Paying down debts now that your head is clear.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 396
Thanks all! Cleanin, I have 36 days today!!
It's a trigger for sure! Anything stress related makes me think of popping a pill but then I say "stop, you have to deal with it , not suppress it and hope it goes away" and I'm learning to just take life as it comes to me. I'm becoming aware of what's actually going on around me, instead of being blinded to it because I was high !
It's a good feeling to start taking care of the things we neglected though, gives you a sense of purpose and accomplishment. I don't want my gravestone to read "was a great drug addict" you know??
Hope your day is great!!
It's a trigger for sure! Anything stress related makes me think of popping a pill but then I say "stop, you have to deal with it , not suppress it and hope it goes away" and I'm learning to just take life as it comes to me. I'm becoming aware of what's actually going on around me, instead of being blinded to it because I was high !
It's a good feeling to start taking care of the things we neglected though, gives you a sense of purpose and accomplishment. I don't want my gravestone to read "was a great drug addict" you know??
Hope your day is great!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Originally Posted by Ashamedof 
Thanks all! Cleanin, I have 36 days today!!
It's a trigger for sure! Anything stress related makes me think of popping a pill but then I say "stop, you have to deal with it , not suppress it and hope it goes away" and I'm learning to just take life as it comes to me. I'm becoming aware of what's actually going on around me, instead of being blinded to it because I was high !
It's a good feeling to start taking care of the things we neglected though, gives you a sense of purpose and accomplishment. I don't want my gravestone to read "was a great drug addict" you know??
Hope your day is great!!
It's a trigger for sure! Anything stress related makes me think of popping a pill but then I say "stop, you have to deal with it , not suppress it and hope it goes away" and I'm learning to just take life as it comes to me. I'm becoming aware of what's actually going on around me, instead of being blinded to it because I was high !
It's a good feeling to start taking care of the things we neglected though, gives you a sense of purpose and accomplishment. I don't want my gravestone to read "was a great drug addict" you know??
Hope your day is great!!
Recovery is a time of rebirth and awakening which is why it can be a very exciting time. If you look at it as a time to grow and become a better person. If all we think about is the physical things like being tired...achy, having insomnia...it will become a struggle. JMVHO
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Originally Posted by cleaninLI
I feel the purpose of my life is to become a better person. Each experience good or bad....everyone I meet along the way (good or bad)....is important. It teaches me valuable lessons. If I really dig deep to look for the answers or reasons why things have happened in my life.....I will find them. Then use those lessons to become a better person. So that is why I believe life is a journey. Recovery is a time of rebirth and awakening which is why it can be a very exciting time. If you look at it as a time to grow and become a better person. JMVHO
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
This is an unfortunate consequence of drug use that should propel you into financial security once you get it dealt with and paid off.
You're in one hell of a situation with hubby being an alcoholic. I hope you can deal with it on your own, get it taken care of (take responsibility which sounds like you are) and can find happiness in your life.
You're in one hell of a situation with hubby being an alcoholic. I hope you can deal with it on your own, get it taken care of (take responsibility which sounds like you are) and can find happiness in your life.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Western NY
Posts: 1,209
Ashamed - one thing about the credit cards is that if you have any of them that you can pay off in full and keep the account open it would be a plus on your credit score. You could exclude that account from the consolidation. Having access to revolving debt (e.g. a credit card) helps you so long as you aren't carrying a balance. If you think it will be some sort of trigger then you have to weigh that too. You could even cut up the credit card to that account and just not use it if you needed to. I guess the theory is that someone lending money for a mortgage would expect you to max out the available credit cards before defaulting on their secured debt. I am not sure if that is an option or not.
