CandyShopper71

Help me.

All my life, and up to a couple of years ago (I am aged 42) I had never really bothered with cocaine.

A male friend of mine started coming around my place a couple of years ago, and bringing loads of alcohol and cocaine with him. He would spend hundreds of pounds and share freely (since then he is up to his eyeballs in debt).

The alcohol never interested me but I found myself getting excited about the coke when he came around. I got the telephone number from him for a really good dealer (the coke was brill) and started getting into taking it, even on nights indoors on my own. I started doing it more and more, by this time on my own, as I didn't want to share my supply.

Last summer, I blew £5,000 in three weeks on the coke and I'm still doing it. I sniff but I also wash some up as well and make a crack pipe.

My 18-year-old son caught me at it last October and I swore blind I would never do it again - but I have - behind his back ......until today. I was on the crack pipe in my room and he caught me - he was shouting and screaming and saying he was going to call the police. I begged him not to involve the police. He binned my crack pipe and my last amount of cocaine and all today I have been feeling so guilty. He said to me a couple of hours ago that he will keep it between us BUT I MUST STOP.

I now realise that it's time for me to stop - but I know I'm going to be tempted and I am going to find this so hard. The cocaine makes me feel so happy - I don't even take it going out partying, I like to take it indoors and lay around feeling high. I adore my son. I can't cope. I don't want to let him down. HELP.

feeling-good

I don't really have any words of advice as I have never been addicted to cocaine but I just wanted to send you hugs and hope

Others will be along with help soon. SR is a great place

CandyShopper71

Thank you feeling-good.

I'm so happy I came across this website.

I was feeling so blue, Googling "my son caught me doing drugs" and all the links were for "what to do if you find out your child takes drugs"

I felt so ashamed and then I happened across this website - wow, I feel better already. I really feel this is my first step on the road off the powder and off the awful crack pipe.

doggonecarl

Welcome to Sober Recovery. Stopping is the right decision.

Then show him you are serious about quitting. That isn't done by promising until you are blue in the face that you are going to quit. Words from an addict mean little (as you already know).

Action counts. Find a Narcotics Anonymous meeting. Take active steps to work on your recovery...steps he can see and steps that will keep you engaged in staying clean.

Carlotta

to the family.
You have found a very good and supportive site here. I have zero experience with crack cocaine but I am sure others will chirp in who can help.
I hope you will join us at the 24 hours club where we commit not to drink or drug for the next 24 hours. Before you know it, those days do add up
Also there is a chat room on site which is open 24/7
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-welcome.html

Impurrfect

Welcome to SR! Though I abused different substances, crack is the one thing that took me to my knees, my ultimate bottom.

It will drag you down fast and hard. There is no physical withdrawal, it's all mental and it is NOT easy but it is possible. You have to want recovery more than anything else.

Crack will convince you that it's not that big a deal at the time. Looking back, I went through a ton of money (and turned to prostitution to support my habit), days turned into weeks, months and years, and I didn't have a clue what was going on with my family as I was too busy working on the next hit.

If you haven't gotten to this point yet? You will. I was an RN, KNEW better, swore I'd never do crack and I ended up a total crackhead.

You deserve recovery, your son deserves a parent he doesn't have to worry about using. I'll have 7 years in recovery next month. Going through some major stress in my life, but hitting a crack pipe? Not an option.

I hope you keep reading and posting. I read a lot when I first came here (and lurked forever before signing on). Though crack is different than heroin or alcohol or whatever, I found that the FEELINGS people went through with the different substances were very similar. We have a common bond - we take/use something to numb us out from reality.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

CandyShopper71

Well, this has struck a chord - I have a male friend (not the friend I first mentioned above) who is a crack user. If he pays, he insists I sleep with him as a repayment.

I will admit that I have done this, but I have made the decision, after what happened today with my son catching me and all, to stay well away from this so-called-friend.

He was actually trying to pimp me out last week, saying a work-colleague of his would pay to sleep with me. I refused.

Basically, I am on the cusp of prostitution.

