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Old 07-09-2011, 02:21 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Little blue candies..

I am on day one of being off of roxicodone 30s and I am so tempted. 150mg a day habit for over a year. Help
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Old 07-09-2011, 03:24 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi hopeful! Welcome to this forum!

There are lots of people here who have been exactly where you are. There is no lack of sympathy and hand-holding here waiting for you.

Why don't you journal your progress and ask for feedback as you go.

The first three days are the worst. If you read through the two threads "I'm going cold turkey..." and then "Kicking the Ox parts 1 and 2, and now 3", you'll see lots of withdrawal stories over the past 6 months or so, lots of struggles, lots of triumphs.

This won't be easy, but it will be SO worth it.

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Old 07-09-2011, 03:27 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome! Hugs... more hugs...strength...you can do this...

I've been two weeks clean of up to 11 30mg blues a day of oxy, plus somas and xanax....

you can do this.

there is support here for you.

blessings to you

BLESSINGS

just hold on
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Old 07-09-2011, 11:56 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I am on day one of being off of roxicodone 30s and I am so tempted. 150mg a day habit for over a year. Help
My habit was more than yours in amount and more than double in length. The detox should be fairly easy with only 150mg a day. You are looking at 3 days of flu like symptoms (might even be able to dodge the vomiting) and after that it's lack of energy and mental focus. So, first off, in a way you are lucky you weren't taking more, I promise you have no reason to be horrified of cold turkey, I did it (and I'm barely over 100 lbs right now) and I posted my diary of it and I only had ONE bad day but I was taking more than you for a LOT longer.

This may or may not help: I DID notice when I focused on the fact that I was detoxing and it wasn't the flu, I made it worse in my own head. When I tried to pretend it was the flu (had my kleenex box, immodium, etc) laying around me, I honestly felt better. I KNOW it sounds stupid.

BTW- Immodium will be your best friend. Diarreah is annoying at best, but it isn't painful and doesn't last forever.

I THINK YOU'LL BE OKAY KID... JUST FOLLOW UP TO STAY ON TRACK!!! Keep posting here and Welcome!

Keep us updated and ask lots of questions. Sometimes you need help from a stranger thats been there/done that to understand yourself better.
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Old 07-09-2011, 11:59 PM   #5 (permalink)
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PS. One thing I learned here. Try not refer to your DOC as "candies"... it glorifies them. (and could trigger others) Call it what it is.... evil. lol I have plenty of names for them, but I would get banned from the board.
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Old 07-10-2011, 12:46 PM   #6 (permalink)
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To me, I'll take whatever I can find just to not be sober. If I don't have what I prefer, I take something else. Which is what I've done today I substitute one thing for another. I tell myself that I'll be okay as long as I have this, or that. Then when I run out of this & that, what do I do? I flip out like I did yesterday. Sure I may be 2 days of no opiates, but I've still taken other things.
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Old 07-10-2011, 02:22 PM   #7 (permalink)
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To me, I'll take whatever I can find just to not be sober. If I don't have what I prefer, I take something else. Which is what I've done today I substitute one thing for another. I tell myself that I'll be okay as long as I have this, or that. Then when I run out of this & that, what do I do? I flip out like I did yesterday. Sure I may be 2 days of no opiates, but I've still taken other things.
You sound EXACTLY like me. When I got my script I would count them 20 times a day and then do the math to see how many I could take per day til my next one and even though I knew detoxing wasn't fun, I'd still run out early... when I had nothing I'd chug cough syrup... I would literally take anything in my cupboard. Why? Because I didn't want to Feel ANY emotion, good or bad.

Once you realize that, find some support, detox for the last time .... IT DOES get better. You won't want to reach for the closest pill shaped anything you can get your hands on. I don't know your full story, but there might be an underlying condition like depression. (At least that is part of my story) Once you start addressing one condition, the other is easier to take on.
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Old 07-10-2011, 02:52 PM   #8 (permalink)
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OMG - I've done that....the counting, the running short every single time.....

I even drank my kids left over meds from their tonsils surgery. Seriously - WHO DOES THAT?

I have a serious problem.

Thank you CARL that FOXING OX TRAIN has left!

I think I have really underestimated my 'problem'. I'm an addict.

oh wow that is so hard to say.

wow.
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Old 07-11-2011, 12:13 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Thank you for your comments, really. This website is the only support I have right now. The people reading my posts are the only ones who know what I am going through. None of my family members or friends know. My own boyfriend doesn't even know. His brother is a recovering alcoholic, 6 months sober, so I know if I tell him the truth, he will leave me. I am a horrible person, how can I lie to the most amazing person i've met. He is the best thing that's happened to me, & i'm so scared that if I tell him I've been lying about my drug use for the past year, he'll lose all trust in me. I can't risk that..
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Old 07-11-2011, 07:47 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Hi hopeful,

Keep posting here for as much help as you can get until you are ready to share with him.

At some point you will have enough faith in your recovery, you probably will tell him. It is a gift to your partner to be honest with him, weird as that may sound now. Think of how betrayed you would feel if you found out after the fact that he was struggling with something you could have helped him with, but he didn't trust you enough to believe you would stand by him through it.

You aren't alone in your thinking, you just may not be right.

Good luck. You can do this recovery thing.

