102 Days Clean off Pain Meds
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 675
Thank you for that. I understand your initial statement and intent and have felt as if I needed to apologize as I felt that I unintentionally ended up hijacking your thread. You made a worthwhile comment which I always seem to react to because of my own experience and then it turned from a thread about success to one about impending failure.
RIP Maria
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
liv1ce: Thank you for your apology, but it's not necessary! You wrote your own feelings and beliefs down on a Thread that touched a nerve within yourself! We all have reflections on ourselves in reference to what others are going thru at the time we read something on SR! It's good for myself and others to read these replies! If there weren't ppl replying with their own history then these Threads would be very boring and leave many to wonder why we even bother posting! You didn't hijack the Thread!
People in Recovery need all stages of Recovering people to talk about their experiences! The newbies see old timers in Recovery and surviving it. The old timers see the newbies posting and it's a reminder as to why they are staying clean! It's a win/win situation!
Maybe this Thread will be the one that turns us into old timers? Not newbies starting over again and again?
TOD
People in Recovery need all stages of Recovering people to talk about their experiences! The newbies see old timers in Recovery and surviving it. The old timers see the newbies posting and it's a reminder as to why they are staying clean! It's a win/win situation!
Maybe this Thread will be the one that turns us into old timers? Not newbies starting over again and again?
TOD
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
TOD whats the most you used to take per day? How about you LIVICE? I was up to 30 5mg's per day.... I can't believe I didn't die. My replacement right now is just life, feels so good to be able to function and stay on top of things!
Livice I forget at times which one you are, thats right the wood man!
Livice I forget at times which one you are, thats right the wood man!
RIP Maria
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
FT: This last go round it was around 6 pills aday! It was Hydrocodone 10MG's.
Back in 2005! I was getting 200 5MG's of Hydro's each month. Plus 640 Hydro's from another doctor each month. I was on an incredible HIGH to say the least! I was taking like 5 10MG's at a time. Four times a day! Tossing in the 5MG's here and there each day too.
It's a wonder I survived that time in my life!
TOD
Edited: I would sit by the window waiting on the 200 pills to show up in the mailbox. Then I'd run out and grab the bottle, kissing it all the way to the house! That's because I'd be either real low in the amount I had left or would have been completely out by then.
Back in 2005! I was getting 200 5MG's of Hydro's each month. Plus 640 Hydro's from another doctor each month. I was on an incredible HIGH to say the least! I was taking like 5 10MG's at a time. Four times a day! Tossing in the 5MG's here and there each day too.
It's a wonder I survived that time in my life!
TOD
Edited: I would sit by the window waiting on the 200 pills to show up in the mailbox. Then I'd run out and grab the bottle, kissing it all the way to the house! That's because I'd be either real low in the amount I had left or would have been completely out by then.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 675
I took whatever it took to stay high. My DOC was oxy and if I had to then hydro. If I had what I wanted then alternating through the day.
When it was pot I could go through an ounce pretty fast.
When it was bourbon it was always a quart a day but more if I was alone on a day off.
I would always try to stay high but functional as I enjoyed existing in the world high while everyone else was straight around me. It was always like my own little secret so probably kept my consumption down somewhat.
With bourbon I would drink only when not working but always get all the way to the end. Sleep was just a matter of passing out and then coming to in the morning. My wife - who wasn't my wife at the time - told me years ago that everyone knew I was a drinker as the smell would simply leak through my pores. I found that really embarrassing once I sobered up.
I am afraid that embarrassment is only one in a litany of indicators of what a degenerate swine I have been at times in my life.
I am really happy to be these few months clean again. I know that in my times of fear of as well as experience of withdrawal that I have wondered if I would ever find happiness again without the drug. It is always enlightening to find that yes indeed it can happen.
I have wondered many times how I could turn back when I have everything I want without it but that magnetism, that feeling.......
I could get high any time I wanted. I am off today with plans to be the wood man as you say fnaltime. There is a bottle of 30 10mg hydros prescribed for my wife a year ago and I know exactly where they are. She hated them so she'll never take them - nor will I.
When it was pot I could go through an ounce pretty fast.
When it was bourbon it was always a quart a day but more if I was alone on a day off.
