Drummers Story Part 2
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 524
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: crooklyn
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by Drummer 
TE-the issue is, once again I am unemployed and want to work ASAP, once I discovered that Methadone was losing its effectiveness, simply not working, i wanted off of it quickly. I did try a kind of taper and the whole time I was just stressed about the taper, and already feeling withdrawal.
I just had to stop it all together, just like last time. Dr offered me oxy today and to taper off that. I just shook my head.
I cant go to interviews until I am better, i was just delaying the inevitable, and it was causing anxiety. So today is day 1 off all opiates, day 6 cold turkey off methadone.
Going to follow as best I can what worked for me in sept 2013, with more help this time.
I just want some semblance of my life before all of this. And if quitting opiates is going to give me at the very least a chance at that, then why not start immediately?
It is all I care about, it is what I want most, and I just cant delay it. NOW is the time, before I get a new job, before I am 10 years into opiate use with everything I cared about in my life destroyed.
I just had to stop it all together, just like last time. Dr offered me oxy today and to taper off that. I just shook my head.
I cant go to interviews until I am better, i was just delaying the inevitable, and it was causing anxiety. So today is day 1 off all opiates, day 6 cold turkey off methadone.
Going to follow as best I can what worked for me in sept 2013, with more help this time.
I just want some semblance of my life before all of this. And if quitting opiates is going to give me at the very least a chance at that, then why not start immediately?
It is all I care about, it is what I want most, and I just cant delay it. NOW is the time, before I get a new job, before I am 10 years into opiate use with everything I cared about in my life destroyed.
ur right the time is now just stay in that mind frame and dont look back. get that job and get that money. ull feel better than any pill could make u feel. trust me i been through it. it does get greater later aslong u work for it and it is worth working for. goodluck to you
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 524
It doesnt matter what I do or say. My wife hates me. She says I have stolen her life. She is always angry and mean to me now. I have no desire for opiates, but my will to continue this struggle barely exists.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Western NY
Posts: 1,209
Drummer - I dealt with that exact same feeling for the first 30 days with my wife. Even though I was getting better physically, the mental beat down from the wifey was tough to swallow. I almost laugh about some of the things she got angry about and blamed my addiction on. Literally, if I forgot to take out the garbage I was told that it was because I was a heroin addict (I think the logic was that I didn't take out the garbage because I was dopesick). She loved to really emphasize the word HEROIN in our arguments too (e.g. when calling me a heroin addict). Her way of dealing with any of her own problems was to use me as an emotional punching bag.
I really thought things were going to be hopeless with my marriage for a while. It was hard for me to see any possibility of reconciliation given everything that had been said. As soon as she got on a new medication the old her came back, and the reign of terror came to an end. There were dark times...times where it really felt hopeless to keep going, but it worked out in the end.
Don't give up Drummer. You have come way too far to give up now. Things may seem irreconcilable now, but I would say to make every effort to be patient. Your wife very well may come around once you have more time under your belt.
Do you know if your wife looking to others for advice with your relationship? Is there any way to approach those people to make amends, and to show them that you are serious about staying sober? Perhaps if you can win some of them over you can get some of those outside influences working in your favor.
I really thought things were going to be hopeless with my marriage for a while. It was hard for me to see any possibility of reconciliation given everything that had been said. As soon as she got on a new medication the old her came back, and the reign of terror came to an end. There were dark times...times where it really felt hopeless to keep going, but it worked out in the end.
Don't give up Drummer. You have come way too far to give up now. Things may seem irreconcilable now, but I would say to make every effort to be patient. Your wife very well may come around once you have more time under your belt.
Do you know if your wife looking to others for advice with your relationship? Is there any way to approach those people to make amends, and to show them that you are serious about staying sober? Perhaps if you can win some of them over you can get some of those outside influences working in your favor.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 524
Wow, where to start?
Lets start with today being day 41. And, day 7 off cigarettes!
Last Sunday I went to the ER with severe depression. I wont go into the details now, or maybe never because it would give up personal info.
So, they admit me to the psych unit for depression and substance abuse. I thought, ok, fine.
I seriously cannot express how much this past week has helped me. Be it coping skills for anxiety, depression, etc. But the best part was the people. From the other patients to the staff, EVERYONE was absolutely wonderful. My meds have stayed the same, although they tried adding Lunesta to help me sleep, not sure how well it worked.
