mkintexas

Final. I am doing this under the care of a dr. But as far as family support. No there is nor will there be any support from them. So in that respect. Yea. Doing this alone.

dSober

You don't have to:

Home

cleaninLI

Mk that's great....thanks for checking in. I was missing you! Just to let you know, my initial dose was almost twice that....so it makes sense that you needed a little higher dose. Actually, to my knowledge that's an average amount. I'm glad to see that you found what you needed, though. As far as support it doesn't HAVE to come from family. WE are your support right?

Anyway, I'm so happy that we are all doing good right now! I hope everyone has a great day!

jokerz4u

You have us, so you are not alone.

TiredEnough

SR has done fine as a stand in for me. You guys know more than anyone I know would

Some folks need face to face support and some don't. If you are solid and committed to quitting, that's what matters IMHO.

mkintexas

I certainly do not discount the value and support I get from SR. I thought maybe final was referring to face to face. That's all I meant by "alone"

cleaninLI

MK, No, I know that, I wasn't saying that you did nor did I think you were discounting our support. The way I read your post was that you were sad by your lack of family support and I don't blame you for that, so I was only reassuring you that you are not alone in this that we are here for you! That's all I meant. You understand?

Of course, if you feel you need f2f support too, by all means, you should find it however you can. That's your decision to make, but you will always have us too. I'm so happy that you are doing well!

Yes TE I agree with you....the most important work in recovery is done by ourselves. No matter how much support we have or lack thereof if we aren't willing to do what it takes internally we won't be successful. Only WE can do this for OURSELVES....there is no easy way out....unfortunately. I wish there were. Ugh!

But I will tell you all this....You guys have been been MY biggest support. Even though my family knows about my addiction/recovery and tries to support me....they really don't understand like YOU GUYS do! So thank you for being my biggest fan club! I'm not sure I could have done this without you!

TiredEnough

Mk, you and I are in the same boat but its not the end of the world. We can make it, it may just take a little extra effort in some ways. Like Clean says, YOU are the biggest part of your recovery. As long as you have that part covered, you'll be ok.

finaltime

I am glad you are well MK and off the junk!! Proud of you! I tried doing it alone and was never successful, not that I am successful now only 20 days but its a start. The meeting a day is helping, I went today to the lunch meeting. Nice to share what is on my chest. Clean is right, comes down to US. I just am so powerless and tried for a million years, I really hope this time it sticks. I swear week one was so hard because I was sick with detox, week 2 I was ok feeling better, now this week I am starting to see the damage I have caused and dealing with that. Trying to be honest with my sponsor, working through the resentments but most importantly just trying to stay in the damn moment. If I can get through another hour sober I am good. Cravings are minimal, now its the deep emotion from all the feelings and figuring out why I prefer to stay numb then over being a normie.

Its not easy. I think working this program for the first time ever is going to be so hard but nothing can get worse that is for sure. I am desperate for a change, what I was doing (using, blowing cash, pissing people off because of me feeling like a loser) was NOT working.

For today I can say I am trying. Thinking about all of you. Even a woman said today in the meeting that she knows a lot of people that got sober on their own or through church or another program, it comes down to each individual. AND sr has been great for sure, I just need to be more honest on her. This doesn't help me about learning why or how or what or dealing with character defects or finding my higher power, so maybe I should start writing about all of that. I know you guys wouldn't mind!

My boss walking in after a crap day of others finally telling me what a slacker I have been at work was a sign from my HP for sure. Got a bomb new contract! thanks HP. I also called my brother this am and called my mom. Since being sober I am reaching out a lot more. I want to tell my family I am in recovery, my mom knows but nobody else. THis is key if I want to go home this summer and stay sober. Key. My brothers know and brothers wife, so really its just my dad. He is the tough one, don't want to disappoint him and if he knew i have lost my house, retirement, self esteem I think he might not be too sad, I think he will be proud that I am trying to find a better life.

Maybe. Just rambling now.

Loves

dSober

I can only tell you guys what finally seems to be working for me after years of trying to get my sh*t together:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...where-god.html

Results so far?: I have been unemployed, unemployable really, for years. I'm on social relief right now to eat. I finally decided I had to pull my shamed head out of the sand and reach out to everywhere I could including old friends I haven't spoken to in years. I also went to church with my neighbors, again, for the first time in years.

After Easter Sunday service, I went to lunch with two old colleagues and friends. One of them, who recently started his own business, asked me to follow up with him by coming to his office yesterday. I did. After chatting for a couple hours, he offered me a job helping him grow his business. We both know I've never sold before but that's what he wants me to do, and now, I think I can (just that the little engine that could, lol). He's putting his money where his mouth, and faith in me, is with a generous salary, benefits and a sharing of the wealth for any new business I pull in.

