I have commented several times relative to that. It is my feeling that for any of us to complete the task we have to find something that can replace the drug. Something that we can feel as passionate about as the drug or the high. Without that I find myself and many others simply sitting passively and waiting for the good life to arrive. ONce you quit everything should be great shouldn't it? Yeah, right!

For me the answer has been artistic expression through working wood. My wife feels I am as addicted to tools and the art as anything else and I guess that is the purpose. Except I can stop and start and the feeling of creativity is so amazing to me. I am completely passionate about it.

But then why am I back here?

I am at the point where I feel that I cannot blame anyone, anything, any event in my life, the status of my health, my marriage for my addiction. I have decided that I simply love to get high and there arise times in my life when that is so magnetic that I do not resist. Note I did not say I cannot resist but I DO NOT. The trouble then becomes that I cannot/do not control myself and I lose all grip on what I love and what I want and who I want to be.

I MUST remain ever vigilant because the beast NEVER DIES in me and there are NEVER enough days counted to save me from it.

TiredEnough

"Note I did not say I cannot resist but I DO NOT."

Thats the bottom line of a relapse right there. Its a choice.

liv1ce

Exactly!

Tiredofdrugs

liv1ce: You are absolutely correct! The Journey never ends! I too don't try to live by how many days I have off the pain meds! I'm posting them though to help others realize they can go this many days w/o their DOC! And more! Please feel free to add your posts to this Thread to show your clean days too! We do help others trying to get just one clean day in and past that!

I've done the same as you! Been on them and off them. On them and off them! But it's been because of a medical procedure each time I got back on them. Not because I wanted to get high or feel good!

The old feelings each time surface though and I end up staying on the pain meds longer than I should! Then I reach a point I'm tired of them again and I start making plans to C/T off of them.

I truly DO NOT like myself while on the pain meds! They turn me into someone/something that doesn't care about anything or anyone! I soon reach a point I stop caring about doing anything around the house or on the property! I don't care about gathering with family either! And I have to drag myself to town to do the shopping.

As for the list of things to do? It's just a list to show others some ways of doing things off their DOC! Sitting around thinking about using doesn't help us to stay off of our DOC. We have to make a change of some kind in order to step over the line! If I didn't have everything I have around here at home to keep me busy? I'd be out looking for something to keep me occupied! Time on our hands leads us back to our DOC!

Last year I did the "just one" thing after a medical procedure. Eight months later I C/T'ed off of them. So just one is a ride down the road I can't afford to try anymore! Our bodies and minds NEVER forget the feelings the pain meds do to us! NEVER!!!!!!! The older I get the w/d's and detoxing just gets harder and harder too!

My husband uses the same damned pain meds I used! I've told him to keep them hidden and out of sight! I've begged him to get off of them time and time again. He refuses! He's changing for the worst because of them. So it's a constant reminder watching him as to what the pain meds did to myself. It can get down right unpleasant around here.

TiredEnough: You're right on in agreeing with liv1ce! We might as well get on an oil slick and fling our arms around to try and hold our footing. Because that's what happens to us addicts that try "just one"!

Cleanin: Thank You! And BTW! OTS? Really cute bunny you got!

TOD