newwayoflife

This is so hard for me to even try and talk about but here I go...the guilt is beginning to be tooo much. I am a 35 year old mommy of two adorable children and have a great husband. So I started taking loratabs two years ago from a prescription for pain. I am still receiving those refills but I am also buying extras in between, and friends and family don't know. I am a stay at home mom and I can feel the depression and guilt to beginning to build. I know how I feel when I don't have any pills. I don't know where to turn to get sober and I cannot believe I let it get to this point. I don't have money for fancy rehab and I know once I get over the initial physical withdrawal, I could do this. I just don't know how to start. I don't think I can stop cold turkey. Any advice?

Dee74

glad you found us newway
I hope others will have experience to share soon

D

ashleek

You and I have almost the same story except my husband and mother knew. I loved my tabs and then it went to perks. Then I went to detox and here I am almost five months clean. It's hard but you can do it. I have a little boy and one on the way now. Life is much better without the drugs but of course no fairytale. I think you should atleast tell your husband you think you are addicted to the pills. They are highly addictive and he just might understand, you are going to need people around you when you try this out.

baggervance

No need to feel guilty it can happen to anyone. Our stories are similiar except I have a loving wife and two girls almost grown I too thought once I got over the withdrawals I'd be fine but that is when the work starts. I would suggest being 100% honest with your husband if your truely ready to stop. A na/aa meeting would be an excellent start no one will judge you as with sober recovery we have all been where you are. Good luck on your journey it can get better.

trumper36

I am in day 3 of detox from percs and or vicodin (I didnt really have a preference). This is my second go around with detox. The first time no one in my family knew anything!! I was taking around 15 a day for about 7 years. I knew that if I was going to really get clean I had to tell. THE FREAKIN HARDEST thing i have ever had to tell my husband. He almost left me BUT it turned out too be the best thing I ever did. After he got over the initial shock and anger he just loved me and helped me and most of all stood by my side. That gave me more strength than I ever imagined. 8 days of pure hell because I to do not have any money for a rehab. I tell you this you never realize how strong you are until you go through something like this. I was so proud of myself. AND then i was clean for about 3 months ha I started taking 1 maybe 2 a day saying oh hell i can control this OMG what a stupid stupid woman i was. I got up to taking 6 a day! So now I am back a square one detoxing again. I have made no promises to anyone because i am not in a position to make any promises. This has to come from me and only me. My husband is still supportive disappointed but is finally understanding this is an awful addiction. I think I will be ok. PLEASE come clean with your family its not easy nothing about this is easy. But in the end I promise you , you will be so damn proud of yourself!!

DecBaby

Im sure if your husband knows you have been taking a prescription then it will be easier to tell him you are addicted. People getting prescription for pain killers over a long period of time are inevitabily going to be addicted.

Im sure they have a detox you can go to where you dont need cash or insurance. Even if not, cold turkey CAN be done as can a suboxone program.

newwayoflife

I am shocked and overwhelmed by the responsing, sitting at my computer crying. Thank you so much for the confidence and hope you have given me. I have looked up some doctors who are in the area and prescribe suboxone. Any advice on those or should I just cold turkey it. I am still using......I have quite a few left and you know I won't quit taking them until they are gone. But I am getting the confidence to come clean to my husband and getting my mind and body ready. I only want to do this once. My husband was hooked for a short time and he quit, felt like hell for a few days, even took two days off work, so i don't know why I am so afraid to tell him. Probably because all this time has gone by and he thinks I have been sober right along with him.....and I haven't been. I am getting there. This website is awesome.

Dee74

my advice is don't wait newway...see a doctor - ask about withdrawal, and about treatment - we can't tell you if subs would be the right method for you, but your dr will.

Chuck the rest of the pills...and tell your hubby -as soon as possible

D

DecBaby

There are a bunch of the threads on suboxone usage. I think there's even a forum for it. Some think its the only way they could get off pills, some think its just a crutch. Whats important is that you are taking steps and you and the Dr can make a decision on what treatment will work best for you.

I know you're feeling a lot of shame as a wife and mother, how could I be doing this you're probably thinking, I felt the same way. It doesnt matter how you got in this position, it matters that you do what it takes to get treatment.

newwayoflife

Well, I started suboxone last tuesday. Wednesday was from hell. I think I started meds too early and went into early w/d's. I thought I was dying. Well, today I am one week clean from the hydros and I am taking 4-6 mgs of subs a day. I check in with doctor tomorrow because I want to start tapering myself quickly. I cannot believe how good I have felt after that one horrible day. I almost gave up but I just cannot believe I have not taken a pill in a week after relying on them everyday for 2 years and 2 months. This site has been invaluable even if you are new, and don't post, read on here every day...it will inspire you and remind where you were, where you don't want to go back to and where you would like to be in the future. Thank you to the regulars here on SR. I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Its wonderful.

Tiredofdrugs

OH NEWWAY!!! I WAS SO GLAD TO READ TODAY'S REPLY FROM YOU. I'M THRILLED TO HEAR YOU HAVE ONE WEEK CLEAN. I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU AND HOW YOU WERE DOING.

You did it!!!!!!!!! You got the one week from HELL behind you. A whole new world awaits you with new and clear sights.

Congratulations my friend. Keep posting the good news.

Impurrfect

((Newway)) - I'm so glad that you are doing better!! My advice is just to remember that the dope (or stopping it) is only part of the problem...most of us have to learn how to deal with "life stuff" and not pick back up. That's when it's good to make sure you have a good support system...for some it's meetings, others (like me) find supportive people they can count on, including other recovering addicts.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Gman5150

I commend you on you efforts you are on the right path.I recently went through a 10 day medical detox followed by 28 day recovery program. The first 10 day they used suboxone to ween me down I still had to detox off suboxone be carefull suboxone can give you a false sence of security but it makes detoxing easyer. The goal is to be 100% free get a good support group after detoxing recovery will help mentally and spiritually. Willingness is very important and its clear to see you are willing you inspire me to keep on working on my recovery I have been sober for 2 months now and its worth the pain a couple of weeks for a lifetime of freedom.

tennladybb

(((NewWay)))))HOOORRAY for you!! We have missed you so much and were wondering and worried about you on our thread! Im so glad that you posted and even more glad that you are doing so well on the suboxone!! Thats just fantastic news! Does your doc want you on a short taper plan? Or do you just want to? Either way, im just really glad you are doing well. You are such a wonderful and caring person and i KNEW you could do it!! Congrats on your ONE WEEK!!!! It just keeps getting better!! Dont forget your meetings! And once again, HOORAY!!!! :ghug3

newwayoflife

I am sorry I have not been on here more consistently. I am doing great and could not do it without all your encouragment. 15 days without hydrocodone? Crazy!!! Had a follow-up with my doctor tuesday and I am taking 1 suboxone daily and he gave me another script for 25 more that is in my drawer. He has not talked about me tapering yet. He has given me information about meetings and counselors he works with. I will begin attending group meetings at St. John Outpatient hospital, I am going to try to go to an NA meeting on Saturdays called "spiritual connection", plus talking with everyone on here. I cannot believe how normal and patient I feel. What a difference from two weeks ago. I thank my SR friends and I thank God. Just have to say plugged in with other recovering addicts. Someone earlier said something about getting a "false sense of security." That stuck with me, thank you for saying that. Again, thank you to all of you for your love and support. This website saved my butt!!!!!!!! Much love and blessings and peace to you all. I mean that with all my heart.