regrets

[samo]

I've been thinking, some thing i seem to be doing a lot of now that my head is on straight.
Ive been thinking about regrets and whether or not I have any. this is some thing that I have always been torn about.
on the one hand...
if i had never done my first hit I would have been spared a whole s load of pain and unhappiness. I would be in school on my own holding down a job and living the dream as they say. I would not bear the emotional scars nor the physical scars that cover my body. my once beautiful feet would not have track mark scars covering them and i would not be missing part of my eye brow.
on the other hand...
now after the fact and looking back I don't really feel like any of those things matter any more. being out of school is giving me time to paint, i just found a new job in my new town so that is covered, I appreciate money more and food has never tasted so great. sure i'm back at my parents house but is that really such a bad thing?
there are mountains, stars, sunsets, lakes, friends, late nights drinking coffe just talking about life or nothing in general new people, most of whom seem to be in recovery as well, to talk to. the sky are so clear the air so fresh and I can see ny from my back yard. who could ask for any thing more.
If I had not gone through what i did, would I really be able to appriciate this incredible sphere of dirt and water we call our home the way i feel i do now? and if i regreted any thing would i be so obsessed with that regret that i could not see the wonderful life i have around me now? i would not be who i am if things were different, an let me tell you my skin, despite the scars, and the healing wounds, has never fit quite so right.

[padawan]

that's good - glad to hear your skin is fitting better. that's what part of this thing is all about. but don't regret it - you may have heard a lot of oldtimers talking about being a grateful drunk/addict. if it wasn't for the brutal beating, we wouldn't have tried recovery, and never would have appreciated the small things many others take for granted today. don't regret - just remember - and stay clean!

pad

[Trooth]

I understand what you are saying samo. On the one hand I could have bypassed so much wasted time. On the other hand, I have a far greater since of well being in my recovery. It is true, if you are able to come out of a hardship, you become a stronger person.

Thanks for the post it was very uplifting.

[Suzette]

samo,

I completely understand how you feel. When I first decided to quit all of the drugs I was doing I moved back in with my parents and had to start all over from square one.
Do what you are comfortable with and don't push yourself too hard. It sounds like you are doing great. You definitely need time to ease back into things and enjoy the little things in life like you are doing.
Being a recovering addict certainly gives you a new appreciation of life. Enjoy it and don't regret the things you did. They shaped who you are now. That could be a very good thing as long as you don't forget.