Day 5
Day 5
Few minutes till quitting time and in working through this day pretty good. It's nice to be clean this time. I got more desire to stay clean than vibe had in a long time. Plus it includes not drinking alcohol. It's nice not having the howl of approaching sirens in my ears.
But even so I did gave a thought yesterday. And it had the element of glorifying the crack high and the power if driving to crack city. But us that the power I want today? And is the powerlessness that comes after?
I've been wired today and yesterday. Wired from spending a lot if time on my computer throwing garbage into the recycle bin. Cleaning up electronic garbage. It's nice to have that **% done though. It has weighed on my shoulders for a long time.
And it has provided an escape from my feelings which kinda needs to be done sometimes in early recovery. Keeping busy and changing my thoughts is helpful for that along with meditation and writing and music and it get things. Oh and ICE CREAM !
I think I will stay clean today. I could easily lie cause I'm meeting my son for dinner after work...if he doesn't cancel. He does cancel sometimes though. And that would be a trigger if that happened.
Heck, as often happens now I'm having am urge from writing about it. The thought of "I could go out and drive to crack city". But I've now been using some tools and with that practice I gave the chance of being able to use them today and stay clean.
Okay. It's time to go
But even so I did gave a thought yesterday. And it had the element of glorifying the crack high and the power if driving to crack city. But us that the power I want today? And is the powerlessness that comes after?
I've been wired today and yesterday. Wired from spending a lot if time on my computer throwing garbage into the recycle bin. Cleaning up electronic garbage. It's nice to have that **% done though. It has weighed on my shoulders for a long time.
And it has provided an escape from my feelings which kinda needs to be done sometimes in early recovery. Keeping busy and changing my thoughts is helpful for that along with meditation and writing and music and it get things. Oh and ICE CREAM !
I think I will stay clean today. I could easily lie cause I'm meeting my son for dinner after work...if he doesn't cancel. He does cancel sometimes though. And that would be a trigger if that happened.
Heck, as often happens now I'm having am urge from writing about it. The thought of "I could go out and drive to crack city". But I've now been using some tools and with that practice I gave the chance of being able to use them today and stay clean.
Okay. It's time to go
HALT
I WAS HUNGRY and I ate
I was tired and I slept
Those are the 2 that are easy for me
But the angry and lonely are the tough ones.
This is my yoga night and my first chance to go in 7 weeks, but I'm gonna stay home and chill. I napped but still out of it
That's ok I didn't use. I'm not going to use. I will stay in today and just not use today.
I WAS HUNGRY and I ate
I was tired and I slept
Those are the 2 that are easy for me
But the angry and lonely are the tough ones.
This is my yoga night and my first chance to go in 7 weeks, but I'm gonna stay home and chill. I napped but still out of it
That's ok I didn't use. I'm not going to use. I will stay in today and just not use today.
Day 6 Four! Awesome news. You can beat this. So glad to hear you have a,sponsor and really like him. By changing your thinking you change your brain. When AV screams, you immediately change your thoughts after saying NO! Loud and clear.
Proud of you.
Proud of you.
Believe in yourself four. Believe you are special. Believe you are worth it. Keep up the good work and fight for what's yours. Stay strong friend. You are capable of greatness! Don't let it steal that from you anymore.
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