New Heroin Addict Desperate to quit
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Ann Arbor, MI.
Posts: 1
New Heroin Addict Desperate to quit
I tend to be long winded so I’m going to try and make this short as possible. It is necessary for me to give an addiction history as I believe it will allow for others to make more informed suggestions that may help me.
I started taking opiates almost 27 years ago. Back then I thought I was fortunate in that I had an almost endless supply of Tylenol #4’s. Opiates, always orally administered, saved me from destroying my life with alcohol. I had previously been drinking and I am a non-functional binge drunk when I do drink. Opiates gave me my life back. I could study, go to work and function normally on 1200mg’s of codeine every other day.
Fast forward 5 years and my access to opiates had become cut off. I returned to alcohol to deal with my depression and anxiety and in no time my life was in the toilet again. I was a shambles for a very long time and then I discovered poppy pods in 1994. Poppy pods saved me as I was about at the end of my rope, failed treatment centers, short and long term, 2 drunk driving charges, being fired from jobs.
I needed the opiates to feel normal. From 1994 to 2010 I used nothing but poppy pods. I would order them by the case in order to get the best value. My wife and children applauded my use of poppy pods. To them it was just an herbal remedy. My use of other herbs, growing, harvesting and drying, made the pods seem more legitimate. My use of pods fluctuated from 5 to 20 pods at a time and most of the time it was an every other day or every few days use (1 day on, 2-3 days off). It was remarkable how long a glass of poppy tea, grounds and all, would stay in my system. I was normal, I have three kids whom I raised and I was very active in the community. No one ever knew I used poppy tea. I was an avid body builder and jogged 50 to 80 miles per week. I excelled at everything I did, art, computer programming and teaching.
As some of you might know poppy pods went by way of the dinosaur in 2010. I had researched Kratom for years and in desperation decided to give it a try but not before I had begun to binge drink. The kratom arrived fortunately when I was sober. It worked, but not as good as poppy pods of course. I needed a high dose of kratom in order to achieve the anxiety and depression relief I needed. High doses of kratom would make me edgy yet completely eliminated the depression and 50 percent of the anxiety on most days. Then there was the cost. I did have some small length of time successes on kratom but never the 15 years that I did on poppy pods. So I continued to binge drink.
An associate who was aware of my prior poppy pod use got sick of me laying drunk at my home, never venturing out, so they brought me some oxycontins. I dumped all of my booze down the sink and began taking oxy and hydrocodone for the next few months similar to my poppy pod use, every other day or every few days. This became quite expensive quickly and I realized that $200 dollars every few days would find me broke within a couple years. Unacceptable.
Another associate being more of a friend to me had a heroin addiction which they had hid from me for the past five years. I never knew. I caught her one day preparing her stuff and I was floored. She explained to me how cheap it was and again I was floored. All of my life I had never considered using a needle. I used to think I could never possibly get over the fright of sticking a needle in my arm but one day 2 months ago I did.
The heroin was cheap and so I justified my use of it. Now I am up to 6 bags per day and this has gotten completely out of control. I’m scared to death and I know I have to quit before something very bad happens. I ordered a kilo of kratom and it will arrive in the mail tomorrow. I know from personal experience that kratom helps a great deal with withdrawal from very high doses of oxy and hydrocodone. I am hoping to have similar results with heroin but am not sure. I just need some advice for what is to come.
Any advice and support would greatly be appreciated. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired and I am determined to get through this!
I started taking opiates almost 27 years ago. Back then I thought I was fortunate in that I had an almost endless supply of Tylenol #4’s. Opiates, always orally administered, saved me from destroying my life with alcohol. I had previously been drinking and I am a non-functional binge drunk when I do drink. Opiates gave me my life back. I could study, go to work and function normally on 1200mg’s of codeine every other day.
Fast forward 5 years and my access to opiates had become cut off. I returned to alcohol to deal with my depression and anxiety and in no time my life was in the toilet again. I was a shambles for a very long time and then I discovered poppy pods in 1994. Poppy pods saved me as I was about at the end of my rope, failed treatment centers, short and long term, 2 drunk driving charges, being fired from jobs.
I needed the opiates to feel normal. From 1994 to 2010 I used nothing but poppy pods. I would order them by the case in order to get the best value. My wife and children applauded my use of poppy pods. To them it was just an herbal remedy. My use of other herbs, growing, harvesting and drying, made the pods seem more legitimate. My use of pods fluctuated from 5 to 20 pods at a time and most of the time it was an every other day or every few days use (1 day on, 2-3 days off). It was remarkable how long a glass of poppy tea, grounds and all, would stay in my system. I was normal, I have three kids whom I raised and I was very active in the community. No one ever knew I used poppy tea. I was an avid body builder and jogged 50 to 80 miles per week. I excelled at everything I did, art, computer programming and teaching.
