Feeling low today... need some encouragement
Feeling low today... need some encouragement
hi there,
31 days clean from opiates and things have been both horrible and wonderful in fluctuation. In one day i might feel on top of the world with euphoria and energy, full of hope for the future and full of dreams of what I can be when sober. But then just like a light switch BOOM...depressed. Dont want to get out of bed, drowning in responsibility and the anxiety that comes with that.
Here is a run down of my current responsibilities:
I am in university full time (in my last year) doing an honours programme and trying to get into graduate school for September. I hold two part time jobs and volunteer 4 hours per week. I also have the responsibilities that most people have like maintaining my apartment, finances and a long term relationship with my fiancee. Oh, and I have a dog who needs twice daily walks and general care.
and of course I AM IN RECOVERY!!!
So things are hard for me right now. I am also diagnosed with bipolar 1 and have been off my medications for most of my three year addiction. I just started back on my medication only 4 days ago because the anxiety, depression and cycling moods became too much for me and I worried that my illness would threaten my sobriety and my future in general.
so basically things are really really hard and I am struggling. I need some helpful words because at times this seems impossible. I have never dealt anything as challenging as this last month and I dont want to fail!!
Any words of encouragement or tips to get through those low times?
31 days clean from opiates and things have been both horrible and wonderful in fluctuation. In one day i might feel on top of the world with euphoria and energy, full of hope for the future and full of dreams of what I can be when sober. But then just like a light switch BOOM...depressed. Dont want to get out of bed, drowning in responsibility and the anxiety that comes with that.
Here is a run down of my current responsibilities:
I am in university full time (in my last year) doing an honours programme and trying to get into graduate school for September. I hold two part time jobs and volunteer 4 hours per week. I also have the responsibilities that most people have like maintaining my apartment, finances and a long term relationship with my fiancee. Oh, and I have a dog who needs twice daily walks and general care.
and of course I AM IN RECOVERY!!!
So things are hard for me right now. I am also diagnosed with bipolar 1 and have been off my medications for most of my three year addiction. I just started back on my medication only 4 days ago because the anxiety, depression and cycling moods became too much for me and I worried that my illness would threaten my sobriety and my future in general.
so basically things are really really hard and I am struggling. I need some helpful words because at times this seems impossible. I have never dealt anything as challenging as this last month and I dont want to fail!!
Any words of encouragement or tips to get through those low times?
I have been going through terrible mood swings lately too. One day Im bright and positive and happy, the next you would think I just got a death sentence I am so depressed and upset.
It seems you have a LOT going for you. Yet is also seems you have a lot on your plate. If I were you I would consider possibly dropping something, or putting some things on hold untill you are stronger. Overwhelming yourself is probably not too good right now.
Dont worry....negative feelings do pass Tomorrow is another day. And there are many people who would love to be in your shoes and have the opportunities that you have.
It seems you have a LOT going for you. Yet is also seems you have a lot on your plate. If I were you I would consider possibly dropping something, or putting some things on hold untill you are stronger. Overwhelming yourself is probably not too good right now.
Dont worry....negative feelings do pass Tomorrow is another day. And there are many people who would love to be in your shoes and have the opportunities that you have.
Congratulations on 31 days.....that in itself is an awesome accomplishment. Hang in there, you will learn to balance your responsibilities in a healthy way. I have been in recovery for over 5 years and that is something I still struggle with at times but I have tons of tools to help me prioritize. Before recovery I was an all or nothing at all person. Now I realize that moderation in all things is the key. My recovery is first and once I am grounded in recovery and spiritually centered everything else falls into place. One day at a time....one thing at a time. Continue the journey.
Thanks for all the comment! I appreciate it
yes I am sure that things will stabilize over time, im sure that my brain is still chemically imbalanced. I am trying very hard to crawl out of the pit that I have created for myself while remaining appreciative that things could be SO much worse!! I feel so lucky that I got out before drugs completely ruined everything. But I still feel like there is so much work to do on my life before I would be what I would consider "normal" ie. where I want to be in my life.
I am hoping that I will be able to look back on this is 5 years or so and realize what a great decision I made. I am just going to try to keep strong and remember that the terrible low points will pass and stay focused on my future dreams. routines help me a lot and I am trying very hard to form one that works for me.
tonight I did two hours of school work (which I feel great about having completed) and now I am going to take a shower, do some yoga and then watch star trek on netflix.
