Newbie - just sharing
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Central CT
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Newbie - just sharing
Posted this in wrong forum previously I think.
Well, I"m a 56yo male who has been on and off opiates for 10 years or so. Previous to my current withdrawl, and attempt to rid my body, mind and soul of opiates, I had been on suboxone for about 3 years. HUGE mistake. It did what the percocets did for me (without the very brief euphoria) and let me function somewhat normally and also killed any craving for perks, or the like. Never did much drugs in the last 10 years except perc's.
In July 2012 I decided to quite the suboxone. I was told the withdrawl symptoms are much easier than opiates, heroin, etc. BIG MISTAKE. I had cut back one night on my dosage and went thru some sweats/chills but nothing too bad. So I thought, "Hey, if this is the worst it gets, I can do this". So I went for it. And it was pure hell for me. Around day 3, 4 and 5 it hit me and hit me hard for the first 2 weeks. I had to take off work for a full week. So I was absolutely miserable. Chills/sweats, diarhhea somewhat but manageable. By far the worst part was 1. Restless legs. 2. Insomnia 3. Zero energy - everything was an effort. Even brushing my teeth. On top of that, I was doing this during the worst heat wave of the summer. We don't have AC in our house (live in CT) but use fans and have a pool in back yard. Unfortunately, the nights were still hot even with the fans. Days were unbearable. Even the pool made me miserable as it gave me the chills when I came out of the water. Even in 98 degree heat wave. It was around week 4 that I was still not feeling well but had gone back to work by day 11 of my recovery. I couldnt' function at all. Prayed for lunch break and then for quitting time and basically could barely function at work. Stared at a computer all day and surfed the web but couldn't bear to even focus on work.
I was praying the entire time for week 5 to be much better as I had scheduled a trip to Calif to see my son. We went to San Fran and I was still miserable but tried to hide it and bare with it for the sake of my family who wanted to enjoy San Fran. Not a very pleasant trip for me.
It never really got better until I forced myself to get back to the gym. First week or two was tough but felt better the more I got more active. By maybe week 9 or 10 I was doing much better although energy was still a problem.
So here is my other big mistake. Thinking I am now better and just wondering what it would be like to take a pill or 2 and convince myself I can handle it, I bought a few pills, did them, Got my energy back. More of a sociable personality etc. But kept off till the following weekend. And bought a few more. However, as the weeks went by, I went from 3 a week to 10 a week and then more. My supplier went to Florda for a month. I bought 50 15mg percs and had a plan to taper down to 1 1/2 per day the first two weeks, and 1 a day the last 2 weeks until she got back and then maybe quite.
What a joke. I finished the fifty in 10 days. So I bought 20 more and cleaned that person out of his stash. Did those in 3 days. My final day, Jan 3, I took my last 15mg perc and awaited what lied ahead. I knew it was going to be miserable but wanted the weekend to deal with the hard part.
Wd's started about 12 hours later. That night, sweats, chills, runny nose, and diarrhea. 24 hours in, diarrhea, insomnia despiate 12mgs melatonin, GABA and l-tryptophan and calcium. Got maybe 90 minutes of crappy sleep.
Got the Immodium to control the diarrhea. Taking Vitamins B Complex, C, MultiVitamin, Potassium, bananas, and lots of gatorade.
Thinking about going to work MOnday despite not feeling well, no energy except, kidney stone yesterday. Now I"m 3 days in and on the downside of the worst of WD's. Go to ER, they want to shoot me up with Dilaudid. Thank God I found the strength to turn them down and refused the shot. Why? Because I am so sick of being sick. I also go a script of percs 20 5mg's just in case the kidney stone became unbearable. However, I had my wife pick up that script and told her to hold onto them only in case of emergency. Where I found the strength to do that, I can only give credit to God who was watching out for me and answering my prayers.
Today I am 4 days in and starting day 5. Feeling a little better. Nighttime worrying me but I had 1 valium, NyQuil and melatonin to help me sleep. I'm going to try no valium tonight and just NyQuil and 3mg Melatonin and see how that goes. Also, thinking about going to work despite the fact I still have kidney stone stuck right at junction of my bladder and ureter. Drinking and peeing every 20 minutes to try to flush it out. Otherwise, they go in and have to grab it and I really wouldn't want to go thru that unless they put me out. But I would request NO narcotics. No way.
