BlueChair

Tomorrow !! We are taking the day off. Ok, Husbunny said he would at least take the morning off but he might have to go in later for a while. I think not !! How can he leave during Jaguars homecoming? He's so silly !! He keeps saying its not going to be exciting. The squirrel's going to run out and be gone. Hes too practical dont you think?

buttercup89

Yes! Jaguar is coming home that's exciting I'd love to see her and how she reacts! can i join you? ;-)

BlueChair

Thank you butter. I also am going to start a petition where everyone will begin using Margarine instead of Butter in their cooking. Sure it might be a little harmful to their cholesterol but it will save you years of therapy.

BlueChair

This is interesting Clean. Ok maybe its not interesting to you because your living it, but for me its interesting. Do you think it would be a good challenge to stop smoking while you are still on the subs? I think in most addictions whether its drugs, smoking, food there is both a physical dependency, and then often an emotional attachment. If you feel like there is an emotional attachment to smoking then maybe it would help to work on this part while you are still on subs and have the support it gives. I guess I wonder if there is a correlation between smoking and subs? If so, is it physical or emotional?

Like Butter I think subs are helping you more as a medicine where smoking doesn’t really have any benefits unless it is helping emotionally. But I totally understand your wanting to taper off subs also. I just wonder if its best done together or separate? Do you think your doctor would know other peoples experiences, what is easiest? Does what Im thinking even make sense?

EyesOfAStranger

Clean, I am a heavy smoker of 22 years - 2 packs a day and think I have tried just about everything over the years - Zyban (Wellbutrin), patches, gums, mints, lozenges, you name it. Last year I was finally able to quit - using Chantix and an e-cig. I tried several different brands of the e-cig, but personally found Blu to be the best. Used their vanilla flavored cartridges, and at first the ones with nicotine in them, but eventually used the cartridges with none. Just having the vapor really helped - gave you something to have in your hand, and still had something to inhale which helps as the deep breathing is part of why smoking is relaxing. The Chantix was so helpful, especially with the "habit" cigarettes - you just kind of forget. I did get nauseous with it at first, but I didn't have any of the other common symptoms most people complain of - the very lucid dreams, hallucinations, or suicidal thoughts (yikes) so it is something to be careful of. For me it was the "right" combination. The Chantix helped me "forget" the habit smokes (all of the sudden I would be like, wow - I haven't smoked in 5 hours), and the e-cig helped with the true urges. It got to the point that I hardly used it, but was really helpful for when I was in the car and things like that.

Sadly I made it 9 months, and gave in and am back to smoking. About a pack a day, which is a bit better I guess, but I have started the Chantix again - need to kick this habit too. Having a tougher time this go around. Last time I had the motivation to quit for the surgery that I hoped would help with my knee pain, and the day I found it they would not do it until I had been in remission for at least five years was the day I picked up again. So mad at myself that I gave in! But I proved to myself I could do it once, just need to do it again

buttercup89

okay... now i might get in trouble with your husbunny ;-)

EyesOfAStranger

This hilarious! You are so funny Butter (and Blue)!

EyesOfAStranger

OK Butter.....got an odd question for you (anyone really - but with your background...)

So, I love an accent. British accents are my favorite! So tell me, what do you think about a Boston accent? Do you like it? Do you find it sexy in a man?

My ex was from Pennsylvania. I can remember watching TV with him, and watching a movie or show from Boston (like Good Will Hunting for example) with the thick Boston accent, and saying "geez - they sound ridiculous! I'm so glad I don't sound like that!" and he turned to me and said "what are you talking about? You sound exactly like that!"

Well, obviously we cannot hear our own accents I guess...but when I hear the "exaggerated" versions on TV I think they are just awful lol. Southern accents are fun....southern drawls and all that. I think ours are so "harsh". Thoughts?

buttercup89

well, honestly i only know one person with this really strong "i pahk my cah in the Havahd yahd" accent. At least there I realized it. My friends from Boston don't speak like that and i honestly, never really paid attention.

I don't know ... i guess i love every American accent. It makes me feel at home Now I wonder what kind of accent B has.. lol. I can't remember his voice I once saw a video where he was talking to his son but it sounded unfamiliar... On the other hand i'm glad we never skyped. I guess if I heard him speaking I would have dragged him down to city hall and married him right away lol

But i swear I do hope i don't have a swiss accent... then i'd go and jump into the charles

buttercup89

I wanted to write something down...