Also, if you are looking to rebuild your credit there are many ways outside of typical commercial lending to do so. Once you get through with the consolidation you may have trouble rebuilding credit if no one will lend to you. For example, if you are going to buy a new appliance go to a mom and pop shop and explain the situation to the owner. Offer to pay something crazy like 80% down and then pay off the rest over a few months. You could even offer to give him forward dated checks for the other payments. Just don't default on that one. Getting a car repoed is one thing, but imagine he neighbors faces if your fridge got repoed! Make sure that he reports those payments to the credit rating companies. Even a pawn shop would be a place to check out. If you can talk to someone reasonable about rebuilding your credit you don't necessarily have to do it through a bank or credit care company.
Just my 2 cents.
Also, if you are looking to rebuild your credit there are many ways outside of typical commercial lending to do so. Once you get through with the consolidation you may have trouble rebuilding credit if no one will lend to you. For example, if you are going to buy a new appliance go to a mom and pop shop and explain the situation to the owner. Offer to pay something crazy like 80% down and then pay off the rest over a few months. You could even offer to give him forward dated checks for the other payments. Just don't default on that one. Getting a car repoed is one thing, but imagine he neighbors faces if your fridge got repoed! Make sure that he reports those payments to the credit rating companies. Even a pawn shop would be a place to check out. If you can talk to someone reasonable about rebuilding your credit you don't necessarily have to do it through a bank or credit care company.
Just my 2 cents.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,358
Congrats on your 36 days 
I was an alcoholic but I had serious debt too.
I made payment plans with my creditors where I could and paid each of them off in increments.
They didn't need to know my business of why I was a bad payer, and to be honest, noone asked
It wasn't easy, and it was slow going...but I was out of debt after 12 months
best wishes
D
I was an alcoholic but I had serious debt too.
I made payment plans with my creditors where I could and paid each of them off in increments.
They didn't need to know my business of why I was a bad payer, and to be honest, noone asked
It wasn't easy, and it was slow going...but I was out of debt after 12 months
best wishes
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
I have over 20 grand. Just walked away from my credit cards, verizon, APS, you name it. I took out my retirement for 38k, paid off the people I owed, bought plane tickets and ran back to china. Well now I am working on them. I signed up for a debt consolidation company but once they settled my first debt for 10k to wells fargo, then before they started paying wf they paid themselves 1200 usd I said WHAT THE F. They take 25%.
I would personally file bankruptcy if my debt was too much to deal with it. In my case 20k isn't much. I signed up for score sense, printed my credit report and it also gives phone numbers. My goal is every pay call one or two and deal. I get paid 5500 a month and have no rent, only money that goes out is 1000 to USA for investments. 500 for a retirement account that now I should start building at 36 years old. Then 500 usd for my daughters future. The rest is mine and now that I don't buy 2 bags of coke a night and 2 bottles of wine I have no excuses. This past week I paid verizon and aps.
Ashamed of, you must tell your husband. You are using his addiction as an excuse. So he might go off. Make an appt with a bankruptcy attorney. Living with him and being married to him, and not telling him the truth, he may know more then know that is why he lashes out.
Our job is to not take others inventory but to keep our sides of the street clean. being open, honest and willing to make amends is my goal. Gosh it is not easy.
We can do it one day at a time.
I would personally file bankruptcy if my debt was too much to deal with it. In my case 20k isn't much. I signed up for score sense, printed my credit report and it also gives phone numbers. My goal is every pay call one or two and deal. I get paid 5500 a month and have no rent, only money that goes out is 1000 to USA for investments. 500 for a retirement account that now I should start building at 36 years old. Then 500 usd for my daughters future. The rest is mine and now that I don't buy 2 bags of coke a night and 2 bottles of wine I have no excuses. This past week I paid verizon and aps.
Ashamed of, you must tell your husband. You are using his addiction as an excuse. So he might go off. Make an appt with a bankruptcy attorney. Living with him and being married to him, and not telling him the truth, he may know more then know that is why he lashes out.
Our job is to not take others inventory but to keep our sides of the street clean. being open, honest and willing to make amends is my goal. Gosh it is not easy.
