Codeine - support n advice please
 

Please can I have some support n someone to talk to i have never felt so
Lonely in my life. I have a lovely family n an amazing child so i feel so guilty for these feelings n what I've done.

I was prescribed codeine last June for slipped disc n kind of went overboard have up to 18 30/500 a day. On the advice of another forum i told my GP who took my 30s n gave me 56, 8mg per week. I found this hard to deal with as i had this weird crawling under my skin feeling, lethargy so i went codeine made getting codeine how i could n even spent £180 once. Some days i been having about 600 mg i think

I know i need to quit but im scared as the withdrawals are meant to be bad n after 4 hours of not having it i feel depressed n sometimes suicidal.

Today i had the results of my MRI scan which says i have a disc otrusion n trapped nerve. I'm scared if I give codeine up the pain will come back n thats the end of me bring independent. I need to be independent as I'm a single mam n have to look after my child. That's also why im scared of the withdrawals. The physical i can deal with but not the psychological n im petrified of my sciatica coming back now i have the MRI results. Also i am a very active person likes plyometrics, weight lifting, running, walking, pull ups etc. i'd personally rather be in a wooden box than not be active. The sciatica interferes with my life - codeine gives it back to me.

I was on another forum n they banned me cause they said i was promoting drugs misuse - i didn't realise i was doing this n am really sorry. I just tried to be honest in my posts so ppl would get the full picture n get wrapped up in myself n forgot about other people's feelings.

I don't think i am addicted i keep going from thinking i may be as ppl who i have told think i am n seem to get angry at me for saying i am not addicted when for me, saying that seems very hard.
Anyway sorry about the moan n the self pity just need some help n support n please for the loneliness to stop.
Thanks for listening xxx

It can be a tough road, but not an insurmountable one. Sleep deprivation is a rough one, but it's really the psychological ones that are the hardest. You need to admit your problem and work from there. The folks here are a great repository of support and wisdom. Talk often about how you are feeling, it is helpfull.

Stay strong, and be well. Keep us in the loop

Thanks for replying :)

at mo im having as much of it as poss as i dont want to feel

Every time i have something its taken away from me. And i was somewhere i felt confortable n have been kicked out. I keep thinking they'll be saying how the group is better now im not there :( i miss them n hope they are all ok n really sorry for what i did but thats life i guess. I just feel rejected! Last week i kind of took a lot of paracetamol n iboprofen as i wanted the pain to stop woke up feeling sick n shivery n guilty for doing it.

I am telling myself i'll have as much of this codeine as possible until it runs out then quit.

Please can someone tell me how to WANT to stop part of me wants to but another part wants to keep having codeine n wonders where its been my whole life as it could have saved a lot of stress.

In another group they got angry with me because I wouldnt call myself an addict. Why were they angry? I didnt mean to make them angry buy i cant say im something im not to please ppl. I know i have an issue with codeine i dont understand why ppl cant jist give me support with that why there has to be all these labels. Does that make sense?

Please, please be careful how much paracetamol (tyelenol) you take.

No more than 8 in 24 hours.
For some 12 in 24 hours can be fatal. The damage to your liver maybe irreverisble.
In the UK we have pain managment clinics at most UK hospitals.
I would visit your GP and asked to be referred there as you are taking some real risks with the paracetamol that you don't need to take. You CAN get your pain under control and well managed with other therapies and drugs that are not addictive.

Please, please be really careful.
A paracetamol overdose, whether intended or unintended, is a horrific way to go.
You deserve to have a pain free life. You deserve to be the best mum you can. You deserve to be active and lead a busy life in the way you want.

Promise me you will go and seek more advise?

XXXX

I bought 112 codeine phosphate online n some cough stuff to sort the aracetamol issue. I put this on another group n i been banned for promoting drugs misuse. I didn't mean to do that i swear. I'm not like that. They said to keep posting good or bad n i was tring to explain that telling my GP n having him take away my 30/500 n giving me 8/500 was too much for me n what effect it was having.

I am in the UK.

My MRI scan came back n i received a letter saying to see them about it at my earliest convenience. I phoned the admin n asked for my results n they said its a disc protrusion n trapped nerve.

But the pain is not that bad n when i tell ppl what i have they
Look horrified n say it must be very painful so
Maybe they made a mistake with the MRI scan

Or if im taking 400+ mg codeine per day would i feel
The pain n if so maybe quitting codeine is a bad idea????

PS i'm scared of life without codeine. Since i tried quitting for 4 days in July having some physical symptoms n a sense of loss towards the pills (which confuses me feeling that way towards pills) i haven't gone a day without it. When the GP took my 30s away from me :( i tried the 8s n felt 'too alert' i can't explain it any other way n i horrible crawling feeling under my skin n extreme tiredness. Hence finding other ways of getting codeine.

