chicory

(((Amy)))) I admire you, dear, for your attitude, and for your giving of yourself, to care for others. I know its a job, but you become family with them, because of your big heart. You offer much more than 'care', you give love.
glad today went well, and know that we are thinking of you, and of Mr.C's family.

Things will work out. Your HP has your back, and I know he is proud of you.

(((Live)))) good to hear, about your daughter. that trumps your sis being a stinker, I would guess just keep taking care of yourself. you are loved.

((Tb))) you little galavanting thing you. bet the kitties missed you. glad you had such a good time. you deserve it, friend. bet you touched a lot of AA'ers hearts, too. made some new friends? hugs to you.

hugs to everyone.

Tiredofdrugs

Good Morning Hen House!

Day 75 off the pain pills!

I managed to stay up yesterday and got a ton of stuff done! Getting up at 10:00 PM on Tuesday night and going to bed at 11:00 pm Wednesday night? Made for a long time awake! I sure could have slept more hours today, but I have an appt to get my hair done. So a cup of coffee is tasting good right now!

Chicory: Hello to you flower lady! Your store and flowers/plants would sure be lacking if they didn't have your loving gentle touch there with them!

Amy: A hug to you today for getting thru the day! Sounds like you have lots of support from the families that have taken you under their wings! I'm sure they'll be able to help you find work along the way! Keep the faith! How was the wedding Sunday for Mom-Kay and hubby?

Everyone have a good day!

TOD

Impurrfect

TOD - I didn't make it to church on Sunday. That was when Mr. C had the "death rattle" and I was there from 8:30a.m. to about 11 the next morning.

Funeral was very nice and the preacher even mentioned Mr. C's wonderful caregiver who loved him, and he loved me. Bev, T, and I sat with the family. The flag ceremony and Taps always makes me fall apart. I was about 6 years old when I first experienced it when our good friend died in Nam.

Ate a ton of food at the church, brought more home with me. Have no plans, yet, for sitting with mama and will play it day by day while looking for other work. Granddaughter-in-law got the last card in my wallet as someone (or maybe 2 people) may need me.

Bev said I need to get to work on finding a job with benefits and I agree, but her son is now in the 3rd or 4th month without a job.

Going to watch M train a new dog tomorrow, then come home and mow the pasture.

Dad has a new female friend, there is nothing funny going on. Sounds like she's nice, 11 years younger than me and married but she's been encouraging dad to get out and meet more people. She wants to meet me, as she's heard dad tall about me so much. I'm okay with it, but can't figure out why her hubby is not invited, or maybe he is. I haven't committed to anything yet.

The weather is gorgeous and is supposed to be like this all week. I could handle temps with a high of 80, mostly 70's for a month or two.

Love to all!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Impurrfect

Where is everyone?? I spent the morning with mama C and V2, then went next door to watch M train a new dog who is scared of his shadow. Amazed at the progress in one session. Grandson with the pit who always wants to attack me, brought her down. I not only walked her several times, I got to pet her a few times and she was fine.

May have another job. Not alzheimer's, but several strokes. She is a friend of Mr. C's son's bf. I also have 2other people needing help,, so I may end up with more work than I can do. I just was not worried about my next job, as HP helped me out the last time. Seems He is helping me out again.

I have an offer to live in a nice 5_bedroom house, but I love my Ranch and will not go anywhere without my cats, nor confine them to one bedroom.

It will work out, that I have faith in.

Sitting on the deck, watching the planes fly over, snuggling with Sam while the golden fatsos explore the yard.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

JustAYak

I know I'm late, but that's too bad about Mr. C ((Amy)). I'm glad you have some new work though.

chicory

Hi Hen Houser's!

where is MamaHawk lately? hope she is doing alright.

Jay, hi there! how are you doing?

TOD, my flowers are probably dead, I am on vacation and one of the girls got fired for stealing. its gotta be ugly there, about now..lol. oh well, if they care, they will take care of things, right?