I would always try to stay high but functional as I enjoyed existing in the world high while everyone else was straight around me. It was always like my own little secret so probably kept my consumption down somewhat.
With bourbon I would drink only when not working but always get all the way to the end. Sleep was just a matter of passing out and then coming to in the morning. My wife - who wasn't my wife at the time - told me years ago that everyone knew I was a drinker as the smell would simply leak through my pores. I found that really embarrassing once I sobered up.
I am afraid that embarrassment is only one in a litany of indicators of what a degenerate swine I have been at times in my life.
I am really happy to be these few months clean again. I know that in my times of fear of as well as experience of withdrawal that I have wondered if I would ever find happiness again without the drug. It is always enlightening to find that yes indeed it can happen.
I have wondered many times how I could turn back when I have everything I want without it but that magnetism, that feeling.......
I could get high any time I wanted. I am off today with plans to be the wood man as you say fnaltime. There is a bottle of 30 10mg hydros prescribed for my wife a year ago and I know exactly where they are. She hated them so she'll never take them - nor will I.
RIP Maria
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
liv1ce; I took whatever it took to stay high. My DOC was oxy and if I had to then hydro. If I had what I wanted then alternating through the day. I'm pretty much a pill popper! Hydros! Alcohol isn't my thing either.
When it was pot I could go through an ounce pretty fast. The last joint I smoked was New Year's Eve 1984! I headed off to Basic Training Feb 1985! The Army will kick ya out for this stuff! Pain meds have a script to prove I was getting them legally!
When it was bourbon it was always a quart a day but more if I was alone on a day off.
I would always try to stay high but functional as I enjoyed existing in the world high while everyone else was straight around me. It was always like my own little secret so probably kept my consumption down somewhat. I was happy to just sit at home in my own little world and not be bothered by others. But I did have to go to work and I knew I was showing the signs of not being RIGHT due to how others acted around me.
With bourbon I would drink only when not working but always get all the way to the end. Sleep was just a matter of passing out and then coming to in the morning. My wife - who wasn't my wife at the time - told me years ago that everyone knew I was a drinker as the smell would simply leak through my pores. I found that really embarrassing once I sobered up. My 1XH drank/drinks. His sweat smelled like alcohol!
I am afraid that embarrassment is only one in a litany of indicators of what a degenerate swine I have been at times in my life. I think we've all had some embarrassing times from using our DOC!
I am really happy to be these few months clean again. I know that in my times of fear of as well as experience of withdrawal that I have wondered if I would ever find happiness again without the drug. It is always enlightening to find that yes indeed it can happen. Happiness does eventually come back to us! It just takes a lot of time for our bodies and minds to start realizing what happiness is again. The old saying of our DOC being like our "lover" is so true! With that being said? We have to let go of our lover and get over the loss. As the song says: "Breaking up is hard to do"!
I have wondered many times how I could turn back when I have everything I want without it but that magnetism, that feeling.......There's times when I have months of clean time under my feet and I'll find myself in a situation where I'm happy and then the thought of: "Man! A pill would be just the thing to make me happier will hit me"! OMG That's an earth shaker for me.
I could get high any time I wanted. Even though Hydro's aren't your DOC? Hydro's will get you started back on the road to your DOC! I am off today with plans to be the wood man as you say finaltime. There is a bottle of 30 10mg hydros prescribed for my wife a year ago and I know exactly where they are. She hated them so she'll never take them - nor will I. Take it from someone that knows what can happen! Get those damned pills out of the house. Take them to a police/fire station and turn them over for being destroyed! Or fill the bottle with bleach to destroy them. My husband uses the same thing. I was 8 months clean and had a medical procedure done last year. I was in a lot of pain and knew where his pills were. My mind talked itself into getting a few of them! Eight months later I was C/T'ing off of them again because I had gone to my doctor and had her give me my own pain pills. If I hadn't known where they were? I'd never have taken any of them. He keeps them well hidden now because I've warned him I'll flush them before I take another one. In the past I'd find a pill here and there. I usually gave them back to him. Then after I started taking them again? He never got them back if I found one.
