I'm going cold-turkey from Oxycodone
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
If you want some fun reading, Google "gastroparesis".
You might not find a drug link in there, but this occurs intermittently with "dumping syndrome", look that up, too. Fun times in the intestinal track for us who DARE to confront our addiction!
You might not find a drug link in there, but this occurs intermittently with "dumping syndrome", look that up, too. Fun times in the intestinal track for us who DARE to confront our addiction!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 124
Hello SBH, Hello Ms. Taper, Hello Rinky, Hello Everyone..
I'll be honest, I'm riding the low point of the wave...but I'm holding on and staying strong. I'm not giving up, giving in, giving over, to that dreaded poison. It's just not in the cards for me. This really is like giving up the ghost..acknowledging the demon inside, and ridding yourself of it. The demon is not happy to go, and keeps holding on to parts of my body and mind to stay put, but little by little he's out of here and leaving.
I'm hanging in there. I agree with SBH last night was horrible. I was up at 3:00am, I mean wide awake, sweating and with Restless Leg, my mind racing, unable to stop and get comfortable. I really couldn't get comfortable to save my life, so I got out of bed, watched a movie on Netflix, then fell back to sleep around 6:15 before I had to get up at 7am for work. I made it through the day at work, very busy...trying to stay hydrated, trying to stay positive and rise above this poison. I know had I any pills to take, I would have taken something today. I'm glad they are gone out of this house...
My main issues are low energy, stomach problems, intermittent Bathroom runs, Blurry Eyes, foggy brain, just feeling overall lethargy, cloudiness, I know it's repairing itself...I do see improvement with everyday that comes round, the WD's symptoms donn't last that long. I am so busy at work, I don't have time to even log on here and check in, but I was thinking about everyone.
FailedTaper: Thanks for the google suggestions, please keep them coming. I'm going to search that stuff now...I know this is a long process and just like SBH, I'm doing it..Day 4 is almost in the can. Tomorrow I can work on day 5. I don't have much hope for tonight, or getting a good night's rest...I know that's a long way off..But what I can tell you is the my sexual drive is picking back up and shifting into gear and that's a good thing. I'm not having sex, I can just tell...
FailedTaper: How is your day going? How is working on week 6 looking for you? Are you going to NA? Are you getting any support aside from your husband? I know we can give so much here, but when you put the computer down...you're still left with yourself. So hang in there too, don't go back...because you know all to well from whence you came.
SickButHappy: Thanks for the private message, you got it, I'll give you a call if I need to reach out. Right now I'm thankful for the support, for the thoughts of me, etc...I too look for everyone's help and input. The good thing for me, is I have no idea where to get OxyContin on the street. The one place I would even think of, I wouldn't go too, so that is not tempting...The worst part has been telling the pain dr. that I needed to cancel the appointment.
That's it for now...
G2C
I'll be honest, I'm riding the low point of the wave...but I'm holding on and staying strong. I'm not giving up, giving in, giving over, to that dreaded poison. It's just not in the cards for me. This really is like giving up the ghost..acknowledging the demon inside, and ridding yourself of it. The demon is not happy to go, and keeps holding on to parts of my body and mind to stay put, but little by little he's out of here and leaving.
I'm hanging in there. I agree with SBH last night was horrible. I was up at 3:00am, I mean wide awake, sweating and with Restless Leg, my mind racing, unable to stop and get comfortable. I really couldn't get comfortable to save my life, so I got out of bed, watched a movie on Netflix, then fell back to sleep around 6:15 before I had to get up at 7am for work. I made it through the day at work, very busy...trying to stay hydrated, trying to stay positive and rise above this poison. I know had I any pills to take, I would have taken something today. I'm glad they are gone out of this house...
My main issues are low energy, stomach problems, intermittent Bathroom runs, Blurry Eyes, foggy brain, just feeling overall lethargy, cloudiness, I know it's repairing itself...I do see improvement with everyday that comes round, the WD's symptoms donn't last that long. I am so busy at work, I don't have time to even log on here and check in, but I was thinking about everyone.
FailedTaper: Thanks for the google suggestions, please keep them coming. I'm going to search that stuff now...I know this is a long process and just like SBH, I'm doing it..Day 4 is almost in the can. Tomorrow I can work on day 5. I don't have much hope for tonight, or getting a good night's rest...I know that's a long way off..But what I can tell you is the my sexual drive is picking back up and shifting into gear and that's a good thing. I'm not having sex, I can just tell...
FailedTaper: How is your day going? How is working on week 6 looking for you? Are you going to NA? Are you getting any support aside from your husband? I know we can give so much here, but when you put the computer down...you're still left with yourself. So hang in there too, don't go back...because you know all to well from whence you came.
SickButHappy: Thanks for the private message, you got it, I'll give you a call if I need to reach out. Right now I'm thankful for the support, for the thoughts of me, etc...I too look for everyone's help and input. The good thing for me, is I have no idea where to get OxyContin on the street. The one place I would even think of, I wouldn't go too, so that is not tempting...The worst part has been telling the pain dr. that I needed to cancel the appointment.
