How was your day? Part 6
Maybe I'm breaking rules here....not sure.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 609
congrats Final! I remember the 1st time and it was very scary leading up to it. I think I remember posting about it even. I shared more back then -this was years ago.
(& it was 1000000% better, Cleanin. hehe)
btw - my daughter is 12 and I'm very much not looking forward to her in highschool. She's got a beautiful body
and I have very heightened mama-fears.
(& it was 1000000% better, Cleanin. hehe)
btw - my daughter is 12 and I'm very much not looking forward to her in highschool. She's got a beautiful body
and I have very heightened mama-fears.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
yes huge huge huge step!!! It wasn't with the x and I was sober and so was HE. Nothing big, no relationship or expectations. Just need to DO that to get past the x. Focusing on ME this year, sobriety is FIRST.
Survived my first day with the kids….SO exciting. GOSh nice to have brain cells!!!
Survived my first day with the kids….SO exciting. GOSh nice to have brain cells!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Thanks Lethe.....I'm on sub and I think it's ruining my drive if you get what I mean. When I first got clean and started the sub it was different but now I can't be bothered....course I'm faking it until I make it!
Final glad you enjoyed your first day with the kids! Schools here begin in 2 weeks my kids told me not to talk about it.....they are enjoying their lazy summer vacation. I love reading about your day with the kids and everything. Hoping to get back into it.
Final glad you enjoyed your first day with the kids! Schools here begin in 2 weeks my kids told me not to talk about it.....they are enjoying their lazy summer vacation. I love reading about your day with the kids and everything. Hoping to get back into it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
Just checking in. how is everyone here. I am tired, discontent, irritable and just bitched my whole lunch time to other teammates about the job. HA HA. WTH. They have us now teaching ICT (computers for Americans) so I went in to teach that for the first time! Wow what drama…..its supposed to be all laid out, kids log on to a site and it has week one, and the lesson step by step. WOW. They are supposed to create a brochure on internet safety for the next 3 weeks.
WHAt, gosh this sobriety thing is not always easy….breathe…breathe…now I actually care about things ha ha.
WHAt, gosh this sobriety thing is not always easy….breathe…breathe…now I actually care about things ha ha.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Illinois
Posts: 240
Hi guys. I just got home from the hospital. I checked myself in Sunday and got transferred to a hospital with a bed open in the psych ward. Down town. The paramedics sent me to the closest hospital and they had no psych ward and most and there was one bed available in a psych ward in this whole damn city. Oh well. I needed the help. I also got into a bad car accident but my car is fixable and the body shop took it today. Tomorrow my dad is taking me to pick up a rental car in the morning. No I was not drunk. I stayed out late on sat night and was very upset the whole night. And I reached down to get something and side swiped a car going maybe 30 mph or so. Now I just need to find a job with stable income. Maybe an office job. Idk. But I need something that pays ok. My dad was so pissed he told me to just leave and go to a shelter but he has calmed down for the most part. I ate most of my meals in the hospital but tonight I just don't feel like cooking or eating so I ate a yogurt. And diet coke. I'm so bored and I miss my son. I saw him today because he came with my dad to get me from the hospital. But I'm so lonely and empty. It sucks. Blah I just wanted to let you know where I was and why I wasn't around. Didn't want you to think I disappeared again. Love you all.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Angel glad to to see you you back here! I was worried about you, but that's good that you got some help. Very good!
That's great that you ate well in the hospital....but hope you will eat a little more than that yogurt....please try...okay?
Don't worry you will find a job. In the meantime, please take good care of yourself!
That's great that you ate well in the hospital....but hope you will eat a little more than that yogurt....please try...okay?
Don't worry you will find a job. In the meantime, please take good care of yourself!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
Angel thank you for being honest. Sounds like you did the right thing, which was to reach out for help. Please keep posting and being honest.
How is everyones weekend? I am off to a bad start on this monday I must say. Need to do a lot of praying, let GO and let GOD. I really screwed with the car I borrowed for the summer from another person in AA. I didn't take the time to return it like I should, washed, carefully went through, and I hit the left side mirror on the garage door. Didn't tell them
The brother who stores the car sent me this long email this morning. Wow. I should post it here? That will give you guys something good to read. hold tight, let me get it. I sure did screw up and not sure why??? I Know better then this. I so know better. This is not even like me and the last few days before i was leaving I fell apart….really…didn't even pack up everything the night before, stuff in disarray, late getting to airport, told my mom I didn't even want to leave.
