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Almost 5 Months off of opiates, and it's been....interesting.



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Almost 5 Months off of opiates, and it's been....interesting.

Old 08-10-2012, 06:43 PM
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Almost 5 Months off of opiates, and it's been....interesting.

In a week, I will have 5 months of being clean off opiates, the longest I've ever had in 10+ years. I am also 3 months off of benzos. I've experienced everything from deep (scary deep, and dark) depression, to anxiety even when trying to fall asleep at night, to MAJOR irritability and agitation. There have been some moments of joy, but the negative emotions during this withdrawal period have, by far, dominated the positive ones. Find myself uncontrollably upset at things that never bothered me in the past, even at 5 months off. It has been. A. Ride. Would love to hear other people's experiences at 5 months out. Thanks in advance for whatever you're willing to share.
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Old 08-10-2012, 08:02 PM
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Just want to commend you for staying clean. I'm 5 days clean off opiates and not sure I can do it. Sitting here staring at my bottle of hydros trying to just throwing em out but can't....
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Old 08-10-2012, 08:17 PM
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Thanks Tudy, I have never fought so hard in my life than I have fought to stay clean. You can do this....trust me, if I can, anyone can. I had been addicted to opiates for ten years with doctors who were more than happy to prescribe, and refill, and refill.....

I'm sure you've heard this before but you will need to force yourself to toss that bottle out if you want to seriously try to get clean. The pull is just too strong and the temptation is too great to have them around....at least for me it would be, anyway. Good for you on the five days, that is a GREAT start...you've almost made it past of the worst of the physical withdrawal at this point. Please flush or toss them before you have to go back and start a "Day 1" again!! I will be here to help support however I can.
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Old 08-11-2012, 01:42 AM
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istherehope, first, I am so proud of you! I am right there with you, this August 15th marks 6 months clean from those ugly pills. I have had quite there ride as well. I would say that most of mine overall has been more positive, but I have had the depression, anger, irritation, just feeling like crap. I think with how much damage I have done I expected this. I have found that juicing every morning has made my head and body feel so much better. I think once I get a consistent exercise plan I will feel better too. Hang in there, anything is better than still using. Anything. I will take anything than being a slave and wasting my hard earned money on those pills.
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Old 08-11-2012, 04:28 AM
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3 months of opiate freedom here. It is a long a strange journey to recover from this crap. Mine was a 10 year bender as well. That's a long time to carpet bomb our system with narcotics so I'm not surprised that some symptoms will linger for a long time. I got almost 7 hours of sleep last night. Woo Hoo! Usually I only average 5-6 hours. When I get real tired at night sometimes I still get the jimmy legs too. WTF? That's OK cause I'm not dope sick, jonesing for the next fix or zombified anymore. Satan no longer has his vacuum cleaner hooked up to my soul and that is reason enough to jump for joy. Peace to you.
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Old 08-11-2012, 07:57 AM
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Hi istherehope,

I'm not sure if you've seen the attached, but it's very solid advice. The writer, Bill, is a very smart, nice guy who has gone through this himself and has decades of addiction experience. He knows what he's talking about. I'm sure, having achieved almost 5 months clean, that you do many of these things already.

PAWS « Digital Dharma

The only other thing I could add to this is it may be a good idea to see a mental health doc. Medication could be required to help stabilize things, because sometimes no matter what we do, if there's a chemical imbalance that is unaddressed we are going to feel uncomfortable.

All the best.
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Old 08-11-2012, 08:24 AM
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Stride34 thank you for that link its very informative
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Old 08-11-2012, 08:36 AM
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Congrats on 5 months clean. That's a huge accomplishment. I am a little over 5 months myself (opiates) and find that things are pretty close to normal when I have slept well the night before and when I am not under extreme stress. My sleep was consistently bad for the first 30 days, but it was pretty much back to normal by 90 days. I do find stress tougher to deal with than it should be, and will start heading toward a panic attack if I can't stop and relax. For the panic attacks I have to remain calm and try to reason myself out of them before they get to the point where I can't function.

Other than the anxiety I would say that the other main symptom I still have is a generally feeling down and not enjoying things that I should. I wouldn't go so far as to call it depression, but it is more like not being able to enjoy life to the fullest.

