*We* made it Another Day Part 12
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: HK
Posts: 331
Eyes and Elsie you guys are amazing that you're here recovering after going through so much. I was just an idiot that got hurt at baseball and came to love taking codeine. I even took a month off work to get off them and in the end went traveling instead and didn't even try... Here I am 6 months later trying to beat this while working.
I couldn't imagine going through this after being through so much personally. You ladies are much tougher than I am, much love to both of you.
I couldn't imagine going through this after being through so much personally. You ladies are much tougher than I am, much love to both of you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 598
Well Else - I took your advice to take Mama's advice and forced myself to get up and out, take the cats outside (which they thank you all for by the way lol) and get myself moving as much as I can. Isn't it funny how strong we can fight against our own mind? Because I am not use the word forced lightly - I really did it against my will - MY will, gosh it's so odd. But now I am up and moving, get myself going and so glad I did. I just wish I wasn't such a formidable opponent to myself haha. Slwoley but surely learning to fight better against that side of me.
You know Lost, I've been on both sides of the fence and I have an interesting take on it all now. I think I have mentioned, I have never been good at getting pain meds from doctors, so I have spent enough money over they years to make you sick to get them most of the time. Sure when I had surgeries or something I got the obligatory 30 pills (vicodin or percoset) or whatever, but with my tolerance they were nothing. And my personal preference was 15 or 30 mg oxycodone pills, not just because of the higher dose but because I liked to crush and snort them. Instant instant gratification I guess. Sad but true. So when I did have legit pain issues I would get so mad, because I felt like addicts (gee, like myself maybe) really had ruined it for everyone - the doctors are all nervous to prescribe them, and I don't feel I got adequate relief for my pain. And it wasn't fair. Even going through cancer (and I can honestly say the pain is unreal, no oncologist should ever have to worry about being investigated in my opinion - that was true pain) I was only prescribed 8 5mg percoset a day, and 3 10mg oxycontins. And these people I knew had shoulder pain and were getting 30mg oxys? For years on end. My lymphoma was stage 3, meaning it passed from my neck, to my chest, and just in the abdomen. So throughout treatment you constantly get scans, and once the nodules were clearing in my chest he told me I shouldn't have so much pain anymore. I got probably an extra months worth out of him, but that was it. He knew physically where I was at and when to cut me off, even when still in treatment, so I have always wondered how these folks get such high doses for such long periods of time.
Well, I still have sympathy for those with chronic pain, including myself. But what I have learned at the end of the day is opiates really are not a good option for chronic pain. Acute pain yes. But you cannot sustain on them. Your tolerance will just go up, meaning your dose will just keep going up, and you wind up dependent on them physically - and mentally. Even for someone who did not have a previous problem like myself - it will become a problem. I think it's inevitable. You convince yourself it's the only answer. But you will get to a point where it's not helping your pain like it once was, and then there is no way to get that relief back. Don't get me wrong, without them I am in more pain then I was when using...they were obviously still doing a little something, but not enough to give up my life over as I did.
So yes, true sympathy and empathy for those in pain. Having chronic pain affects you mentally as much as it does physically - it really does (which is why the "euphoric" feeling is a great added bonus for us). But opiates just aren't the answer for long term relief, nor have they ever been designed to be. It took me a long time to admit that to myself, but it's true.
And I think anyone going through this struggle, no matter what their back story may be, are just as strong. Doesn't matter how we all wound up here, what is important is that we all are in the same place, and we are fighting the same fight. Yes, we all have different lives, different situations, are going through different things, and the way we may have to fight it will vary....but at the end of the day, no matter what it is you are addicted to, is just as important as what someone else may be dealing with. I don't buy into that it is worse for some - it's awful for all of us (((hugs))) - don't minimize your struggle. You are super strong. I think we all are! Even if we stumble, just come to these realizations I think are the first step. Believe me, using for pain is close to the bottom of the list of why I used.