That's it for now...
G2C
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: NYC
Posts: 139
Day 5 Off Taper Begins
Hello Everyone!
Since dropping the pill habit amounts to a $4000 per month raise... I went out and bought a new truck today. When you p i s s away $100K on pills... buying a new ride was no brainer.
Today was pretty good for me... busy as hell which helps... a ton.
G2C - You got the right attitude... still a long road but it's so doable... it never once occurred to me that is was anything but really wanting off the ox train... just think about a month from now - wow - we'll be Junior Tapers!!
LOVE YOU ALL - THANK YOU TAPER FOR THE INFO - BE STRONG, STAY HYDRATED!
PEACE!
Steve
PS - YES! YES! YES! My boy is back... the sex thing - I can't believe I allowed a pill to kill one of the best things in life. SEX.
Since dropping the pill habit amounts to a $4000 per month raise... I went out and bought a new truck today. When you p i s s away $100K on pills... buying a new ride was no brainer.
Today was pretty good for me... busy as hell which helps... a ton.
G2C - You got the right attitude... still a long road but it's so doable... it never once occurred to me that is was anything but really wanting off the ox train... just think about a month from now - wow - we'll be Junior Tapers!!
LOVE YOU ALL - THANK YOU TAPER FOR THE INFO - BE STRONG, STAY HYDRATED!
PEACE!
Steve
PS - YES! YES! YES! My boy is back... the sex thing - I can't believe I allowed a pill to kill one of the best things in life. SEX.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 124
nice move SickButHappy...that's a nice reward...
I'm just trying to get through the day, and night now...to get on with Day 5. I've lost count of the scalding hot baths I've taken. I can't believe I allowed myself to take this poison for so long. No wonder it takes a long time for this to get out of your system, and for your system to rebuild/calibrate itself after being on this mess over a year now. It just sucks being the one it's taking place in.
Ain't gonna lie, quitting opiates is some really, really hard stuff and like we've been saying, it ain't gonna happen unless you want to do it, FailedTaper talks about her wise NA buddy, and she's right. Be ready to test yourself and to stare that poison down, right in the eye, face to face, no matter what physical or mental shape it comes at you in. Kicking opiates will test the depths of your soul, your resolve, your sanity, your strength, your mental stability, your pain threshold, I could go on and on...I'm really glad I didn't enter a detox facility like I was thinking of doing. I would have racked up a hefty bill or would have claimed it on Insurance and it would follow me everywhere.
I'm rambling, maybe complaining but I'm not afraid, just taking it second by second.
G2C
I'm just trying to get through the day, and night now...to get on with Day 5. I've lost count of the scalding hot baths I've taken. I can't believe I allowed myself to take this poison for so long. No wonder it takes a long time for this to get out of your system, and for your system to rebuild/calibrate itself after being on this mess over a year now. It just sucks being the one it's taking place in.
Ain't gonna lie, quitting opiates is some really, really hard stuff and like we've been saying, it ain't gonna happen unless you want to do it, FailedTaper talks about her wise NA buddy, and she's right. Be ready to test yourself and to stare that poison down, right in the eye, face to face, no matter what physical or mental shape it comes at you in. Kicking opiates will test the depths of your soul, your resolve, your sanity, your strength, your mental stability, your pain threshold, I could go on and on...I'm really glad I didn't enter a detox facility like I was thinking of doing. I would have racked up a hefty bill or would have claimed it on Insurance and it would follow me everywhere.
I'm rambling, maybe complaining but I'm not afraid, just taking it second by second.
G2C
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Laughing and crying at the same time
SBH and G2C:
Right on guys. SBH, you are one spirited dude, and I am happy to share thoughts with you on this forum. Ah, youth! Grasp it now, it's a short road, looking back. I like you.
G2C, you are going through the WORST part of the withdrawal right this moment. You didn't have a very long taper, so maybe your road will be more like mine than you think. The first week sucks hard, every nerve in your body is raw, every sense over-stimulated, every pain receptor awake and screaming. Our nervous systems are not designed to be gradually poisoned to death, and the delicate balance we call "homeostasis" is more fragile than it may appear, considering the stuff we can throw at it and still survive.
As you regain your new equilibrium, or homeostasis, you will be caught in a whirlwind of symptoms that ebb and flow, get better and then worse, and then gradually the peaks and valleys of this agony will straighten out into a more level path. Soon you will look back on this week and breathe a sigh of relief that you did not give in.
I had a HUGE trigger almost overcome me today. I was leaving a building I leave most weekdays, huffing up the hill, and suddenly I felt a huge craving to get a big old cold Full Throttle and down four or five oxys, like I used to do every day at this same time of day. I could taste it, I could feel it -- and I missed the ability to grab those pills with the full expectation of a rush of relief and, yes "high", that I would get from doing that. I had to force myself to remember that the "high" was fleeting, and that I was left chasing it the rest of the day. Only to begin the cycle of cold sweats and sickness in the morning.