Im not sure if tomorrow will be a better day, but at least it will be another day without drugs!
yes I am sure that things will stabilize over time, im sure that my brain is still chemically imbalanced. I am trying very hard to crawl out of the pit that I have created for myself while remaining appreciative that things could be SO much worse!! I feel so lucky that I got out before drugs completely ruined everything. But I still feel like there is so much work to do on my life before I would be what I would consider "normal" ie. where I want to be in my life.
I am hoping that I will be able to look back on this is 5 years or so and realize what a great decision I made. I am just going to try to keep strong and remember that the terrible low points will pass and stay focused on my future dreams. routines help me a lot and I am trying very hard to form one that works for me.
tonight I did two hours of school work (which I feel great about having completed) and now I am going to take a shower, do some yoga and then watch star trek on netflix.
Im not sure if tomorrow will be a better day, but at least it will be another day without drugs!
i know it's not easy, reid, but i found your posts inspirational. you are working toward bettering your life and taking care of your body and your mind and have the insight to know where you need to focus your attention. it's admirable. congrats on the 31 days. the roller coaster won't last forever. just keep going and don't feed the depression...
Reid, congratulations on your positive changes.
Are off of opiates only or are you practicing total abstinence from all drugs (including alcohol and marijuana)? Also, have you considered working a program of recovery or are you trying to go this road alone? I am so grateful that I haven't had to try to reinvent the wheel for my own recovery. What you described with the marked fluctuations in mood is normal for many of us in the early days, months or sometimes years. I would speak with a doctor who absolutely understands drug addiction and its treatment if I had concerns about other illnesses like bipolar, as we are some of the most frequently misdiagnosed people out there. Addiction, including clean, is also a mental illness (it's both physical and mental). Left insufficiently treated it predictably messes with our thinking, our choices, emotions and behaviors and can affect every aspect of our lives. When we get well, however, we straighten our mentally and physically. I've got to say that recovered addicts & alcoholics are some of the most amazing people I've ever known. I highly suggest reading up on Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome to see if you think what you're going through is actually just this common condition. If it is, total abstinence & working a program of recovery are the best way forward. Lots and lots of encouragement to you going forward!
PAWS « Digital Dharma
Post Acute Withdrawl - Relapse Prevention Specialists - TLC The Living Center
Post-acute-withdrawal syndrome - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Are off of opiates only or are you practicing total abstinence from all drugs (including alcohol and marijuana)? Also, have you considered working a program of recovery or are you trying to go this road alone? I am so grateful that I haven't had to try to reinvent the wheel for my own recovery. What you described with the marked fluctuations in mood is normal for many of us in the early days, months or sometimes years. I would speak with a doctor who absolutely understands drug addiction and its treatment if I had concerns about other illnesses like bipolar, as we are some of the most frequently misdiagnosed people out there. Addiction, including clean, is also a mental illness (it's both physical and mental). Left insufficiently treated it predictably messes with our thinking, our choices, emotions and behaviors and can affect every aspect of our lives. When we get well, however, we straighten our mentally and physically. I've got to say that recovered addicts & alcoholics are some of the most amazing people I've ever known. I highly suggest reading up on Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome to see if you think what you're going through is actually just this common condition. If it is, total abstinence & working a program of recovery are the best way forward. Lots and lots of encouragement to you going forward!
PAWS « Digital Dharma
Post Acute Withdrawl - Relapse Prevention Specialists - TLC The Living Center
Post-acute-withdrawal syndrome - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Thanks for the response knowhope! to answer your question I am completely clean off everything (other than my newly prescribed medications) I have only actually drank a few times in my life when I was 18/19, over did it as is predictable from kids that age and now I cannot stomach the thought of it! the most I can ever manage to drink is an occasional glass of wine at holidays.
As for support, my fiancee and I are going through this together and we talk (sometimes for hours at a time) about our recovery and it is a wonderful thing to have. I also have a psychologist that I see weekly. I am not on any suboxone/methadone maintenance therapy and am using AVRT to help me as well.
As for support, my fiancee and I are going through this together and we talk (sometimes for hours at a time) about our recovery and it is a wonderful thing to have. I also have a psychologist that I see weekly. I am not on any suboxone/methadone maintenance therapy and am using AVRT to help me as well.
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