We can do it one day at a time.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 598
I agree with what everyone said about the "morality" issue of it. What that cost me was extra years of just racking up more debt anyway. At the end of the day you are right in that these large banks do add to the problem.
I had about 9 different cards I owed on, and at the end it was only about 4 banks I owed....as over the years the banks bought each other out (taking over the cards) all that mess. Like addiction, there was also the stigma associated with bankruptcy. It took me years to make the decision, but for me it was the best thing I could do. I was about $70,000 in credit card debt, and there was no way I could get out from under it.
I've never been good with money, and in the past I had smaller amounts that I was able to work my way out from. I think it's been mentioned here, but just be careful with consolidation companies...I have had friends use them, and similar stories as I read here - they take their cut first, they don't always pay each creditor monthly....nothing good to be honest. As far as consolidating yourself, such as a loan from a bank, I think that is a good idea (and what I did - one large sum and paid each off myself, then worked on the one large payment back).
If you do go the bankruptcy route...it was not as bad as I thought, though the lawyer I went through added unneeded stress. I had gotten the name from someone at work, as far as fees went, his price was very reasonable but I guess you get what you pay for. In the end it all worked out, but it was really sketchy. I wanted to do a chapter 7, just wipe everything out and start fresh....but do to a 1% raise at work that year, which was six months later than usual because they were not going to do raises at all, but then did small amounts later, my yearly income was pushed to $600 over the limit to be able to. Just my luck....and if I had filed one month earlier....oh well, I think it's a bit better for your credit anyway, since I have been paying monthly.
Of course, I don't have anything which helped. Not emotionally however as all I could think of is how I could owe so much money and have nothing to show for it - not even a nice car or something. Anyway, not having any equity made it pretty simple. You are allowed to write off a certain amount, think it was $6000 at the time, so that protected my cars - both were cruddy anyway and I was able to get rid of one since I only had the extra for the ex.
I actually only have 6 months left until my 5 years are up. Clean slate....now must try to rebuild my credit I guess. Whatever you decide to do, hope it all works out for you. Financial stress is awful....and once free it will feel like a huge weight has been lifted!
I had about 9 different cards I owed on, and at the end it was only about 4 banks I owed....as over the years the banks bought each other out (taking over the cards) all that mess. Like addiction, there was also the stigma associated with bankruptcy. It took me years to make the decision, but for me it was the best thing I could do. I was about $70,000 in credit card debt, and there was no way I could get out from under it.
I've never been good with money, and in the past I had smaller amounts that I was able to work my way out from. I think it's been mentioned here, but just be careful with consolidation companies...I have had friends use them, and similar stories as I read here - they take their cut first, they don't always pay each creditor monthly....nothing good to be honest. As far as consolidating yourself, such as a loan from a bank, I think that is a good idea (and what I did - one large sum and paid each off myself, then worked on the one large payment back).
If you do go the bankruptcy route...it was not as bad as I thought, though the lawyer I went through added unneeded stress. I had gotten the name from someone at work, as far as fees went, his price was very reasonable but I guess you get what you pay for. In the end it all worked out, but it was really sketchy. I wanted to do a chapter 7, just wipe everything out and start fresh....but do to a 1% raise at work that year, which was six months later than usual because they were not going to do raises at all, but then did small amounts later, my yearly income was pushed to $600 over the limit to be able to. Just my luck....and if I had filed one month earlier....oh well, I think it's a bit better for your credit anyway, since I have been paying monthly.
Of course, I don't have anything which helped. Not emotionally however as all I could think of is how I could owe so much money and have nothing to show for it - not even a nice car or something. Anyway, not having any equity made it pretty simple. You are allowed to write off a certain amount, think it was $6000 at the time, so that protected my cars - both were cruddy anyway and I was able to get rid of one since I only had the extra for the ex.