I"m hoping I"m done. I know now I can't control my addiction. I thought I could but that was the addict inside me telling me otherwise. Hoping for a good night sleep tonight and we'll see about work tomorrow. Going stir crazy at home. Just wanted to share. My prayers for all of you.
Wanted to add a word of caution re: suboxone. If you decide to use it, I suggest only for a very short term IF your intention is to get completely off of opiates, heroin, etc. If however, you need it for longer term as a maintenance because you feel you will relapse if you don't have suboxone to repel the urges, just know that when you do finally decide to come off of suboxone, to do it with a taper plan in mind. I went from 4mg to 6mg per day to zero and it is a very very long withdrawal and recovery period. I know...I went thru the agony.
Anyways, this is my first day on this site. I apologize for the long intro. I needed to just let go and I did it in this forum. Sorry.
Going out for a walk in the bitter cold to get some fresh air. 4 hours into day 5. Feeling better. A little more energy. Hot baths help. Exercise..just freaking getting off the couch and moving is very helpful.
It's 10 degrees outside with windchills about 10-15 below. But I dont' care. I bundled up and need some fresh air and clear my head from suffering the past 4 days.
God bless you all! Stay strong. I am sure as heck going to give it my best try. I"m 56yo and need to be done with this. For those younger, heed my words, get out now and get your life on track. Don't give into the urge to relapse. And I pray I don't either.
Well, I"m a 56yo male who has been on and off opiates for 10 years or so. Previous to my current withdrawl, and attempt to rid my body, mind and soul of opiates, I had been on suboxone for about 3 years. HUGE mistake. It did what the percocets did for me (without the very brief euphoria) and let me function somewhat normally and also killed any craving for perks, or the like. Never did much drugs in the last 10 years except perc's.
In July 2012 I decided to quite the suboxone. I was told the withdrawl symptoms are much easier than opiates, heroin, etc. BIG MISTAKE. I had cut back one night on my dosage and went thru some sweats/chills but nothing too bad. So I thought, "Hey, if this is the worst it gets, I can do this". So I went for it. And it was pure hell for me. Around day 3, 4 and 5 it hit me and hit me hard for the first 2 weeks. I had to take off work for a full week. So I was absolutely miserable. Chills/sweats, diarhhea somewhat but manageable. By far the worst part was 1. Restless legs. 2. Insomnia 3. Zero energy - everything was an effort. Even brushing my teeth. On top of that, I was doing this during the worst heat wave of the summer. We don't have AC in our house (live in CT) but use fans and have a pool in back yard. Unfortunately, the nights were still hot even with the fans. Days were unbearable. Even the pool made me miserable as it gave me the chills when I came out of the water. Even in 98 degree heat wave. It was around week 4 that I was still not feeling well but had gone back to work by day 11 of my recovery. I couldnt' function at all. Prayed for lunch break and then for quitting time and basically could barely function at work. Stared at a computer all day and surfed the web but couldn't bear to even focus on work.
I was praying the entire time for week 5 to be much better as I had scheduled a trip to Calif to see my son. We went to San Fran and I was still miserable but tried to hide it and bare with it for the sake of my family who wanted to enjoy San Fran. Not a very pleasant trip for me.
It never really got better until I forced myself to get back to the gym. First week or two was tough but felt better the more I got more active. By maybe week 9 or 10 I was doing much better although energy was still a problem.
So here is my other big mistake. Thinking I am now better and just wondering what it would be like to take a pill or 2 and convince myself I can handle it, I bought a few pills, did them, Got my energy back. More of a sociable personality etc. But kept off till the following weekend. And bought a few more. However, as the weeks went by, I went from 3 a week to 10 a week and then more. My supplier went to Florda for a month. I bought 50 15mg percs and had a plan to taper down to 1 1/2 per day the first two weeks, and 1 a day the last 2 weeks until she got back and then maybe quite.