You know Lost, I've been on both sides of the fence and I have an interesting take on it all now. I think I have mentioned, I have never been good at getting pain meds from doctors, so I have spent enough money over they years to make you sick to get them most of the time. Sure when I had surgeries or something I got the obligatory 30 pills (vicodin or percoset) or whatever, but with my tolerance they were nothing. And my personal preference was 15 or 30 mg oxycodone pills, not just because of the higher dose but because I liked to crush and snort them. Instant instant gratification I guess. Sad but true. So when I did have legit pain issues I would get so mad, because I felt like addicts (gee, like myself maybe) really had ruined it for everyone - the doctors are all nervous to prescribe them, and I don't feel I got adequate relief for my pain. And it wasn't fair. Even going through cancer (and I can honestly say the pain is unreal, no oncologist should ever have to worry about being investigated in my opinion - that was true pain) I was only prescribed 8 5mg percoset a day, and 3 10mg oxycontins. And these people I knew had shoulder pain and were getting 30mg oxys? For years on end. My lymphoma was stage 3, meaning it passed from my neck, to my chest, and just in the abdomen. So throughout treatment you constantly get scans, and once the nodules were clearing in my chest he told me I shouldn't have so much pain anymore. I got probably an extra months worth out of him, but that was it. He knew physically where I was at and when to cut me off, even when still in treatment, so I have always wondered how these folks get such high doses for such long periods of time.
Well, I still have sympathy for those with chronic pain, including myself. But what I have learned at the end of the day is opiates really are not a good option for chronic pain. Acute pain yes. But you cannot sustain on them. Your tolerance will just go up, meaning your dose will just keep going up, and you wind up dependent on them physically - and mentally. Even for someone who did not have a previous problem like myself - it will become a problem. I think it's inevitable. You convince yourself it's the only answer. But you will get to a point where it's not helping your pain like it once was, and then there is no way to get that relief back. Don't get me wrong, without them I am in more pain then I was when using...they were obviously still doing a little something, but not enough to give up my life over as I did.
So yes, true sympathy and empathy for those in pain. Having chronic pain affects you mentally as much as it does physically - it really does (which is why the "euphoric" feeling is a great added bonus for us). But opiates just aren't the answer for long term relief, nor have they ever been designed to be. It took me a long time to admit that to myself, but it's true.
And I think anyone going through this struggle, no matter what their back story may be, are just as strong. Doesn't matter how we all wound up here, what is important is that we all are in the same place, and we are fighting the same fight. Yes, we all have different lives, different situations, are going through different things, and the way we may have to fight it will vary....but at the end of the day, no matter what it is you are addicted to, is just as important as what someone else may be dealing with. I don't buy into that it is worse for some - it's awful for all of us (((hugs))) - don't minimize your struggle. You are super strong. I think we all are! Even if we stumble, just come to these realizations I think are the first step. Believe me, using for pain is close to the bottom of the list of why I used.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
Amen to everything you said, Eyes. My tolerance is so high I dread to think what might happen if I ever truly do need pain relief. I am fortunate to have vibrant good health. ( except for the drug addict part ) and have no idea what real pain even is.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Love ya butter!
Lost, eyes, Elsie,TOD, good to see you! A very interesting discussion going on here....wish I had time to give my 2 cents worth...but need to go food shopping and a few other places with hubs today. Psst: I can't get him out of that harbor freight store. It used to be Home Depot....well, still is....but this store gives freebies each week. Hubs takes the coupon in to get free tarp (still in package) or another flashlight (well stocked for a power outage). Says he'll not pick up anything extra....uh huh right....comes back with something else...ALWAYS!! Which is what they want us to do! So I'll BBL guys! Glad you're doing good today!
Lost, eyes, Elsie,TOD, good to see you! A very interesting discussion going on here....wish I had time to give my 2 cents worth...but need to go food shopping and a few other places with hubs today. Psst: I can't get him out of that harbor freight store. It used to be Home Depot....well, still is....but this store gives freebies each week. Hubs takes the coupon in to get free tarp (still in package) or another flashlight (well stocked for a power outage). Says he'll not pick up anything extra....uh huh right....comes back with something else...ALWAYS!! Which is what they want us to do! So I'll BBL guys! Glad you're doing good today!
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,606
Hello guys :-) Butter is back ! oh i missed y'all so much. 
I had a super great time with my family. It felt so good to spend some time with them, chat, laugh and just be happy. I love their area and i felt truly happy when we sat in the garden and were together. My little cousins are adorable. they are 5 and 1. sooo cute. haha i think my mom wants some grandchildren now 
we see eachother way too rarely and i already miss them, but even if it was short we enjoyed it to the fullest.
happy belated birthday Dee, i wish you all the best and i hope you had a nice day
Mama enjoy your trip! have fun and drive safely
Lost, i guess you know my story and when you feel the time is right to tell your girlfriend be honest with her and give her time. especially if she has never been confronted with addiction. For me it was a huge shock when B. told me he was an addict and relapsed. i knew he did drugs and for me it was always clear that if he would use again i don't want to be with him. i knew all the stereotypes, the bad junkies and so on... it took me a while to learn about addiction and find out that it's a disease and everything. my opinion changed. you know that. tell her (if so) that she could ask anything. i wished i had had the chance to talk to B. about it, because if she does the same as i did she will read a lot of horrible things. being honest and patient are the important things. and don't take her initial reaction too personal and then show her that you are serious about recovery. if you have more question from someone who was on the other side, you can ask me anytime here or by pm.