It reminded me of when I was 16 and didn't know how much alcohol would give me a hangover. How many vomit fests did I need to teach myself to stop. Of course, I was too young to drink anyway, and my friends and I always used to binge, smoke cigarettes, and end up vomiting by the end of the night. Oh My GOD the hangover the next day was a killer. At 16 you can handle a few hangovers. I eventually learned how much I could drink without getting hung, then drank to that capacity every day for many years before finally quitting THAT toxin over 20 years ago now.
This oxy thing, this craving, -- the withdrawals ARE almost like a hangover, at least some of the worst ones I used to have a million years ago. But this time, the hangover doesn't go away. It lasts, and lasts, and lasts. Right now, G2C, you are probably feeling like this hell has no end in sight.
But it does. In just a few days, you will feel SOOOOO much better. Right now, you have to believe that, and take this minute by minute. Just a few weeks ago, I recall watching the clock when I was sick and not able to sleep from withdrawals in the middle of the night, counting each 15 minutes as 15 more minutes that I got through without being on oxys. I lived 15 minutes at a time for several days before I got any respite.
Yes, I'm on my way to being 6 weeks clean. I must recognize I could fall down again. That pull to use today was strong. I'm grateful I did NOT have any pills to take, or I might have done it. I like to think I would not have. If I want to have a life for the next 30 years that I plan to live, this nightmare has to end, and it has to end now. 5 plus weeks is great and all, but I have the next weeks, months, and years to stay clean.
Now I'm ranting. Hang in there, dudes.
Right on guys. SBH, you are one spirited dude, and I am happy to share thoughts with you on this forum. Ah, youth! Grasp it now, it's a short road, looking back. I like you.
G2C, you are going through the WORST part of the withdrawal right this moment. You didn't have a very long taper, so maybe your road will be more like mine than you think. The first week sucks hard, every nerve in your body is raw, every sense over-stimulated, every pain receptor awake and screaming. Our nervous systems are not designed to be gradually poisoned to death, and the delicate balance we call "homeostasis" is more fragile than it may appear, considering the stuff we can throw at it and still survive.
As you regain your new equilibrium, or homeostasis, you will be caught in a whirlwind of symptoms that ebb and flow, get better and then worse, and then gradually the peaks and valleys of this agony will straighten out into a more level path. Soon you will look back on this week and breathe a sigh of relief that you did not give in.
I had a HUGE trigger almost overcome me today. I was leaving a building I leave most weekdays, huffing up the hill, and suddenly I felt a huge craving to get a big old cold Full Throttle and down four or five oxys, like I used to do every day at this same time of day. I could taste it, I could feel it -- and I missed the ability to grab those pills with the full expectation of a rush of relief and, yes "high", that I would get from doing that. I had to force myself to remember that the "high" was fleeting, and that I was left chasing it the rest of the day. Only to begin the cycle of cold sweats and sickness in the morning.
It reminded me of when I was 16 and didn't know how much alcohol would give me a hangover. How many vomit fests did I need to teach myself to stop. Of course, I was too young to drink anyway, and my friends and I always used to binge, smoke cigarettes, and end up vomiting by the end of the night. Oh My GOD the hangover the next day was a killer. At 16 you can handle a few hangovers. I eventually learned how much I could drink without getting hung, then drank to that capacity every day for many years before finally quitting THAT toxin over 20 years ago now.
This oxy thing, this craving, -- the withdrawals ARE almost like a hangover, at least some of the worst ones I used to have a million years ago. But this time, the hangover doesn't go away. It lasts, and lasts, and lasts. Right now, G2C, you are probably feeling like this hell has no end in sight.
But it does. In just a few days, you will feel SOOOOO much better. Right now, you have to believe that, and take this minute by minute. Just a few weeks ago, I recall watching the clock when I was sick and not able to sleep from withdrawals in the middle of the night, counting each 15 minutes as 15 more minutes that I got through without being on oxys. I lived 15 minutes at a time for several days before I got any respite.
Yes, I'm on my way to being 6 weeks clean. I must recognize I could fall down again. That pull to use today was strong. I'm grateful I did NOT have any pills to take, or I might have done it. I like to think I would not have. If I want to have a life for the next 30 years that I plan to live, this nightmare has to end, and it has to end now. 5 plus weeks is great and all, but I have the next weeks, months, and years to stay clean.
Now I'm ranting. Hang in there, dudes.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 124
very nice to hear more from you FailedTaper...