Why? I think my new attitude, and humbling myself before my Maker on Easter Sunday has a whole lot to do with it. I believe I've been resurrected!

finaltime

dsober that is excellent news!!!! I don't know your story, but love what I am hearing. That is awesome.

mkintexas

Still going. I will say I am sleeping better now it seems. When I was active I owe several times a night. Not sure why. It wasn't in WD or anything like that. Now, almost 2 weeks in to sub I only wake once a night. However, I am feeling pretty tired throughout the day for some reason.

Clean, yes. I am a bit sad in that I don't have a family capable of supporting me. But that is reality, I have been dealt a 2 7 offsuit. Hold'em fans will know what that means.

Anyway hope everyone is having a good one.

Jessika78

Hi all! Sorry I haven't been around in a while. Life's been crazy lately with my husband working more out of town again. I found out that I'm pregnant with our 4th babe, so I've been exhausted and nauseous all the time. I've been switched to subutex, and I am weaning off of that hopefully within the month. At about 1 mg a day right now. I also just weaned off of Klonopin. I took a very low dose, so it wasn't difficult at all (I've been off and on it several times over the years). Gotta get healthy to carry this babe! My sub doc is not on board with me weaning, but that's non-negotiable to me. Plus he's proven himself to be a moron anyway recently, so I HAVE to be done with him. I will NOT go back to that quack.

Anyway, I'm so glad to see everyone hanging in there! I had a very brief relapse a while back, maybe a month ago or so? My old dealer calls me out of the blue occasionally, and I was stupid and gave in. Didn't even let the sub clear my system so I could feel the darn things, which was actually probably a good thing. Still disappointed in myself. I need a way to get rid of him for good. Anybody have any good apps for blocking cell #'s? I downloaded one a while back and couldn't figure out how to use it. Doh.

Missed y'all! I'll try to be around more often.

finaltime

WOW congrats on the 4th baby!!!! That is awesome!!!! As for blocking I don't know, I have an iPhone and it has it directly on their contacts. How about just telling him to NEVER call you again. I also used to have Verizon when I lived in the states, and I went online and could put in the numbers I wanted blocked.

Keep posting!

Jessika78

Thanks girl! I have an iPhone as well but don't have that feature. Was it part of the iOS update? If so, I haven't done one on my phone yet. I've told him not to call, and so has my husband. He won't do it for a while and then will call under the guise that he's been wondering how we were. I don't answer, but he's caught me a time or two calling from a different number. He'll tell me he has some free ones he owes me knowing I probably won't pass that up. Anyway, I'm not worried about it now because I won't use while I'm pregnant, and hopefully by the time I have this baby, he'll be long gone.

fearNloathing

Nights worse than days, too busy during the day to think about anything other than getting the task at hand done, but the nighttime is killing me insomnia, racing thoughts, boredom are making me jones to get out and party hard till I don't remember feeling like a caged wild hungry animal.
I know stay busy find something to do, well it's not working at the moment I know all the things I should be doing but they are not working.

If I tell my Dr. meds are the 1st thing he will suggest, so screw that I don't want drugs of anyknind esp Rx, they are like a match to a gas tank wrapped in TNT for me.

I hate this!!!

cleaninLI

Well,
Just popping in to tell you guys I have my doctor's appointment in an hour. Must get ready to go. This will be my first real thorough medical exam post addiction. I'm a nervous wreck. Afraid I might have done some real damage.

Thanks everyone and have a great weekend!

mkintexas

Clean. You will be fine. Addiction aside opiates I don't believe opiates do any real physical damage itself. More so the Tylenol we take with it.

Look forward to a good medical report from you.

I am now starting week 3 on sub. Fatigue is becoming a real issue. I am
Nodding off at work. It isn't as bad when I take only 2mg in the morning. But if I take 4mg it is. Does that mean I don't need to be at 4mg?

Any suggestions on combating this extreme tiredness? Sleep has not been an issue.

AveryMarie

Good luck Clean! I had my appointment this morning. I was honest with my doctor that I slipped up 2 nights ago. I was scared to death to tell her but honesty is the only way any of us are going to get through this. I beat myself up for a day, started to feel even worse and realized I need to keep a positive attitude. We will have slip ups and its all about relearning certain behaviors. Back to square one and I just dropped from 4mg to 2mg so let me know how your appointment goes Clean! I'm nervous about dropping to 2 but I just want this over with.

OpioPhobe

Mk - really glad to see you are sticking with it. Congrats on 3 weeks. Subs may be different, but if I was nodding on opis it was because I took a relatively high dose. Are there other negative effects when you only take the 2 mg (e.g. do the cravings come back strong)? Did your doc give specific instructions on the morning / evening dosing?

Have you been able to exercise? That is the best thing for me with fatigue. Also, sugary foods would make me tired after the sugar wore off. Replacing those with things like peanut butter (i.e. foods that don't cause a sharp a rise in blood sugar) helped level things out. Have you had your blood pressure checked with the doc recently? Low bp would make me extremely fatigued, but high bp would make me feel amped up. It was a pretty dramatic effect actually.