four812

Today I am working on Admitting/accepting there is a problem that my life is ducked up.

And now I've run into an urge to use and I can see my denial that I have a problem ... And my refusal to see That my life is ducked up .... And that Then comes the desire to use again and again reinforcing the denial

I'll try to sit with this instead of fight it. Just sit with the denial and refusal ...and to let it exist without acting on it...

cleaninLI

Four I don't remember ever being successful when my head was filled with conflicting thoughts. It's like I wasn't really, truly, ready and those thoughts in themselves were just an excuse to use. When I got serious, I had one thought and one thought only......I was DONE. Pure and simple! If a thought tried to pop in it was immediately shot down by nope...I'm done!

Idk if that helps any...but sending positive vibes out to you!

four812

Thanks cleanin

I notice there'd are still reservations in me. But that's something I can work towards.

soberclover

Recognition of the feeling makes sense as does not escaping it. For me, it was important to also try to figure out what was making me have an urge to use. That whole HALT, Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired thing totally made sense for me. In most cases as I was a number of those all at once. Once I started addressing those issues, it got a little easier.

EyesOfAStranger

I can understand having to face that there were outside problems in my life causing me to use (or at least able to use them as an excuse) and realizing how scary it would be to actually tackle those problems and having to fix them. So yes, you're right - it became easier to use and forget about it and pretend everything is ok.

It sounds like there are some things in your life that need fixing, but trust me when I say that can only be accomplished while your sober, and able to make the right decisions. Thus you need to stop to be able to face those problems. And I know that is damn scary. But do-able. You need to. You need to, to stop the vicious cycle.

I know it's not easy though...but I honestly have faith in you Four, I really do. And I was curious about what your screen-name meant, so that was interesting to read. Guess it's time to really buckle up and do this, yeah? You will have us here for any support you need. Good luck (((four)))