I know what you mean, if I would have kept those pills around, I probably would have broken right the heck down and taken something, the minute I walked in the door from work. Then would have laid around on the couch waiting 30 to 45 minutes for it to actually start working, then bam...right the heck back where I started. No thanks, not today... That's the struggle, you've made it almost 6 weeks don't go back now. It is a challenge to stay clean, stay sober, with every new day. But I know where you are coming from, that good ol' warm and fuzzy, everything's gonna be okay, 'cos I'm on opiates today feeling. The funny thing is, I do know people who are prescribed narcotic pain medication and they take it only when they have a bad flare up, I could never do that. The stuff's gone whenever it's around in my house...
much love, much support...
g2c
I know what you mean, if I would have kept those pills around, I probably would have broken right the heck down and taken something, the minute I walked in the door from work. Then would have laid around on the couch waiting 30 to 45 minutes for it to actually start working, then bam...right the heck back where I started. No thanks, not today... That's the struggle, you've made it almost 6 weeks don't go back now. It is a challenge to stay clean, stay sober, with every new day. But I know where you are coming from, that good ol' warm and fuzzy, everything's gonna be okay, 'cos I'm on opiates today feeling. The funny thing is, I do know people who are prescribed narcotic pain medication and they take it only when they have a bad flare up, I could never do that. The stuff's gone whenever it's around in my house...
much love, much support...
g2c
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Just a quick note before I shut down for the night.
Yeah, I am committed. Can't go back down that road.
At one time, I was one of those people who did not like the way painkillers made me feel. Vicodin makes me nauseated, so I stopped taking it a couple of days after an arthroscopy a few years ago.
THIS time, I didn't "get" the feeling right away from Percocet. It took continued, higher doses, that were prescribed to me, and the feeling just "clicked" one day. One doctor told me that it was a "danger sign" that I get ENERGY from taking oxys. At first, they seem to make most people sleepy, which they don't like. Other than nodding off while doing my work at times, I lost that sleepy feeling pretty quick.
The "energy" piece of this crap has been one of the hardest parts for my recovery. I LOVE the way I feel when oxys are going good for me. I DON'T love being poisoned to get that feeling for probably an hour tops before I start coming down and needing more. The hook is the initial feeling that this MIRACLE DRUG has no side effects! Wow, imagine that. For a long time, I imagined myself ALWAYS being on oxyodone on a managed dose -- because I can handle it -- too bad about those addicts that can't stay on their prescribed dose. Ha! What a fool I was to believe that.
Yes, there are people for whom this drug is therapeutic. Maybe most of them. But, it's pretty telling that prescription drugs are considered among the most abused in our society. Those of us who become addicted -- sometimes to our big surprise -- are sometimes invisible to the medical community. After all, I sure don't LOOK like an addict.
Again, get yourself through tonight as best you can. When I feel like using, I do think of others like you who also want to stay clean and are struggling the same way I am. I didn't expect those pulls today, at least not that strong. Man.
Yeah, I am committed. Can't go back down that road.
At one time, I was one of those people who did not like the way painkillers made me feel. Vicodin makes me nauseated, so I stopped taking it a couple of days after an arthroscopy a few years ago.
THIS time, I didn't "get" the feeling right away from Percocet. It took continued, higher doses, that were prescribed to me, and the feeling just "clicked" one day. One doctor told me that it was a "danger sign" that I get ENERGY from taking oxys. At first, they seem to make most people sleepy, which they don't like. Other than nodding off while doing my work at times, I lost that sleepy feeling pretty quick.
The "energy" piece of this crap has been one of the hardest parts for my recovery. I LOVE the way I feel when oxys are going good for me. I DON'T love being poisoned to get that feeling for probably an hour tops before I start coming down and needing more. The hook is the initial feeling that this MIRACLE DRUG has no side effects! Wow, imagine that. For a long time, I imagined myself ALWAYS being on oxyodone on a managed dose -- because I can handle it -- too bad about those addicts that can't stay on their prescribed dose. Ha! What a fool I was to believe that.
Yes, there are people for whom this drug is therapeutic. Maybe most of them. But, it's pretty telling that prescription drugs are considered among the most abused in our society. Those of us who become addicted -- sometimes to our big surprise -- are sometimes invisible to the medical community. After all, I sure don't LOOK like an addict.
Again, get yourself through tonight as best you can. When I feel like using, I do think of others like you who also want to stay clean and are struggling the same way I am. I didn't expect those pulls today, at least not that strong. Man.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: NYC
Posts: 139
Day 5 Off Taper Evening
HI ALL - Thank you Taper. very nice of you to say. 
G2... I have to say that you articulate my experience very well... in the last month I really tried to cut back... so the month sucked and then the week long taper I did... my experience has been... hell, to be honest... but based on reading your experience and Taper... I feel like I am getting out ok... but hey, maybe my Day 7 sucks and you make a turn - I dont know, but stopping the oxy love affair is the best thing I've done for myself in a long time... since I took that first Vic...
I REALLY HOPE TO GET SOME REAL SLEEP TONIGHT... FOUR HOURS STRAIGHT WITHOUT SWEATS WOULD BE AWESOME...
STAY STRONG - KEEP HYDRATING... I THINK ITS A BIG HELP... I have been doing two B6 vitamins and big 'ol multi-vitamin and drinking four bottles of Gatorade a day and a two liter of Canada Dry - caffeine is probably no good but I did drink a coke today - tasted pretty damn good, too.
MUCH LOVE - PEACE!
Steve
PS - Wanted to mention that I have a wicked adrenaline thing going on, so I suspect a crash is coming. Bring it, I can take it.
