four812

Sitting in my car before going in to work. I feel death morning. I can feel that I am lost and alone and fearful. I can sense that I don't want to be here and I definitely don't feel happy. These are feelings I have felt in addiction and also with years of sobriety. I hate this place of fear and I can feel the self loathing of my brain.

What a hell of a way to start the day. Yes I could want a drink right now to run. As I wrote that I noticed the pull if wanting to go to the bar when it opens at 7. I won't have a job assignment anyway. Probably.

Ok so that's how I feel. I've been awake for an hour. So what am I gonna so?

Well first I am not going to use. Oops the time ... I better head in to work

I don't have to be happy or peaceful to wang to stay clean and rafts good to know because times like this are likely to happen sometimes

four812

The morning meeting is over and I am still stuck with myself.

There is no running away. Drugs and alcohol do not build a road to escape this. They barely even work in the short term anymore. There is no escape route. But I look for one all the time....in my cigarettes, food, ice cream, tv, and others.

Dee74

For me Four812 recovery was all about not escaping myself anymore - I fixed those parts of me I didn't like and I accepted the rest.

I'd hated/despised myself for a long time - you don't get over that in a night...but it does happen, in time.

Don't judge your future by 11 days - it gets better

D

Lostinhk

11 days is an awesome accomplishment, and that's about the time I crashed and felt worse than they few days prior.

I'm having a down day myself... Lots of anxiety and fear, but I'll pull through it if you can buddy!

FatallyUncool

When I am struggling and feel like I'm walking through the mud and just slogging along the only thing to do is keep going and put one foot in front of the other and take some baby steps. It's ok to feel bad sometimes. There is hope that things can get better and for me it always does in time.

If I use, there is no hope and it is guaranteed misery.

four812

Thanks everyone

I'm doing ok right now. I was feeling a little weird at punchout time do I came straight to an AlanO club and am waiting for a meeting to start and then I will go. My wife is out till later and I wanted to make sure I didn't go to crack city plus this may help me feel even better

cleaninLI

Four it looks like you are doing all the right things. Great job!

four812

There's plenty of opportunity for improvements in my life cleanin, but I'm glad I made it another day and thank you for taking note of what I am doing right

I have to keep plugging away. Every day. I have to grow and change or maybe go back. But one important thing is to learn to stay clean just one day at a time.

So I'm taking some baby steps here and there.

Over and out for the night sober recovery :-)

cleaninLI

Baby steps are good in those early days. Even if you have to break up your day into sections. It's all good four! You are doing this and you are right that's what counts!

needingabreak

Congratulations Four.
One day that wasn't the greatest is over! You made it.
How are things going with your new sponsor?

four812

My new sponsor is great!

Dee74

Awesome

D