Family problems and questions.
Some French tart....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Courville-sur-Eure. France.
Posts: 239
Family problems and questions.
Hello, it's Ingrid. For those of you that don't know, I have been abusing benzo's and opiates for over 16 years or so. Now I am on subutex since about a year ago.
I am working my programme with the 12 steps and a considerable amount of help from here. I just have some problems that maybe someone could give me some insight.
My ex-husband left me for another woman and he is soon to be re-married. That's no longer a problem but they have turned my four sons against me.
They (My ex and his woman) say I have no money to pay for my bills and that soon my sons will have an empty house with no gas or electricity to come home to. That's not true, I've dealt as best I can with the bills. They also say that my youngest son must absolutely stay with them because I smoke and that he doesn't eat well etc.,etc.,. This is untrue also. They made me feel so guilty that I signed a document enabling my ex husband and his lady to keep my youngest son with them 2 months ago. Now my head and mind are clear I want to fight for my sons. How do I do it?? My eldest sons won't talk to me either. It hurts.
I think of you all and thank you for reading.
Much love always,
Ingrid
I am working my programme with the 12 steps and a considerable amount of help from here. I just have some problems that maybe someone could give me some insight.
My ex-husband left me for another woman and he is soon to be re-married. That's no longer a problem but they have turned my four sons against me.
They (My ex and his woman) say I have no money to pay for my bills and that soon my sons will have an empty house with no gas or electricity to come home to. That's not true, I've dealt as best I can with the bills. They also say that my youngest son must absolutely stay with them because I smoke and that he doesn't eat well etc.,etc.,. This is untrue also. They made me feel so guilty that I signed a document enabling my ex husband and his lady to keep my youngest son with them 2 months ago. Now my head and mind are clear I want to fight for my sons. How do I do it?? My eldest sons won't talk to me either. It hurts.
I think of you all and thank you for reading.
Much love always,
Ingrid
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Midland, NC
Posts: 1,266
Ingrid
I'm a recovering opiate/cocaine addict, 170 days clean. My heart goes out to you. Your sons will come around. I know from my own experience...I have two teenage sons whom I've really put through hell, but with my recovery and time, we are becoming closer. They still have doubts about me, such as, when I leave the house, I'm sure they wonder where I'm going and if I'm coming home. But, all I can do is continue to stay focused on my recovery, and eventually, they will gain more and more trust in me.
I don't know how long you've been clean, but time heals all wounds.
God Bless and keep posting
:praying
I'm a recovering opiate/cocaine addict, 170 days clean. My heart goes out to you. Your sons will come around. I know from my own experience...I have two teenage sons whom I've really put through hell, but with my recovery and time, we are becoming closer. They still have doubts about me, such as, when I leave the house, I'm sure they wonder where I'm going and if I'm coming home. But, all I can do is continue to stay focused on my recovery, and eventually, they will gain more and more trust in me.
I don't know how long you've been clean, but time heals all wounds.
God Bless and keep posting
:praying
Go Browns!
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 642
Ingrid,
If I were in your position I can tell you what I would do. The very first thing I would do is get a job. I know your boyfriend doesnt want you to work, but maybe just a part time job. That will show your ex (and a lawyer and courts) that you are attempting to improve your life and your childrens lives. If you have a job (even if its at a coffee shop or a book store 20 hours a week) then your ex can no longer say you cant provide for them. Also getting a job will serve as a distraction for you while trying to get drug free. You have to have more to your life than your boyfriend and your home.
Second, if you smoke, smoke outside. Try not to expose your kids to ciggarette smoke.
Once you have a job you can afford a lawyer. Tell him everything that has happened with your kids. The truth of course. This will all take time. I would wait until you have been off subutex for a couple months and have a job. that will greatly improve your chances with your kids and it will show your ex that you are serious.
Its a lot of work and time but thats ok. Hard work wont kill you,, it will only get you to where you want to be. Stay on good terms with your ex as best as you can so it doesnt become more of a battle. Good luck we love you!