G2... I have to say that you articulate my experience very well... in the last month I really tried to cut back... so the month sucked and then the week long taper I did... my experience has been... hell, to be honest... but based on reading your experience and Taper... I feel like I am getting out ok... but hey, maybe my Day 7 sucks and you make a turn - I dont know, but stopping the oxy love affair is the best thing I've done for myself in a long time... since I took that first Vic...
I REALLY HOPE TO GET SOME REAL SLEEP TONIGHT... FOUR HOURS STRAIGHT WITHOUT SWEATS WOULD BE AWESOME...
STAY STRONG - KEEP HYDRATING... I THINK ITS A BIG HELP... I have been doing two B6 vitamins and big 'ol multi-vitamin and drinking four bottles of Gatorade a day and a two liter of Canada Dry - caffeine is probably no good but I did drink a coke today - tasted pretty damn good, too.
MUCH LOVE - PEACE!
Steve
PS - Wanted to mention that I have a wicked adrenaline thing going on, so I suspect a crash is coming. Bring it, I can take it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: NYC
Posts: 139
THE SUN IS RISING ON DAY 5 - GOOD MORNING W/D - YOU SKANK!
I slept from Midnight to 6am with moderate night sweats... some sneezing this morning and I am totally exhausted but can't get back to sleep (of course).
Same drill today - hang tough... stay hydrated. Oh... I ate last night what tasted like the best cheeseburger in my life... and I didnt throw up.
Tired... Sick... But I'm Happy and to be honest - pretty damn proud of G2, Taper and myself...
I had "the talk" last night with my good friends - the only people that I have told about my addiction to oxy... and damn it if they are the best people in the world... and guess what? They knew something was up with me a year ago... apparently I was nodding quite a bit... at shows... bars... etc...
How ******* clever was I? I thought I was so smart... dumbazz
FOK THE OX
BE STRONG - STAY HYDRATED!
PEACE!
Steve
I slept from Midnight to 6am with moderate night sweats... some sneezing this morning and I am totally exhausted but can't get back to sleep (of course).
Same drill today - hang tough... stay hydrated. Oh... I ate last night what tasted like the best cheeseburger in my life... and I didnt throw up.
Tired... Sick... But I'm Happy and to be honest - pretty damn proud of G2, Taper and myself...
I had "the talk" last night with my good friends - the only people that I have told about my addiction to oxy... and damn it if they are the best people in the world... and guess what? They knew something was up with me a year ago... apparently I was nodding quite a bit... at shows... bars... etc...
How ******* clever was I? I thought I was so smart... dumbazz
FOK THE OX
BE STRONG - STAY HYDRATED!
PEACE!
Steve
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Georgia
Posts: 242
FailedTaper and Sickbuthappy - reading your posts brought back a lot of the same pains and gains for me. I was hooked on Vicodin years ago, but got clean about 7 years ago on my own. After a year later, due to my husband's refusal to quit drinking (his DOC), I justified myself to kill my emotional pain and start using again. Being a secret user, not wanting to visit doctors or certainly not buy off the streets, I went internet shopping and ended up addicted to Codeine for 5 years. Clean 31 days now (off and on last year, clean most of year due to lack of product). Now firmly committed to recovery and this board is really making a huge difference.
I also don't look like a drug addict and no one knew about my issue. My husband knew my struggle with the Vicodin years ago, but this one I kept secret. I handle all the money, still work, he is retired. I am a big church goer, college educated professional - the ultimate chameleon!
I still cannot believe the years I gave of my life to this love affair with pills. You know my father was addicted to valium for sleep as he worked shifts at a steel mill and in the 1960s no one knew valium was addicting and then in the early 80s, he was taken off and really never recovered, suffering from depression and died from lung cancer at 70 (big smoker too). I never smoked anything, but I guess it is in my genes to love pills. I am sick and tired and this road . . and want to ride the recovery road.
Sickbuthappy - you will get better. Stay on this board. I cannot believe the difference it has made in me!
I also don't look like a drug addict and no one knew about my issue. My husband knew my struggle with the Vicodin years ago, but this one I kept secret. I handle all the money, still work, he is retired. I am a big church goer, college educated professional - the ultimate chameleon!
I still cannot believe the years I gave of my life to this love affair with pills. You know my father was addicted to valium for sleep as he worked shifts at a steel mill and in the 1960s no one knew valium was addicting and then in the early 80s, he was taken off and really never recovered, suffering from depression and died from lung cancer at 70 (big smoker too). I never smoked anything, but I guess it is in my genes to love pills. I am sick and tired and this road . . and want to ride the recovery road.
Sickbuthappy - you will get better. Stay on this board. I cannot believe the difference it has made in me!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
TR,
How much were you taking? Did you have physical withdrawals? Or just psychological withdrawals?
Some people deal with withdrawal even if their use was small, so I don't want to minimize what you have been through.
I think you were taking a big risk ordering drugs off the internet, no matter WHAT your "source" says about their origin.
If you were a IV user, you would be risking embolism from non-drug substances entering your body. If you don't know what that is, it is air, blood clot, fat, plaque, or another "thing" blocking the blood from traversing your lungs into your heart. Most people die if they don't receive medical help pretty fast, and some die anyway if the embolism is large.
