searching for the truth

[seasalt]

Quick background-
My husband was addicted to cocaine for 10 years on and off, more on than off. In June it progressed and he smoked $200.00 worth of crack- is this a lot? I have no idea. Guess it does not matter, no amount of crack is good for you. But, here is the real question. Am I fooling myself? He has been clean since July 2003, supposedly. We moved three hours away from his home, and the friends he used with. His daughter still lives in this area with his ex-wife, so we went to see her for Christmas. We went also to see friends, (but not the crack using friends), and ended up at a small party having a great time. Until, the crackhead friend he always used with and used to run off with, showed up. Well, this small group of friends decided to go to the bar. We all went, but the crackhead friend did not. Thought I was in the clear. Bar closes, we all go home, we go back to our hotel, I am completely sober- as I was driving. I was ready to go to bed as we had big plans with his daughter for the next morning. He starts calling the crack head friend- "I thought you were coming over here" I react. I get up from bed, put my clothes back on. Stay calm, explain that we have a big day tomorrow with his child, time to call it a night. He explodes, kicks a chair at me. I walk outside, and down the sidewalk to get away from the situation, and cool off. I get back he has left with the crackhead, locked me out of the room and the truck, taking the keys with him. No one answered at the hotel office, I couldn't get in the room and my purse was locked in the truck. So, I walked at 3:00 am to a friend's aunt's home, and spent the night on her couch. When I came to the room at 8:00am the next morning he was passed out, after pounding on the door he let me in. Came up with every reason I was at fault. Anyhow, to get to the question. He told me he was at a certain person's home- let's call him Bob. Ok so he went to Bob's, "were they using drugs at this person's home?" "Do they do drugs?" I ask. He answers no to both questions. He did not see any, did not use, and does not think they do drugs. A couple weeks pass. We are home. I got in touch with a friend from that area. She informed me that this Bob character is a well known cocaine dealer of the area. So, did my husband use? Every aspect of this story makes me believe he used, except he swears he did not. I really would like anyone's opinion that has been addicted to anything. This looks pretty bad doesn't it? What are the signs of him using. What does a person act like on crack? He spent $300.00 last week on nothing he can account for. But, he is home from work at 5:00 every day, does not go anywhere, eats fine, I just do not see any signs- except the money- but he is always irresponsible with money- and maybe it was not on drugs? I have not accused him, but I am seriously concerned. Your thoughts are greatly appreciated. He is not working a program, just his own will to never use again, is this even possible?

[Moontime]

Hi Im an addict too. About him locking you out of the room and taking the keys and being with slippery people, I hate to break it to you, but when I did that I was using. I used the same drugs your husbands used and lieing/cheating/stealing is the core of my disease, it's self-centeredness. We will manipulate (make it your fault) to change how we feel about using. If he continues to use , you will become second in his life behind crack. I have seen people survive from 9 to 10 years on self-will and abstinence then throw it all away by not working a program. Abstience is the key to recovery, but it IS NOT recovery. I'm not sure if your husband uses now, but sure seems like he did during the holidays.

[Trooth]

When I used I had a friend that was able to pull the wool over his wife's eyes, and used a lot of the same tactics. When questioned he would turn it into a fight. I don't badger you... If he went to a dealers house at 3 A.M. with a friend, he used. He may have gotten some stuff on credit, and is now paying it back. If he has one night every now and then where these things happen, or unaccounted time, and then it is followed up with money missing later, he could be getting credit with his dealer.

Once you sleep it off, it is easy to go to work, eat etc. I unfortunately have a lot of experience with the drug, and the people around it. I am led to believe that he uses infrequently. The more frequent it becomes (which if he continues to go out with his buddy it will), the more the tell tell signs will appear.

[FBDinNJ]

Honestly it sounds as though he used. I often would throw temper tantrums and start lying and blaming other people if I was questioned about my drug use or if someone tried to get in the way of me using.

There's two obvious ways to spot if he's been using crack. The obvious one is that he's going to be hyper as hell, bouncing off walls and **** as though he'd just dranka pot of coffee. The next one is his pupils. Now the hyperness eventually wears off, but the pupils will remain for a while after using.

When you use crack or cocaine your pupils dialte a whole lot. So the black in his eyes should become abnormally large, and for the most part should take up a large part of his eyes. This is an easy way of spotting whether someone's been using coke/crack.

[wishIsedNO]

Im a heroin addict..But before that for a year i smoked crack..and also did coke...I also have had many friends who are crack addicts..The one thing with me that would tell anyone that i smoked was of course the dilated eyes..and the camal mouth...you know how a camal chews on grass or whatever they eat..well my mouth would move like that...even if i wasnt talking..I dont know why i think i just would lose control of my mouth muscles when i would smoke..I also would talk so much that my words would trip over eachother..Im a cig smoker so i would smoke like 3 packs on the nites i would smoke..I also like to drink beer with smoking because it tasted good and i would get that sick feeling id get with drinking and i could drink way more..And trooth was rite once you sleep off a nite of smoking u are basically fine..and with the question of 200 dollars being alot..Well the secound time i smoked crack me and this friend of mine spent about 400 dollars that nite i never walked so many times back and forth to a dealers place..Also you get extremely paranoid..I once jumped in a bush in fear of my mom seeing me..I just finished smoking a dime of crack..I use to love to smoke a dime and wait for me to begin to crash and then take 2 bags of dope and boy would i get high..But thats another story..Anyways as i was walkin to the store to get water...I see my mom on the corner waiting for the light to change to cross the street with bags full of x-mas presents..i knew if she saw me she would know i used..and i felt so guilty theres was no where to go but in the bush..so there i went..I got stuck there for an hour because eachtime i was gonna climb out people would walk by and i didnt wanna look stupid and have everyone know i smoked..so i waited till i got so pissed cause i was missing my crash to get high on the dope i left..It ruined my party that nite..But thats the craziness we go through while we are active..Oh also after you come down you get extremely depressed and moody..Tend to fight with anyone around you...Easily annoyed also..I wish you the best and hope your hubby find the help he needs..It seems to me he has relapsed when he went back to his old neighborhood..and is on the road back to his old ways.. hes trying to control his habit in using once in awhile but since hes an addict that cant happen in a little while longer he will find himself where he left himself 4 months ago when he stopped..Jackie