If I were in your position I can tell you what I would do. The very first thing I would do is get a job. I know your boyfriend doesnt want you to work, but maybe just a part time job. That will show your ex (and a lawyer and courts) that you are attempting to improve your life and your childrens lives. If you have a job (even if its at a coffee shop or a book store 20 hours a week) then your ex can no longer say you cant provide for them. Also getting a job will serve as a distraction for you while trying to get drug free. You have to have more to your life than your boyfriend and your home.
Second, if you smoke, smoke outside. Try not to expose your kids to ciggarette smoke.
Once you have a job you can afford a lawyer. Tell him everything that has happened with your kids. The truth of course. This will all take time. I would wait until you have been off subutex for a couple months and have a job. that will greatly improve your chances with your kids and it will show your ex that you are serious.
Its a lot of work and time but thats ok. Hard work wont kill you,, it will only get you to where you want to be. Stay on good terms with your ex as best as you can so it doesnt become more of a battle. Good luck we love you!
Some French tart....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Courville-sur-Eure. France.
Posts: 239
Thank you Change4penny and Nalla.
Financial Issues are not the problem, my ex just chooses to use that as an arguement. He does this all the time using all sorts of reasons against me. The problem is that my sons listen to him and believe all that he says. The end result is that I have lost them all.
I only want their good and I love them so much.I miss them and spent the whole of my married life bringing them up.
Financial Issues are not the problem, my ex just chooses to use that as an arguement. He does this all the time using all sorts of reasons against me. The problem is that my sons listen to him and believe all that he says. The end result is that I have lost them all.
I only want their good and I love them so much.I miss them and spent the whole of my married life bringing them up.
Go Browns!
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 642
I totally understand. Still though if you went to court, its going to look a lot better if you have at least a part time job. It will give you something to keep you busy too and make coming off the Subutex easier...? Your kids have only your husband to believe because he has not been addicted to drugs and you have. You simply have to earn their trust back by doing the right things and showing them.
Now with fewer opiates!
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Southern New Jersey, USA
Posts: 1,405
Honestly, mon cher? It's not time to do that fighting just yet. You're still detoxing and focusing on your own health and recovery while taking care of les trois garçons, oui? C'est assez pour maintenant. (For now, it is enough)
Wait until your detox plan is complete. We're only talking a few weeks. If you think your head is clear now...it will be more so then.
Vous avez beaucoup d'amour pour donner. Quand vous êtes en bonne santé, ce sera tellement plus facile et vous serez en mesure de vraiment vous concentrer sur ces problèmes.
(You have much love to give. When you are healthy, it will be much easier to concentrate on these issues.)
Téléphonez-moi quand vous pouvez.
Wait until your detox plan is complete. We're only talking a few weeks. If you think your head is clear now...it will be more so then.
Vous avez beaucoup d'amour pour donner. Quand vous êtes en bonne santé, ce sera tellement plus facile et vous serez en mesure de vraiment vous concentrer sur ces problèmes.
(You have much love to give. When you are healthy, it will be much easier to concentrate on these issues.)
Téléphonez-moi quand vous pouvez.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Midland, NC
Posts: 1,266
Tish
Even when I was married to my ex, I was a single parent and raised my boys alone. He never helped. We've been divorced for 12 years now. Four years ago he met his current girlfriend and stopped seeing his kids all together plus had his childsupport reduced, called social services on me and made false reports. Don't worry, your boys will come around. They know you have loved and raised them. Whats most important is your recovery, so when they do come back, you'll be living proof of a great mother, and that will discount anything their father tells them...the proof is in the pudding, as the saying goes.
Good luck and God Bless
:ghug3
Even when I was married to my ex, I was a single parent and raised my boys alone. He never helped. We've been divorced for 12 years now. Four years ago he met his current girlfriend and stopped seeing his kids all together plus had his childsupport reduced, called social services on me and made false reports. Don't worry, your boys will come around. They know you have loved and raised them. Whats most important is your recovery, so when they do come back, you'll be living proof of a great mother, and that will discount anything their father tells them...the proof is in the pudding, as the saying goes.
Good luck and God Bless
:ghug3
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