You also risk arrest from mail fraud and drug trafficking. The feds are monitoring more and more internet sites to catch ordinary citizens doing these things.
How much were you taking? Did you have physical withdrawals? Or just psychological withdrawals?
Some people deal with withdrawal even if their use was small, so I don't want to minimize what you have been through.
I think you were taking a big risk ordering drugs off the internet, no matter WHAT your "source" says about their origin.
If you were a IV user, you would be risking embolism from non-drug substances entering your body. If you don't know what that is, it is air, blood clot, fat, plaque, or another "thing" blocking the blood from traversing your lungs into your heart. Most people die if they don't receive medical help pretty fast, and some die anyway if the embolism is large.
You also risk arrest from mail fraud and drug trafficking. The feds are monitoring more and more internet sites to catch ordinary citizens doing these things.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: NYC
Posts: 139
No doubt... the internet is no place to be buying drugs... you will get ripped off, arrested or dead from fake product - not good options.
The mental thing for me - so far - has been sheer determination... just now almost puked while typing... still sneezing... chills then sweats... this sucks, but it's the price you pay if you want out of oxyville.
I don't know a damn thing about addiction... and I'm not the kind of person to look back and dwell... for me - this is simple. man the eff up and dont take pills
At times, I felt physically bad but feel so good about the decsion to quit... and that with a little luck, I wont lose what's left of my life - I came close.
STAY HYRDATED!
PEACE!
Steve
The mental thing for me - so far - has been sheer determination... just now almost puked while typing... still sneezing... chills then sweats... this sucks, but it's the price you pay if you want out of oxyville.
I don't know a damn thing about addiction... and I'm not the kind of person to look back and dwell... for me - this is simple. man the eff up and dont take pills
At times, I felt physically bad but feel so good about the decsion to quit... and that with a little luck, I wont lose what's left of my life - I came close.
STAY HYRDATED!
PEACE!
Steve
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Georgia
Posts: 242
FailedTaper - It was basically the old Tylenol #3 we used to use in the US before Vicodin became the rage. I remember taking T3 when I was going through a hysterectomy in 1989, but never got addicted then. I was taking on and off the past few years about 6 to 9 pills a day. Not near the dosage I was taking when I did Vicodin 7 years ago, from 2000 to 2003 (took 9 to 12 10 mg pills of that back then). Never an IV user or snorter, just a standard pill popper.
I don't know why I took all those risks - legal, product content, health. I guess we addicts are all sick puppies and justify to ourselves when actively using. It was by the Grace of God that I did not get in legal trouble or have any major health issues. That is also good news - my health is fine, I guess because I always ate in a healthy fashion all the years I used. That, or good genes. Am I every grateful now that I am moving into full recovery!
Actually, I did a search about the legal aspects and got really scared when I read some posts on another thread about various package seizures coming into the US last summer and stopped ordering, but a few straggling packages come on in and my sick mind said: you have paid for these, you must use them
All done now - so grateful I am where I am.
I don't know why I took all those risks - legal, product content, health. I guess we addicts are all sick puppies and justify to ourselves when actively using. It was by the Grace of God that I did not get in legal trouble or have any major health issues. That is also good news - my health is fine, I guess because I always ate in a healthy fashion all the years I used. That, or good genes. Am I every grateful now that I am moving into full recovery!
Actually, I did a search about the legal aspects and got really scared when I read some posts on another thread about various package seizures coming into the US last summer and stopped ordering, but a few straggling packages come on in and my sick mind said: you have paid for these, you must use them
All done now - so grateful I am where I am.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hey g2c
Hi Going2Change:
You hangin' on?
We're with you. My guess is you are feeling pretty bad about now, but I hope you are hanging in there.
I'm not to 6 weeks yet, but counting. I was exhausted all day, couldn't sleep well last night. I just found out that someone I knew very, very well died a year ago. Shocker to me. I'm pretty sure it was drugs. He was always on something, and he died suddenly just after Christmas 2008. Another friend of ours, close friend, died within a day of him. Both of them in their 50's.
Life is too short to waste.
Please post.
You hangin' on?
We're with you. My guess is you are feeling pretty bad about now, but I hope you are hanging in there.
I'm not to 6 weeks yet, but counting. I was exhausted all day, couldn't sleep well last night. I just found out that someone I knew very, very well died a year ago. Shocker to me. I'm pretty sure it was drugs. He was always on something, and he died suddenly just after Christmas 2008. Another friend of ours, close friend, died within a day of him. Both of them in their 50's.
Life is too short to waste.
Please post.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 124
Hello FailedTaper:
I am here now. It's been a long day for me today. I'm actually doing good today, day 5 down the drain...We'll see what the night holds for me. My vision is so blurry, I'm yawning and sneezing, but physically I'm feeling all right tonight. I was able to drag myself to the gym after work, so that really helped. I tried to stay away from home as long as I could. I'm tired. I hope to sleep through the night as well.