I have valium to take when I go to the dentist. These pills don't do nothing for my "need"! They keep me calmed down in the dentist chair and then knock me out when I get home. So they aren't a problem for me to have around. If they were? I'd hand them over to my husband to hide until I had a dentist appointment.
I don't have a lot of energy anymore and so I take 1/2 a caffeine tablet in order to boost my energy level. I also have some herbal powder I mix in tea to give me a good boost too. When on the opiates? The opiates do the energy, feel good in the beginning, but then I reach a point I don't want to do anything. So the caffeine tablet and herbal drink works great for me now. I don't want to be sitting around in a fog!
When it was pot I could go through an ounce pretty fast. The last joint I smoked was New Year's Eve 1984! I headed off to Basic Training Feb 1985! The Army will kick ya out for this stuff! Pain meds have a script to prove I was getting them legally!
When it was bourbon it was always a quart a day but more if I was alone on a day off.
I would always try to stay high but functional as I enjoyed existing in the world high while everyone else was straight around me. It was always like my own little secret so probably kept my consumption down somewhat. I was happy to just sit at home in my own little world and not be bothered by others. But I did have to go to work and I knew I was showing the signs of not being RIGHT due to how others acted around me.
With bourbon I would drink only when not working but always get all the way to the end. Sleep was just a matter of passing out and then coming to in the morning. My wife - who wasn't my wife at the time - told me years ago that everyone knew I was a drinker as the smell would simply leak through my pores. I found that really embarrassing once I sobered up. My 1XH drank/drinks. His sweat smelled like alcohol!
I am afraid that embarrassment is only one in a litany of indicators of what a degenerate swine I have been at times in my life. I think we've all had some embarrassing times from using our DOC!
I am really happy to be these few months clean again. I know that in my times of fear of as well as experience of withdrawal that I have wondered if I would ever find happiness again without the drug. It is always enlightening to find that yes indeed it can happen. Happiness does eventually come back to us! It just takes a lot of time for our bodies and minds to start realizing what happiness is again. The old saying of our DOC being like our "lover" is so true! With that being said? We have to let go of our lover and get over the loss. As the song says: "Breaking up is hard to do"!
I have wondered many times how I could turn back when I have everything I want without it but that magnetism, that feeling.......There's times when I have months of clean time under my feet and I'll find myself in a situation where I'm happy and then the thought of: "Man! A pill would be just the thing to make me happier will hit me"! OMG That's an earth shaker for me.
I could get high any time I wanted. Even though Hydro's aren't your DOC? Hydro's will get you started back on the road to your DOC! I am off today with plans to be the wood man as you say finaltime. There is a bottle of 30 10mg hydros prescribed for my wife a year ago and I know exactly where they are. She hated them so she'll never take them - nor will I. Take it from someone that knows what can happen! Get those damned pills out of the house. Take them to a police/fire station and turn them over for being destroyed! Or fill the bottle with bleach to destroy them. My husband uses the same thing. I was 8 months clean and had a medical procedure done last year. I was in a lot of pain and knew where his pills were. My mind talked itself into getting a few of them! Eight months later I was C/T'ing off of them again because I had gone to my doctor and had her give me my own pain pills. If I hadn't known where they were? I'd never have taken any of them. He keeps them well hidden now because I've warned him I'll flush them before I take another one.
In the past I'd find a pill here and there. I usually gave them back to him. Then after I started taking them again? He never got them back if I found one.I have valium to take when I go to the dentist. These pills don't do nothing for my "need"! They keep me calmed down in the dentist chair and then knock me out when I get home. So they aren't a problem for me to have around. If they were? I'd hand them over to my husband to hide until I had a dentist appointment.
I don't have a lot of energy anymore and so I take 1/2 a caffeine tablet in order to boost my energy level. I also have some herbal powder I mix in tea to give me a good boost too. When on the opiates? The opiates do the energy, feel good in the beginning, but then I reach a point I don't want to do anything. So the caffeine tablet and herbal drink works great for me now. I don't want to be sitting around in a fog!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 432
Tired it is great to see you doing so great! Congratulations and keep doing it. Don't let them demon pills win!
