Gotta be careful today
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
Gotta be careful today
..My wife is gone all day and will be back later in the afternoon a few hours after I get done with work that used to be the opportunity I was looking for just 12 days ago.
So I will make sure I am safe and not getting stupid thoughts. I will preserve my intelligence so that I can use it
If I was to drink ( which I won't because I committed to not drinking today) I could lose my intelligence and go off to crack city. If I was to go to crack city it would already be lost.
When I am able to connect with intelligence then I can see that being clean and sober is better for me. And when I connect with sincerity and honesty and humility then it's heaven on earth
So I will make sure I am safe and not getting stupid thoughts. I will preserve my intelligence so that I can use it
If I was to drink ( which I won't because I committed to not drinking today) I could lose my intelligence and go off to crack city. If I was to go to crack city it would already be lost.
When I am able to connect with intelligence then I can see that being clean and sober is better for me. And when I connect with sincerity and honesty and humility then it's heaven on earth
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
You are a soldier and will blast this addiction right out of your life! It better run and hide.......four knows the tricks it plays! You've got a great plan. You have excellent insight into your mind. You will get through this....I know you! Keep fighting the good fight....you will win!
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
Thank you cleanin!
I just got back from getting pumped up by a meeting. The people at the meeting.
My son had canceled in me again for dinner. But that's ok. I have no thoughts of making plans go use it drink at this time. That don't guarantee nothing, but I'm in good shape and I can use this good news go do good things that bring value to me and others while I cruise through the rest of The workday without a job assignment.
I do not have to use today if I am happy or if I feel peaceful either. Both used to be very good reasons to use.
I got a number of a potential aa guy that I can relate to, who also dealt with crack. He's giving an open talk tomorrow night that I could go see
Things do feel good for now. What a pleasant surprise. I pray to keep my ears and eyes and mind open to giving and growing. I pray to do the next right thing right now!
Over :-)
I just got back from getting pumped up by a meeting. The people at the meeting.
My son had canceled in me again for dinner. But that's ok. I have no thoughts of making plans go use it drink at this time. That don't guarantee nothing, but I'm in good shape and I can use this good news go do good things that bring value to me and others while I cruise through the rest of The workday without a job assignment.
I do not have to use today if I am happy or if I feel peaceful either. Both used to be very good reasons to use.
I got a number of a potential aa guy that I can relate to, who also dealt with crack. He's giving an open talk tomorrow night that I could go see
Things do feel good for now. What a pleasant surprise. I pray to keep my ears and eyes and mind open to giving and growing. I pray to do the next right thing right now!
Over :-)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
I'm feeling peaceful and comfortable in my own skin at the moment. This kind if moment doesn't happen when I'm in the addiction....even during times of sober ness.
I can have painful times in recovery and in addiction. And sometimes they seem about the same. But what I have right this moment couldn't and wasn't possible before taking a leap of faith.
Faith in you
Faith in me
Faith in my intelligence
Faith in truth
Faith in life
This good feeling may not last very long but it helps to bring me more faith. And more faith brings me more strength.
It's a new circle of life
I can have painful times in recovery and in addiction. And sometimes they seem about the same. But what I have right this moment couldn't and wasn't possible before taking a leap of faith.
Faith in you
Faith in me
Faith in my intelligence
Faith in truth
Faith in life
This good feeling may not last very long but it helps to bring me more faith. And more faith brings me more strength.
It's a new circle of life
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
Now I am full of anxiety and can't stand it. Like I'm gonna explode
Grrrr
But I don't want to use. I do want to drink but I am not going too. Instead I'll have a nonalcoholic beer. Well almost no alcohol. It won't give me an inkling of a buzz and that works for me right now
Grrrr
But I don't want to use. I do want to drink but I am not going too. Instead I'll have a nonalcoholic beer. Well almost no alcohol. It won't give me an inkling of a buzz and that works for me right now
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
four - are you starting to be able to predict your "triggers" or weak moments? times when anxiety rises.....or falls? these can be very helpful insights....
just from the outside looking in, i notice that when ever your wife is not home, or has some appointment in the evening, your brain wire trips.
same with leaving work. i tell ya, for the LONNNNGEST time there was this one spot on my commute home where the "make the call" thought would hit. and i'm talking months after i quit. southbound on the alaskan way viaduct right when you go into the covered section. every day. like i drove over a sensor and there'd be a DING in my brain. it got to be kinda funny after awhile...it was so damn Pavlovian!
awareness is a really good tool to have in our recovery tool box.
and knowing that no matter what, we do not have to use. ever.
i'm glad to hear you are enjoying meetings, working with a sponsor, getting to know other members, hanging at the alano club. immersing yourself in sober activities with sober people. it's bound to rub off!!!
just from the outside looking in, i notice that when ever your wife is not home, or has some appointment in the evening, your brain wire trips.
same with leaving work. i tell ya, for the LONNNNGEST time there was this one spot on my commute home where the "make the call" thought would hit. and i'm talking months after i quit. southbound on the alaskan way viaduct right when you go into the covered section. every day. like i drove over a sensor and there'd be a DING in my brain. it got to be kinda funny after awhile...it was so damn Pavlovian!
awareness is a really good tool to have in our recovery tool box.
and knowing that no matter what, we do not have to use. ever.
i'm glad to hear you are enjoying meetings, working with a sponsor, getting to know other members, hanging at the alano club. immersing yourself in sober activities with sober people. it's bound to rub off!!!
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Join Date: Mar 2005
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Thanks anvil!
I continued to get frustrated after my post ...as I tried to stop a slow leak in the toilet tank. It's not leaking on the floor just losing water.
I was unable to fix it. Need a whole new flush part. So that will be another day. I actually found 0.00% non alcoholic beer. It's not that good but I drank it. Then I are big dinner and big bowl if ice cream and I am calmed down quite a bit. Thank goodness. Now I am going to rest
Anvil you right about when my wife goes to work and I have a window. And yes I am aware of raft and takin precautions. That's why I wanted to make sure I found a meeting at lunch. Oh i felt so good after that meeting! Which was cool but I didn't get too excited when the anxiety came on. No matter what I am committed to not drinking or crack today. Just for today! I can do it today. It is possible. I believe that I can and I am and I will. :-)
Okay it's beautiful outside fight now and quiet. The sound of some kids playing a few blocks away is soothing and so are the bird chirps.
I'm so glad that I am staying clean. Thankful that I can go to therapy tomorrow after work and have a good report and be better prepared to continue the good work that is happening there.
Over and out. Probably for the night
Good luck everyone!
I continued to get frustrated after my post ...as I tried to stop a slow leak in the toilet tank. It's not leaking on the floor just losing water.
I was unable to fix it. Need a whole new flush part. So that will be another day. I actually found 0.00% non alcoholic beer. It's not that good but I drank it. Then I are big dinner and big bowl if ice cream and I am calmed down quite a bit. Thank goodness. Now I am going to rest
Anvil you right about when my wife goes to work and I have a window. And yes I am aware of raft and takin precautions. That's why I wanted to make sure I found a meeting at lunch. Oh i felt so good after that meeting! Which was cool but I didn't get too excited when the anxiety came on. No matter what I am committed to not drinking or crack today. Just for today! I can do it today. It is possible. I believe that I can and I am and I will. :-)
Okay it's beautiful outside fight now and quiet. The sound of some kids playing a few blocks away is soothing and so are the bird chirps.
I'm so glad that I am staying clean. Thankful that I can go to therapy tomorrow after work and have a good report and be better prepared to continue the good work that is happening there.
Over and out. Probably for the night
Good luck everyone!
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