One thing is sure, I should have entered a 28 day in-patient program at like day 1. What a great and valuable experience I had this week.
No phones or internet so that is why the silence on SR.
Feeling VERY good!
Did not use any nicotine replacement products, but I have been craving. We shall see how far I take the cigg thing.
But here I am on day 41 and feeling as strong as ever!
Lets start with today being day 41. And, day 7 off cigarettes!
Last Sunday I went to the ER with severe depression. I wont go into the details now, or maybe never because it would give up personal info.
So, they admit me to the psych unit for depression and substance abuse. I thought, ok, fine.
I seriously cannot express how much this past week has helped me. Be it coping skills for anxiety, depression, etc. But the best part was the people. From the other patients to the staff, EVERYONE was absolutely wonderful. My meds have stayed the same, although they tried adding Lunesta to help me sleep, not sure how well it worked.
One thing is sure, I should have entered a 28 day in-patient program at like day 1. What a great and valuable experience I had this week.
No phones or internet so that is why the silence on SR.
Feeling VERY good!
Did not use any nicotine replacement products, but I have been craving. We shall see how far I take the cigg thing.
But here I am on day 41 and feeling as strong as ever!
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Houston Texas
Posts: 676
Glad you are okay bro. Congratulations on letting walls down by going to the hospital. Sometimes that is what we need but sometimes we don't have the courage to let those walls down. Well done.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 524
I actually went to stay with a relative for a bit more at the request of my wife. I dont want to blame her for much of anything, but it has been good to be around positive people particularly around my recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 524
Day 42, Easter Sunday.
Pretty much alone 24/7 now, no family stuff today, which is strange. Keeping active trying to get settled into this old, dirty, run-down home. The place has a very strong smell of both cat and dog urine. Everything in the fridge is moldy. Ha, I thought I had a lot of stuff to do at my old place.
Anyways. Going to at least clean up the room I am sleeping in, then maybe the kitchen next.
Still not smoking, but it is a struggle at times (day 8)
Pretty much alone 24/7 now, no family stuff today, which is strange. Keeping active trying to get settled into this old, dirty, run-down home. The place has a very strong smell of both cat and dog urine. Everything in the fridge is moldy. Ha, I thought I had a lot of stuff to do at my old place.
Anyways. Going to at least clean up the room I am sleeping in, then maybe the kitchen next.
Still not smoking, but it is a struggle at times (day 8)
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Ok, I am caught up now! I'm glad you went to the hospital and they helped you! That's great! You said you are with a relative? Idk maybe I missed something because now it looks like you are in your own place. Oh well, thats none of my business! I'm just glad you are still going strong! I've had some holidays that weren't too good and ones that were awesome....it's just a part of life, I think. So I hope you're not feeling down about spending Easter alone this year. It's just one Easter....one day! The main thing is that you are still clean...you got some help from the hospital staff and you still haven't smoked a cigerette! That's amazing! Remember you are not alone....we are here with you every step of the way!
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 524
Thank you cL!
The home I am staying in is being foreclosed in the next couple months, it has been neglected, and I am alone, but it was my only option so I will do my best to make the most of an unstable situation.
I dont crave opiates at all. What I REALLY crave is a job, and cigarettes from time to time. I have been having sharp pain on the bad ankle foot, around my achilles tendon.
Most places say to not ignore it, and it has bothered me for a month, so I am going to make an appointment with a foot specialist. Obviously all pain issues/med issues are done through my pain/addiction Dr. At its best it is a pain of 0, at worst, maybe a 5-6. I might just need some physical therapy or something minor like that.
The home I am staying in is being foreclosed in the next couple months, it has been neglected, and I am alone, but it was my only option so I will do my best to make the most of an unstable situation.
I dont crave opiates at all. What I REALLY crave is a job, and cigarettes from time to time. I have been having sharp pain on the bad ankle foot, around my achilles tendon.
Most places say to not ignore it, and it has bothered me for a month, so I am going to make an appointment with a foot specialist. Obviously all pain issues/med issues are done through my pain/addiction Dr. At its best it is a pain of 0, at worst, maybe a 5-6. I might just need some physical therapy or something minor like that.
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