What a joke. I finished the fifty in 10 days. So I bought 20 more and cleaned that person out of his stash. Did those in 3 days. My final day, Jan 3, I took my last 15mg perc and awaited what lied ahead. I knew it was going to be miserable but wanted the weekend to deal with the hard part.
Wd's started about 12 hours later. That night, sweats, chills, runny nose, and diarrhea. 24 hours in, diarrhea, insomnia despiate 12mgs melatonin, GABA and l-tryptophan and calcium. Got maybe 90 minutes of crappy sleep.
Got the Immodium to control the diarrhea. Taking Vitamins B Complex, C, MultiVitamin, Potassium, bananas, and lots of gatorade.
Thinking about going to work MOnday despite not feeling well, no energy except, kidney stone yesterday. Now I"m 3 days in and on the downside of the worst of WD's. Go to ER, they want to shoot me up with Dilaudid. Thank God I found the strength to turn them down and refused the shot. Why? Because I am so sick of being sick. I also go a script of percs 20 5mg's just in case the kidney stone became unbearable. However, I had my wife pick up that script and told her to hold onto them only in case of emergency. Where I found the strength to do that, I can only give credit to God who was watching out for me and answering my prayers.
Today I am 4 days in and starting day 5. Feeling a little better. Nighttime worrying me but I had 1 valium, NyQuil and melatonin to help me sleep. I'm going to try no valium tonight and just NyQuil and 3mg Melatonin and see how that goes. Also, thinking about going to work despite the fact I still have kidney stone stuck right at junction of my bladder and ureter. Drinking and peeing every 20 minutes to try to flush it out. Otherwise, they go in and have to grab it and I really wouldn't want to go thru that unless they put me out. But I would request NO narcotics. No way.
I"m hoping I"m done. I know now I can't control my addiction. I thought I could but that was the addict inside me telling me otherwise. Hoping for a good night sleep tonight and we'll see about work tomorrow. Going stir crazy at home. Just wanted to share. My prayers for all of you.
Wanted to add a word of caution re: suboxone. If you decide to use it, I suggest only for a very short term IF your intention is to get completely off of opiates, heroin, etc. If however, you need it for longer term as a maintenance because you feel you will relapse if you don't have suboxone to repel the urges, just know that when you do finally decide to come off of suboxone, to do it with a taper plan in mind. I went from 4mg to 6mg per day to zero and it is a very very long withdrawal and recovery period. I know...I went thru the agony.
Anyways, this is my first day on this site. I apologize for the long intro. I needed to just let go and I did it in this forum. Sorry.
Going out for a walk in the bitter cold to get some fresh air. 4 hours into day 5. Feeling better. A little more energy. Hot baths help. Exercise..just freaking getting off the couch and moving is very helpful.
It's 10 degrees outside with windchills about 10-15 below. But I dont' care. I bundled up and need some fresh air and clear my head from suffering the past 4 days.
God bless you all! Stay strong. I am sure as heck going to give it my best try. I"m 56yo and need to be done with this. For those younger, heed my words, get out now and get your life on track. Don't give into the urge to relapse. And I pray I don't either.
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Day 5 in the books. Starting day 6. Actually struggled to make it to work this morning. Hoping to last the entire day here at work but will have to see. And, as if the challenge of opiate withdrawal isn't enough, I am still dealing with a kidney stone that is stuck between my urethra and it doesn't seem to be moving. So they may have to go up and grab it which I am NOT looking forward too. Regardless, I am not asking for any narcotics at all. I'm starting day 6 and feeling a little better and trying to function at work. Constant focus is difficult. I'm looking forward to my noon lunch break where I can go home and just veg out. Then back for another 4 hours until quitting time. That's how I have to play it out until my energy comes back and maybe be more productive. But right now, everything I do seems to be an effort. Shaving, showering, coming my hair, brushing my teeth, cooking breakfast, getting dressed, etc. etc. Hoping each hour that passes brings me more relief. Small steps....moving forward. To sleep I took a 3mg melatonin. I went to bed around 7:30pm as I was exhausted but my brain doesn't shut off. Finally fell asleep about 9:30pm. Woke up at midnight and after realizing I probably wasn't going back to sleep, took some NyQuil. Slept till about 4:15am and got up and made work by 8:00am. Hoping I exhaust myself today, stay up too 8pm and just collapse and sleep unaided (no meds).
