Back here again day 2 off smack
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: london
Posts: 377
Who says you'll never recover like others have?
Your addict voice. Because he wants you to use.
Ffs- do NOT pick up the needle. Read other posts here from those who were hooked on the needle and they all speak of how it is a thousand times worse than being hooked on smoking it.
If YOU want to stop. REALLY want to stop. Then YOU have to do something about it.
Make the change HAPPEN.
Your addict voice. Because he wants you to use.
Ffs- do NOT pick up the needle. Read other posts here from those who were hooked on the needle and they all speak of how it is a thousand times worse than being hooked on smoking it.
If YOU want to stop. REALLY want to stop. Then YOU have to do something about it.
Make the change HAPPEN.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: london
Posts: 377
You are feeling p***ed at yourself for picking up. You are feeling sorry for yourself.
Use that anger in a positive way.
Pick yourself up and start writing plan B, and make that the plan that works for you.
Plan A rarely works for anyone.
Use that anger in a positive way.
Pick yourself up and start writing plan B, and make that the plan that works for you.
Plan A rarely works for anyone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
We are cross purposes on messages chasing.
Sorry for confusion, thanks again for honesty. I really do appreciate it.
I thought starting to go to NA was making a change no?
I planned to throw myself into that, get right back into my bikram yoga and just gud and find some inner peace.
Just make sure the lapse doesn't become a relapse.
Instead you want me to give up the one thing in my life I have any pride In and keeps my mind Away from H!!
Don't know what to think. Definitely not using that's for sure. I know I'm a ******* loser but even I can say no to that soyl destroying **** today.
Sorry for confusion, thanks again for honesty. I really do appreciate it.
I thought starting to go to NA was making a change no?
I planned to throw myself into that, get right back into my bikram yoga and just gud and find some inner peace.
Just make sure the lapse doesn't become a relapse.
Instead you want me to give up the one thing in my life I have any pride In and keeps my mind Away from H!!
Don't know what to think. Definitely not using that's for sure. I know I'm a ******* loser but even I can say no to that soyl destroying **** today.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
Yep I'm really really pissed off at myself and scared at My lack of control.
I've got a really full on day ahead, haven't slept so am gonna try and get sm
Hour before work and a meeting with my team on working on how to plan and set goals.
The irony.
I've got a really full on day ahead, haven't slept so am gonna try and get sm
Hour before work and a meeting with my team on working on how to plan and set goals.
The irony.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: london
Posts: 377
Going to NA is a great move, but are there not any meetings before the weekend?
I'm just playing devils advocate, and asking you as a fellow addict to put the same effort into recovery as you do into using. Imagine the success we'd have if we all did that!
What's your plan for not using again tonight? Or do you feel it's inevitable at this point?
I'm just playing devils advocate, and asking you as a fellow addict to put the same effort into recovery as you do into using. Imagine the success we'd have if we all did that!
What's your plan for not using again tonight? Or do you feel it's inevitable at this point?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,125
Hey Red I did not intend for my post to set you off at all and in no way do I look down on you. If you could have seen some of the stuff I pulled as I bounced on and off of dope for years.
I don't know your whole story. I do know plenty about the pull of opiates H being the top of the heap (or bottom depending on how you look at it). When I first tried getting off dope I was a bit nonchalant about it. Convincing myself it wasn't going to be that hard. After all I was a strong person and had danced with plenty of demons before and came out on the other side. I soon came to realize after several relapses just what I was in for and that got me VERY SCARED!!
Unfortunately I do have kids (10,8, and 6) and wife (Married 13 years together for 23) and I am now 40 (as of about 5 months ago). I would suggest to just try to put up as many safeguards as you can to not having access to H. It sounds like currently since your business partner is using it is going to be tough, but like you said that situation is going to work itself out.
Anyway don't take my comments the wrong way. I feel for you and KNOW you can get sober if you truly have the desire to do so. You don't have to do the same thing that I did. Honestly I think each person while having many similarities is a little different in some way and some things that worked for one don't work for all. I do suggest at least trying meetings. Try getting a therapist to talk one on one. Don't be afraid to get out of your comfort zone a bit. If you feel yourself sliding backwards make some changes BEFORE it is too late. Yes you can always come back from a relapse, but I have found the farther away I get from my last high the better. So avoiding the relapse in the first place is the key. Take Care!!!!
I don't know your whole story. I do know plenty about the pull of opiates H being the top of the heap (or bottom depending on how you look at it). When I first tried getting off dope I was a bit nonchalant about it. Convincing myself it wasn't going to be that hard. After all I was a strong person and had danced with plenty of demons before and came out on the other side. I soon came to realize after several relapses just what I was in for and that got me VERY SCARED!!