(((((elsiee))))) and clean: love ya too
blue i am sorry i made happy-jaguar-homecoming sad. i liked her reaction and that you and hubby had a nice day
I had a super great time with my family. It felt so good to spend some time with them, chat, laugh and just be happy. I love their area and i felt truly happy when we sat in the garden and were together. My little cousins are adorable. they are 5 and 1. sooo cute. haha i think my mom wants some grandchildren now we see eachother way too rarely and i already miss them, but even if it was short we enjoyed it to the fullest.
happy belated birthday Dee, i wish you all the best and i hope you had a nice day Mama enjoy your trip! have fun and drive safely
Lost, i guess you know my story and when you feel the time is right to tell your girlfriend be honest with her and give her time. especially if she has never been confronted with addiction. For me it was a huge shock when B. told me he was an addict and relapsed. i knew he did drugs and for me it was always clear that if he would use again i don't want to be with him. i knew all the stereotypes, the bad junkies and so on... it took me a while to learn about addiction and find out that it's a disease and everything. my opinion changed. you know that. tell her (if so) that she could ask anything. i wished i had had the chance to talk to B. about it, because if she does the same as i did she will read a lot of horrible things. being honest and patient are the important things. and don't take her initial reaction too personal and then show her that you are serious about recovery. if you have more question from someone who was on the other side, you can ask me anytime here or by pm.
(((((elsiee))))) and clean: love ya too
blue i am sorry i made happy-jaguar-homecoming sad. i liked her reaction and that you and hubby had a nice day
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 598
Else, I total understand! I feel like I have "ruined" myself as well! In more ways than one I guess.
Clean, have to admit that I chuckled about your hubby's Home Depot story! Proof that men are just as bad as us, just have to get them to the right store lol.
(((Butter))), sounds like you had a great trip! I'm so glad you had a good time with your family....maybe you got a little wiener schnitzel on your trip? At a good restaurant with some sauerkraut of course!
Sorry, the devil in the Blue dress made me do it!
Clean, have to admit that I chuckled about your hubby's Home Depot story! Proof that men are just as bad as us, just have to get them to the right store lol.
(((Butter))), sounds like you had a great trip! I'm so glad you had a good time with your family....maybe you got a little wiener schnitzel on your trip? At a good restaurant with some sauerkraut of course!
Sorry, the devil in the Blue dress made me do it!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: HK
Posts: 331
Butter!!!!!!! So glad to hear you had a great time!
In my case my gf knows about my addiction, she's been helping me a lot in my recovery. The issue is that I was not myself when I was dosing and there's things she doesn't know about.
Anyway, work is going okay so far for today. How is everyone else doing? Where is Four?!?
In my case my gf knows about my addiction, she's been helping me a lot in my recovery. The issue is that I was not myself when I was dosing and there's things she doesn't know about.
Anyway, work is going okay so far for today. How is everyone else doing? Where is Four?!?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Lost I understand what you mean about things your gf doesn't know. I had to come clean to my husband about a very bad secret I was withholding from him. Just after I told him, he started packing up to leave me....I begged him to stay and that I would get help for my addiction. Although he was pretty upset....well, that isn't even the word for it....he was so many things at that moment. But he did stay and I did stop using that night. Since then he's forgiven me...and it isn't something a man would find easy to forgive, if you get what I mean. But he has...and quite frankly I will spend the rest of my life making it up to him....and to my family. But I understand how you feel, because I still have trouble forgiving myself for what I did. It helps to know he has forgiven me though....hopefully some day I will be able to forgive myself. I do know I never would have even thought about doing what I did if I hadn't been so consumed with my addiction.
I have a feeling the same is true for you. Idk what I'm trying to say here...I guess just that you are not alone....I've been in your shoes too.
Praying that your GF will see past this mistake to the awesome man that you are....that she will find it in her heart to forgive you.