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Ugh. Just got back from Urologist. They just want me to stick it out and try and pass the stone normally. That is more bearable than how I"m feeling now in day 6. Tired, headache (maybe from NyQuil I took last night), no energy or focus at work. Leaving for lunch soon to put a little something in my stomach and rest before I come back to work for the second part of my day. I shouldnt' complain I guess as I know the PAWS weren't even close to the suboxone PAWS but uncomfortable none the less and kicking myself in the *ss for being so damn weak and stupid at my age to put myself in this predicament, again. I have to admit, I was daydreaming about how good I'd feel if I could snort a perc but thankfully, my supplier is out of town for at least two more weeks and that helps. As well as the fact I do NOT want to go thru this anymore. I have to figure out how to strenghten my will power and make good, healthy decisions. Can't afford any more withdrawals and certainly the money to buy any more pills. Need to put blinders on and keep my focus on recovery.
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Congrats on your day 6! My husband has had kidney stones in the past. I remember the enormous pain he was in. We are talking about a guy who has an extremely high pain threshold and always refuses narcotic pain pills. He was reduced to a crying baby in agony who begged to go to the ER. (Hates hospitals and would rather suffer at home) When we got there he was beating on the counter for the nurse to give him morphine. (Had a double bypass no pain meds after surgery except what was given in the hospital)
Why am I telling you this? Because if it should become necessary and legally prescribed to get you through until it passes, I do not want you to guilt trip yourself........tell yourself you are a failure........chuck your entire recovery. You can always restart when you are well again. Kind of like trying to diet on Thanksgiving Day. Never had success with that.
Prayers going out to you that the stone passes quickly! My husband's passed within 24 hours of going to the hospital. (Nurse asked if she could keep it as it was the largest she had ever seen) Drink lots of water! If pain becomes unbearable get yourself to the ER right away.
Why am I telling you this? Because if it should become necessary and legally prescribed to get you through until it passes, I do not want you to guilt trip yourself........tell yourself you are a failure........chuck your entire recovery. You can always restart when you are well again. Kind of like trying to diet on Thanksgiving Day. Never had success with that.
Prayers going out to you that the stone passes quickly! My husband's passed within 24 hours of going to the hospital. (Nurse asked if she could keep it as it was the largest she had ever seen) Drink lots of water! If pain becomes unbearable get yourself to the ER right away.
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Thanks CleaninLI. Right now the pain is bearable. I have a script for percocets IF I am in intense pain however, I made my wife hold them for me and gave her instructions to give them too me if and only if the pain is unbearable. Just using some ibuprofen for discomfort at this point. I could have had dialudid this past Monday in the ER but I turned it down. I figured I was already nearly peaking with my PAWS and really did not want to go thru this again so I declined the narc's. The nurse couldnt' understand why but I just told her I don't like narcotics in my system. Not sure if she believed me but whatever. I've had the stone for over 2 weeks and 2 trips to the ER. Stone is about 3mm to 5mm. Still stuck. If it becames too painfull they have to go in and grab it, put a stint in for several days, then pull the stint out later. So..yeah..i'm drinking fluids and hoping it passes. Thanks.
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Also, scared to death to take an opiate now even if the pain is intense. I just dont' want to go thru this damn withdrawl again. I'm well into day 6 now and don't want to screw this up. Hopefully, it passes and I"m still free of opiates.
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Thanks CleaninLI. Just said a prayer for you and fall all those in this world fighting addiction and temptation.
Day 6 almost in the books. 90 min away from starting day 7. Feeling slightly better each day. Although I am at work, energy and focus is still a problem, and I have 3 hrs straight of meetings this morning. Figures!!!! And, the kidney stone still hasn't moved. Luckily it's mostly discomfort at this point. So after my first full day back to work yesterday, I figured I'd be exhausted and try to sleep the night unaided by melatonin and NyQuil. I was extremely tired. Went to bed around 8pm but just couldnt' knock off. I did take a 3mg Melatonin tablet around 7:30pm but didn't help. So around 9pm, with my brain still wide awake but my body completely drained, I took a capful of NyQuil. Was asleep about 30 min. later and woke up at 4am to start another day. Hoping I can make it thru today and see how tonight goes. If I have to take NyQuil again to knock off, so be it. But Friday night, I"m not taking anything and going to try and sleep naturally since I dont' have work on Saturday.
