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Need some advice

Old 08-26-2014, 03:09 AM
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Need some advice

Hi guys I hope I am welcome here. I am not an addict, but my wife is addicted to alcohol and heroine, I really don't know what to do anymore. I've been supporting her ever since, She already attended a drug rehab, but she is still relapsing. I really don't know what to do anymore. Thank you for reading my story, I need some advice please help.
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Old 08-26-2014, 06:38 AM
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Sorry for what brings you here. It is devastating to watch a loved one struggle with addiction. If you are frustrated it's because you are starting to realize that you have no control over your wife's use or her recovery. The only person you can control is you.

Have you been to Nar-Anon?
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Old 08-26-2014, 10:32 AM
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Hi, welcome to the forum. That is a really difficult and complex situation, but you are not alone. Unfortunately, there is not much you can do until she is truly ready to quit. Keeping yourself sane may be the priority. There is a forum on sober recovery for friends and family members of addicts. I am not familiar with Nar-anon, but I have been to several Al-anon meetings where folks are dealing with very similar situations to what you describe.
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Old 08-26-2014, 10:53 AM
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Hello and welcome to SR. Sorry for what has brought you here. I'm an opiate addict in recovery. I know it's frustrating for family. My husband was ready to walk out with my kids when I finally decided to get serious about my addiction.

I think the fact that your wife has you to support her financially (assuming that's the case) is keeping her from taking a serious move toward recovery. It did me. Like I said I finally got serious when I realized I might be losing my loved ones And would soon be out on the street. Has your wife tried the Suboxone route? That medicine has saved my life. It took me out of active addiction long enough to attend an IOP and learn some tools to get me thru the intense cravings. Also, helped me to address some mental health issues that I was using my DOC to self-medicate.

It could be that your wife has some mental health problems too....that are being left untreated. It's very common for addicts to have unresolved issues and use drugs to get rid of symptoms or to avoid uncomfortable emotions.

Whatever is happening here...living a life with an addict in active addiction is horrible. Addicts...especially opiate addicts are on a roller coaster ride....to Hell. They are in a perpetual cycle of chasing their high. They will go to great lengths to get a hold of their DOC. Their lives become consumed with finding the money....to pay for their drug....they lie....steal....cheat....sell all their possessions....for one hit of H. I know I was caught up in that cycle. I even went so much as to cheat on my husband......hook-up with a man that became my biggest enabler....giving me his weekly checks to use and searching for connections....dealers he could buy my drugs from....just to keep me tied to him. I assume he became addicted to me.....using me as much as I was using him. Not the right type of relationship. Make sure you do not get wrapped up in that type of relationship. Because addicts will use and abuse their enablers....just to feed their addiction. My husband was not my enabler....which is why I sought outside help. At first he was.....unknowingly. I would take grocery and bill money to use for my drugs....then I started selling everything I owned of value....even my wedding rings. Nothing was too valuable or sentimental.....when it came to my drugs. When an addict is on active addiction....there is only one thought....the drugs. It is a drive that is so strong and primal....as strong as our drive to live......it actually overrides our drive to stay alive.....which is why so many addicts out themselves in serious danger....risking their lives to attain their DOC as well as taking too much of the drug that they OD.

Your wife's addiction is very serious....if left untreated she could die from it! Like they say there are only three places that addicts will ultimately end up jails, institutions or death!
The best advice I can give you is make sure you are not unwittingly her enabler......she should not have access to your money, bank account, or credit cards.....Or anything of value...that she could sell and get money for. She should not have a cell phone....at least one that you pay for and she should not have access to transportation....such as a car....that you are paying for or putting gas into. Those three things are used in acquiring the drugs....without those it makes it very hard to arrange a deal. Not impossible as there are ways around those things....but that's on her....not you.
There are some good articles in the secular family side of this forum about craft methods.....learning how to talk to your addict loved one.....a book called How to get your loved one sober is also packed with good information.

Good luck to you.
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Old 08-26-2014, 11:14 AM
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Welcome! I agree with Cleanin, she has to WANT to get clean and sometimes rock bottom will do it and sometimes not..the pull of addiction is so strong that's why you see homeless drug/alcoholics living on the streets doing terrible things just to get a fix. I am also utilizing suboxone as I'm a chronic relapser (at least 20 times) I just couldn't stay clean for more than a couple weeks, the cravings were so intense once it was in my head to use, nothing could stop me. It's allowed me to also focus on getting my life back in order, therapy and dealing with bpd , PTSD , anxiety and depression. Underlying mental conditions caused me to become a full time addict.
I would also suggest she speak with a suboxone dr. It's the only thing that has worked this far. I've been abusing opiates for over 10 years and so I might be on it for a bit.
She is very lucky to have someone like you in her life that wants to help and she needs you more than you probably know..but with that being said you can't let her addiction and chaos ruin your life, you know? I know easier said than done when you love and care for someone.
I recommend Alnon too. It will be quite helpful for you.
Good luck.
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Old 08-26-2014, 08:14 PM
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Thank you so much for your time and effort reading and advising. I really appreciate it. I just got a question, what is the difference of Nar Anon and Al Anon?
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Old 08-26-2014, 08:16 PM
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Originally Posted by cleaninLI View Post
Hello and welcome to SR. Sorry for what has brought you here. I'm an opiate addict in recovery. I know it's frustrating for family. My husband was ready to walk out with my kids when I finally decided to get serious about my addiction.

