finaltime

Well its day 13, I feel good on the inside and keep getting hit with crap from my X left and right, but still staying strong. Sometimes I think her prefers to keep me sick. I refuse to let him. Seems everyday there is something new from him regarding out daughter, and today is my first day of work and he is now refusing to watch her! HOWEVER, I am not giving in.

I am also proud of myself for calling my friend last night and telling her I don't feel comfortable around alcohol or drugs. She asked me to stay with me this Sunday night since she has to work on my side of town Monday morning. This friend and I do nothing together besides party. I wanted to say no, however she has helped me out in the past. So instead, I said no problem, we can do lunch, get massages, relax, but NO PARTYING. Lets see what she says today.

In the past I preferred to numb myself when things were thrown at me. I also truly like to reward myself when things are going really good or I get paid. Now, since I want this to be my finaltime (my new screen name) I really need to think of new ways of living.

TOD you are special to me on SR and keep me in line! I am switching to the other crowd at my job who doesn't do happy hour!!! THe crowd that does keeps inviting, but I even said I quit drinking. Nobody even batted an eye!

I could think my X is blowing smoke this am (5:40am here) and still take my daughter to his house, or I could call someone else and not rely on him. However, the person I could call charges 90 a day. Is 90 a day worth it? YES, will my x split that with me? NOPE 3 more days until she has her full time nanny back and I do not have to ask for help.......

Today will be a great first day back with my students, I am super excited. Today will be another great sober day. Today will be another wonderful day where I just deal with things that come my way, and I don't over react, I don't think its ME, I don't go shopping tonight to fill that void.

Hope everyone else is staying strong. If you are just starting out, it gets better. If you want to know my story go through my threads, its a good one lol.

fancyfee

Yay! Congratulations! I just figured out who you are lol So proud of you and all the changes. Final time for sure.

I hope your day goes great and the students have a good day too!

finaltime

THanks Fancyfee, I had a great day... I will write more later once my little one goes to bed. I did think about wine when I got off work, that thought, "Gosh that was such a good day, I deserve some wine!" NO NO NO Instead I am cooking homemade pasta, and relaxing. No wine! How are you? How is your foot?

finaltime

So..my friend that wants to stay with me Sunday night never responded today! I am afraid she can't go a day without drinking, so maybe she will cancel. Sad but once again proud that I told her she can come but no booze and esp no drugs. She is the type that will say she respects what I am doing, but then say come on have some wine. Before you know it we would be 2 bottles deep chatting away and ordering blow. NO MORE>

fancyfee

Awesome! I was texting with a sober friend last night about some energy issues and we decided it was just the summer blahs... At least that's what I'm telling myself now. I work in a school too.

I'm doing pretty good. Still clean. Today might be Day 50 off pills, but who's counting My foot is much better. I think it was just a bad twist/sprain. I never went to the doctor.

I was reading the newcomers board and a sober poster was dealing with pain and was prescribed Tramadol. It made me think of you but I didn't want to post anything or give any warnings because I don't really know anything about it.

finaltime

Fancyfee good morning! Nightime here... Yep tram is legal where I live and given over the counter. It has never caused a problem with me before, that is what blows my mind that I hit my head on it. I am looking past all of that.

Must say in many moons of teaching this was the first year I learned all of my students names within the first hour! Gosh its nice having brain cells.

fancyfee

Brain cells are amazing! I've only had tram once and it was in the ER. Did nothing for my pain.

I'm a little nervous about when school starts back. I work with many kids from different grades and most are high risk and very low income. However, I love them. It's the one or two administrators I work closely with that make me want hide in the closet and take a handful of pills. Last year I went a day without refilling and I totally snapped at one and thought I was going to be fired. Hopefully that doesn't happen this year!

finaltime

Day 15!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dee74

congratulations finaltime

D

cleaninLI

Oh, finaltime, now I get it! That's great, now remember you have to live up to your new name! Lol I also work in the school. You're right..... Between my 5/6 year olds, their parents and the administrators I've popped many a pill! It's going to be so hard not having that crutch this year!

Lily1918

Yay! Rooting for you! Day 14 here.
Try not to let your x get under your skin. I go to al-anon to deal with mine. Sometimes they do keep us sick, but they dont realize it.
Congrats

finaltime

Start of day 16 and yesterday was the last day I have to see my X twice a day!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!! Amazing how he was easy to be with when I was sick, and I didn't care at all. IF I had my best friend in my pocket I was perfect. Then when we split in March I turned to booze, but now I am turning to sobriety and being the great person I know how to be!!!

As for school, I like working sober now, it was a huge challenge when I first got off opiates. Especially the first month after quitting one of the many times. THe headaches I would get daily, the patience, but it gets better. Now I find I am such a better teacher, I remember things, I am organize, I am not flying by the seat of my pants all the time... Maybe this year I will get teacher of the year award, always strived for that one and been 12 years teaching! Day 16.

SEJ84

I totally see where you are coming from Finaltime. I kid myself into believing that taking codeine makes me a better teacher but I am just lying to myself. I live my life "flying by the seat of my pants"!!

FT

Hi SEJ84,

I just wanted to tell you that this thread is almost a year old, so you might not reach the intended recipients. Maybe they will see this, though!

cleaninLI

Hiya SEJ Like FT just said this thread is old but the good news is Finaltime is still with us, she is working hard on her recovery, if you'd like to read up on her more recent posts you can follow her on the daily thread...."how was your day".

I'm a teacher too btw and felt exactly the same way. That the pills somehow made me a better teacher. So not true! Especially when my mind was constantly thinking about how I was going to make it thru the week....would I have enough pills, how can I get more....etc. My mind was certainly divided. Not only that but my memory was not as sharp nor my concentration. Toward the end I kept running out of pills half way thru the week and would either call out or drag myself in sick from withdrawal. Obviously, I wasn't very good at my job on those days.

Welcome to SR! You are not alone.

SEJ84

Hi both,
Not sure I know how to follow someone but will give it a shot.

It's strange how we kid ourselves into believing that taking meds will make us better teachers when the irony is that it probably makes us worse!!