*We* made it Another Day Part 12
how are you? have you seen jaguar again?Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Originally Posted by Tiredofdrugs 
Butter: Well good! I shared the Hep A shot story with ya so that it might give you a laugh and show we all go thru some difficult times getting shots! I've known that doctor for years before receiving the shot, we had a good friendship within the unit. When he kept telling me to relax and to put my weight all on one leg. I kept telling him I WAS! He kept saying NO you aren't! So when he slapped my butt and I put all my weight on the other leg, he started laughing and said "That's what I'm talking about"! It was all quite hysterical during the 10 minutes to get that shot done! That was a painful one too! It was like having ice cold vaseline injected into my butt!
I live in Arkansas! We've actually had a relatively nice summer this year! We've had the really hot days and then a cold spell soon afterwards. We are usually in the 100+ temps for several months before Fall gets here. We are having another cool spell this week! I'll take it!
Yeah our chickens are our kids here! Maria being the most spoiled of them. I posted pictures of her silly self earlier this morning on The Animal Planet Thread! Right after Clean's Mimi pictures! Such a cutie!
I've always been afraid of the "street drugs" so I never got into them. I guess that's a wonderful thing in my perspective! Or I'd probably have to be weaning myself off those too. It also had a whole lot to do with being in the AD Army too. Didn't want to get kicked out for using illegal drugs. I've never had a problem with alcohol either! Just not my thing! I would love it if my husband would get off the pain meds and they would NOT be around our property AT ALL. I've told him to keep them well hid and if I find them I'm flushing them. I bet you can guess I haven't found any - HUH?
TOD
I live in Arkansas! We've actually had a relatively nice summer this year! We've had the really hot days and then a cold spell soon afterwards. We are usually in the 100+ temps for several months before Fall gets here. We are having another cool spell this week! I'll take it!
Yeah our chickens are our kids here! Maria being the most spoiled of them. I posted pictures of her silly self earlier this morning on The Animal Planet Thread! Right after Clean's Mimi pictures! Such a cutie!
I've always been afraid of the "street drugs" so I never got into them. I guess that's a wonderful thing in my perspective! Or I'd probably have to be weaning myself off those too. It also had a whole lot to do with being in the AD Army too. Didn't want to get kicked out for using illegal drugs. I've never had a problem with alcohol either! Just not my thing! I would love it if my husband would get off the pain meds and they would NOT be around our property AT ALL. I've told him to keep them well hid and if I find them I'm flushing them. I bet you can guess I haven't found any - HUH?
TOD
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
Hi, fellow travelers. Just catching up. I went with my husband today so he could have a cataract removed from his eye. Everything went fine and we're home again and all is well.
Clean, thank you for sharing your story about your Dad. Those Vietnam vets had it bad. And there was no help for them back then. So many of them came home and fell by the wayside. I am 63 and came of age with the Vietnam war. It was a very interesting and wild time back then. I had friends die there and friends who came home shot to hell in more ways than one. At least now some effort is made to recognize the sacrifices our veterans make and to provide help for things like PTSD.
I grew up with no Dad, too. My Dad died of polio when I was just 3 years old. I have missed him all my life. And I can remember a little flash of him sometimes. He was just a kid when he died. 24 years old. I suppose we all have our stories to tell.
Hope you're all doing well today. I'm thinking of you. I have to go out and feed all the animals and make dinner and do a load of wash......
Lost, I agree with your doctor. Wait just a bit and think it through very carefully before you say things you can't take back. (Hugs)
Clean, thank you for sharing your story about your Dad. Those Vietnam vets had it bad. And there was no help for them back then. So many of them came home and fell by the wayside. I am 63 and came of age with the Vietnam war. It was a very interesting and wild time back then. I had friends die there and friends who came home shot to hell in more ways than one. At least now some effort is made to recognize the sacrifices our veterans make and to provide help for things like PTSD.
I grew up with no Dad, too. My Dad died of polio when I was just 3 years old. I have missed him all my life. And I can remember a little flash of him sometimes. He was just a kid when he died. 24 years old. I suppose we all have our stories to tell.
Hope you're all doing well today. I'm thinking of you. I have to go out and feed all the animals and make dinner and do a load of wash......
Lost, I agree with your doctor. Wait just a bit and think it through very carefully before you say things you can't take back. (Hugs)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 598
Butter - I was just being a dirty dog 
And then innocently covering it up haha. I keep forgetting how much gets lost in translation! Your English is so good that I completely forget it is not your first language and that you are in a different country. I'm glad you made it through the appointment - one more step on your way!