I find that exercise has been the best help for my residual symptoms, and I definitely notice an increase in symptoms the following day if I don't exercise. For exercise I go for long walks, which gives me time to relax and think. Running would probably be better, but I am not a big runner.
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Old 08-11-2012, 10:13 AM
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Thanks so much everybody....great info and suggestions. It is validating just to hear all your experiences. I guess I'm always thinking I "should be further along" than I am; in the big picture of 10 years of using, five months is still a relatively short period of clean time. Patience with myself and grace towards myself are not things I've ever been very good at. Anyway, thank you all. It helps.
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Old 08-11-2012, 03:49 PM
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I guess I do take long walks, so I do exercise, I wonder if we stepped it up a notch if that would help us along? I also forgot to mention that I notice with the longer I go sober, the more confidant and back to my normal self I get. And I have to take this day by day. Just last week I was in training, I am a teacher and took a new job. I started the day feeling great, had my veg juice, sat through training with a clear head. I felt very proud of myself because I had not been to one of the first weeks of school without pills in my purse in at least 7 years. At least. I would feel that I was on top of the world as long as I had those stupid little security blankets in my purse and in my body. I would feel no worry, no difficulty socializing with the new staff etc. But this time, being sober, my head felt clean but I noticed myself sitting alone, watching everyone else pair up with new friends etc. For a short time I was hard on myself, questioning why I was the loner etc. But then I told myself I need to be patient. I do not have that false confidence I used to have. I now am me, and if I need to take time to socialize, that is fine. I think back to the last 6 months at how I have progressed. It has not been the slightest bit easy, but overall I feel better. Istherehope I hope you can feel better too. Do not be so hard on yourself. I still have a nightmare of stuff to deal with back in the states due to my addiction, but I can only do good for today. I can get up and not pop a pill. I can get up and go to work, not sneeze all day, yawn, or be high. Lets give ourselves more time.
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Old 08-12-2012, 08:15 PM
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Icandoit, thanks so much for your encouragement. I felt the same way you did, with the false confidence when on the pills. It's amazing, now that I've been off of them, how completely different from that the "real me" is. It has almost swing to an opposite extreme, where I've been avoiding social situations sometimes because I've forgotten over the past ten years what it's like to truly be comfortable in my own skin, without pharmaceutical help. It's like having to relearn the basics of social interaction. Weird. I am happy for you that you are experiencing social situations now without the pills, and seem to be doing well at it even though it still can feel awkward at times....this gives me hope. Do you live overseas? I take it you do, based on your remarks.
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Old 08-13-2012, 08:00 AM
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Only at 1 month here, but I've noticed my bad/down days usually correlate to little sleep and exercise the day or two prior. Exercise helps me greatly, and I've found the bigger sweat I work up, the bigger the payoff. Its kind of getting addicting in and of itself at this point... if I don't exercise one day I start worrying about not sleeping that night and it kind of becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy... so I try hard to wear myself out every day. Meditation is helping too... its taking me awhile to get back in practice of actually achieving the proper mental state, but I know from experience once you start working that mental muscle the benefits can be amazing... for my 2 cents.

Great job to all of you ahead of me!
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Old 08-13-2012, 09:29 AM
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I definitely see the benefits of exercise, I do weight training and biking a couple times per week. It helps a bit, I guess I would have to be more regular and frequent with it to see the effects that you describe.
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Old 08-16-2012, 12:48 PM
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Hey there, congrats on your five months! I have been off them for about a month. I am still on Ativan. But in my experience in the last thirty days I have felt every emotion from despair to disbelief to joy. But it can be described as a roller coaster ride. I literally don't know what to expect from day to day. It was like when the hydrocodone dropped, it all dropped (as in denial) and everything that had been repressed for so long came rushing forward. It is slightly overwhelming if you want to know the truth. It is good to see your post that someone else has been on this roller coaster ride too. I have to start tapering off Ativan. I assume things are going to get crazier, but I don't know. Congrats on your five months and letting me know there is someone else going through what I am going through.
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Old 08-17-2012, 10:02 AM
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Thanks georgiagirl. 1 month off is great! Yes it is a definite roller coaster. I was not one of those people who had a "pink cloud" experience after they quit. And I wanted to be honest about the huge struggle that it was for me after I stopped using opiates....since this the ONE place where I feel I can be honest about everything! I think it really helps people when you're transparent about it all, so they don't develop false expectations of what life is post-opiates, and then get even more down on themselves when they are in the percentage who don't live on the pink cloud. I would be happy to share my experience with my Ativan taper too if that would help you. That was a ride in and of itself, but a DIFFERENT ride from the opiate withdrawals.....

Great Scripture verse by the way. I will be praying for you georgiagirl.
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Old 08-17-2012, 01:02 PM
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That's the first time I've came across that term, "pink cloud"... so I had to look it up. No pink clouds for me thus far. Maybe for a few passing moments early on when I first accepted what recovery meant. Through this first month, mostly I feel flat and emotionless most of the time. Then when emotions do come I have difficulty reigning them in. I've had a few days of irritability for no good reason, a few days of being overly jovial for no good reason too and thinking back on it, it seems like I was probably odd to any observers... but mostly grey days. One euphoric recall daydream that scared me real good. But I've yet to find things that get me really excited, or look forward to, while the other side of the coin, I also don't feel helpless or hopeless either... just kind of baseline most of the time.
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Old 08-17-2012, 02:40 PM
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Dragonfire-- yes that odd emotionlessness is tough to take. You feel numb, like you're walking though life going through the motions, but aren't really experiencing anything...if that makes sense. It's weird. I did notice at about the 3 month mark, that that got a little better. I had moments of feeling like I was alive again, and not just an observer of my life. It felt like my soul was being returned to me slowly, in bits and pieces. When it has been siphoned away for so many years by the pharmaceuticals, it takes a long time to find it's way back I guess. Metaphorically speaking Be encouraged that the bland baseline should improve as time passes. I hate the euphoric recall dreams and daydreams....still battling them even at 5 months but they are a bit less intense now.
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Old 08-17-2012, 03:28 PM
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Thanks for the encouragement... you're not the first to reassure me that it will come back as you describe, and the more I hear it the more I believe it without seeing it yet, which I have problems doing (I'm a touch the burner to see if its hot type of personality), so its good to know.
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Old 08-17-2012, 03:33 PM
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You're welcome. Yes I am a "touch the burner" type too. And not so great with patience
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Old 11-14-2013, 08:58 PM
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Congrats! I've been Clean 6 months and it's still very hard - trouble sleeping, trouble having fun (almost always bored), and my depression is a burden, but I quit cold turkey so I think I'll be dealing with all this mental **** for quite some time. I hope you're still clean!
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