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Old 07-11-2011, 11:25 AM   #11 (permalink)
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I was a "counter" too. Until I found SR, I did not realize how many of the same behaviors we all share.
I would count for the week, for tomorrow, for today; take from the next day due to a special event. I could not shop, travel, visit family, on and on without a pill plan. Crazy behavior, but it seems almost part of the addict ritual. Often thoughts of acquiring the drugs was just as exhilarting as using.
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Old 07-11-2011, 11:59 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Hopeful - first of all, it's your choice whether or not you want to tell your boyfriend. If you don't, I don't think it would make you a bad person. Some people just aren't helpful about these sort of things. If you think he won't be, that's the last thing you need right now because it'll just make you want more drugs. Once you're ready and some time into recovery, try to tell him. If you're never ready, that's okay too. If you're ready and he turns his back on you, he's not a very amazing person after all.
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Old 07-11-2011, 12:55 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Hi tooshy:

Good to see you here. That's good advice.

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Old 07-11-2011, 02:26 PM   #14 (permalink)
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5 stages of grief with your DOC

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OMG - I've done that....the counting, the running short every single time.....

I even drank my kids left over meds from their tonsils surgery. Seriously - WHO DOES THAT?

I have a serious problem.

Thank you CARL that FOXING OX TRAIN has left!

I think I have really underestimated my 'problem'. I'm an addict.

oh wow that is so hard to say.

wow.
Did you also have this behavior -

We covered the obsessive counting and having to have a "pill plan". But, I also

1. would not go out/leave the house if I was out.
2. when I was out and going through detox, even if it was only for a few days waiting on my next RX, I would treat myself like I was dying of cancer or something. Have a big old pity party for myself and stay in my jammies and not get off the couch. If someone suggested I take a walk or exercise, HOW DARE THEY tell me I feel well enough to do that.

3. If I had 10 days left and 15 pills and KNEW DAMN WELL that if I stuck to a schedule, I could avoid the detox hammer, my addict brain took over and said "well, wtf, taking 1.25 pills a day won't make me feel good, I might as well take 5 a day and suffer for the other 8.


Almost like the 5 stages of greif on your last days with your pills when you're about run out, it's scary. (I treated them like I was losing my best friend). Please keep in mind, I have a medical condition that causes me SEVERE pain, but that doesn't change the fact that I am and always will be an addict, but when the pain starts kicking and I'm walking at a 90 degree angle, I reallllllly feel sorry for myself.

Five Stages of Greif:

DENIAL/ISOLATION: Don't want to be around anyone and rip my house apart looking for a pill I might have dropped, there must be one here.

ANGER: pissed off that I went off schedule and took all of them when I could have spread them out and avoided the "tox blues"

BARGAINING: Thinking you've "REALLY learned your lesson this time, you won't get your RX filled again.

DEPRESSION: Turn into an emotional mess when you realize you have XX amount of days until you can refill, then you start to get physically ill which brings on depression it'self (and if you have a legit pain problem, you start feeling that in full force)

ACCEPTANCE: You realize that this won't be your last time and you try to sleep off the days until you can get more. Take NYquil, anything to make the days go by faster

That was me at my worse, in the grips of those tiny little pills. I couldn't work, I couldn't function, I was a mess.
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Old 07-11-2011, 02:30 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Yes, I had that behavior. Makes me sick to think about it now. And I want to do that AGAIN?
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Old 07-11-2011, 03:22 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Yes. That was me :(

Oxyious -

And for the past 3 or 4 months it was a bi-weekly cycle.

oh god

I'm really not alone, am I?

Also..

I really have a problem, don't I?

I'm really an addict.

wow. I guess everyone doesn't take 300 mg's of oxy's a day with 8 somas and some xanax? Maybe a beer or two?

I'm really an addict.

wow.

I just cant' even think right now I'm sooooooooo tired.

I can't even believe when I read that others did what I did...it was my secret. But it's not a secret anymore. And there are others like me.

I just don't even know what to write or say. I'm at a complete loss.
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Death is just one of the promises of addiction.
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Old 07-11-2011, 03:25 PM   #17 (permalink)
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I think you said it pretty damned well.

FT

(PS -- you said it BILLIONS AND BILLIONS of times better than I could have. Ha!)

(PSS -- "Sagan units". As a humorous tribute to him, a sagan has been defined as a unit of measurement equal to at least four billion, since the lower bound of a number conforming to the constraint of billions and billions must be two billion plus two billion.)
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Old 07-11-2011, 11:13 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Nvragain, your posts are exactly how I am feeling now. The counting. & here I thought it was only me..
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Old 07-11-2011, 11:17 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Day three, nothing.

Quote:
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Hopeful - first of all, it's your choice whether or not you want to tell your boyfriend. If you don't, I don't think it would make you a bad person. Some people just aren't helpful about these sort of things. If you think he won't be, that's the last thing you need right now because it'll just make you want more drugs. Once you're ready and some time into recovery, try to tell him. If you're never ready, that's okay too. If you're ready and he turns his back on you, he's not a very amazing person after all.
Thank you so much for your advice. I'm at a loss as to what I should do.
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Old 07-12-2011, 03:31 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Thank you for your comments, really. This website is the only support I have right now. The people reading my posts are the only ones who know what I am going through. None of my family members or friends know. My own boyfriend doesn't even know. His brother is a recovering alcoholic, 6 months sober, so I know if I tell him the truth, he will leave me. I am a horrible person, how can I lie to the most amazing person i've met. He is the best thing that's happened to me, & i'm so scared that if I tell him I've been lying about my drug use for the past year, he'll lose all trust in me. I can't risk that..
If this were the first time Ive 'quit', he would understand and support me 100%. But since he thinks I have been clean for seven months, going behind his back to meet supplyers, lying about where I am and why I have no money. I'd be highly upset if the roles were reversed here
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