Needing - thank you, I do appreciate that. It's weird, for some reason all the medical stuff never bothered me. Other than the bad knees and a few minor things I was very lucky to have been fairly healthy up until that point. I don't want to say I felt like I deserved it, because that's not it exactly, but kind of. Was going through some tough things at the time, lot of shame around my addiction and other things going on. But I just didn't think much of it...found out what was wrong, then had it fixed. Geesh, I wish I could treat this addiction the same way. It wasn't until my mother recently said to me (on one of my down days) do you realize how much you've been through the past five years? WIth the cancer especially, it's such a scary word but they have come so far - it's not the death sentence it once was (of course there are types that still are) as I just dealt with it the best way I knew how - to laugh. To keep those around me smiling (I really do truly mean it when I say I think it was harder for them, the feeling of being helpless and my poor mother, oh my). I know I have a twisted sense of humor, but I'd rather laugh then cry. It's a tough one because almost everyone has been affected by the disease, and I don't want to make light of anyone's experiences with it, it was just the way I handled it. To tell people chemo was not so bad since I didn't have to shave my legs, Vanessa (that's what I call my monthly friend, long story lol) went away, and I could take a shower in minutes with no hair to wash. I was excited to think I would lose weight (which oddly enough I did not). I would joke with people and pull the cancer card for a laugh. Again, it's not for everyone and I would never want to offend anyone, but it worked for me - had a good attitude through the whole thing. To try to take the scary out of the word and comfort those around me. The one good thing about it though was I was in a horrible depression right before I found out. I had just gotten out of the bad relationship, I had to declare bankruptcy and move back to my parent's house - and while not suicidal, I can't say that I didn't have thoughts of wishing I would just die, that it would be easier. Once that option was put in front of me however, I realized quickly that I really did not want to!
I can understand to an extent what you are going through - one other thing chemo did was throw me in to early menopause (also sorry for too much TMI all ). As a matter of fact Vanessa was never all that bad, and as I mentioned she actually was gone while getting chemo. Doctor told me there was a 50/50 shot that she may never come back. I was thrilled - I have never wanted children myself (and certainly not now at this age!) so I have no need for it. Well she came back all right, probably 6 months after I stopped treatment, and came back with a vengeance! So they have told me I am in peri-menopause and this is bad enough! The mood swings, the hot flashes, and when she does stop by it's like a darn crime scene. So I feel you there - it's not easy! Of all the organs I've had taken out, why not my uterus - argh! Take it! That's another one of my twisted humor thoughts - I have only had one dog my whole life (father does not care for pets), he was a boxer that I got when I was 22. He was the most charismatic, goofy, loving dog ever - albeit not that smart lol. Sadly I lost him at 6 years old to a brain tumor. Well when I got him he had already had his tail docked, and I had his ears done (if I knew then what I know now I would have NEVER had them done, I had no idea how awful it was, just followed what the breeders had said and done...though he looked great I advocate against that now and am glad to see it's almost all but disappeared) and he was a male dog - so cut off his, well you know - had him neutered. So every time I have had to have something removed (thyroid, gall bladder) I always picture him looking down at me with that drooly goofy grin getting back at me lol. (((Hugs back to you)))
Clean - I couldn't agree with you more, that everyone has their own things going on and that it is just as important to them, as someone going through something else. It's like apples and oranges. If one person is in debt $1,000 and another (who say makes more money) is in debt for $10,000 and neither has the means to pay that debt, well in reality the feelings are the same for both. If that makes sense - the dollar amount itself doesn't matter, you're both in the same boat. I do try to always remember there is someone out there with it much worse, but do have my pity parties every now and again too
I couldn't live without A/C - don't know how you do it! We had some bad rain here this morning (even confirmed tornado in Revere, north of Boston) and now it is so thick with humidity - it's horrible! I know how you feel about condensing, as you can tell brevity is not my strong suit either And I've tried working on it, this is better that I used to be believe it or not! What a sad story about your dad. It's hard to find the good in that story, but maybe his gift to you was to help give you such strong resolve for saving yourself. Big hugs, and I hope it wasn't grape juice!
TOD - thanks for the tip about the Colgate - I am going to look for that. My bottom teeth are not in great shape either (I am a clencher/grinder when I sleep) and I was originally assuming those would be next, but after this I'm doing everything possible to save them for as long as I can! I don't know how you can live in the heat....oh my, I would never last. 80 degrees and up is too hot for me!
I don't have problems with alcohol either...drank when I went out when I was younger, but just don't care for it now at all. I've smoked weed and tried mushrooms in the past, but never was in a position to get much harder stuff. Like you I also think that was lucky as I have a funny feeling I would love heroin - so glad I never found out (I probably wouldn't be here today, I truly believe that). I just kind of out grew the other stuff, and for a long time hoped that the pain meds would be the same. Until I finally admitted to myself that it wasn't going away. Good on you for being strong, knowing that they are around somewhere!
Lost - keep going strong my friend and recovery buddy! I love that you have been able to get some advice from the friends and family members here. It's good to be able to see it from the other side as well. I learned a thing or two myself, that I would not have realized.
Speaking of someone having it worse, I just found out a friend's brother committed suicide last week. Don't know the whole story behind it but I guess he was having problems with his wife. They had moved out of state and she didn't like it so they were fighting and she moved back here but he stayed. He was dead for 5 or 6 days before they found him. My heart breaks for her. Again, it really does put things in perspective.