Amy, glad you have job offers already.. you have quite a system of contacts by now, I know. hope you are enjoying the golden fatso's... they are quite cushiony, aren't they...love them, they are so cute!

hugs to all. Hi Live

JustAYak

I'm okay ((Chic)), been very busy lately between work and school. Looking forward to having the day off on Sunday. I plan to relax in my bed for as long as possible! I am pretty exhausted... Perhaps it will be done with a warm Sasha kitty on my chest. And a furry Moose at my feet.

northbelle

Hello HenHouse..
Figured I better start posting here as I am getting all caught up in my head and feel like I have nowhere to go unload these days. I have still been attending my AA meeting but lately I feel like I am in the company of ROBOTS. Seems the same people say the same clichés day after day. I really feel like I don't fit in there.
I am having to face some difficult physical problems that are changing my life in ways I am not really prepared for. But in having these spinal problems that I am it is bringing me to a new level of compassion and understanding for other people. That is the only way I can make it make sense to me. Its difficult being all alone and facing this spinal fusion that I will HAVE to have within a few months. I have to get moved into a apartment before I have the surgery though. I got housing assistance and if I don't get motivated and get a place I will let it slip through my hands.
Dealing with a lot of depression and suicidal thoughts. BUT I am getting it out in th eopen here tonight. I am NOT looking for a "fix" or adivice . Some of the non helpful things people say to people who are experiencing suicidal thinking can be pretty hurtful. Just seeking some understanding! Thanks guys..
On the UP side//at least I HAVE medical care! And my son Chance is doing so well. He is the highlight of my life for sure. The kid is so darn funny!! He can make me laugh like nobodys business!
Im still clean and sober. Have 8 months on the 28th...
So good to see the darkeness come back. I think maybe my depression is actually lifting with the return of the dark! There is something about the 24 hour light that has always played heck with me!! Guess I am a real Alaskan as I do enjoy seeing the snow and cold come back..makes me feel SAFE!
Ok well I am going to post this. I have come here to post so many times and deleted it. I do need to tell someone the truth . I get pretty sick of the whole fake it thing...anyway..its a start..I need support..appreciate!
Hopefully I can be here for someone else too..just need to get back in the swing. I have been doing a whole lot of NOTHING..just laying in bed not able to even pay attention to the TV..it worries me my lack of ability t focus on anything..
sorry to whine..its all about me this time..next time maybe I will be better!
love norty

Lenina

((((norty)))) I'm glad to see you! you are always in and out of my thoughts. you've worked so hard to get this far, you've paid a high price for your sobriety. I know we have bits of time in sobriety when it seems such hard work. I've been through those times too. I had to keep my eyes on the prize. For me, drinking is the quickest way to more pain and suffering. I don't want you to go there. You've had enough.

you might try and read about Rational Recovery, it's theory really helped me have a better understanding of the addictive voice. How it lies to us. How it sucks us back in. Check out the AVRT threads in the Secular Connections. I think it might be helpful for you.

I'm so glad to hear Chance is doing well. I think maybe you being clean and sober helps him with his recovery. Please think about the gift that recovery is for both of you.

Much much love from your lame Lenina

northbelle

So nice to see you Lenina!! Glad I cam here..You are right. I have paid a very high price and I forget the value of recovery sometimes..How are you doing??? I miss the days when we would come here and the mood was always happy and fun! I am glad you are still here. You have cracke dme up with your foibles..
I think Im gonna be alright. Feel like I am starting to climb out of a very deep dark hole. In the past month I have lost 2 dear dear friends. Both women in their early fifties. Bonnie and Kathy. It has made me sad but also to realiaze how lprecious life is. And Cangels boy..I was touched greatly by his story . Tragic and yet I truly DO UNDERSTAND being at that place and the pain that drives up..I have been on SO many different meds . I can honestly say I have not really felt ANYTHING from the anti depressants...not even side effects. I have never been responsive to meds...I remember once a doctor told me that he had never met a heroin addict who was not depressed when they stopped ysing and if I did not find something to fill that spot I was doomed. I really got a lot of fulfillment from working in mental health for awhile. I still had depression but had a purpose and had moments of actual happiness. Guess the last year has just been a lot for me..job loss major surgery homelessness,..ect..a lot has happened but now I want to begin healing .
Its not all bad ..I do have good things in my life. I just cant FEEL the good right now.

Last Decenber when I had my surgery..I was just out of surgery and the nurse told me my ex husband was admitted in a drug induced phychosis. He had been in a hotel room with Chance and just lost his mind. Chance ran off and was on the streets living for months..I kind of lost it then..Was so worried about Chance and felt so powerless..I felt so bad I put MYSELF out there homeless as well! Its been a long road since then but I AM coming up slowly but surely...