I actually only have 6 months left until my 5 years are up. Clean slate....now must try to rebuild my credit I guess. Whatever you decide to do, hope it all works out for you. Financial stress is awful....and once free it will feel like a huge weight has been lifted!
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: alabama
Posts: 222
Ashamedof-
I know you aren't asking for advice on this, but be careful. It doesn't sound like your relationship with your husband is very safe. It worries me that you live with someone that you cannot be open and honest with. You should not live in fear of your husband. I think this is an issue that you need to address just as much as the debts.
Good luck and congrats on the clean time!
I know you aren't asking for advice on this, but be careful. It doesn't sound like your relationship with your husband is very safe. It worries me that you live with someone that you cannot be open and honest with. You should not live in fear of your husband. I think this is an issue that you need to address just as much as the debts.
Good luck and congrats on the clean time!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 396
Thank you guys, I appreciate it! I'm working on a plan right now. Looking for a job outside of the home is one of my priorities. I've submitted my resume to a ton of places but I'm thinking I might go back to waitressing. My AH won't allow it but..it's good money and I can save up everything as he pays all the bills. My home situation isn't safe, I've kind of ignored it because I was high. I'm not high anymore and I'm not "ok" with it anymore.
I don't like the half hearted jokes about him giving me a black eye or burying me in the backyard..it's just not funny.
Thank you all I'm a strong woman and I've endured worse, I got this.
I don't like the half hearted jokes about him giving me a black eye or burying me in the backyard..it's just not funny.
Thank you all
I'm a strong woman and I've endured worse, I got this.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,125
Paying bills today and this this thread came to mind again. It amazes me just how long after I quit using (2 years 5 months) my using past still haunts me. I know you can't guilt yourself into quitting / staying sober, but I am angry at myself today and I know that isn't healthy. I wish I could talk to myself 10 years ago and say DUDE WAKE THE F UP ALREADY! You are basically stealing from your family. Putting your kids future in jeopardy. Taking opportunities and benefits away from your kids for your SELFISH actions. Just so you can get high!!!
My oldest daughter is struggling big time in math and I try to help her all I can, but getting a tutor would be a huge help to her right now I know. I hate that I have to worry about how much it costs and the ONLY reason that is is due to all of the money I blew on my STUPID addiction. Literally hundreds of thousands of dollars over the years and for what? What do I have to show for it today - ZERO, ZILCH, NADA!
Okay sorry I just had to get that out. I know this is not a healthy way to be thinking. I know the past is the past and I can't change it. Sometimes I need to sit in my own unhappiness just for a bit as a reminder of why I can never ever think using is an option. I can't believe I justified it for so long. It is so clear to me now, but I was in a fog for so dam long.
In times like these I need to turn it around and look at what I do have. I still have my family. My wife stuck by me for reasons I still don't quite understand. I have a great job and make really good money. More than I ever would have imagined. I have my health (or at least it appears that way). I am making progress and in a much better situation than I was around 30 months ago when I finally said ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
Sorry if I sound like a whiner. I needed to get this out and at that same time thought maybe someone else who is struggling will read this and realize just what they are doing. Unfortunately most lessons I had to learn through personal experience. I couldn't take anyone's word for it because I was different. That was not going to happen to me. Unfortunately I couldn't have been more wrong.
HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE!!! Time for me to crawl out of this funk and be thankful to be alive. Thankful for everything I do have today. Thankful for my SOBRIETY. Thankful to be out of that hellish cycle of addiction. USE, USE, USE, RINSE, REPEAT.
My oldest daughter is struggling big time in math and I try to help her all I can, but getting a tutor would be a huge help to her right now I know. I hate that I have to worry about how much it costs and the ONLY reason that is is due to all of the money I blew on my STUPID addiction. Literally hundreds of thousands of dollars over the years and for what? What do I have to show for it today - ZERO, ZILCH, NADA!