SBH:
We pretty much quit at the same time, with a week taper. I slept about the same amount of time as you did last night. I sweat all through the night, it was sick..I wonder why we don't sweat while we're awake like we do in our sleep when detoxing...? Maybe FailedTaper can give us an answer to that...?
Still clean, still sober
I'll be back...
I am here now. It's been a long day for me today. I'm actually doing good today, day 5 down the drain...We'll see what the night holds for me. My vision is so blurry, I'm yawning and sneezing, but physically I'm feeling all right tonight. I was able to drag myself to the gym after work, so that really helped. I tried to stay away from home as long as I could. I'm tired. I hope to sleep through the night as well.
SBH:
We pretty much quit at the same time, with a week taper. I slept about the same amount of time as you did last night. I sweat all through the night, it was sick..I wonder why we don't sweat while we're awake like we do in our sleep when detoxing...? Maybe FailedTaper can give us an answer to that...?
Still clean, still sober
I'll be back...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: NYC
Posts: 139
Day 6 Off Taper Begins...
Hey dude... I do sweat when I'm awake... then chills, but nothing like the night sweat... I think we overheat when sleeping but Taper would know for sure.
I am right there with you... my vision is toast... sneezing... and exhausted... the adrenaline rush is gone... which is good... it was kind of cool but all I want now is sleep.
Smell and taste are starting to come back to normal.
I have a regret.
I wish I did this a long time ago...
I picked up my truck today - it rocks.... Nissan Pathfinder Armada Black on Black
Truth be told... I can't spend money I dont have, so I've been upgrading insurance policies... triple payments on maxed out credit cards... just being honest, but I have no desire for pills - I feel like I had my run... nothing left to prove... pills scare me.
I will be paying for my opiate addiction in two weeks with some major dental work - opiates are not an option... I was very disappointed to find out that Ultram is a freakin opiate atagonist... which I think means its like Suboxone - its not an option in my opinion - oh well, I need my smile back after cracking a tooth nodding off a couple months ago.
When I think how close I was to doing the Sub doctor - wow - telling the medical profession you are an addict is a huge move that never leaves you...
I'm totally chill - strong in my resolve... I spent so much time chasing pills - all the free time is awesome (although my house is disgusting - really bad - worse ever... ya know... puke bucket in the living room and bedroom... fun stuff like that.)
I had a friend say to me today... whats up? you look good, were you sick? I started to cry...
Man, I am no preacher - to each his own... but if you are physically addicted to opiates... do yourself a favor and quit - the stuff is bad news - poison - legal heroin - nothing more, nothing less.
Thank you Taper and G2C - our interaction coming out of the darkest hours early on really made a difference for me.
My bud just turned me on to this band... TAME IMPALA (had an awesome video but this forum wont let me post links)
BE STRONG - HYDRATE, EXCERCISE, EAT SOMETHING GOOD
MUCH LOVE FOR YOU ALL! Good night... another six hours sleep would so cool - fingers crossed.
Peace!
Steve
PS - I highly recommend a taper before you jump off... yes, when you cut back your daily opiate intake, its going to hurt... I hurt for nearly five weeks... I cut back for a month then a week taper... personally, I didnt start hyperventalating like I did a few months back when I ran out - stuff like that was my wakeup call... and the mirror on the wall.
I am right there with you... my vision is toast... sneezing... and exhausted... the adrenaline rush is gone... which is good... it was kind of cool but all I want now is sleep.
Smell and taste are starting to come back to normal.
I have a regret.
I wish I did this a long time ago...
I picked up my truck today - it rocks.... Nissan Pathfinder Armada Black on Black
Truth be told... I can't spend money I dont have, so I've been upgrading insurance policies... triple payments on maxed out credit cards... just being honest, but I have no desire for pills - I feel like I had my run... nothing left to prove... pills scare me.
I will be paying for my opiate addiction in two weeks with some major dental work - opiates are not an option... I was very disappointed to find out that Ultram is a freakin opiate atagonist... which I think means its like Suboxone - its not an option in my opinion - oh well, I need my smile back after cracking a tooth nodding off a couple months ago.
When I think how close I was to doing the Sub doctor - wow - telling the medical profession you are an addict is a huge move that never leaves you...
I'm totally chill - strong in my resolve... I spent so much time chasing pills - all the free time is awesome (although my house is disgusting - really bad - worse ever... ya know... puke bucket in the living room and bedroom... fun stuff like that.)
I had a friend say to me today... whats up? you look good, were you sick? I started to cry...
Man, I am no preacher - to each his own... but if you are physically addicted to opiates... do yourself a favor and quit - the stuff is bad news - poison - legal heroin - nothing more, nothing less.
Thank you Taper and G2C - our interaction coming out of the darkest hours early on really made a difference for me.
My bud just turned me on to this band... TAME IMPALA (had an awesome video but this forum wont let me post links)
BE STRONG - HYDRATE, EXCERCISE, EAT SOMETHING GOOD
MUCH LOVE FOR YOU ALL! Good night... another six hours sleep would so cool - fingers crossed.
