So glad to be off pills....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
restarting my day count. need to be 100% honest. Took more tylenol cold not as prescribed. I feel guilty and ashamed. But want to be honest. Maybe if I am brutally honest I can actually move forward. I am always starting off a detox with taking so much of everything to get through detox. Well today is day 1 of not putting anything in my body. I am powerless and my craving for cold meds is also a problem.
thanks.
thanks.
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
It takes a lot of courage to come here and admit that Finaltime. No matter how much you struggle you come here and post about it. And you keep getting up, dusting yourself off and trying and that ultimately is what matters. I was lamenting the giant mistake I made, to the doctor that I did it too, and she told me that's what we do, what we have to do. We fall, we pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off, again and again and again. Somehow that spoke to me. Her belief in my ability to do that makes me want to try. And I believe in you. So keep trying and we'll both get to where we want to be one day.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
It doesn't have a narco in it, but I didn't take it as prescribed. Took more than 2, not to get high but to not feel me. So I am starting over, which I don't mind at all. I want to be 100% honest and never are, secrets have kept me sick I think. Dee, I am trying to work an honest program. Meetings, sponsor, HP, all of it. 90 meetings in 90 days, step work.. all of it. Posting here. Day 4 today. No booze, pills or cigs since Jan 22.
Feel so free today. Urges do come and go. Playing the tape all the way through. Its that one pill or substance that I can't take.
Thanks for chatting guys. Feel great, even went to the gym today, had an amazing NA meeting, went to lunch after with my sponsor and fellows. About 12 of us!!! It was so nice sitting in the sun. Daughter comes back tomorrow!!!!! YEAH!~
Feel so free today. Urges do come and go. Playing the tape all the way through. Its that one pill or substance that I can't take.
Thanks for chatting guys. Feel great, even went to the gym today, had an amazing NA meeting, went to lunch after with my sponsor and fellows. About 12 of us!!! It was so nice sitting in the sun. Daughter comes back tomorrow!!!!! YEAH!~
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
So nice to be waking up today feeling good. I can even feel my muscles as I hit the gym yesterday. Not going to go back to crossfit, feel that is a quick card to opiates because of the injury. Waking up with a clear head, not feeling like a PILL is needed to function is a gift from my HP> I am still having insane vivid dreams, most of the time nightmares. All of me either trying to accomplish something and not getting there or trying to score pills and so desperate. sharing stories in meetings is keeping me going. Asking my HP to remove the obsession is key as that is what makes me go back every time. Thinking about taking my dogs pain meds once? When I think back to my using history, the things I have done, it is so insane. This disease is all about insanity. Its sad. I told my sponsor some things and she said, "there are woman that sale their children for drugs!"
If we stay sober we break the insanity.
For today I won't be insane. I will be a good person. I will get out of myself.
If we stay sober we break the insanity.
For today I won't be insane. I will be a good person. I will get out of myself.
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Sounds like you are doing your very best Finaltime! Your commitment is there, Keep going strong.
GS123, using or seeking dreams are very common in early recovery. I dreamed about chasing, trying to find and scoring pills pretty much daily. I was always happy to find them in my dreams tho I never once took them in my dreams, always woke up first. I'd wake up disjointed, upset, confused. Had those dreams for awhile but as time went on they stopped.
GS123, using or seeking dreams are very common in early recovery. I dreamed about chasing, trying to find and scoring pills pretty much daily. I was always happy to find them in my dreams tho I never once took them in my dreams, always woke up first. I'd wake up disjointed, upset, confused. Had those dreams for awhile but as time went on they stopped.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
oh yes the dream thing is very common. My sponsor says its the drugs leaving our system. End of day 6, no opiates or booze since jan 23. Worked out 2 days this week, road by bike to meetings 2 days, 20k round trip! Daughter is back. Head has been a mess all day thinking about ex. Having a fun conversation with a new man, so excited. Life could be so great if I stay sober.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: London
Posts: 170
Been stuck back on that hamster wheel, somehow I've managed to do well at work, this keeps me busy so I dont start me pills until late afternoon, im still taking 30+ which is better than the 50+ I was up to before.
Still want to quit every day, just cant manage it, off work for valentines day and started to take my first handful of pills, my dog were watching me and the big one put his paw on my arm stopping me getting the pills to my mouth, ya think he knows im killing myself? Maybe he just thought they was mints and he wanted one.
Then I turn on the tv and see the story that I posted kn here about the opiate addict killing himself in boots, where i get some of my pills, think these are signs to quit. .
Still want to quit every day, just cant manage it, off work for valentines day and started to take my first handful of pills, my dog were watching me and the big one put his paw on my arm stopping me getting the pills to my mouth, ya think he knows im killing myself? Maybe he just thought they was mints and he wanted one.
Then I turn on the tv and see the story that I posted kn here about the opiate addict killing himself in boots, where i get some of my pills, think these are signs to quit. .
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: London
Posts: 170
Im not sure how to post link but if you look online its in the news, guy wanted some methadone at 9am in a boots in staffordshire, when they refused he slashed his own throat with a razor, dead by the time the ambulance men turned up. Hows things been with you startingover?
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 357
Wow, that is horrific. Understandable how this addiction gets to you though.
I am really good thanks Walk. I am 42 days clean and sober today. And I feel soooooo very much better. The initial is hard but very worth it
I am really good thanks Walk. I am 42 days clean and sober today. And I feel soooooo very much better. The initial is hard but very worth it
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
day 9
End of day 9. Throat is sore once again, I know this is my disease wanting me to grab something. Not going to happen. So grateful for a wonderful, sober week off. My kid being back, the cable working tonight, never works here! Sun shining today, meeting today, play date for daughter, amazing lunch with members after meeting, waking up feeling good, potential FH back home 
Love all of you. It gets better if you are honest, willing, and you surrender.
Love all of you. It gets better if you are honest, willing, and you surrender.
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