WHY oh WHY

[icandoit12]

So as most of you know, I live in China. I moved to China because I thought it would get me sober?? Ha ha.. Well, I also moved to China to get away from my family drama. My mother is an addict, alcoholic, and gambler, and has been trying to stay away from all but weed and pills for 6 months or so. Well, today I woke up and had messages from my sister that my mom was busted buying dope at my nieces volleyball tournament. OMG, Serious?? My sister wanted me to hear her side before I had time to hear my moms side. Of course, my mom was also blowing my phone up. It already gives me great great anxiety every time I have to hear my mom, since she is usually high and I am almost 90 days clean off of pills so to hear all this brought up so much emotion. Mostly the feeling of Thank GOD I am in China, but also deep deep sadness that my mom at almost 60 years of age still struggles so bad. And how I do not want to continue with the cycle and be like her. I refuse to be like her. So what did I do? I ignored her phone calls Then after thinking about it for hours I felt that maybe she needs someone at this point, and maybe I should call her. What would you guys do? part of me wanted to call her source (my uncle) and see if he sent one of his buddies to a volleyball tournament?? WOW. You guys probably think my family is super messed up, but really we are a family that looks super functional from the outside, but my mom and I are the addicts. I am breaking that cycle once again let me tell you! I just needed to vent to my SR family, get your thoughts on what you would say and do in this situation. It is hard because ever time I talk to my mom she says she is doing so wonderful, then I see her very sad distant glossy red eyes and know she is lying. She has been in rehab twice, and lived a hard life. But part of me doesn't get it, then I realize what a strong disease addiction is. My moms life looks perfect, beautiful home, healthy successful children, drives a lexus, great career, happy husband, but deep inside she is sick and hasn't been able to fight the disease in years. Another reason it is so important to stay on top of recovery, the moment you stop the addiction can creep right back in. Thank you for listening.

[aeo1313]

Congrats on getting clean and breaking the cycle!!!! I don't know what i would do in your situation. I am lucky in that I am the only addict/alcho in my family...what an odd statement will further contact with your mom harm your sobriety right now? If so, I would wait to talk with her.

[keltie]

icandoit, my heart jumped out of my chest when I saw the title of this message. It stopped racing as I read through your post. You know why? Because I was scared it was YOU and I can't tell you how relieved I am that it was not.

I am sorry for your pain about your Mom. I can't imagine how horrible that feels. But YOU are safe, and that was what mattered to me. I am SO proud of you- you are one of my great inspirations.

Feel free to vent in any way you need to about your mom. She has her own path though...and you have yours no matter how much you love her.