Sidney14

Am not coping today, four day long easter weekend, exhausted after working week, Friday and Saturday were spent doing everything and anything trying to entertain my two young ones one turns 4 in on April 6th the other is in the midst of her terrible 2's place is a mess need constant entertainment , today it is Sunday here in Australia, I handed them over to their Dad today at 10am getting them back tomorrow at 130pm, I should be relaxed enjoying myself instead my eldest who is nearly 15 wants to do stuff and all I want to do it nothing, then there is no food in the house according to her, I just dont have the energy, so I say tomorrow but tomorrow she cant because she is busy made arrangements with her friends mind you I am paying for it, she also was out all Thursday and half of yesteday with her friends, I never say no because she does a lot to help me out with the little ones but when is it enough. I feel like it is never going to be enough, I can't make her happy, cant make my two little ones happy, I am not the typical housemum type thing that cooks elaborate meals, plus I am working fulltime, everyone tells me not to feel guilty but I cant help it I do feel guilty, nothing is every good enough, I am just a **** mum, that is what I feel like nothing but **** today and I do not know how to make myself feel better about myself I guess it does not help I have zero support either, my mum passed away, now my grandma did in December, my Dad has his own life, my sister is flat out with her own life..........my so called best friend is going through her own tough time at work (only difference she has no kids no husband, )but her world is not much better so basically I dont even know whether I am normal or not anymore maybe I am abnormal and totally insane.............

Cc77

You are not abnormal or insane!! You are a mother,(a good one at that because if you were not you wouldn't be concerned), you are a chef, an entertainer, dishwasher, maid......... I think maybe all mothers feel like this at some point, kids 3 and under don't make sense and teenagers make even less sense!!! Lol. Sounds to me like you are reacting to everyday stressors that may have been easy to alleviate with some sort of chemical maybe?? I don't know your story but please take a deep breath because you are NOT crazy you are a busy, busy mother!!! And you have support on this website...

Olivilo

Hi Sid, oh how I understand u! Be strong! I have 3 little ones too, they r all under 5 and husband has been working 12-14 hr days troubles at work. I am going thru emotional roller coaster. But at the end of the day u have to look at the BIG picture. Ur children are safe, fed, and loved, and that's the most important thing! U raised them a day older, and that is a big work. Try to keep urself positive and be understanding to urself, to us u look great as a mom. We r recovering, it's just a long long looong flue that will end eventually! We r here for u with our support!!!

Sidney14

I ended up more or less doing a weeks worth of laundry and went out with my eldest settling for a small dinner and getting a DVD. I am aware that I was being harsh too harsh on myself, but it was like I stopped functioning, like I needed time out and be left totally alone,,,,,,,, I just could not even think clearly......I know all three of them are being fed, looked after, healthy etc.....and yes trying to work out a teenager is close to impossilbe let alone two defiant little ones...and myself on close to zero sleep .......I guess I still have a lot of that I want to be supermum syndrome in me...... I can work fulltime, raise three girls singlehandledly, be an entertainer, comedian,professiona chef, maid, 24/7 without needing a break myself.....I know I am trying the best I can and that is all I can do........but I do compare myself to other people who somehow eventhough it is only what I see in public are able to pull it off so much better than I can........

In any case next week my middle one turns 4 April 6th so we are celebrating as separate families, me with my sister, my Dad her two boys, myself and my three girls, then my ex defactor gets both girls so he can celebrate agin her birthday with his family parents etc.....the whole thing is weird and disorganised,........but as long as she knows she is loved....... I guess my ex and I are not at that stage yet where we can hang out long enough in a room without him making a stupid comment.....maybe next year.....not sure how other people do it when separated.....

Melbadaze

It's so hard when kids are still young. There is no easier answer. I think we just have to grab any chill time when it presents. I think if you explained to your 15yr old she would understand. Perhaps suggest you both just sit and watch a film pigging out on chocolate. A funny film where you can both share laughter??

FeelingGreat

Hi Sidney, glad to hear you made it through the day. I guess it all gets to us one time or another and your daughters sound lovely. When I separated there was a short time where my ex and I were at odds, but that soon passed and we have had quite a few occasions together. I am on good terms with his second wife, which is to her credit as well as mine. If you can get there, it makes life a little easier.

Sasha4

Sidney!
Your back, I have been wondering about you. Don't stay away so long?

Its hard when you have a long weekend like this.

Try not to worry about the state of the house, I know its easier said than done.

I missed you!
xx

Sidney14

Today I stayed in bed until 10am am getting the little ones back at 130pm today.
My eldest went to the movies now so I have a few hours to myself. Another reason I have been a bit away from this forum, once I started work again, I felt I have had no private time to write about my feelings and I realise how exhausted physically and emotionally I am when I stop, so I go from high to crashing, I still have not found the right balance between, work, family, time to myself and time with my friend, because time with my friend or sister is not really time to myself I find, I still absorb their energies and issues that they have.....I am going to try and go for a jog before my ex drops the little ones off to clear my head and mind and stay calm and centred......

I feel frustrated with myself why I just cant see things for what they are and instead of enjoying my time one day off without the little ones I feel totally lost, exhausted, misplaced, zero energy.....etc I have no idea how to change it all,
my body feels dead.......

FeelingGreat

Hi Sidney don't let yourself get too run down. Have you had a physical check up lately? It might not all be in your mind as there are other causes of physical exhaustion such as low thyroid or iron etc. I'm not suggesting this is you, but it's worth eliminating the obvious.

Sidney14

Had my last check up in November last year and my iron and thyroid were perfectly fine.......I have to admit, my eating habits are not great, I dont eat meat nor chicken but love salmon etc, dont know just changed my antidepressants five days ago went from zoloft to cymbolta, since the zoloft gave me too many side effect combined with the valium reduction therapy I am on..............I will try to stay strong next week by going on a full 5 days juice detox to kick start me back into healthy eating......