Stilltrecking

Hey everyone! I have been getting clean (mostly), and relapsing (not very often) consistently for the past few months. I managed to say enough is enough and got through my 2-3 days of light withdrawal with such positivity. I started to feel better and felt like (hey maybe the rest of my life is starting now, even though i don't have much energy and still get headaches at least I'm seeing a lot of daily progress. What i was wondering, as i don't remember what it felt like when i had 3 months sober (i was pretty happy starting around two months then bam "I can handle it"...) We know how "I feel good i can handle it works out". I see so many people on here at "day 13" so depressed without opiates. I
feel for you and we all want to know when it will get better. The thing i want to know, is it normal to have several days of progression physically and mentally then be hit with a few days of regression? Does it get better past three months? Will i ever get it through my head that once i feel good the only way to stay that way is to not touch opiates? Comming from someone who has once recovered at least mentally from opiates I want to tell all the people who are waiting for the day they feel "normal" not to expect to one day wake up and feel euphoric. To me "normal" after opiates was not feeling euphoric and great all the time, but rather BEING ABLE to feel that way naturally. Well I'm back on day 8 but at least this time I've gotten past the first annoying hurdle of a week (which for me is just enough time to not want to throw away and say ill start again next week). Days 1-6 i saw such great progress, but now on days 7-8 i feel like i have gone backwards mentally. I am also dealing with potentially being a father at the ripe age of 19, and my mother potentially passing away soon, and my brother ODing on hard drugs and being sent away to rehab. Sorry to vent but i need a little reassurance. I am using the fact that if my mom is to pass away and i am to be a father, i need to have a strong foundation emotionally to deal with these things like a man... without drugs. Any replies would be amazing. Especially on the non linear nature of recovery (which PISSES ME AND EVERYONE ELSE OFF

TiredEnough

Just a thought, we don't have alot of patience by nature. If you look at it objectively, 13 days or 60 days is a very short amount of time. We dope up for years and then want to feel better in way less time than it took us to get here.

I know its tough and days feel like weeks but there is no way around it. We all just have to power through

DecBaby

As long as you don't go back to the opiates things will continue to repair themselves in your body. You have some big life stressors going on right now and I think it's great you want to clean up to deal with this stuff.

likehappiness

Still...I think you are experiencing the same thing that everyone goes through. I do take anti-depressants to help keep me sober. I still have down days though. I posted this on someone else's thread but here has been my experience so far.
I had one full year of sobriety and relapsed for one week. During that week the use was at the same place I left off. Didn't take long to get there.

Now once again I am at 19 months.
The first 3 months I went through brain fog. I was sober but my mind stayed foggy for quite awhile. Started to feel physically really better at about the 3-6 month mark. I noticed that during that period my cognitive skills were lacking. I occasionally had memory problems and it was sometimes hard to stay focused. That has continued until I was at about 18 months. I am just NOW to the point where I feel that I have my full intellectual mind back without the limitations. So mentally it took a while. I noticed that drugs made me dumb.

At the 6 to 9 month mark I had a terrible time of wanting to use and it made me crazy. I had to white knuckle it regularly and keep myself busy. Also tried to remember my experiences of how crappy I felt while on drugs and why I wanted off of them in the first place. They didn't ever lead me down a good road! I also had to remind myself of the withdrawal which was cold turkey and sucked. There is no control of our use cause we are addicts.

I don't keep anything in the house and I don't have phone numbers anymore. Can I get them? Yeah, but I don't want to ruin my sobriety. I have people counting on me to stay sober and I am a much nicer person sober.

You can do this. You will have good and bad days. One the bad days you need to keep people around you who are supportive. FYI - if you are expecting a child I hope you get sober. You will never understand how much you can love someone until you have your own child. It is serious unconditional love. Give yourself a chance to be a good parent.