Also i talked to a lady who was an addict n i really wanted to help her. She was taking a lot of paracetamol n i was so worried about her. She was taking up to 50 of the 30/500 a day. We exchanged E-mails. Then i ended up telling her how she could get more codeine n she's cut contact. I feel guilty about this n don't know why i did it as i did want to help her n am worried about her. I've tried E-mailing her to apologise n ask how she is n whether her blood tests went ok guess ive burnt my bridges there.

It is likely that if you are using 8mg T1's you are taking more than the 30mg T3's and it's the caffiene making your skin itch.

I hate sounding like an "after school special", but you need to know you are taking toxic levels of Tylenol and the damage to your liver can be permanent. Liver failure is fatal, and you have another life to think about.

It sucks large to look in the mirror and say "addict" out loud to yourself, it does. Thing is if you are afraid of withdrawles, taking the pills because you are stressed, depressed, and cannot stay away from the pills, things have progressed from mere pain management.

I am a codeine addict. This admission, when spoken truthfully is the only way to begin to recover. Everybody here can tell you about "junkie mentality" and exactly how good we all are at lying to ourselves, justifying our need for the drug, etc. Once you stop deluding yourself as to your true condition, you can heal. We're not angry about you not telling the world you are an addict, we realize that this is actively harming you and preventing you from succeeding in your recovery. We aren't judging, we,(at least I) would never judge you, but we won't lie to you either.

Sorry, I forgot to add:
I'm right there in the trench with you. I'm 11 days clean after 8 years of daily codeine use. I know how hard it is. I slept for 4 hours my first week clean, (the whole week total, not nightly). I understand the fear of living without the pills, I do. I know this isn't an easy thing to do, but there is really only one option if we want to live long healthy lives. The path of continued drug abuse has really only one true end, and it isn't in bed happily the age of 100 surrounded by family. It is short, usually alone, and painful.

This isn't the "holier than thou" noob RA rendering judgement on you. Far from it. This is coming from someone who is dealing with many of the tribulations you are, and really cares. Everyone here cares about you and wants to see you succeed. We want to read in 12 months that you are clean, healthy and happy. We wouldn't be here if we didn't.

Sorry theres no caffeine in these it was 500 paracetampl n 30 mg codeine phosphate.
N the otc ones are 12.8 mg codeine 500 paracetamol.
Sorry whats Tylenol? I'm from the UK so the meds maybe different here to other countries.

Thanks for comments :)

I miss the group i was in they all used to have prrobs with codeine n were really supportive wish i could turn back time n have not done what i did to be banned.
Sorry not having a dig at anyone here or this group its just i miss the othere n cant stop thinking about them all n hope they are all ok.

Tylenol is the brand name for paracetamol. I use the brand name as more folks from N.A. Easily recognize it. In Canada, law states that codiene must be mixed with two other chemicals, usually caffiene and paracetamol. I know our OTC strength is lower than the UK at 8mg.

There is no caffeine in the 30/500's of co-codamol and in the UK it is only available on prescription.

The strongest amount of codeine you can buy is 8mg and it is in combination with paracetamol and ibuprofen.

Tyelenol is the brand name for paracetamol in the USA, and there are combinations known as T1, T2 and T3.

In pain management codeine is addictive. but things like ibuprofen, paracetamol, diclofenic are not.

What you are doing is trying to find ways of keeping your codeine levels up to get rid of the withdrawals. And yes the sypmtoms you say sound like withdrawal from codeine.

There is a site in the UK called 'codeine no more' I think. Something like that and they offer help to people in the UK.

They also have a guide to help you taper off from codeine.
A taper is a plan to reduce the amount of codeine you are taking and avoid the withdrawals.

I would have thought that you were banned from other sites for talking about how to get more codeine.
I know you did not mean to do that and probably the best way forward is just to forget about it.

I hope this makes things a bit clearer.

xx

No 12.8 mg is the stronger otc in the UK. I had the 30/500 on prescription.

Regardless of the toxicity of the drugs they're taking they're asking for help. Life is rough after 4 days clean, But, it's not going to go away with anything but time. The pain is something to live through. I'm only 7months clean and I can tell you that it's finally better. I came here to remind myself of how hard it all is and I want you to know you can do it!

I'm a very weak human being, very weak. And I just kept fighting through the struggle and the sense of unease I was put through for the first 3 months. And, when I felt myself being brought down the only way I fought through was with the thought "My life could end today, or tomorrow, or in a few years. However, and whenever it ends I want to be sober and I want this more than anything i've ever wanted anything." I really needed sobriety and if you're not there yet, you will be. The fact that you're posting here is positive and somewhere in the back of your head there is a strength growing. You're a fighter and you will fight when you're ready and you will win. Good luck friend.