And then innocently covering it up haha. I keep forgetting how much gets lost in translation! Your English is so good that I completely forget it is not your first language and that you are in a different country. I'm glad you made it through the appointment - one more step on your way!Needing - thank you, I do appreciate that. It's weird, for some reason all the medical stuff never bothered me. Other than the bad knees and a few minor things I was very lucky to have been fairly healthy up until that point. I don't want to say I felt like I deserved it, because that's not it exactly, but kind of. Was going through some tough things at the time, lot of shame around my addiction and other things going on. But I just didn't think much of it...found out what was wrong, then had it fixed. Geesh, I wish I could treat this addiction the same way. It wasn't until my mother recently said to me (on one of my down days) do you realize how much you've been through the past five years? WIth the cancer especially, it's such a scary word but they have come so far - it's not the death sentence it once was (of course there are types that still are) as I just dealt with it the best way I knew how - to laugh. To keep those around me smiling (I really do truly mean it when I say I think it was harder for them, the feeling of being helpless and my poor mother, oh my). I know I have a twisted sense of humor, but I'd rather laugh then cry. It's a tough one because almost everyone has been affected by the disease, and I don't want to make light of anyone's experiences with it, it was just the way I handled it. To tell people chemo was not so bad since I didn't have to shave my legs, Vanessa (that's what I call my monthly friend, long story lol) went away, and I could take a shower in minutes with no hair to wash. I was excited to think I would lose weight (which oddly enough I did not). I would joke with people and pull the cancer card for a laugh. Again, it's not for everyone and I would never want to offend anyone, but it worked for me - had a good attitude through the whole thing. To try to take the scary out of the word and comfort those around me. The one good thing about it though was I was in a horrible depression right before I found out. I had just gotten out of the bad relationship, I had to declare bankruptcy and move back to my parent's house - and while not suicidal, I can't say that I didn't have thoughts of wishing I would just die, that it would be easier. Once that option was put in front of me however, I realized quickly that I really did not want to!
I can understand to an extent what you are going through - one other thing chemo did was throw me in to early menopause (also sorry for too much TMI all
). As a matter of fact Vanessa was never all that bad, and as I mentioned she actually was gone while getting chemo. Doctor told me there was a 50/50 shot that she may never come back. I was thrilled - I have never wanted children myself (and certainly not now at this age!) so I have no need for it. Well she came back all right, probably 6 months after I stopped treatment, and came back with a vengeance! So they have told me I am in peri-menopause and this is bad enough! The mood swings, the hot flashes, and when she does stop by it's like a darn crime scene. So I feel you there - it's not easy! Of all the organs I've had taken out, why not my uterus - argh! Take it! That's another one of my twisted humor thoughts - I have only had one dog my whole life (father does not care for pets), he was a boxer that I got when I was 22. He was the most charismatic, goofy, loving dog ever - albeit not that smart lol. Sadly I lost him at 6 years old to a brain tumor. Well when I got him he had already had his tail docked, and I had his ears done (if I knew then what I know now I would have NEVER had them done, I had no idea how awful it was, just followed what the breeders had said and done...though he looked great I advocate against that now and am glad to see it's almost all but disappeared) and he was a male dog - so cut off his, well you know - had him neutered. So every time I have had to have something removed (thyroid, gall bladder) I always picture him looking down at me with that drooly goofy grin getting back at me lol. (((Hugs back to you)))Clean - I couldn't agree with you more, that everyone has their own things going on and that it is just as important to them, as someone going through something else. It's like apples and oranges. If one person is in debt $1,000 and another (who say makes more money) is in debt for $10,000 and neither has the means to pay that debt, well in reality the feelings are the same for both. If that makes sense - the dollar amount itself doesn't matter, you're both in the same boat. I do try to always remember there is someone out there with it much worse, but do have my pity parties every now and again too
I couldn't live without A/C - don't know how you do it! We had some bad rain here this morning (even confirmed tornado in Revere, north of Boston) and now it is so thick with humidity - it's horrible! I know how you feel about condensing, as you can tell brevity is not my strong suit either
And I've tried working on it, this is better that I used to be believe it or not! What a sad story about your dad. It's hard to find the good in that story, but maybe his gift to you was to help give you such strong resolve for saving yourself. Big hugs, and I hope it wasn't grape juice!TOD - thanks for the tip about the Colgate - I am going to look for that. My bottom teeth are not in great shape either (I am a clencher/grinder when I sleep) and I was originally assuming those would be next, but after this I'm doing everything possible to save them for as long as I can! I don't know how you can live in the heat....oh my, I would never last. 80 degrees and up is too hot for me!
I don't have problems with alcohol either...drank when I went out when I was younger, but just don't care for it now at all. I've smoked weed and tried mushrooms in the past, but never was in a position to get much harder stuff. Like you I also think that was lucky as I have a funny feeling I would love heroin - so glad I never found out (I probably wouldn't be here today, I truly believe that). I just kind of out grew the other stuff, and for a long time hoped that the pain meds would be the same. Until I finally admitted to myself that it wasn't going away. Good on you for being strong, knowing that they are around somewhere!
Lost - keep going strong my friend and recovery buddy! I love that you have been able to get some advice from the friends and family members here. It's good to be able to see it from the other side as well. I learned a thing or two myself, that I would not have realized.
Speaking of someone having it worse, I just found out a friend's brother committed suicide last week. Don't know the whole story behind it but I guess he was having problems with his wife. They had moved out of state and she didn't like it so they were fighting and she moved back here but he stayed. He was dead for 5 or 6 days before they found him. My heart breaks for her. Again, it really does put things in perspective.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 598
I missed Blue and Else while I was writing my novel!