Unfortunately I do have kids (10,8, and 6) and wife (Married 13 years together for 23) and I am now 40 (as of about 5 months ago). I would suggest to just try to put up as many safeguards as you can to not having access to H. It sounds like currently since your business partner is using it is going to be tough, but like you said that situation is going to work itself out.
Anyway don't take my comments the wrong way. I feel for you and KNOW you can get sober if you truly have the desire to do so. You don't have to do the same thing that I did. Honestly I think each person while having many similarities is a little different in some way and some things that worked for one don't work for all. I do suggest at least trying meetings. Try getting a therapist to talk one on one. Don't be afraid to get out of your comfort zone a bit. If you feel yourself sliding backwards make some changes BEFORE it is too late. Yes you can always come back from a relapse, but I have found the farther away I get from my last high the better. So avoiding the relapse in the first place is the key. Take Care!!!!
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
G'day RM
My sponsor is a former heroin user, he's originally from Sydney too(Melbourne now) , and he reckoned he could not find a decent NA meeting in Sydney or Melbourne.
He drank when he couldn't get or afford H.
There are a lot of strong AA groups around though and AA says "the only requirement for Membership is
A Desire to stop drinking "
Which is a good idea to stop drinking if you want to kick the H. Otherwise you get pissed and your resolve not to use H... Gets dissolved in the booze.
AA saved my life, you already know what state I rocked up in back in 2008.
I found this meeting which is a big book study. Hopefully you can get along tomorrow.
Tell them your pretty screwed, double addicted, don't overplayed the H side of it, don't go and hang around guys who are only a month or a year off the booze / gear, try and find some one with at least 5,6,7 years or more and maybe get a phone number or 2... Just put yourself and most importantly your life... In the hands of someone who has done the hard yards and come out the other side.
If you have truly had enough of the down cycle and the ups are just not worth it any more, then just know that there is a solution and if it can work for some half dead alcoholic like me..... It can work for you too.
It's there if you want it.
http://www.aa.org.au/findameeting/me...period=&page=4
Take care mate.
My sponsor is a former heroin user, he's originally from Sydney too(Melbourne now) , and he reckoned he could not find a decent NA meeting in Sydney or Melbourne.
He drank when he couldn't get or afford H.
There are a lot of strong AA groups around though and AA says "the only requirement for Membership is
A Desire to stop drinking "
Which is a good idea to stop drinking if you want to kick the H. Otherwise you get pissed and your resolve not to use H... Gets dissolved in the booze.
AA saved my life, you already know what state I rocked up in back in 2008.
I found this meeting which is a big book study. Hopefully you can get along tomorrow.
Tell them your pretty screwed, double addicted, don't overplayed the H side of it, don't go and hang around guys who are only a month or a year off the booze / gear, try and find some one with at least 5,6,7 years or more and maybe get a phone number or 2... Just put yourself and most importantly your life... In the hands of someone who has done the hard yards and come out the other side.
If you have truly had enough of the down cycle and the ups are just not worth it any more, then just know that there is a solution and if it can work for some half dead alcoholic like me..... It can work for you too.
It's there if you want it.
http://www.aa.org.au/findameeting/me...period=&page=4
Take care mate.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: london
Posts: 377
Morning Red, really hoping your day went ok at work.
Sounds like you have a lot of suggestions from fellow H users, we're all rooting for you.
Let us know how your day went as it got off to a pretty rocky start
Sounds like you have a lot of suggestions from fellow H users, we're all rooting for you.
Let us know how your day went as it got off to a pretty rocky start
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
Yeah what a mental drama! Id not had a wink of sleep which always makes things worse. I did **** all today just recovered and licked my wounds.
So tired now on subs just want to sleep & start planning tomorrow tonight I'm just drained. I'll be ok - just getting My head around starting again & building a clean life.
So tired now on subs just want to sleep & start planning tomorrow tonight I'm just drained. I'll be ok - just getting My head around starting again & building a clean life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
Dying with a hangover. I'm ok just my heads gone a bit west the last few days, I've only had about 6 hours sleep in the last 3-4 days I'm gonna try and sleep and then I'll post am update. Double tired.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
hope you can start again soon red.
i'm rooting for you too.
and i will always root for you on this site.
I hate that feeling after getting 2,5,15,30 days clean and then disapperaing because i've been out using yet again. (today is 5 for me)
Maybe we can do it this time. Maybe we can change. maybe we can find our true inner peace and bring new life to our worlds. Maybe we can do it now...and when tomorrow comes it is always "now" again.
good luck my friend
i'm rooting for you too.
and i will always root for you on this site.
I hate that feeling after getting 2,5,15,30 days clean and then disapperaing because i've been out using yet again. (today is 5 for me)
Maybe we can do it this time. Maybe we can change. maybe we can find our true inner peace and bring new life to our worlds. Maybe we can do it now...and when tomorrow comes it is always "now" again.
good luck my friend
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