Prayers for all of you this day!
Day 6 almost in the books. 90 min away from starting day 7. Feeling slightly better each day. Although I am at work, energy and focus is still a problem, and I have 3 hrs straight of meetings this morning. Figures!!!! And, the kidney stone still hasn't moved. Luckily it's mostly discomfort at this point. So after my first full day back to work yesterday, I figured I'd be exhausted and try to sleep the night unaided by melatonin and NyQuil. I was extremely tired. Went to bed around 8pm but just couldnt' knock off. I did take a 3mg Melatonin tablet around 7:30pm but didn't help. So around 9pm, with my brain still wide awake but my body completely drained, I took a capful of NyQuil. Was asleep about 30 min. later and woke up at 4am to start another day. Hoping I can make it thru today and see how tonight goes. If I have to take NyQuil again to knock off, so be it. But Friday night, I"m not taking anything and going to try and sleep naturally since I dont' have work on Saturday.
Prayers for all of you this day!
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30 Minutes to go before Quitting Time. I can tell my brain is wired and will be difficult to fall to sleep without NyQuil or something. Basically feeling tired but hanging in for 30 more minutes. Slight headache. Hoping when I put my head on the pillow tonight, my brain can shut down and let me sleep. Good news, I"m well into Day 7 and tomorrow at 9am I will have 7 full days in the books. And since tomorrow is Friday, if I can hang thru tomorrow, I have Sat and Sunday to add for recovery and hoping to get back to gym on Monday and get my brain producing the right chemicals on it's own.
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Originally Posted by lastcall20 
Also, scared to death to take an opiate now even if the pain is intense. I just dont' want to go thru this damn withdrawl again. I'm well into day 6 now and don't want to screw this up. Hopefully, it passes and I"m still free of opiates.
They have a very bad and long withdrawal syndrome.
After an extremely long taper I am now nearly six months clean.
Have had some bad days, even quite recently, but know to take even one would set that rotten roller coaster in to gear again.
Better (medically condoned) to do those hard yards and look to the future.
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Congrats on 6 months Bub. I can't look that far ahead right now. I just wrapped up 1 week and starting day 8 and feeling a little better each day. Took my last 15mg perc last Friday, 9:00am EST and only missed 2 days of work. But that was more related to kidney stone I have/had. Not sure if it passed. Also slept decent last night without the aid of melatonin and NyQuil. I really didn't think I was going to be able to last the entire night. I did awake on and off but only through the power of God was I able to fall back to sleep each time. Hoping for a good day at work today, that it goes by quick, and I'll have the weekend to recoup even more and come back Monday to work stronger and more focused,
Prayers for y'all.
Prayers for y'all.
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Lastcall I'm so glad you were able to get those zzzz's last night. I'll bet it felt good to know you could concur that med free! Congrats on your day 8! You are doing great and moving forward....before you know it you will be at 8 months.....a strong and healthy person! You will do this! We are here with you every step of the way!
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Thanks Clean. I can handle the daily headache as I know those hopefully will subside soon. Looking forward to Saturday and Sunday to recoup even more to come back stronger on Monday.
How long have you been clean?
How long have you been clean?
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Into day 9.
Thought I'd feel better when I woke up this morning but not the case. I had trouble falling asleep and then staying asleep despite feeling completely exhausted. It's like your brain won't let you fall asleep. I shouldn't complain. I got about 4 hours sleep but not a good sleep. On awaking, really achy. Took a shower and hit the grocery store. I was thinking if I can just get moving maybe I'll feel better. But I took an 800mg ibuprofen for my achy body and I did start feeling a little better 30 minutes later but no so much anymore. But keeping busy and hoping I feel better soon. Small steps....