Dee74

Hi CandyShopper - welcome

Sounds like some excellent reasons to quit and stay quit.
You'll find a lot of support here

D

JustMeg

I'm glad you found your way here Candyshopper. Hope you find the support and info useful. Stay safe

CandyShopper71

Thanks to you all for your lovely replies.

You don't know how many hours I have spent in the past, investigating the web to read other users' stories. And it's all here. Thank you. I registered immediately when I came across this site.

Tryin2Recover

Candy, welcome to SR and thanks for your brutal honesty. The lengths we go in addiction can seem so shocking to an outsider but I can relate to the desperation you have described here. I strongly suggest you seek help. I found recovery in the rooms of 12 step meetings. Go to one, try NA or AA or CA, just go there and have an open mind and get honest. You don't ever have to use again, and you can be the great mother your son deserves, but it will take work.

Please keep posting here.

Hope4Life

Welcome to SR, Candyshopper71. I have some experience with cocaine, although it has been 33 years since I gave it up. My habit had me using at least a gram a day for about a year (sometimes A LOT more....). I snorted most of it but also got into smoking what was called 'freebase' at that time. I stopped 'COLD TURKEY' and have NEVER touched that POISON again and so can you.

I need to say that if you want to stop you need to remove EVERYONE and ANYONE who is still using from your life. Get rid of any pipes, tooters and especially the coke. You can stop but you need DETERMINATION on your side.

Your son HAS TO BE the #1 priority in your life, so make up your mind that you are done and that part of your life is over.

I am really glad you have found us as you will find lots of support here. Don't hesitate to post when you need help but PLEASE post BEFORE you get back into it.... OK?

bigsombrero

Ouch, that's hard to read. What about reaching out for help? Narcotics anonymous, maybe? I know that sounds scary, but man...your own son is catching you hitting the crack pipe. If there's such a thing as "a sign" to get help, this is it. I think you know it - you've posted here about this before and I can tell it's breaking your heart. Drop everything and get some help...it works. At least give it a try. Don't you owe that to yourself, if not your son?

All the best and I hope all goes well for you.

Mountainmanbob

I think that you will find much support here

plus

attending local meetings in your area -- probably a good idea



Mountainman

CandyShopper71

Thanks again, to all of you for your replies.

My son was away from home last night and I really had a good think about him catching me on the crack pipe and how life is strange in regards to the fact that a shocking, terrible thing happens but in a strange way it was for the best.

I believe my son finding me out has been the kick-start I needed to wake up and start getting real. Felt a bit sad too last night looking at his belongings and thinking "Bless him" PS - He's absolutely gorgeous as well, like a model, and really intelligent. An ace lad.

My addiction: I am going to fight this ******

JustMeg

Good for you making that decision to stop candyshopper. How has your day been? How are you doing?

athene

I hope that you can find what you need for change & carrying on with a sober life. There is a better way of life out there for you & while "life on life's terms" can be a struggle, you can see so many people who have turned it around, or to see the ones who haven't & the true perils of addiction. You are role modeling to your son, which I think you can see & your actions do affect him. I grew up w/ pot & alcohol all around, and it normalized the presence of substances in my life, which I'm dealing with now after 25 years not sober. If you can find a spirituality at this time, it helps to turn it over & pray for everything, nothing is too small.

CandyShopper71

Feeling so proud of myself today - stopped off at a friend's house on the way home from shopping today, and he had a dealer outside his place, where he'd just purchased some crack which he EXPECTED ME TO PAY FOR. I told him to get lost and walked away.

I did receive a few abusive texts, calling me all sorts of names, but I couldn't care less - I feel so proud and happy to have walked away. Now, I'm enjoying a lovely, pleasant evening indoors, albeit straight, but happy, and with more money in my pocket. HOORAY!

Hope4Life

Congratulations on your resolve to stop.

PLEASE, remove this person from your list of friends! DO NOT 'stop off' at his house ANYMORE! Look at those 2 highlighted statements above...

Would a true friend do either of these things? The answer is NO!

CandyShopper71

Believe me, I WILL NEVER BE IN CONTACT WITH, OR NEAR THIS SO-CALLED FRIEND EVER AGAIN, AND GOD, HOW HAPPY AM I GOING TO BE!!!!