I have a feeling the same is true for you. Idk what I'm trying to say here...I guess just that you are not alone....I've been in your shoes too.
Praying that your GF will see past this mistake to the awesome man that you are....that she will find it in her heart to forgive you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: HK
Posts: 331
Thankyou Clean, that does give me a lot of hope. Thank you for sharing you story *big hugs*, I think she may find it in her heart to forgive me, but it will be tough. We are lucky to have understanding partners.
It was morning when I posted, yes. It's now 3:30 in the afternoon. I'm assuming all of you kids are asleep Here's hoping for some good news from everyone tomorrow, Eyes and Four that means you two Let us know how you're doing.
Thank you again Clean, I really do appreciate it *big hugs*
It was morning when I posted, yes. It's now 3:30 in the afternoon. I'm assuming all of you kids are asleep
Here's hoping for some good news from everyone tomorrow, Eyes and Four that means you two Let us know how you're doing. Thank you again Clean, I really do appreciate it *big hugs*
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,606
oops then i jumped to the wrong conclusion. i'm sorry. But i am glad she is so supportive and is helping you. I think being honest is the best policy. When you feel the time
is right tell her and i think no matter what you have to tell her let her ask and answer every question she might have. I hope and wish you she will be able to
forgive her.
but i think and that goes to clean and you you need to forgive yourself. you closed this chapter of your life by getting clean but you can't keep moving forward if you keep beating yourself up.
guys i officially take part in the worst monday competition: doc. appointment, blood test -->needles and vaccinations --> more needles. i think
i am going to panik. Keep paniking and pass out or so.
could you keep your fingers crossed that everything goes well.
is right tell her and i think no matter what you have to tell her let her ask and answer every question she might have. I hope and wish you she will be able to
forgive her.
but i think and that goes to clean and you you need to forgive yourself. you closed this chapter of your life by getting clean but you can't keep moving forward if you keep beating yourself up.
guys i officially take part in the worst monday competition: doc. appointment, blood test -->needles and vaccinations --> more needles. i think
i am going to panik. Keep paniking and pass out or so.
could you keep your fingers crossed that everything goes well.
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Butter: They use little teeny tiny needles now! There's no reason to panic! Ask for the needle with the small plastic tube attached to it. I believe it's called a butterfly! That's what I get when I have blood drawn and I hardly feel it! You'll be fine! Just strike up a conversation with the nurse and look the other way! It will be overwith in no time! I hate needles and I made it thru 23 years of getting them! I even had to get a Hep A in my butt before going to Panama. I went to see the doctor which was in my unit too, at the hospital he worked at. He pulled me into an empty office and said to drop one side of my uniform down. He kept telling me to relax on one leg and when I didn't, he slapped me on the butt side he was going to stick the needle into. Well it worked! I relaxed quickly and he stuck the needle in. LOL You have nothing to fear!
Lost: Hang in there Dear! Put that secret you are carrying on the back burner for now. When you have a good amount of time under your feet off the meds and is feeling stronger in your Recovery? Then see if it feels like the right time to tell your GF! There are some things that never need to be told to our loved ones! It's up to us to figure out if it's worth telling or not! I have things I'll take to my grave with me. We develop a love of ourselves and others that it's essential to keep some things in the dark. But I'm not telling you what to do here either! I just want you to know you have options!
Hello to everyone else! It's 4:00 AM here and I need to get this old gal in the bed!
Waking up on day 22 free and clear of the opiates!
TOD
Lost: Hang in there Dear! Put that secret you are carrying on the back burner for now. When you have a good amount of time under your feet off the meds and is feeling stronger in your Recovery? Then see if it feels like the right time to tell your GF! There are some things that never need to be told to our loved ones! It's up to us to figure out if it's worth telling or not! I have things I'll take to my grave with me. We develop a love of ourselves and others that it's essential to keep some things in the dark. But I'm not telling you what to do here either! I just want you to know you have options!
Hello to everyone else! It's 4:00 AM here and I need to get this old gal in the bed!
Waking up on day 22 free and clear of the opiates!
TOD
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: HK
Posts: 331
22 days Tod!!! Nice stuff!!!
You guys give great advice and I'm definitely taking it on board. There will be a better time to disclose everything, and I will.
How did your appt go Butter? I hope you followed TODs advice
You guys give great advice and I'm definitely taking it on board. There will be a better time to disclose everything, and I will.
How did your appt go Butter? I hope you followed TODs advice
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