And now this..and I was just with my friend this weekend, the wife of the man who owns the car. I asked her about the car, she said everything was fine? I told her I didn't wash it etc. We spent sat and sun together at the meetings then lunch, then shopping. She even sent me a nice message yesterday saying she was so happy we are both back in china. Then I get this email from her brother…what to do..why now I have to make amends. fu$$
Ok here is his email to me….. wow I feel like hiding under my desk right now at work!!! You guys can let me have it too, Its okay I really screwed this one up.
First of all, let me preface this by saying that I took a day to answer each of your last two emails so that my words would not be so piercing, and so that I would not say something that I would need to make amends for saying, in the future. I was content to leave things how they were left, with the previous email, but you decided to poke a sleeping bear, so here you go.
I am Scott, I am an alcoholic, therefore, I think similarly to how you think, and I know the games and deceit that alcoholics use. I've done the same, manipulation and practiced the same deceit, in my past. It is my program, that I work daily, that lets me know that you're a bull *******, trying to bull **** the king of bull shitters (me). I've had conversations, with my sponsor, on how to address you and your actions. Because of this discussion, with my sponsor, this email is a lot friendlier than it would have been, on my own.
I know that your initial email was sent, as a "feeler" to find out just how much was known about your true mistreatment of the Cadillac. Your inclination was to say nothing about your mistreatment of the car. You did not say anything other than the fact that you didn't wash it because there was a storm. That was until after you found out that Rich and Esther saw how you left the vehicle and what you returned to me. The outside being filthy was understandable. It is monsoon season; it rains sporadically, throughout the monsoon season. What I am appalled by is your blatant disregard for the vehicle, as a whole, that was lent to you. I have rented cars from rental car companies and returned them in better condition than you returned the Cadillac. Surly, you did not screw up the mirror (among the other damages) on just your last day in Arizona. You had the chance at a sincere amends, while you were still in town. You chose the alcoholic way out. I cannot respect that. I went above and beyond to make sure the car was clean (inside and out) for you to use it. You returned it with dirty foot prints all over the leather, hand prints, a red juice spill, debris and dirtiness everywhere on the inside, not to mention the plethora of other things. Do you think that you can make things better by "offering" to pay for your damages? Do you think I'm compensated to watch and store the Cadillac for my family, and that I'm here solely to correct your damages? I am not. I store the Caddy because Es and Rich are my family and I love them. You do not even fathom, nor take into account any additional time that will be lost, on my part, to correct your damages.
I take offense for you trying to use the program as a means to make things okay for you, in your head. If it were, truly amends that you were attempting to make, those amends would have been done so "promptly", not after you realized that your actions were known, already, to those who you affected. You do not have the right to use the program to manipulate me. I doubt your sobriety, quite frankly. No truly sober person would have done the things that you did.
I took a few pictures of the interior, that I was originally going to send you in my last correspondence with you, but I decided against it, until I received this second excuse-ridden email. I have attached a few of the pictures, to refresh your memory about how you left the Cadillac, on the inside. Dreadful.
The last thing that I have to say is this: Your attempt at an amends may work with my sister because she is a people pleaser, but it doesn't fly with me. I accept what you did, but I do not accept your insincere attempt at an amends. God as my witness, you will not have access to the Cadillac again, and that is at my discretion, not my sister's discretion.
I pray for you and your return to the program. I live my life not feeling guilty, anymore. I wish the same for you, in your future.
How is everyones weekend? I am off to a bad start on this monday I must say. Need to do a lot of praying, let GO and let GOD. I really screwed with the car I borrowed for the summer from another person in AA. I didn't take the time to return it like I should, washed, carefully went through, and I hit the left side mirror on the garage door. Didn't tell them
The brother who stores the car sent me this long email this morning. Wow. I should post it here? That will give you guys something good to read. hold tight, let me get it. I sure did screw up and not sure why??? I Know better then this. I so know better. This is not even like me and the last few days before i was leaving I fell apart….really…didn't even pack up everything the night before, stuff in disarray, late getting to airport, told my mom I didn't even want to leave. And now this..and I was just with my friend this weekend, the wife of the man who owns the car. I asked her about the car, she said everything was fine? I told her I didn't wash it etc. We spent sat and sun together at the meetings then lunch, then shopping. She even sent me a nice message yesterday saying she was so happy we are both back in china. Then I get this email from her brother…what to do..why now I have to make amends. fu$$
Ok here is his email to me….. wow I feel like hiding under my desk right now at work!!! You guys can let me have it too, Its okay I really screwed this one up.