Hi Eve
Sorry to hear of the predicament you find yourself in. And sorry to hear that you have been banned from a group in which you were comfortable.
I am a recovering codeine addict and know how hard it is to kick this without help and support.
I am in the UK - and would suggest that you might like to go along to an NA meeting? People are incredibly supportive.......... Even if just to get as much knowledge as you can. You dont need to be an addict to go along - but with knowledge comes power?
Could you not reapply to the group from which you have been banned - ask the moderator to re-consider? You have to be an advocate in your own cause. Explain how you made a mistake and that you need and value the support previously given. At least its worth a shot?
You will of course get tons of help and support in this forum. So keep posting............
woops

I have been addicted to codeine for many many years. I was on methadone for a short time to get off of them..it worked and I weaned off the methadone and all was great. But I started taking them again after a couple of years due to hangovers and stress due to a break up. Big mistake. I originally began taking codeine for the exact same reason as you...a herniated disc...it was terrible pain. Life was a struggle physically for a long time. I was in physio and walked with a cane for a short span. I became addicted and I still suffer from this condition from time to time but needed to take the codeine no matter what. Pain or no pain. My doctor tried to taper me off originally and that was very difficult, the withdrawal from codeine is exactly as you describe and I was going insane. It was hell for me....worse than quitting drinking for sure. I can tell you from my experience that you are likely not getting any pain relief from the codeine at this time...I actually found that when I first started taking the codeine I was feeling better not because the pain was less but because of the buzz. It is true that only you can decide if you are an addict...reading what you wrote and my experience with the drug you are addicted and need to get off of them. In Canada you can buy 8mg over the counter no problem. It is a terrible thing actually. If your pills contain tylenol as well you will destroy your liver. I feel for you so much because I can so relate and no exactly where you are and how you feel. The withdrawals will go away but it is not a pleasant process. Can you go to a facility to detox possibly or something else to ease your withdrawals? Please message me about anything. I would love to support you and share anything that I have experienced. Take it easy and stay in touch. hugs

The sciatica was awful n the 30s gave me my life back as i could walk fast again n exercise again. Thing is the pain is not really there now accept now n then - is this cause of how much codeine I'm taking?

I received a letter from GP saying my MRI scan was back n asking me to come in at my earliest convenience. Is this normal for them to write to me after the results have come? I phomed n the admin said it was a disc potrusion n trapped nerve. But if there's no pain is there any point in goong?

I told the GP awhile back that i was abusing the 30s n he phoned me saying i should go to a&e - obviously I found this annoying n didn't go. He put me on 8 mg codeine with the same paracetamol, 500 mg. i told him i was buying otc n he said there was nothing he could do about that could he. I asked him for pure codeine n he wont do this so i gpt 112 tabs of 60 mg codeine phosphate which cost £180 ($279). Now im onto the last box of 28 n i received these a week last friday. I been having other codeine otc plus cough stuff n these 8 mg 56 weekly prescription.

Im sorry i must come across as an evil cow befriending someone on a support site n then telling her where she can get codeine from. I don't understand why i did this to her. She hasnt returned any of my E-mails since this n before so, said i had been a great support n that she was there for me. I am devastated n worried about her. She said she was having blood tests done this week to check liver. I think a part of me was jealous because she still is being prescribed the 30s - only 56 weekly but still the 30s.

I can't understand how no 1 around me suspects anything. My family thought i was being distannt for awhile but all is ok now now. They don't suspect at all n when i came home after realising this I had more codeine.

Thank you so much for your replies xxxx

Thinking about it they were right in banning me from the codeine uk support group as I'm not an addict n they are vulnerable people n pm-ing someone telling them where to get codeine wasnt good - i wish i knew why i did that. It was abrilliant group n i recommend anyone from uk go there if they struggling with codeine. They're very supportive n caring.

Anyway my plan is to have all the stuff i have here until its ran out n quit. Aint been without codeine since July. Aint had it long. I'm kinda dreading it but have to do it sometime, right??? Really don't want to though. Want to have as much of it as i can n get completely intoxicated - all sleepy with this lovely calm, cosy feeling all over me that says lifes bloody ace all the bads out there n im in here all nice n smug

I dont want that to end n be 'alert' n in reality again full of guilt, stress self-hatred, anger, loneliness, pining for others to feel rejected. Losing things or threatening to have them taken.

And then there's codeine. Where has it been all my life..... :(