Tell me what you been up to Lenina??please?
love norty

chicory

Hi ((((Norty))))
Good to see you here, and glad to see you reaching out and sharing your truths. Its hard sometimes, for me, to believe that others care , and I hold in the sad truths sometimes. I find it takes some of the power away from those sad things if I share them with the folks here, because they understand in ways that most people F2F can't.

Congratulations on your clean time! 8 months. I am glad for you and for Chance too, that he has his mom as an example of how to survive some pretty tough things. I am glad you have each other.

Since you have health care, are you in therapy of any kind, other than AA ? It would be nice to find someone who's personality and style was good for you, you know?

its gotta be throwing you for a loop, loosing two dear friends. I can't imagine how tough that is for you, you being so caring and them being so young... Just keep in mind what they would want for you, and carry on for them.

so the dark returns soon? I think Alaska is one of the most beautiful places on earth,, from pics I have seen. something about it.. rugged, close to the sky, those strong mountains. do you remember that show on tv , it was a comedy, about the north? I cant remember the name, but I fell in love with the scenery. the clothes. the hairy faced men..lol... i love the outdoors and roughing it is romantic to me..ha....

love ya Norty. keep posting. we miss you. find you a place to live, its gotta be there , just waiting!!!

love
chic

Lenina

((((norty)))). well, I haven't been up to much. I'm working a lot more and I'm tired a lot. I just food poisoned myself and ended up coming home without making any money! I've been getting my clothes on mostly right side out. you'd be proud of my grooming standards! did you know I quit smoking? It will be four years October 1st! This will sound weird but it's almost like I forget I ever smoked at all.

sorry I can't think of anything fun right now. I'm still feeling a bit dizzy. But do know I love you and we've missed you so much! Please check in with us more often.

much love from Lenina

Impurrfect

Good to see you Norty!!! Having been through the depression and suicidal thoughts, I will just say "I get it". Haven't had the suicidal thoughts in a while, but I still get situational depression and know call them my funks. I'm on an anti-depressant, and it works most of the time, but some situations are just overwhelming, like the loss of your two good friends in such a short time.

I've often wondered if some people in Alaska deal with a type of SADD. your natural body rhythms don't get the "it's dark, time to wind down". I know, from pictures, it's a beautiful state but I think 24 daylight for months would have me seeking a room with blackout shades!

Love seeing you and Chance on the book of faces.

I found out, yesterday, that my body needed sleep. Started watching a football game, woke up several hours later. Watched NCIS and NCIS LA, went to bed with windows open (it was 63 degrees) and slept another 10 hours.

Gotta get busy doing something.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

northbelle

(((TOD))))...I was just JOKIN bout the seal hunting thing woman!! I was seeing if you were paying attention..Only native Alaskans can hunt seal. No white women allowed..People don't hunt seal in Anchorage. Never seen a dead seal in my life. It does not have a real good rep with the animal rights groups as you can imagine!
Got out lookin for a apt today. Think I might of found one!! Pretty close by so I will still be downtown..
Havng some steroid shots tomorrow in my lumbar spine? Anyone ever had one?? Im kinda trippin about it but it will hopefully hold me over till I can get moved..then I will end up having the surgery. The apt I am looking at is right near a grocery store too which is a real plus!! Also right on the bus line..well a couple blocks from it anyway

Did I run everyone off?? OK guess I will go back and hide in my IGLOO..lolololol
love norty

Lenina

((((norty)))). I've had several different cortisone injections, if that's what you mean by steroids. A couple in my neck, two in my shoulder, two in my hip. they didn't hurt but I understand that's down to good Technique. Within 24 hours I was pain free every time. The deal is, as I understood it, is that you can only have a limited number of shots in each area or it breaks down the tissues. You might ask your docs about acupuncture. I had that on my shoulder as a last ditch effort before surgery. As skeptical as I was, it worked. It was on my shoulder with a very severe tendonitis.

The new apartment sounds great! Do keep us posted. I think you'll be so happy to get settled and tucked in.