Blue, I love your take on this. You are so strong, and I love how supportive you are. I especially like the part I bolded. <3
Glad your husband is doing well! So sorry to hear you lost your dad too, and at such a young age 
Originally Posted by BlueChair
Hey Lost. Im on the family side too, didnt know if you were aware of this. My husband wasnt even using prescribed drugs, his favorite was cocaine. It was a very big shock when I found out he was using, and then worse when I found out a lot of the things he did while using. It took me time to process all of it, and I went through stages of being angry, sad, but mostly in the end I discovered for me my emotions were driven by fear because I loved him, and our life so much. Hes been great at helping me through it all. Patient, willing to share and be honest even with the hard stuff. We have got past it now and I have more respect for him than I ever have. What hes gone through this past year has been really hard. Its been hard for me too, but now Ive come this far I feel like Ive been made stronger, and can handle the unexpected more easily. Its sort of funny, something will happen at work and everyone will be What are we going to do, this is horrible, this is going to ruin everything, And Im thinking seriously people this is no big deal, calm yourselves down, and lets start looking for solutions. Even with our squirrel rescue recently, it was like ok we can handle this, and we did !!
I think YOU will grow stronger as your recovery continues, and I hope you get a new confidence. Hopefully your relationship with the GF will survive, and get stronger having faced a challenge too.
If your doctor is suggesting you wait a while before telling her, then I think wait until your at a good place for the emotional stuff. Im assuming she's safe and its just a matter of disclosure.
I think YOU will grow stronger as your recovery continues, and I hope you get a new confidence. Hopefully your relationship with the GF will survive, and get stronger having faced a challenge too.
If your doctor is suggesting you wait a while before telling her, then I think wait until your at a good place for the emotional stuff. Im assuming she's safe and its just a matter of disclosure.
Originally Posted by Elseware
Hi, fellow travelers. Just catching up. I went with my husband today so he could have a cataract removed from his eye. Everything went fine and we're home again and all is well.
Clean, thank you for sharing your story about your Dad. Those Vietnam vets had it bad. And there was no help for them back then. So many of them came home and fell by the wayside. I am 63 and came of age with the Vietnam war. It was a very interesting and wild time back then. I had friends die there and friends who came home shot to hell in more ways than one. At least now some effort is made to recognize the sacrifices our veterans make and to provide help for things like PTSD.
I grew up with no Dad, too. My Dad died of polio when I was just 3 years old. I have missed him all my life. And I can remember a little flash of him sometimes. He was just a kid when he died. 24 years old. I suppose we all have our stories to tell.
Hope you're all doing well today. I'm thinking of you. I have to go out and feed all the animals and make dinner and do a load of wash......
Lost, I agree with your doctor. Wait just a bit and think it through very carefully before you say things you can't take back. (Hugs)
Clean, thank you for sharing your story about your Dad. Those Vietnam vets had it bad. And there was no help for them back then. So many of them came home and fell by the wayside. I am 63 and came of age with the Vietnam war. It was a very interesting and wild time back then. I had friends die there and friends who came home shot to hell in more ways than one. At least now some effort is made to recognize the sacrifices our veterans make and to provide help for things like PTSD.
I grew up with no Dad, too. My Dad died of polio when I was just 3 years old. I have missed him all my life. And I can remember a little flash of him sometimes. He was just a kid when he died. 24 years old. I suppose we all have our stories to tell.
Hope you're all doing well today. I'm thinking of you. I have to go out and feed all the animals and make dinner and do a load of wash......
Lost, I agree with your doctor. Wait just a bit and think it through very carefully before you say things you can't take back. (Hugs)
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Y'all are writing novels and I'm running around inside and outside taking care of chicken stuff! Gotta get the Large Rooster penned up so I can let the two little Silkie girls out of their pens to roam the yard to look for crickets! Which means I get to stand around with them. I call this; "Down time"! LOL
We are ALL strong! Just to STOP taking our DOC is a huge step! I woke up this afternoon and just laid in bed thinking about stuff! I decided no matter what is going on around me or what anyone else thinks about me. This is my time to work on myself and my stuff! I have to get myself back to the mentality and physical self where nothing is going to be a road block in the future. I'll be able to handle all things as they come my way. Just like I have in the past while off the meds! It's already happening, but I have days to go!
It's also refreshing to be a part of a Thread where so many are in early days of Recovery! And of course there are those that are here to support us that aren't in Recovery! It takes all walks of life to make the world go round!
TOD
We are ALL strong! Just to STOP taking our DOC is a huge step! I woke up this afternoon and just laid in bed thinking about stuff! I decided no matter what is going on around me or what anyone else thinks about me. This is my time to work on myself and my stuff! I have to get myself back to the mentality and physical self where nothing is going to be a road block in the future. I'll be able to handle all things as they come my way. Just like I have in the past while off the meds! It's already happening, but I have days to go!
It's also refreshing to be a part of a Thread where so many are in early days of Recovery! And of course there are those that are here to support us that aren't in Recovery! It takes all walks of life to make the world go round!
TOD
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
TOD. Just to be clear I want to tell you that I stopped with the Vicodin 11 months ago. I took some pills for a few days in the beginning of June. Not everyday but I was getting started up. Now I'm clean again. What I mean to say is that I'm not detoxing. I am not using now and have been stopped since about June 15. I feel pretty good.
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Thanks Elseware for the info! I didn't know!
Back to cooking supper! Fried okra, hamburger meat in mushroom gravy for pouring on rice! I'm hungry! It needs to hurry up and cook!
I put my hands together and asked Jethro to Please fire me as a cook! His reply! "That ain't happening"! Who decided it was the woman's job to cook anyway?
Walked the entire back acre spraying ant hills before I came in to cook supper!
I'll be back later!
TOD
Back to cooking supper! Fried okra, hamburger meat in mushroom gravy for pouring on rice! I'm hungry! It needs to hurry up and cook!