As some of you might know poppy pods went by way of the dinosaur in 2010. I had researched Kratom for years and in desperation decided to give it a try but not before I had begun to binge drink. The kratom arrived fortunately when I was sober. It worked, but not as good as poppy pods of course. I needed a high dose of kratom in order to achieve the anxiety and depression relief I needed. High doses of kratom would make me edgy yet completely eliminated the depression and 50 percent of the anxiety on most days. Then there was the cost. I did have some small length of time successes on kratom but never the 15 years that I did on poppy pods. So I continued to binge drink.
An associate who was aware of my prior poppy pod use got sick of me laying drunk at my home, never venturing out, so they brought me some oxycontins. I dumped all of my booze down the sink and began taking oxy and hydrocodone for the next few months similar to my poppy pod use, every other day or every few days. This became quite expensive quickly and I realized that $200 dollars every few days would find me broke within a couple years. Unacceptable.
Another associate being more of a friend to me had a heroin addiction which they had hid from me for the past five years. I never knew. I caught her one day preparing her stuff and I was floored. She explained to me how cheap it was and again I was floored. All of my life I had never considered using a needle. I used to think I could never possibly get over the fright of sticking a needle in my arm but one day 2 months ago I did.
The heroin was cheap and so I justified my use of it. Now I am up to 6 bags per day and this has gotten completely out of control. I’m scared to death and I know I have to quit before something very bad happens. I ordered a kilo of kratom and it will arrive in the mail tomorrow. I know from personal experience that kratom helps a great deal with withdrawal from very high doses of oxy and hydrocodone. I am hoping to have similar results with heroin but am not sure. I just need some advice for what is to come.
Any advice and support would greatly be appreciated. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired and I am determined to get through this!
Finally Honest
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 301
Oil,
Well my advice would be to consult a dr. go into a treatment center get clean come out and start working a recovery program. You sound like a very intelligent person, if you really want to stop I think it's time to stop playing dr to yourself and let a true physcian help you. Just my opinion, good luck and God Bless you!! Recovery is possible!!!
Well my advice would be to consult a dr. go into a treatment center get clean come out and start working a recovery program. You sound like a very intelligent person, if you really want to stop I think it's time to stop playing dr to yourself and let a true physcian help you. Just my opinion, good luck and God Bless you!! Recovery is possible!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 775
We are very simular so I know how you feel.Have you considered going to a Dr. and maybe trying Suboxone.I did all the things that you did except the Kratom didnt work for me.I went on the Suboxone for a short detox but was back to where I started soon after stopping so I went on Suboxone with no expectations of time limits.After 7 months I weaned with the help of a 12 step program and am currently opiate free for the first time in my adult life.I like you thought I needed it for depression and anxiety but that is just the addiction doing its job.............................Keeping you addicted.Good luck to you keep involved on this board it truely helps.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,288
This sounds like years, and years of living on some kind of substance or another. Do you even remember what it feels like being happy totally substance free? Alcohol free?
Good luck to you finding a good LONG term program. Basically you have to de-program your brain, thought patterns, habits, etc...
I'm finally starting to think that I wanna do things without alcohol coming in to the picture. I was in rehab over a year ago. I couldn't see myself go to vacation without the pleasure of having a drink. But now I can, in fact I was even surprised about it.
Good luck to you finding a good LONG term program. Basically you have to de-program your brain, thought patterns, habits, etc...
I'm finally starting to think that I wanna do things without alcohol coming in to the picture. I was in rehab over a year ago. I couldn't see myself go to vacation without the pleasure of having a drink. But now I can, in fact I was even surprised about it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: New York
Posts: 8
First thing I recommend is to go to a detox so you won't go through these nasty withdrawals. Probably go on suboxone for only to get the withdrawals from heroin. Then probably better to do a 28 day program. My experience that I only went only suboxone when I was in detox and rehab since I left rehab I slowly tapered off it and had very little problems with that. Now I take this better alternative still with 13 months clean and sober called Nalterxone. That is an opiate blocker. I recommend start going to meetings and get into the steps with a sponsor.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 136
Have you seen a psychologist about your substance abuse/addiction? You said several times that you used opiates to "feel normal" and also to treat your depression and anxiety. You are self-meditating for a reason, and you need to figure out what that reason is. I'm not a doctor, but to me it seems like this is much much deeper than an addiction. You may have mental disorder that can be treated with the proper medications. I would definitely see a psychiatrist before you do anything, try to get to the root of the problem first-it may be as simple as that.
Good luck to you!
Good luck to you!
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