Beautiful day here, perfect for the equinox! I have a recipe for pumpkin cupcakes I'm anxious to try. I'm feeling better today. Just real moody. Like I need a proper cry.

tomorrow we are meeting some of the friends for a happy hour. I suppose they will be having alcohol but that doesn't bother me in the least.

I'm so glad to be seeing you, girlie girl!

much love from your 'Neeners

Live

So glad to hear from you Nortie!

Great news about the new apartment!
Word of warning....do not lift too heavy things or overstrain yourself because of the pain relief in your back from the injection. Be gentle with yourself, K?

Dang the weather here. It was 41 degrees when I got up..supposed to hit a high of 76 today...but I drug the space heater out for now.

I read here every day but just haven't been chatty, been lost in my kindle unlimited. I am on a run of biographies and memoirs now...but always love to hear from all.

((((hugs)))
T

Impurrfect

Norty - my aunt has the shots in her back every so months. Most of the time they help, sometimes not as well, but she is 82 and has shrunk 6 inches from compression fractures over the years. She's still going strong, though!!

Hope you get the apt., sounds like a good deal. BTW, about your comment on running everyone off? I used to consider myself the serial thread killer, but soon realized other people have things going on or only check new posts and I've missed a lot of threads that way.

Good thing I was signed in here on my phone, as laptop won't let me in!

Lauren enjoy happy hour!

I got my TV (much smaller than Mr. Ds) connected to my laptop and did my first zumba for dummies class. I felt like a total klutz, BUT gained 2000 steps on fitbit. I will persevere! First I have to clean house and finally feel motivated it. It is not even 70 ddegrees yet, all windows are open.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Tiredofdrugs

Good Afternoon Hen House!

I've made it 80 days here!

Norty! You GOOF! Of course I pay attention when we're talking! You live in Alaska for goodness sakes! How do I know what you're doing or not doing unless you tell me? This will teach ya to challenge me to see if I'm listening or not listening! We had a round not long ago where there was a lot of fun and laughter! I miss it too!

I've had the steriod shots one time in my lower back. I couldn't really tell a difference though. I did however itch all over from the dye used! It's worth trying the shots at least once to see if it'll work for you though!

Yesterday was a busy day around here! Got lots done! Had to change my password to get logged in on here! Then I changed it again! Technology can be such a pain in the butt, but great to have too!

TOD

Impurrfect

There are technical issues going on with SR, I, too have changed my password a couple of times but am unable to get on with my phone.

Dad's b'day was yesterday, mine is today, but he's had NO sleep so we will try to get together for dinner tomorrow night.

Talked to a friend from my old SNS job, we've kept in touch over the years. Baby daddy has gone back on crack, she is DONE and I support her. She's working 2 jobs, but plans are that I will come see her or she will bring the kids out here and visit for a while.

She's young, had first baby at 15, but is a wonderful mama. Baby daddy is back in prison. She asked me, in a hopeful voice, "you're still clean aren't you". I proudly told her "oh yeah, 7-1/2 years". I will never forget with baby daddy was going to bring crack to work and she threatened him with bodily harm if he ever came NEAR me with that stuff!!!

I think I will meet Bev tonight and do our evening walk. Weather is gorgeous, and I've missed our walks.

Did I mention I did zumba for dummies? Um, I'm a klutz, lots to learn, but really liked it and got 2000 steps on my fitbit. Next, I will try yoga. I got my TV from home hooked up to the laptop, so here we go!!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Tiredofdrugs

Amy: I do so much running around the house and outside here while doing chores and taking care of the kids that I'd have miles racked up if I was keeping track of them.

We've been watching car after car drive around UMPs place! Yesterday there was a Realtor showing the inside of the house to ppl. Jethro's getting pizzed at everybody driving over the septic tank field lines out in the field over on the back part of the property! I've told him he needs to mark them so ppl wouldn't drive over them. I might as well saved my breath! A can of orange spray paint would work nicely!

There are some things over there that is a mood killer on wanting to buy the property! So there's no telling when the place will sell. I'd love to be able to buy the place, but it would really deplete our funds each month. Then in addition to that? Stepdaughter would want to move in here and there's no way she could afford to live here. I'm not about to get stuck paying for two places either! And that's exactly what would happen!

Well Jethro just got home EARLY! Better see what's up!

TOD