I put my hands together and asked Jethro to Please fire me as a cook! His reply! "That ain't happening"! Who decided it was the woman's job to cook anyway?
Walked the entire back acre spraying ant hills before I came in to cook supper!
I'll be back later!
TOD
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Originally Posted by Elseware
Bluechair. What a heartwarming story. I love you for doing that. Not many people would do what you did. You gave life back to one of God's creatures.
I hope your husband feels better soon. Does he have to wear a patch over his eye, like a pirate ? IK IK but I dont know maybe you like pirates.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Missed you Butter !! I hate to tell you this but Mama refused to switch to margarine she said it was disgusting and only butter will do. Someone gave me another suggestion, you could change your name to MARGARINE.
Like ??
What happens if you dont get your 2nd Hep vaccine? Can you get it in Boston? Maybe you would meet a cute phlebotomist ?
Germany must have been good. I owe you a pm back. I was working today and had to be out of the office. Husbunny not home yet from his counseling but I think should be soon now. I wanted to catch up on the thread so I can do better tomorrow. I will post a picture of Jaguar. Probably only one of her in the tree, not of our yard. But maybe i have one of her in the kennel thing too before she was released, oh and the peanut holder I will take a picture when I fill it up tomorrow if I have time. Its cute but too small !!
You must be very emotional with ending your teaching and getting ready to travel over here. I would be !!
Like ??
What happens if you dont get your 2nd Hep vaccine? Can you get it in Boston? Maybe you would meet a cute phlebotomist ?
Germany must have been good. I owe you a pm back. I was working today and had to be out of the office. Husbunny not home yet from his counseling but I think should be soon now. I wanted to catch up on the thread so I can do better tomorrow. I will post a picture of Jaguar. Probably only one of her in the tree, not of our yard. But maybe i have one of her in the kennel thing too before she was released, oh and the peanut holder I will take a picture when I fill it up tomorrow if I have time. Its cute but too small !!
You must be very emotional with ending your teaching and getting ready to travel over here. I would be !!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: HK
Posts: 331
Originally Posted by BlueChair
Hey Lost. Im on the family side too, didnt know if you were aware of this. My husband wasnt even using prescribed drugs, his favorite was cocaine. It was a very big shock when I found out he was using, and then worse when I found out a lot of the things he did while using. It took me time to process all of it, and I went through stages of being angry, sad, but mostly in the end I discovered for me my emotions were driven by fear because I loved him, and our life so much. Hes been great at helping me through it all. Patient, willing to share and be honest even with the hard stuff. We have got past it now and I have more respect for him than I ever have. What hes gone through this past year has been really hard. Its been hard for me too, but now Ive come this far I feel like Ive been made stronger, and can handle the unexpected more easily. Its sort of funny, something will happen at work and everyone will be What are we going to do, this is horrible, this is going to ruin everything, And Im thinking seriously people this is no big deal, calm yourselves down, and lets start looking for solutions. Even with our squirrel rescue recently, it was like ok we can handle this, and we did !!
I think YOU will grow stronger as your recovery continues, and I hope you get a new confidence. Hopefully your relationship with the GF will survive, and get stronger having faced a challenge too.
If your doctor is suggesting you wait a while before telling her, then I think wait until your at a good place for the emotional stuff. Im assuming she's safe and its just a matter of disclosure.
I think YOU will grow stronger as your recovery continues, and I hope you get a new confidence. Hopefully your relationship with the GF will survive, and get stronger having faced a challenge too.
If your doctor is suggesting you wait a while before telling her, then I think wait until your at a good place for the emotional stuff. Im assuming she's safe and its just a matter of disclosure.
You've all been through so much, yet my life has been relatively stable, I just wasn't mentally tough enough to realise what was happening to me and to stop it. If you guys can make it through this then I have no excuse at all.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Oh boy! This thread is very hard to keep up on! But I'm very happy to be apart of it...you guys are awesome! Each and every one of you!
TOD you made me think about who is all on this thread and it sure is a mixed bag....people from all different walks of life coming together to share.....amazing! But one thing I've noticed is how many of us have been touched by perscription pain medicines. It sure is a new epidemic and takes addiction to whole new level! Because I too was never into illegal drugs. When I was young I drank at parties or once or twice a month would go out with my friends bar hopping.....but never got into anything else. I tried pot as they called it back in the day...never cared for it. I think I once snorted a line of cocaine too...but didn't feel much of an effect from it....the pain pills are what did me in. Eyes I'm glad I didn't try H too! If I had...I'm sure I'd have liked it too.
Elsie thank you! I'm sorry about your Dad. (((Hugs))) I'm glad that things have changed as far as our veterans go and the ways that PTSD can be treated now. Sad that so many were sacrificed to bring about those changes. My father was a hippy....he told me lots of stories about the 60's and living in a commune. He was also an activist and participated in many marches and sit-ins. I guess that was pretty common back then.
Eyes you are right that my father's alcoholism and early death has taught me a valuable lesson. I hope you realize that I in no way minimize your horrible cancer. It is a very scary illness. Very very tough thing to go thru! I only meant to say that no matter what a person is going thru it isn't more or less difficult. I love the way you explained it....better then I did that's for sure and that we all have the right to share and recieve support for whatever we are going thru. Thank you for understanding me better than I explained it.
Blue I love the peanut feeder....a very nice idea. Be careful not to over-feed the squirrels or you are going to have a lot of fat squirrels hobbling along unable to climb the trees. Ha! But at least you aren't feeding them peanut buttercups!
