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Oxycodone withdrawal...absolutely terrified of PAWS.



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Oxycodone withdrawal...absolutely terrified of PAWS.

Old 06-11-2012, 10:17 AM
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Unhappy Oxycodone withdrawal...absolutely terrified of PAWS.

I've always believed honesty is the best policy. Please excuse the way i'm writing this because i'm on my cellphone. It's funny how kids that are on drugs, are introduced to the world from adults that know better. I have no clue why they would want a child to suffer the same fate as they have. Maybe it gives them satisfaction to know someone else is hurting.
I've always been a very quiet, nervous type child. I hated school because of the kids, but I got through it because I knew my sweet mommy would be at home and I could tell her all about it. My mommy died when I was 15 years old...I went into severe depression. I had my daddy...but he has several health problems limiting him from doing a lot of things. Taking Oxycodone was recommended to me by a family friend. She said it would help me feel better. She was right...but I had no clue about wds. She didn't even caution me about it. After that...school started going so much better. I made straight A's that entire year. Something I had never done. I believe it was because I know longer feared the people or,was afraid of being embarrassed like I had been in the past. I was outgoing, froendly....just something i'd always wanted to be. I got lots of friends and had dates...ot was wonderful. The first year all I took was half of a oxy 30mg. I noticed no tolerance change until my second year on the drug. That year I took a half in the morning, and half in the evening before lunch...I'm 17 now and i've found the dark side of this drug. It stopped working. I've been on this site multiple times when I go through wd. Although I wouldn't call them agonizing, they're very painful and I can't let it ruin my life. It's summer now and i'm coming off...It's day 4. I don't feel so sick anymore but depression is really starting to set in on me. I think about mommy a lot when i'm off of it... I believe the drug blocked her death out for me and I didn't grieve properly...so now it's all flooding in. I'm just so scared... I was nervous before, so I just know PAWS,is going to make ot 10 times worse for me. I'm going into my senior year. I'll have been clean 2 months when it's time to start back...will the anxious feeling be gone? I don't wanna make bad grades like when I was,little. I have big plans for myself, and when the drug came into my life I found I was smarter than I thought. Most likely because I didn't miss so mucg. Because I enjoyed it with the drug in me... I really hate this and i'm scared. Do you think paws will be over for me by the time school starts back? I can't take much more stress. I'm truly afraid.
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Old 06-11-2012, 10:56 AM
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Welcome back...

Why not look for a greif counseling group this summer?
You could ask your doctor and possibly also get his help
with de toxing.
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Old 06-11-2012, 11:01 AM
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It's pretty much impossible for the doctor thing ....i've thought about counseling and I think it would be positive for me. As soon as I get the will power to do so. All of you are so kind on here and I just want some kind of hope...Something positive to look forward to. It really is a terrible cycle and easy to get into. Thanks for replying
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Old 06-11-2012, 11:06 AM
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I know my case is a lot different from a lot of people on here. I've always been reluctant to post because I am so young...But I need support in any way possible. I don't want to go down this road!! I don't want to ruin my life before I even get a chance to start it. I've relapsed a lot. Always because of fear of people.
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Old 06-11-2012, 04:01 PM
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Hi Alley,

I'm a recovering oxy addict myself. This link I've attached is the best advice I know in regards to PAWS. It covers everything you need to know - and need to do. It helped me tremendously.