I think the fact that your wife has you to support her financially (assuming that's the case) is keeping her from taking a serious move toward recovery. It did me. Like I said I finally got serious when I realized I might be losing my loved ones And would soon be out on the street. Has your wife tried the Suboxone route? That medicine has saved my life. It took me out of active addiction long enough to attend an IOP and learn some tools to get me thru the intense cravings. Also, helped me to address some mental health issues that I was using my DOC to self-medicate.

It could be that your wife has some mental health problems too....that are being left untreated. It's very common for addicts to have unresolved issues and use drugs to get rid of symptoms or to avoid uncomfortable emotions.

Whatever is happening here...living a life with an addict in active addiction is horrible. Addicts...especially opiate addicts are on a roller coaster ride....to Hell. They are in a perpetual cycle of chasing their high. They will go to great lengths to get a hold of their DOC. Their lives become consumed with finding the money....to pay for their drug....they lie....steal....cheat....sell all their possessions....for one hit of H. I know I was caught up in that cycle. I even went so much as to cheat on my husband......hook-up with a man that became my biggest enabler....giving me his weekly checks to use and searching for connections....dealers he could buy my drugs from....just to keep me tied to him. I assume he became addicted to me.....using me as much as I was using him. Not the right type of relationship. Make sure you do not get wrapped up in that type of relationship. Because addicts will use and abuse their enablers....just to feed their addiction. My husband was not my enabler....which is why I sought outside help. At first he was.....unknowingly. I would take grocery and bill money to use for my drugs....then I started selling everything I owned of value....even my wedding rings. Nothing was too valuable or sentimental.....when it came to my drugs. When an addict is on active addiction....there is only one thought....the drugs. It is a drive that is so strong and primal....as strong as our drive to live......it actually overrides our drive to stay alive.....which is why so many addicts out themselves in serious danger....risking their lives to attain their DOC as well as taking too much of the drug that they OD.

Your wife's addiction is very serious....if left untreated she could die from it! Like they say there are only three places that addicts will ultimately end up jails, institutions or death!
The best advice I can give you is make sure you are not unwittingly her enabler......she should not have access to your money, bank account, or credit cards.....Or anything of value...that she could sell and get money for. She should not have a cell phone....at least one that you pay for and she should not have access to transportation....such as a car....that you are paying for or putting gas into. Those three things are used in acquiring the drugs....without those it makes it very hard to arrange a deal. Not impossible as there are ways around those things....but that's on her....not you.
There are some good articles in the secular family side of this forum about craft methods.....learning how to talk to your addict loved one.....a book called How to get your loved one sober is also packed with good information.

Good luck to you.
Thank you so much for your story cleaninLi. Your story is an inspiration
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Old 08-26-2014, 08:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Ashamedof View Post
Welcome! I agree with Cleanin, she has to WANT to get clean and sometimes rock bottom will do it and sometimes not..the pull of addiction is so strong that's why you see homeless drug/alcoholics living on the streets doing terrible things just to get a fix. I am also utilizing suboxone as I'm a chronic relapser (at least 20 times) I just couldn't stay clean for more than a couple weeks, the cravings were so intense once it was in my head to use, nothing could stop me. It's allowed me to also focus on getting my life back in order, therapy and dealing with bpd , PTSD , anxiety and depression. Underlying mental conditions caused me to become a full time addict.
I would also suggest she speak with a suboxone dr. It's the only thing that has worked this far. I've been abusing opiates for over 10 years and so I might be on it for a bit.
She is very lucky to have someone like you in her life that wants to help and she needs you more than you probably know..but with that being said you can't let her addiction and chaos ruin your life, you know? I know easier said than done when you love and care for someone.
I recommend Alnon too. It will be quite helpful for you.
Good luck.
so much Ashamedof, Stay Strong!
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Old 08-26-2014, 09:14 PM
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The difference is al anon is for family of alcoholics and nar anon is for family of addicts.

I suppose you could go to either one. Some family of addicts go to al anon simply because there are more meetings available.
I guess the best thing would be to check a few from each...then decide which you like and feel the most comfortable with.

You are welcome.
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Old 08-27-2014, 01:07 AM
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I talked to her a while ago and she said she is trying hard to fight her addiction. I cannot live her like this so I gave another chance in rehab. So tomorrow we are going to drug addiction rehab for the last time. I will also attend Nar Anon meeting, thanks so much guys I really appreciate it.
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Old 08-27-2014, 08:23 AM
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That's great. I hope it sticks for her this time.

Glad you are getting yourself some support. It will make a huge difference. You do not have to go it alone.
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