Butter glad you got most of those immunizations out of the way.
Lost where are you....you should be waking up pretty soon.
I hope I didn't miss anyone!
It's really cooling off tonight! Suppose to be a low of 59 degrees. Great sleeping weather tonight! YAy!
TOD you made me think about who is all on this thread and it sure is a mixed bag....people from all different walks of life coming together to share.....amazing! But one thing I've noticed is how many of us have been touched by perscription pain medicines. It sure is a new epidemic and takes addiction to whole new level! Because I too was never into illegal drugs. When I was young I drank at parties or once or twice a month would go out with my friends bar hopping.....but never got into anything else. I tried pot as they called it back in the day...never cared for it. I think I once snorted a line of cocaine too...but didn't feel much of an effect from it....the pain pills are what did me in. Eyes I'm glad I didn't try H too! If I had...I'm sure I'd have liked it too.
Elsie thank you! I'm sorry about your Dad. (((Hugs))) I'm glad that things have changed as far as our veterans go and the ways that PTSD can be treated now. Sad that so many were sacrificed to bring about those changes. My father was a hippy....he told me lots of stories about the 60's and living in a commune. He was also an activist and participated in many marches and sit-ins. I guess that was pretty common back then.
Eyes you are right that my father's alcoholism and early death has taught me a valuable lesson. I hope you realize that I in no way minimize your horrible cancer. It is a very scary illness. Very very tough thing to go thru! I only meant to say that no matter what a person is going thru it isn't more or less difficult. I love the way you explained it....better then I did that's for sure and that we all have the right to share and recieve support for whatever we are going thru. Thank you for understanding me better than I explained it.
Blue I love the peanut feeder....a very nice idea. Be careful not to over-feed the squirrels or you are going to have a lot of fat squirrels hobbling along unable to climb the trees. Ha! But at least you aren't feeding them peanut buttercups!
Butter glad you got most of those immunizations out of the way.
Lost where are you....you should be waking up pretty soon.
I hope I didn't miss anyone!
It's really cooling off tonight! Suppose to be a low of 59 degrees. Great sleeping weather tonight! YAy!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: HK
Posts: 331
I'm right here Clean 
at work already, it's 11:15am.
I wish we could have weather like that here! It's basically around 90 all day every day with high humidity, even storms don't necessarily cool the place down sometimes, but if we had one right now I would be so grateful.
at work already, it's 11:15am.I wish we could have weather like that here! It's basically around 90 all day every day with high humidity, even storms don't necessarily cool the place down sometimes, but if we had one right now I would be so grateful.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Originally Posted by Lostinhk
Thank you Blue, I can't imagine how tough that must have been for the both of you. My guilt keeps going through the roof as I don't really have any excuses for taking pills... I took more than I should have just cause I liked it, at most to help deal with some anxiety that I get, which may or may not have been perpetuated by taking pills.
You've all been through so much, yet my life has been relatively stable, I just wasn't mentally tough enough to realise what was happening to me and to stop it. If you guys can make it through this then I have no excuse at all.
You've all been through so much, yet my life has been relatively stable, I just wasn't mentally tough enough to realise what was happening to me and to stop it. If you guys can make it through this then I have no excuse at all.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Originally Posted by cleaninLI
Blue I love the peanut feeder....a very nice idea. Be careful not to over-feed the squirrels or you are going to have a lot of fat squirrels hobbling along unable to climb the trees. Ha! But at least you aren't feeding them peanut buttercups!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
Forgiveness of one's self. This is very very hard for me. I've heard it said that forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any other way. You can't change the past. This doesn't mean you condone the behavior or any thing. It just means you accept things as they are and go on. I might be able to forgive myself but I sure can't forget how I disappointed myself. How I had to sit down in front of another human being and say "I am drug addict and I need help". It took me nearly 10 months to actually do it. I told my doctor, finally. I was completely humiliated and so embarrassed. Especially since I had been lying to him. He was very gentle with me which helped so much.
But I feel better now. The bad feelings are lifting. I can see my self as a flawed human being instead some worthless piece of ****. It has taken me a while to make peace with myself and I'm not there yet. But this is what I'm working very hard to do. Letting it all just go. And working everyday for a new way to go about my life. My whole life was pills at the end and learning to live without them has been a struggle of great magnitude. But the last couple of days I'm doing better. Forcing myself when I don't want to move. Mamahawk had some very fine advice for me when I needed it most.
But I feel better now. The bad feelings are lifting. I can see my self as a flawed human being instead some worthless piece of ****. It has taken me a while to make peace with myself and I'm not there yet. But this is what I'm working very hard to do. Letting it all just go. And working everyday for a new way to go about my life. My whole life was pills at the end and learning to live without them has been a struggle of great magnitude. But the last couple of days I'm doing better. Forcing myself when I don't want to move. Mamahawk had some very fine advice for me when I needed it most.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Elsie I hope you won't mind if I share how I view you. I see a very sophisticated, cultured woman. A woman who is strong and heroic....that would stand-up against the odds even go through the discomfort to protect and safeguard her reputation, her family and her pride....yet one that isn't afraid to admit a mistake.......but will not allow herself to be humiliated either. One that takes her experiences and learns from them....becoming wiser for having gone thru the many trials and tribulations in life. That is how I see you Elsie.