PAWS | Digital Dharma

I wish you all the best. You can do this.
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Old 06-12-2012, 05:09 AM
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Thank you very much ... I think the devil was just trying to make me feel like I couldn't make it. I know I can. Besides, being yourself, anxious or not...It's better than being FAKE!! That's all it is. Just being fake. ... I'll never do it again!
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Old 06-12-2012, 05:29 AM
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After 2 months my deep depression was mostly gone. It crept up a bit here and there but it was manageable. I'm on over a year now and I rarely get it. Try being active as it will greatly improve your mood and help the process. Running and exercise is good. Just keep positive and you can get through it. I've been there many times before but never again. I know exactly how you feel and it will get better. The emotions you're feeling now although strong, is just your brain not producing endorphins. It's because you've been artificially creating them for 2 yrs or so. Once they start to return you'll feel better. Activity and exercise is a great way to produce natural endorphins. Hang in there!
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Old 06-12-2012, 08:37 AM
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That's encouraging. My cousin was in the same position as me at my age. She snapped back as well...so I know there's hope! She said about 2 months as well. Hers lasted much lon ger than mine too so
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Old 06-12-2012, 08:38 AM
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Hopefully i'll snap back even sooner! ...but even if it does last a year I'll still push through .. It's live or die right?
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Old 06-12-2012, 09:06 AM
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Will there be a time where I can talk again? Without stumbling up on every other word I say...After I lost mama I had to take over. Paying bills, shopping, etc...Sometimes I felt like the drig gave me more anxiety after I had been on it for I while. I got to where I couldn't even look people in the eye when I talked to them...Could this just be naturally me from when I wad young, or is it something I'll recover from?
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Old 06-12-2012, 09:27 AM
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Can you get to NA meetings or AA meetings and hang out with other women (I assume you are female)?
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Old 06-12-2012, 10:00 AM
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Oh yes my cousin and I hang out often ... I just had a super positive experience as well. I know tgis sounds silly but I thought id never have another guy take interest in me. But I did! Today!! I handled it really well too. We had a good conversation about school and when he graduated. He was cute. Im super proud of myself. I never thought I could do it but im already holding logical conversations with people! Not buzzed ones! I feel great about this. Im a new person
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Old 06-12-2012, 10:34 AM
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It will all come back, No worries. Just keep at it and stay clean. You'll be able to get back to "normal" before you know it. I'd say just start living and you'll forget all about the fact that you feel weird when talking to people. But remember to never let down your guard. Be mindful of how you feel now and remind yourself in the future of why you stopped if you ever find yourself in a difficult situation. (hopefully you won't)
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Old 06-12-2012, 01:05 PM
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Alley, the best thing I can recommend to you is seeing a licensed Psychiatrist.
While i do not know your entire story, nor can ca I give you medical advice... I can tell you that seeing a mental health professional can do wonders for you.
I can tell you from experience that OXY has a wonderful short term effect on depression. The problem is, as you've discovered, that it has a dark side to it.
A licensed mental health professional can assess you and make medical & pharmaceutical decisions beaded on what's best for you as an individual.

I know because for the first time in my life, I began seeing a Psychiatrist at the beginning of the year and it has made an enormous impact on my life. I won't go into the particulars about what all has transpired but I will say that my depression is pretty much a thing of the past and my addictive and impulsive behavior is also near nonexistent!
Seeing a Psychiatrist may be the best thing you can do for yourself at this point.
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Old 06-12-2012, 01:45 PM
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What about being put on antidepressants though?...what if i'm just going through paws? Im so scared of drugs now. I dont want anything similar to happen
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Old 06-12-2012, 02:53 PM
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THis is why it's so important to see a licensed Mental health professional. There is a reason they go to school for a decade - so they can assess you as an individual and make medical decisions based on what best for YOU!
With your life in turmoil, do you think it's best if you simply ride out a life of hell all by yourself and simply hope for the best? If you extend a hand out for help, there are people out there that will do everything they can to help you through it all. The most important thing about getting help is your willingness to get help and also finding the right person with the education and experience to make the right medical decisions that are right for you.
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Old 06-13-2012, 08:01 AM
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I think my core problem is my loss of self esteem, and feeling that I have no worth. That, tied with the death of my mother, and helping my father along with his disabilities - it all sent me spiraling into the world if drugs. At midnight tonight it will have been 6 days off. I try to talk to strangers, and be friendly. Although I can't find the confidence to hang out with my former friends. I hope that comes with time. I have been trying hard to socialize though and hopefully it's something I will benefit from. I think I will try a counseler to possibly gain further help. I haven't dealt with the world on my own since I was 15...and I was pretty unsuccessful as holding a conversation and not feeling weird. But now i'm doing decently. Will those "15 year old" issues come back again? I guess that's what i've been trying to ask.
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Old 06-13-2012, 06:03 PM
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Today has been terrible. I cried a lot... I went and stayed with my aunt for a couple of hours and I couldn't talk to her. Words wouldn't come to me. It hit hard.
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Old 06-14-2012, 04:43 AM
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Sometimes just letting it out can really help. I can't tell you how many breakdowns I had but I usually felt better after them. Just keep your head up and it will get better. You'll have many ups and downs. (unfortunately more downs than ups I the beginning) and when you stay strong the days will seem brighter, and you'll climb out of the hole. Stay strong!!!!
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Old 06-17-2012, 02:15 PM
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I posted to another thread of yours. I really feel for you. I remember so well what it was like being a teen and I would never go back and do it again! It does get better, life gets better.

Have you called any support lines to find out about free resources for you? There must be some teen support groups. Heck- there are teens that come to my AA meetings who are addicts and they are welcomed with open arms.

Hang in there and keep posting here!
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