holly11

Yesterday marked one month from the day I walked into detox. I was only there 4 days and am now staying with my sister. I was pretty depressed yesterday because a month ago I would tell myself a 30 day plan and I would have my life back on track. Three job interviews later and I still havnt found a job which means no house to move to. My parents have been taking turns watching my 4 yr old during the week, since I am staying an hour away from my hometown and her school. I actually havnt had to many cravings for my doc, diladid. The thought of the needle is the worst part, I sometimes daydream of it, not the high from your it just the act of doing it. Hard to explain. I have gotten my vehicle back, which reaks of nicotine. And I also got a phone finally, my family took both when I went to detox, wich my family can gps track me with. I still feel physically weak, and suffer insomnia. I know a month isn't long time to undo years of damage, but I have been trying so hard. I feel like I have to get it all together now because I can't stand being dependent on my family and not having my daughter all the time. I am also a little depressed with comments some of my family makes. Like saying one month is good but I hear the second month is harder. WTF I have never relapsed because this is my first time clean since I started 3 yrs ago, I feel like they are already assuming I will relapse. But I won't, I have never been more determined or dedicated in my life. So why can't they be positive? Ahhh just needed to vent. On a good note, went scalloping in the Gulf last week. I had an awesome time.

Ashamedof

A month is great holly! Congratulations!! You're doing it and that's all that matters. Anyone else's lack of confidence in you doesn't matter as long as you have confidence in yourself. You will just have to prove them wrong, won't you? I don't think month 2 is harder at all, it gets easier each day as your brain starts to heal and use natural endorphins and normal levels of dopamine. If they were never addicted to opiates, they are just going by things they read online and everyone is different in how they heal. If you try and think positive thoughts, exercise, eat well, sleep well and do positive things , I think you'll probably heal quicker...just keep doing what you're doing and everything will fall into place for you. Congrats again! Keep your head up.

Lostinhk

A month is a huge accomplishment! Well done! I'm almost at 50 days and still struggling with insomnia. At 30 days I was still incredibly fatigued and sleeping even less.

I trust that you can stay strong in your recovery, after 30 says it does really get better overall. All the best! Check back in often!

mfalk

i think it may be easier for our loved ones to just assume we will relapse rather than believe in us and risk the potential let down. i'm coming up on 8 months clean after years of opiate dependence and have dealt with the same type of comments the whole time. it might sound strange but i think their lack of belief has only made me stronger.

andyroo72

Wow! That is totally impressive. It's not just the month (which is great!) but giving up all your stuff at once. I'm totally not brave enough to do that.

It's been a number of years since I did IV, but I still get 'needle' cravings. It's a weird one, I guess some of us fetishise the act of shooting up, or something. It has got easier over the years though- now it doesn't make me crave it, I can sort of laugh at the needle thing and just treat it like one of those silly thoughts that go through my head sometimes (sometimes?) :=]

Take care. Still wow!

Mamahawk

Holly one month is amazing. Don't worry, the linger you stay clean the more they will start to believe its true. It takes them a while to be able to trust us again. We have to realize the damage we have done to relationships. I thought my mom was just flat out being unsupportive but my friends here helped me realize she was just hurt. I have 104 days now and we are building a great relationship! Stay strong!