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
I've been reading everyone's history and stories! I've told many of my own throughout the Threads! And so y'all know some of mine! Here goes!
Let me see if I can sum this up in a small story for ya!
I was introduced to pain pills (PP) back in 1985. I saw my parent's doctor after returning from Basic Training and AIT. (I was in the middle of a divorce from my first husband, my daughters dad. I was trying to deal with being a mom again to a five year old daughter and having to deal with my husband doing everything he could to make my life miserable while going thru the divorce.) The doctor decided I needed a strong PP to help me out with my emotions. I knew nothing about PP's back then and didn't see any harm in them since they were doctor prescribed! Fast forward to 1988.
Met a man in one of my Army courses that was Ten years younger than I am. We stayed married for three years. The age difference just wasn't cutting it. He was a good old country boy and I hope our years together didn't scar him for life!
I got really hooked on the PP's thru the years and even started writing in my own refill number. That ended up getting me arrested. I bailed out of jail and went straight to a 30 day rehab facility. Finished the 30 day program and then started seeing a probation officer. Four months later my entire unit was activated for Desert storm in 1991. I was released from my probation due to I was leaving to serve my country.
I met another soldier from WI and after my tour was up I moved to WI with him. That turned into a nightmare and I was drinking bottles of cough syrup with codiene in it. Went to another rehab center for seven days. Came out and left the nightmare.
Met my third husband and moved in with him before we got married five years later. After living in WI for seven years. I had had enough of the snow and blizzards. So I moved back to AR. My husband started really abusing me and constantly accused me of having affairs with old BF's because I wasn't interested in sex anymore! I was on the Depo shots for birth control and it literally kills the sex drive. He also has a foot fetish and it turned into a horrid story dealing with that issue. After one of my surgeries I was introduced to Hydro #10's. That was my new love. I literally dove head first into a bottle of them and stayed messed up for years on them in order to survive the marriage.
I knew I was in trouble and called a methadone clinic to see what they could offer in way of helping me. The woman that answered the phone told me that could be the worst mistake I could ever make in my life by starting the methadone. So that was out of the question as an answer to my dilemma.
I made the decision to go off of the PP's cold turkey! OMG! I thought I had died and would never get past the sheer horror of what I had put myself into. But I did survive. It took 30 days to even get back to some resemblance of who I was supposed to be. I climbed the walls day and night. Went w/o sleep for two weeks. But I crawled my way back to life and proceeded on from there.
I decided after two months off the PP's my marriage wasn't going to make it. So I started preparing to leave and to divorce my husband. During this time I was reintroduced to my husband Jethro. We met and dated a summer when I was 15 and he was 17. We hadn't seen each other or spoken in 32 years. And of course thats another story all in itself - which I've actually typed up into a story, because it's a WOW of a story!
I sold all the chickens except my 10 Silkies. I had close to 100 that were sold! The Silkies eventually came home with me. I drove every day to tend them while he was at work. God how I missed my kids and worried for their care when I wasn't there. The XH didn't like them.
I moved out to my daughters house and then two weeks later moved into Jethro's house with him. I stayed off the PP's for two years. Then I ended up injuring my uterus and ovaries in a job I did on the base. I was in so much pain and had begged the VAH doctor for a hysterectomy. He refused! He wrote in his notes: "This patient is mental, she's in here for pain meds only. Admit her to the mental department and have her evaluated and by NO means give her a hysterectomy!" I told Jethro I was going to die. A year later! After filing a nine page complaint against the VAH, daily emails and phone calls. I was sent to Houston, TX to see an OBGYN doctor there. He dug so deep up in my uterus trying to get cells to check for cancer that I was screaming STOP IT at the top of my lungs. He apologized profusely and then told me he'd do the surgery. But it couldn't be done until two months later when he returned to the hospital. SO? Right after I woke up after surgery the first words out of my mouth was: "The pain is gone!"
I had to have both boobs biopsied and that was so painful I went back on the PP's. I've had shots in my back that put me in so much pain. I went back on the PP's. As well as many other things. Three back to back hemorrhoid surgeries in a year too!
My ankles are damaged, my right knee is painful, my right shoulder is painful, my back, damaged lungs, left ear pain, skin cancer issues, frost bite on both hands and feet and there's probably more I'm not remembering!
I didn't choose to go on the PP's, but I'm sure if it wasn't for those I would have ended up addicted to something along the way. I have many family members that were addicts themselves before passing.
Most of us addicts that get addicted to the PP's is due to injuries or surgeries. They made us forget things for awhile and we didn't want to lose that feeling! But after time goes by we realize we are living a life we no longer choose to live. Then the work begins to get off the PP's/DOC and learn how to live w/o them.
As for myself! I don't live with daily regrets from my using days. I stay focused on the things in each day that needs to get accomplished. I enjoy my music while I'm working and watch my shows. I love my husband and he loves me. We have a good relationship and we have no secrets between us. He leaves me to handle the bills and the money. He knows I'm good at it and he doesn't want to be bothered with it. Works for me! LOL
There are many things in my past I'd like to have done differently! But I can't and I'm not going to let it rent space in my head. There are a lot of good things in my past too! I don't know how many days I have left on this earth and I want to enjoy each day as best as I can. I've been thru and seen enough bad crap to last me a lifetime! I'm standing and walking tall now! I'm no longer crawling on my hands and knees for that PP that fell on the floor when I tried to take it. I'm no longer worried about having enough PP's to take before the next script is filled either. I'm Free!