I am happy to see a lot of you on this thread still counting your days SOBER! I still have rough days and was hoping when I came back on here that others were still here and doing good!
It's great to see!
I am happy to see a lot of you on this thread still counting your days SOBER! I still have rough days and was hoping when I came back on here that others were still here and doing good!
It's great to see!
RIP Maria
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
I'm coming to the end of my 125th day!
It hasn't been easy and it hasn't been hard! It's just been going thru each day w/o using the opiates! It certainly has gotten easier with the longer time I'm off them though!
I see myself as a person looking at these black figures scurrying up from the darkness trying to pull at me to come back and play in their yard! Ain't happening!
TOD
It hasn't been easy and it hasn't been hard! It's just been going thru each day w/o using the opiates! It certainly has gotten easier with the longer time I'm off them though!
I see myself as a person looking at these black figures scurrying up from the darkness trying to pull at me to come back and play in their yard! Ain't happening!
TOD
RIP Maria
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
I'll be waking up later today on my 130th Day off the pain pills!
All those struggling and needing encouragement to stay clean?
You can do it! You will get past the w/d's and detox off the stuff!
Choose a lucky charm to put in your pocket. Pick it up and let it remind you that you aren't going to use when the urge hits ya!
TOD
All those struggling and needing encouragement to stay clean?
You can do it! You will get past the w/d's and detox off the stuff!
Choose a lucky charm to put in your pocket. Pick it up and let it remind you that you aren't going to use when the urge hits ya!
TOD
RIP Maria
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
I've made it 143 days w/o any opiates!
Hang in there everyone! If the days aren't stacking up w/o your DOC? Then keep trying! If you found SR then you are looking to quit! Take one minute at a time to abstain from your DOC. You don't have to worry about tomorrow or a week down the road.
Today is the day you need to be concerned about!
Today could be the first day for the rest of your life off your DOC!
TOD
Hang in there everyone! If the days aren't stacking up w/o your DOC? Then keep trying! If you found SR then you are looking to quit! Take one minute at a time to abstain from your DOC. You don't have to worry about tomorrow or a week down the road.
Today is the day you need to be concerned about!
Today could be the first day for the rest of your life off your DOC!
TOD
RIP Maria
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Originally Posted by finaltime 
TOD you are an inspiration. I am grateful for you. I am at 2 weeks today. Feeling better then yesterday.
If I'm giving you the inspiration you need to hang onto in order to stay clean? Then hang on tightly! Something, Someone can be your reason for not using your DOC!
There are many here on SR with way more time than I have off their DOC too! It's a day in each of our lives that we need to get thru w/o using! A DAY!
Things can change in an hour, in a day! If the need or drive to use happens? Then wait an hour! Things will be different! It may not even take that long! I could have and still do find reasons I want a pill! It's going to happen! We relied on our DOC for many years to get over something, get thru something, etc. That's hopefully in my past now!
I separate the feelings of good and bad on how the pills made me feel now! I'd get a little bit of high from them and then would end up sick to my stomach later on. Then I'd take another one for the high and get even sicker! I just don't want to deal with the sickness anymore or the fog. I don't like not getting things done anymore either. And that's what the pills did to me.
I now have lots of energy! I feel good, no sick feelings, things are getting cleaned up and I enjoy being around ppl again! Instead of dragging myself thru the chores that have to be done? I fly thru them now! LOL It just feels so much better! I feel so much freedom now! And I'm not having to worry about counting pills or worrying about when the next bottle of pills is available!
Living w/o the pills/opiates is truly a gift of life! A life that had been bottled up in a bottle of pain pills for a long time!
When I'm feeble! Unable to move due to health problems! Then the nurse can poke them down my throat. But until then? I want to enjoy a clean, clear minded life!
For what it's worth? My poor dad had been hooked on alcohol and pain pills at one time in his life. In the last days he was alive? He refused to take large amounts of pain meds because of how he was before on them. His entire body was ate up with melanoma cancer on the inside of his body. Every time I asked him if he wanted his next dose of pain meds? He would only take a little bit of it. That just amazed me, but he was determined to be himself until the end. He's been gone a year as of Nov 5th! I was his 3rd shift caregiver the last week of his life at my parent's home!
TOD
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