First of all, let me preface this by saying that I took a day to answer each of your last two emails so that my words would not be so piercing, and so that I would not say something that I would need to make amends for saying, in the future. I was content to leave things how they were left, with the previous email, but you decided to poke a sleeping bear, so here you go.
I am Scott, I am an alcoholic, therefore, I think similarly to how you think, and I know the games and deceit that alcoholics use. I've done the same, manipulation and practiced the same deceit, in my past. It is my program, that I work daily, that lets me know that you're a bull *******, trying to bull **** the king of bull shitters (me). I've had conversations, with my sponsor, on how to address you and your actions. Because of this discussion, with my sponsor, this email is a lot friendlier than it would have been, on my own.
I know that your initial email was sent, as a "feeler" to find out just how much was known about your true mistreatment of the Cadillac. Your inclination was to say nothing about your mistreatment of the car. You did not say anything other than the fact that you didn't wash it because there was a storm. That was until after you found out that Rich and Esther saw how you left the vehicle and what you returned to me. The outside being filthy was understandable. It is monsoon season; it rains sporadically, throughout the monsoon season. What I am appalled by is your blatant disregard for the vehicle, as a whole, that was lent to you. I have rented cars from rental car companies and returned them in better condition than you returned the Cadillac. Surly, you did not screw up the mirror (among the other damages) on just your last day in Arizona. You had the chance at a sincere amends, while you were still in town. You chose the alcoholic way out. I cannot respect that. I went above and beyond to make sure the car was clean (inside and out) for you to use it. You returned it with dirty foot prints all over the leather, hand prints, a red juice spill, debris and dirtiness everywhere on the inside, not to mention the plethora of other things. Do you think that you can make things better by "offering" to pay for your damages? Do you think I'm compensated to watch and store the Cadillac for my family, and that I'm here solely to correct your damages? I am not. I store the Caddy because Es and Rich are my family and I love them. You do not even fathom, nor take into account any additional time that will be lost, on my part, to correct your damages.
I take offense for you trying to use the program as a means to make things okay for you, in your head. If it were, truly amends that you were attempting to make, those amends would have been done so "promptly", not after you realized that your actions were known, already, to those who you affected. You do not have the right to use the program to manipulate me. I doubt your sobriety, quite frankly. No truly sober person would have done the things that you did.
I took a few pictures of the interior, that I was originally going to send you in my last correspondence with you, but I decided against it, until I received this second excuse-ridden email. I have attached a few of the pictures, to refresh your memory about how you left the Cadillac, on the inside. Dreadful.
The last thing that I have to say is this: Your attempt at an amends may work with my sister because she is a people pleaser, but it doesn't fly with me. I accept what you did, but I do not accept your insincere attempt at an amends. God as my witness, you will not have access to the Cadillac again, and that is at my discretion, not my sister's discretion.
I pray for you and your return to the program. I live my life not feeling guilty, anymore. I wish the same for you, in your future.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Hmm, that was a pretty harsh letter, I hate to see the original one...before he spoke to his sponsor. Just curious what your reason was for not cleaning it? Were you running late....didn't have time before leaving? Maybe you felt too depressed....couldn't find the energy...you said you "fell apart" before you left? Didn't think he would notice.....mind? Forgot?
Well, I guess all you can do is apologize.....offer to pay for damages.....which I believe you did. But I really have a problem with his accusation that you were using the program to manipulate him? Or that you took the alcoholic way out?
It looks like you were probably busy....fell apart like you said. I know how it feels to "fall apart". Very hard to get things done in that state of mind. Then you were embarressed....and hoped he wouldn't find out. He did....so you apologized. He didn't accept it....I mean what else does he want from you? Your blood?
I think the lesson here is don't borrow cars from fellow AA members.
Well, I guess all you can do is apologize.....offer to pay for damages.....which I believe you did. But I really have a problem with his accusation that you were using the program to manipulate him? Or that you took the alcoholic way out?
It looks like you were probably busy....fell apart like you said. I know how it feels to "fall apart". Very hard to get things done in that state of mind. Then you were embarressed....and hoped he wouldn't find out. He did....so you apologized. He didn't accept it....I mean what else does he want from you? Your blood?
I think the lesson here is don't borrow cars from fellow AA members.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
Well clean I don't have any excuses. I won't be allowed to borrow the car ever again, and it is so not like me to return something like that. I don't know what happened, it was like I wasn't ready to leave and thought I would not make that flight that morning. Then have time to do it all? I don't know. I think I am just an addict and with leaving my family after an amazing 5 weeks I fell apart.