Peace!
Steve
PS - I highly recommend a taper before you jump off... yes, when you cut back your daily opiate intake, its going to hurt... I hurt for nearly five weeks... I cut back for a month then a week taper... personally, I didnt start hyperventalating like I did a few months back when I ran out - stuff like that was my wakeup call... and the mirror on the wall.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: NYC
Posts: 139
Sunrises on Day 6 Off Taper
I slept three hours and feel terrible - sneezing - night sweats (one soaked layer only - not three, but still) - chills, sour stomach with no vomit... bathroom runs have relented, for now.
After reading through all my previous posts - wow, what a nutjob I am. For that, please anyone that cares enough to read, consider and make the move to sober up - this is still very serious and I will spend the rest of my life counting the days, weeks, months and years from January 21, 2011.
The day I finally said enough is enough.
I am very SICK but I am HAPPY - I have never been more proud of who I might become because I will no longer be a slave to opiates.
STAY STRONG - HYDRATE - TELL SOMEONE YOU LOVE THEM
PEACE!
Steve
After reading through all my previous posts - wow, what a nutjob I am. For that, please anyone that cares enough to read, consider and make the move to sober up - this is still very serious and I will spend the rest of my life counting the days, weeks, months and years from January 21, 2011.
The day I finally said enough is enough.
I am very SICK but I am HAPPY - I have never been more proud of who I might become because I will no longer be a slave to opiates.
STAY STRONG - HYDRATE - TELL SOMEONE YOU LOVE THEM
PEACE!
Steve
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Georgia
Posts: 242
SickbutHappy - it gets better every day, so keep hanging in there. I am at 32 days off opiates and still have a bit of trouble staying asleep, but sleep much better than a week or so ago.
I have to wear two pair of night knee socks and thermal underwear now at night and during the day for my legs to stay warm, though. Wonder of others had that problem to continue. I know it is winter, but this really helps with the leg issues. Had hot and cold bouts first few weeks, but now I am cold all the time and still have a sneezing spell or two each day. All other w/d symptoms have subsided. I also tapered off for the week before the big day and it really helped me, as I had done the c/t route before and suffered more.
I wish I had found this site during my previous efforts to recover. I cannot believe the difference it has made for me, finding others going through what I did. I really thought I was pretty much alone, especially with pills.
Very proud of you - keep up the fight and you will come out to the light.
I have to wear two pair of night knee socks and thermal underwear now at night and during the day for my legs to stay warm, though. Wonder of others had that problem to continue. I know it is winter, but this really helps with the leg issues. Had hot and cold bouts first few weeks, but now I am cold all the time and still have a sneezing spell or two each day. All other w/d symptoms have subsided. I also tapered off for the week before the big day and it really helped me, as I had done the c/t route before and suffered more.
I wish I had found this site during my previous efforts to recover. I cannot believe the difference it has made for me, finding others going through what I did. I really thought I was pretty much alone, especially with pills.
Very proud of you - keep up the fight and you will come out to the light.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Night sweats
One of the ways our body detoxifies is sweating. Sweat is both an excretion (elimination of waste) and a secretion (lubricant, cooling system, etc.). So sweating both at night and day, fulfills these functions.
Again, the nervous system is at work with night sweats. Sleep is supposed to "paralyze" us so we don't run down the street in our sleep. Those mechanisms are disrupted in withdrawal, and we thrash and toss and turn, and we don't go through the normal sleep cycles we are supposed to.
Other things besides drug withdrawal do this. Infection, fever, hormone imbalance, HIV, cancer, and some other medications. Stress even does it, when people have nightmares and wake up sweating.
Probably most of drug night sweats are detoxifying, not fever or anything. It may also have something to do with the fight or flight thing that makes our eyes dilate or pinpoint, depending on which one is at work. In flight, we need to see clearly in the dark and sweat to keep cool. (Ha.)
I'm doing fine in week 6. Still having sleep trouble. Still have some hills and valleys of fatigue and malaise. But largely pretty okay.
G2C and SBH: Glad to see you working through this. Your lives will be immensely better for it, and the biggest benefits are yet to come.
Again, the nervous system is at work with night sweats. Sleep is supposed to "paralyze" us so we don't run down the street in our sleep. Those mechanisms are disrupted in withdrawal, and we thrash and toss and turn, and we don't go through the normal sleep cycles we are supposed to.
Other things besides drug withdrawal do this. Infection, fever, hormone imbalance, HIV, cancer, and some other medications. Stress even does it, when people have nightmares and wake up sweating.
Probably most of drug night sweats are detoxifying, not fever or anything. It may also have something to do with the fight or flight thing that makes our eyes dilate or pinpoint, depending on which one is at work. In flight, we need to see clearly in the dark and sweat to keep cool. (Ha.)
I'm doing fine in week 6. Still having sleep trouble. Still have some hills and valleys of fatigue and malaise. But largely pretty okay.
G2C and SBH: Glad to see you working through this. Your lives will be immensely better for it, and the biggest benefits are yet to come.
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