Thought I'd feel better when I woke up this morning but not the case. I had trouble falling asleep and then staying asleep despite feeling completely exhausted. It's like your brain won't let you fall asleep. I shouldn't complain. I got about 4 hours sleep but not a good sleep. On awaking, really achy. Took a shower and hit the grocery store. I was thinking if I can just get moving maybe I'll feel better. But I took an 800mg ibuprofen for my achy body and I did start feeling a little better 30 minutes later but no so much anymore. But keeping busy and hoping I feel better soon. Small steps....
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Hi Lastcall, just wanted to thank you for sharing..I can relate to much of what you have said. I have tried CT a few times but due to various factors haven't been able to get enough time off work or peace from family duties to cope with it so am now on a taper. So I admire your efforts so far, stick with it. You are doing an ace job, best wishes, Meg 
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Thanks Meg. Taper is a good idea. I went thru hell from 3yrs suboxone use when I CT'd. Didnt' start feeling even close to normal for about 7 or 8 weeks, and only got closer to "normal" when I started exercising. Not easy when you are 56. My mistake after several weeks of feeling better was that I convinced myself that I could handle a couple of perc's just to experience that euphoria which I'm not quite sure my brain is capable of producing naturally anymore. Anyways, have a good plan when you decide to quit and definitely stick to your taper plan. I didn't have the will power to taper. I'd take whatever I could without running out before my next script. So CT was my only option.
Let me know if I can help. And thank you for your reply and encouragement.
Let me know if I can help. And thank you for your reply and encouragement.
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Day 11, I believe. At work early. Feeling a bit better today. Not sure how long that will last but lots of work to keep me busy today. Got 7 hours sleep but woke up at 3am and couldn't go back to sleep. So watched some TV for awhile, then did my normal routine to get to work.
My wife has seen me go thru withdrawl before. A couple of times. After the lengthy and painfull suboxone withdrawl, which she was wonderful in dealing with me and helping me through all that, she said after I was feeling better that if I ever used again, she would divorce me. And I firmly believe her on that. So you'd think I would have stayed away from perc's. Not with my addictive personality. And my stupidity for thinking I could try a few percs on weekends only just to unwind and feel a little happy and have a little more energy. So I"m doing this recovery on my own. Didn't tell my wife of course. The kidney stone I think has been used as an excuse for me not feeling well. That bought me a little time. The first 3 days were rough and I just told her I think I had the flu or a bad virus. Then the kidney stone and impact of that. So that bought me a few more days. Now I have to step it up and hide any hint of symptoms that she might consider to be withdrawal again. She is suspicious but I keep telling her I'm ok. Not easy to go thru withdrawal alone. I don't recommend it. Supportive Friends/Family and good Dr. helps. So starting day 11 soon and hoping for a good day. Time to kick this habit to the curb and look forward to better days.
My wife has seen me go thru withdrawl before. A couple of times. After the lengthy and painfull suboxone withdrawl, which she was wonderful in dealing with me and helping me through all that, she said after I was feeling better that if I ever used again, she would divorce me. And I firmly believe her on that. So you'd think I would have stayed away from perc's. Not with my addictive personality. And my stupidity for thinking I could try a few percs on weekends only just to unwind and feel a little happy and have a little more energy. So I"m doing this recovery on my own. Didn't tell my wife of course. The kidney stone I think has been used as an excuse for me not feeling well. That bought me a little time. The first 3 days were rough and I just told her I think I had the flu or a bad virus. Then the kidney stone and impact of that. So that bought me a few more days. Now I have to step it up and hide any hint of symptoms that she might consider to be withdrawal again. She is suspicious but I keep telling her I'm ok. Not easy to go thru withdrawal alone. I don't recommend it. Supportive Friends/Family and good Dr. helps. So starting day 11 soon and hoping for a good day. Time to kick this habit to the curb and look forward to better days.
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I am right there with you .. Day 11. I really do feel good with the exception of the lack of energy, it's hard to just force myself to the shower. I was fortunate enough to get a leave from work and I used that to recover. I will be returning to work in a few days and I'm soooooo nervous. I really don't like my job, I'm uncomfortable there and my boss is the worst person on the planet. She is the reason I got so out of control, I used more to deal with her. Praying that I can return to work and take the verbal abuse while staying clean.... Praying
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