Okay sorry I just had to get that out. I know this is not a healthy way to be thinking. I know the past is the past and I can't change it. Sometimes I need to sit in my own unhappiness just for a bit as a reminder of why I can never ever think using is an option. I can't believe I justified it for so long. It is so clear to me now, but I was in a fog for so dam long.
In times like these I need to turn it around and look at what I do have. I still have my family. My wife stuck by me for reasons I still don't quite understand. I have a great job and make really good money. More than I ever would have imagined. I have my health (or at least it appears that way). I am making progress and in a much better situation than I was around 30 months ago when I finally said ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
Sorry if I sound like a whiner. I needed to get this out and at that same time thought maybe someone else who is struggling will read this and realize just what they are doing. Unfortunately most lessons I had to learn through personal experience. I couldn't take anyone's word for it because I was different. That was not going to happen to me. Unfortunately I couldn't have been more wrong.
HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE!!! Time for me to crawl out of this funk and be thankful to be alive. Thankful for everything I do have today. Thankful for my SOBRIETY. Thankful to be out of that hellish cycle of addiction. USE, USE, USE, RINSE, REPEAT.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,375
Marcus, I feel you, bro. I didn't get any money troubles out of this but there are things that still p*ss me off even now. I wish I could go back in time too and talk some sense into myself. I guess we just have to keep on moving forward.
I wish people would listen to where they are heading but most won't.
I wish people would listen to where they are heading but most won't.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,125
Thanks Man. I am already shaking it off. Unfortunately most of us get clean because of consequences. Whatever those might be. Financial, emotional, health reasons, relationships lost, self esteem, etc. As much as I hate the position I put myself in I know it played a big part in finally waking my azz up. It is amazing how many negative consequences some of us have to go through to finally say THAT IS IT! Who knows if I had free access to all the dope I could handle I might still be going after it. Sure the other consequences would have continued to pile up but the tipping point might have still been years down the road. So in some sick way I have to appreciate the financial situation I put myself in - how messed up is that???
That is why addiction is so illogical. I mean you could tell an addict to write down a list of Pros and Cons to using and they might have 1 PRO and 100 CONS but as long as they have that 1 PRO it is enough to keep them going. It is like a gambler putting $100 into a slot machine and keeps losing and losing and losing, but on their last pull they win a dollar and get all excited like LOOK I WON A DOLLAR! They don't think about the 9 9 dollars they lost along the way - it is all about that dollar they won at the end. So dam stupid. Anyway thanks for the comment!!!
Oh and Sorry to steal your thread Ashamedof!!!
That is why addiction is so illogical. I mean you could tell an addict to write down a list of Pros and Cons to using and they might have 1 PRO and 100 CONS but as long as they have that 1 PRO it is enough to keep them going. It is like a gambler putting $100 into a slot machine and keeps losing and losing and losing, but on their last pull they win a dollar and get all excited like LOOK I WON A DOLLAR! They don't think about the 9 9 dollars they lost along the way - it is all about that dollar they won at the end. So dam stupid. Anyway thanks for the comment!!!
Oh and Sorry to steal your thread Ashamedof!!!
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Ashamed, you might want to check out the SR forum called Friends and Families of Alcoholics. Lots of people there both have been addicted themselves and are partners/spouses of alcoholics.
From what you've alluded to, your husband may be abusive. There is a lot of information in the stickies - the permanent threads at the top of the index page for Friends and Families - about abuse. It might be helpful for you to see other people's perspective and get some insight into how to handle it. The sticky "What Abuse Is" is great on identifying if you are being abused. My story is there.
You can also find information on how to get out of an abusive situation safely.
ShootingStar1
From what you've alluded to, your husband may be abusive. There is a lot of information in the stickies - the permanent threads at the top of the index page for Friends and Families - about abuse. It might be helpful for you to see other people's perspective and get some insight into how to handle it. The sticky "What Abuse Is" is great on identifying if you are being abused. My story is there.
You can also find information on how to get out of an abusive situation safely.
ShootingStar1
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