Yep embarrassed is one feeling….I so need a meeting today. But for today I will just do what I do. I can pay cash for the car, whats done is done.
oh vey when will I ever grow up
Yep embarrassed is one feeling….I so need a meeting today. But for today I will just do what I do. I can pay cash for the car, whats done is done.
oh vey when will I ever grow up
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
He is in the program too, this is coming from a man who can't drive the car because his license is suspended! So he is not perfect. But what I did is not excusable and to be honest not like me…. I don't know what happened. Sometimes I think someone else takes over my body. That morning my mom shows up to take us to the airport, I over slept, didn't' wash car, didn't finish packing, throw everything in the car and head to airport. I told my mom lets just go another day she kept telling me NO. So I said whatever. Get to airport and everything falls into place. Even my bags being overweight the man that works there has an extra suitcase???? So weird. So I come back…
Anyways. Life will go on. I am pretty mad at myself though. I was given a nice gift from someone in the program, free car for summer and returned it in bad shape. I didn't think it was as bad as he said it was though!
Anyways. Life will go on. I am pretty mad at myself though. I was given a nice gift from someone in the program, free car for summer and returned it in bad shape. I didn't think it was as bad as he said it was though!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Final I think you are being way too hard on yourself! You are a single mom! You have the huge responsibility to care for a very young child! You were going here and there...even keeping your nieces a lot of the time too! I know how little kids can mess up a car!
You were highly emotional when it was time to leave! You had to get things packed up....clear out the condo you were renting! Make all the arrangements.....plus care for a small child all on your own in early sobriety/recovery! You didn't have anyone to say "Hey Hun could you run the car over to the car wash....got to clean-up the car before I return it." You didn't have anyone that you could say, "you keep the little one while I go get this car washed, ok?" You didn't have any help whatsoever! I know your Mom is in recovery too....and your Dad lives a ways away! So you don't even have the luxury to ask Grandma and Grandpa to help out! So you couldn't get it cleaned up....but I'm sure you wanted to....I'm sure you had every intention to....but just couldn't get it all done! Then at the end you became very emotional.....because you were leaving your family after an awesome summer.
Every morning, you get-up, get you and your daughter ready for the day.....go to work and teach a class full of kids! Then come home....take care of your daughter...make sure you both have dinner...get things ready for the next day....do it all again. In a foreign country....away from family.....dealing with a very difficult ex! But you do all of this for the sake of your lovely daughter! You are a very responsible woman and mother! So you really need to cut yourself some slack...pay the idiot for his dirty car....and be done with it!
You were highly emotional when it was time to leave! You had to get things packed up....clear out the condo you were renting! Make all the arrangements.....plus care for a small child all on your own in early sobriety/recovery! You didn't have anyone to say "Hey Hun could you run the car over to the car wash....got to clean-up the car before I return it." You didn't have anyone that you could say, "you keep the little one while I go get this car washed, ok?" You didn't have any help whatsoever! I know your Mom is in recovery too....and your Dad lives a ways away! So you don't even have the luxury to ask Grandma and Grandpa to help out! So you couldn't get it cleaned up....but I'm sure you wanted to....I'm sure you had every intention to....but just couldn't get it all done! Then at the end you became very emotional.....because you were leaving your family after an awesome summer.
Every morning, you get-up, get you and your daughter ready for the day.....go to work and teach a class full of kids! Then come home....take care of your daughter...make sure you both have dinner...get things ready for the next day....do it all again. In a foreign country....away from family.....dealing with a very difficult ex! But you do all of this for the sake of your lovely daughter! You are a very responsible woman and mother! So you really need to cut yourself some slack...pay the idiot for his dirty car....and be done with it!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
oh clean I love you so much. Yes kids in the car all summer, no help to pack up and prepare for trip home, everything is always on my shoulders, and looking back I don't know why i did not make the car a priority. Its almost like I just didn't care. Wow today is one of those days I wish I could use and hide. Instead at work, then at work a student comes to me this morning and says he met my x and his gf at a restaurant this weekend??????? WTF
Why does my x have to make us all connect. So not good. God I need a meeting. I think I will bring my daughter tonight if need be.
Thanks clean, you really are here to support. I appreciate it. When it rains it pours!!!
Why does my x have to make us all connect. So not good. God I need a meeting. I think I will bring my daughter tonight if need be.
Thanks clean, you really are here to support. I appreciate it. When it rains it pours!!!
Final you know whats awesome? Instead of needing pills or alcohol when you have a bad day......you are saying "God I need a meeting!"
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