TOD
Let me see if I can sum this up in a small story for ya!
I was introduced to pain pills (PP) back in 1985. I saw my parent's doctor after returning from Basic Training and AIT. (I was in the middle of a divorce from my first husband, my daughters dad. I was trying to deal with being a mom again to a five year old daughter and having to deal with my husband doing everything he could to make my life miserable while going thru the divorce.) The doctor decided I needed a strong PP to help me out with my emotions. I knew nothing about PP's back then and didn't see any harm in them since they were doctor prescribed! Fast forward to 1988.
Met a man in one of my Army courses that was Ten years younger than I am. We stayed married for three years. The age difference just wasn't cutting it. He was a good old country boy and I hope our years together didn't scar him for life!
I got really hooked on the PP's thru the years and even started writing in my own refill number. That ended up getting me arrested. I bailed out of jail and went straight to a 30 day rehab facility. Finished the 30 day program and then started seeing a probation officer. Four months later my entire unit was activated for Desert storm in 1991. I was released from my probation due to I was leaving to serve my country.
I met another soldier from WI and after my tour was up I moved to WI with him. That turned into a nightmare and I was drinking bottles of cough syrup with codiene in it. Went to another rehab center for seven days. Came out and left the nightmare.
Met my third husband and moved in with him before we got married five years later. After living in WI for seven years. I had had enough of the snow and blizzards. So I moved back to AR. My husband started really abusing me and constantly accused me of having affairs with old BF's because I wasn't interested in sex anymore! I was on the Depo shots for birth control and it literally kills the sex drive. He also has a foot fetish and it turned into a horrid story dealing with that issue. After one of my surgeries I was introduced to Hydro #10's. That was my new love. I literally dove head first into a bottle of them and stayed messed up for years on them in order to survive the marriage.
I knew I was in trouble and called a methadone clinic to see what they could offer in way of helping me. The woman that answered the phone told me that could be the worst mistake I could ever make in my life by starting the methadone. So that was out of the question as an answer to my dilemma.
I made the decision to go off of the PP's cold turkey! OMG! I thought I had died and would never get past the sheer horror of what I had put myself into. But I did survive. It took 30 days to even get back to some resemblance of who I was supposed to be. I climbed the walls day and night. Went w/o sleep for two weeks. But I crawled my way back to life and proceeded on from there.
I decided after two months off the PP's my marriage wasn't going to make it. So I started preparing to leave and to divorce my husband. During this time I was reintroduced to my husband Jethro. We met and dated a summer when I was 15 and he was 17. We hadn't seen each other or spoken in 32 years. And of course thats another story all in itself - which I've actually typed up into a story, because it's a WOW of a story!
I sold all the chickens except my 10 Silkies. I had close to 100 that were sold! The Silkies eventually came home with me. I drove every day to tend them while he was at work. God how I missed my kids and worried for their care when I wasn't there. The XH didn't like them.
I moved out to my daughters house and then two weeks later moved into Jethro's house with him. I stayed off the PP's for two years. Then I ended up injuring my uterus and ovaries in a job I did on the base. I was in so much pain and had begged the VAH doctor for a hysterectomy. He refused! He wrote in his notes: "This patient is mental, she's in here for pain meds only. Admit her to the mental department and have her evaluated and by NO means give her a hysterectomy!" I told Jethro I was going to die. A year later! After filing a nine page complaint against the VAH, daily emails and phone calls. I was sent to Houston, TX to see an OBGYN doctor there. He dug so deep up in my uterus trying to get cells to check for cancer that I was screaming STOP IT at the top of my lungs. He apologized profusely and then told me he'd do the surgery. But it couldn't be done until two months later when he returned to the hospital. SO? Right after I woke up after surgery the first words out of my mouth was: "The pain is gone!"
I had to have both boobs biopsied and that was so painful I went back on the PP's. I've had shots in my back that put me in so much pain. I went back on the PP's. As well as many other things. Three back to back hemorrhoid surgeries in a year too!
My ankles are damaged, my right knee is painful, my right shoulder is painful, my back, damaged lungs, left ear pain, skin cancer issues, frost bite on both hands and feet and there's probably more I'm not remembering!
I didn't choose to go on the PP's, but I'm sure if it wasn't for those I would have ended up addicted to something along the way. I have many family members that were addicts themselves before passing.
Most of us addicts that get addicted to the PP's is due to injuries or surgeries. They made us forget things for awhile and we didn't want to lose that feeling! But after time goes by we realize we are living a life we no longer choose to live. Then the work begins to get off the PP's/DOC and learn how to live w/o them.
As for myself! I don't live with daily regrets from my using days. I stay focused on the things in each day that needs to get accomplished. I enjoy my music while I'm working and watch my shows. I love my husband and he loves me. We have a good relationship and we have no secrets between us. He leaves me to handle the bills and the money. He knows I'm good at it and he doesn't want to be bothered with it. Works for me! LOL
There are many things in my past I'd like to have done differently! But I can't and I'm not going to let it rent space in my head. There are a lot of good things in my past too! I don't know how many days I have left on this earth and I want to enjoy each day as best as I can. I've been thru and seen enough bad crap to last me a lifetime! I'm standing and walking tall now! I'm no longer crawling on my hands and knees for that PP that fell on the floor when I tried to take it. I'm no longer worried about having enough PP's to take before the next script is filled either. I'm Free!
TOD
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