It's been almost 3 months since i came here and almost 4 months since B. told me about his addiction. yesterday i was watching tv. I only caught the last few minutes but one of the characters was a drug addict and they held an intervention and later on they showed how she wanted to come clean together with her bf and how they shot up one last time. Then I switched the channel. I didn't want to watch it, but somehow i was stuck... She was an iv user like B is.

I realized something. Drug addiction isn't something from the tv anymore. Something that's far away and that only affects the others but not myself. A person who I really like, who means a lot me and who i care about did exactly the same thing.

Today, I was reading an article on the death of peaches geldof. She died the day after B told me. The first thought I had was: Drugs and i was right. Up until a few months ago, I would have read it but it wouldn't have meant anything to me.

Now, it's different. I'm aware that i'm not really affected since B isn't my bf, but he's part of my world so addiction became somewhat part of it too. It's closer to home now.

I don't know what i want to say with that. It feels as if I just yesterday realized the whole thing that has been going on and it kinda shocked me...

Does this make sense at all? I guess i had to let this out and you're the only one i can talk about it.

buttercup89

oh and something else... it's day 18 for me and i have done a step
forward in my personal recovery. it's not much it's only a small step but i changed back to my iphone. Yet without facebook but i think i can handle it now better than before.

Mamahawk

18 days butter!!! I am so flipping proud of you!! Keep letting the days add up!

Lostinhk

Hi Butter, I can relate to what you mean, there are a lot of shows I can't watch at the moment. Even some of my favourites. I've never been a heavy drinker but even when I see shows that joke about alcoholism I have to watch something else cause I immediately get this wave of anxiety from it.

I hope you're feeling better today dear. You're doing excellent!

Lostinhk

It's day 15 for me. I really hope it starts to get easier from here on out... My mind still feels like death warmed up but I'm feeling better compared to yesterday.

cleaninLI

Thank you everyone for your input! I appreciate it really I do!
Blue I like your suggestion of quitting smoking first so I have a crutch still. That makes sense. I am an addict by nature.....so it seems I can't get get away from some type of DOC. I think it's best to try to make those as healthy as possible.

Eyes your experience with chantix really helps me! Thank you so much! That's what I need....something that helps me forget about wanting to smoke. I took chantix for two days several years ago....It made my dreams very vivid, so I quit. Honestly, it wasn't that bad....I think I just wasn't ready to quit then. I should have held out longer than I did.
I've tried the e-cig too...the one you mentioned....I liked it....but again I wasn't ready to get serious about quitting. In the past I quit many times.....usually during pregnancy. But I had a very good incentive to quit. I even quit for many years, but went back to it the first time a got clean from pills and attended IOP....it was the thing to do....go down and have smoke breaks!
My bio mom who is still alive has been a smoker for over 40 years....she's in very bad shape with chronic bronchitis and (what's that disease where it's hard to breath?) lost my train of thought! Anyway she's in her 60's now.....I don't want that to be me! Nor do I want heart disease or cancer. I feel like God has given me a new life....but it's up to me to take care of myself and make the most of my life. Has anyone felt that way in recovery?
Congrats mama on your clean days and to butter on her recovery days!

Blue I'm happy that jaguar is coming home! Yay!

Lost sorry you are struggling....but feel you ignore me....whenever I reply to you. Not sure what I've done....if I said something you didn't like...sorry if I did.

Ok gonna go clean the dinner dishes now but will BBL!

Lostinhk

No not at all Clean!!! It's just the past few days I haven't been in here much as I'm really drained and it's hard to go through all the messages.

I am so sorry for making you feel like you did something wrong! Not at all, it's just me being a lazy depressed recovering addict. *big hugs* I'm sorry clean

Dee74

You guys move so fast I have no idea whats going on

I hope everyone has a great weekend

D

Mamahawk

You may not want to know Dee. We go from ranting and raving to crying, to being silly, to outright crazy in the blink of an eye.
Hope you are well Dee.

cleaninLI

Oh thank you lost I feel better now! I thought maybe I said something that upset you....since my kids have been home for summer it's been so hard for me to post. I don't think there's been a day that I've been able to write something that I haven't been interrupted by "Mom I'm hungry" or "Mom so and so is bothering me!" Or "where did you put this or that!"...and it goes on and on....so if I wrote something that upset you or anyone for that matter....I'm sorry....it is never my intention to hurt anyone's feelings....or ignore anyone....if I have trouble keeping up....I'm sorry about that too.

You are going thru an extremely tough time right now! It's very hard to concentrate....so I understand. But the main thing is that you are doing it! You have several clean days and you are moving forward! That's a wonderful thing!

((Hugs)) back!

Mamahawk

Lost clean is right. You can do it. If we can, you can. You just have to be strong.