gonna try

[thiskidknows]

I've decided that from today I'm not going to use heroin, my addiction is getting out of control..i started just smoking it, but now I've moved onto injecting. I've only been injectin since Thursday and I really don't want to go down that road...I'm scared that I will fall back, that the tempatation will be too much, when i get the phone call asking if i want some gear,or when my friend turns up and has gear...the feeling it gives you when you use is like an experience i've never felt, its calming, numbing, all problems seem non-existant (clearly they not but when your there in that moment you believe you have no problems).

I know today re: withdrawals and cravins won't be that bad, but tomorrow is when I usually start cravin, start getting the withdrawals, usually about 36-48hrs after my last hit. I can go on the script but I want to try and get off smack on my "own" without replacing it with something else.

not sure what will happen but i have to try before i do OD on smack.

[SteppingItUp]

Hey ThisKidKnows!

Welcome!



It sounds like you've got the desire to stop using (awesome), and you've had a couple of important realizations about where using actually wants to take us -- 6 feet under. As long as you're willing to stick with it one day at a time, you can get your freedom back. You can win the fight.

I smoked heroin for 6 years. What had started as recreational abuse turned into an unrelenting night and day addiction. As of today, I'm 235 days clean. I detoxed at home, and I know it can be done.

Detox isn't all butterflies and candy canes (actually I can't remember seeing either one during my own), but in the grand scheme of things it is such a teeny tiny price to pay to be able to get your life back on track. It's not easy, just worth it. Drinking lots of liquids to stay hydrated, taking hot baths and sticking with lots of good, positive distractions can help to make things a bit easier. Chicken soup was one of the easiest things for me to eat. All of the symptoms will pass, and come out on the other side with a new chance at becoming the person you were born to be.

Someone told me that getting clean and staying clean are two different things, and now I know what they mean. After an absurd amount of resistance to the idea, I decided to give NA a try. I am so unspeakably grateful to be part of the rooms now. Recovery to me is mostly about learning how to live like the person I was trying (and desperately failing) to be when I was doing drugs. So I'll suggest the same thing to you; you truly don't have go down this road alone. There is so much hope and help to be had. Even if you have reservations, it's worth a try. There are other recovery programs out there as well (like SMART). Just accept help from people who have been there.

I wish you all the strength and determination you need. You can do this! Just for today, don't pick up.

Hugs hugs!!

[change4penny]

TKK, welcome to SR. I'm a recovering opiate/cocaine addict, 13 months clean. I was addicted to opiates for more than ten years, the coke I used on and off for many years, but it got a hold on me the last four years before recovery.
Before rehab, I was swallowing thirty 10mg pills of hydro or oxycodones each day just to keep from being dope sick, and yes, for that 'numbing' feeling you mentioned. My use of these drugs was how I dealt with life, then 'life' dealt with me.
Please, stop now, before this gets any worse. You say that you don't want to use anything to help you through this, but I would reconsider this. I'm on Suboxone and it has saved my life. It has taken away all the cravings that I once had for those pills and afforded me the time to get used to a life of recovery, without that obsession for those pills. You may not want to go this route, but putting a Suboxone under your tongue once a day is a lot better than smoking or shooting heroin...the sub won't kill you, but the heroin will. I do have to say this....the sub works, but only if you have the true desire to stop what you're doing. Otherwise, it's just another pill.
Keep posting here, you'll get a lot of support and good advice.

God bless,

Penny

[lillie]

I used heroin for the same exact reasons - all my problems were minute compared to how they felt when I was sober. I just got over detoxing and it is hell. If you keep Iv'ing you won't even get high anymore, you'll have no money and no support from anybody and you will start to get depressed. It happens fast. It feels great at first but it's insidious and sooner than you think you'll start hating your life. Every junky does eventually. Stop before you get deep into shooting it, shooting heroin has ruined my life.

[Dee74]

good to see you down here TKK

How are things now?
D

[thiskidknows]

I failed miserably, I couldn't even make it 24 hours without the aches pains cravings kicking in, so I used, then I used again...then i started drinking and fell into a massive depressive state...hospital monday night, feeling completely down in the dumps...today full of energy but still craving i've not used since monday night but the urge is there because of the energy and hyperness i feel. i can't keep still for long, the thoughts are racing through my head. I know that if I use it will calm me down, allow me to rest for a bit but if i use then i know that i have to face another day tryin to stop the aches the pains, the feeling sick (i don't know if that's normal), the cravings, the thoughts of using... its difficult..its more difficult then I thought it would be. my drug worker is away until next week, someone is calling tomorrow to see how I am though..but its today that i need to speak to someone..this feeling is to hyper for me and I don't like it..my heads too fast, my body can't cope with it I need to slow my head so that I can rest.

[AfterForever]

Just hang in there dude.

[findmyway706]

take a deep breath. Focus on the now. I know it's hard. I didn't have a heroin addiction but opiate but I know how you are feeling. You need the drug just to feel normal, or your "high" normal. The one thing that has got me through not using the past few days is that I kept telling myself the withdrawl is NOT permanant, it's my body releasing the toxins of the drugs out of my body and returning to it's normal state. Your body is fighting to get back to where it needs to be. The mental aspect is harder than the physical withdrawl though and that's what I am struggling with big time. Hang in there, an end is in site with the withdrawl. Be strong

[jane_668]

TKK, hang in. What you're going through is completely normal. Eachone of us passed through it. You just have to hold on for few days then you will have lots of other options . You can later exercise and this will help you with your anxiety. But for now, just try to stay busy and hydrated. keep using and you'll have to go through this each and everytime where as if you really want to be clean, you only have to go through this once. IT's not easy but are the other options easier? Then when you run out of drugs someday,and this will happen, will it also be eaiser than getting clean? Do you wnat to spend your days and nights in the toilet or..shooting drugs alone?

They say each ounce of pain we put in recovery push us towards a happier healthier life where as each ounce of pain we put in using will only bring more pain ,more chaous and more misery. No one could get me clean but me. Good luck.

[thiskidknows]

i nned hekp didnt know ikf to come here or booze caue both s bad. i use heoine or calm me, i drink ot make tthere and coke to keep wirh it,. im doin bad i wANT help but keep getting turned way cauuse i work, when i make itk cause i drink go AAm, use drugs doi NAmBPD bo CPN, this person no connection wikt necg,drug worker sewnds letters dont help. mumu sends deon help//////// what else then od heroin to provive i need help amd cant fo this on my own

[Missybuns]

praying for you

[Cherybaby66]

TKK - Welcome to SR. There is a lot of support to be had here. I know you will find people who share your addiction and will help you through this rough time.

My addiction is to opiates. I have been clean for a number of months now...but I still feel like everyday is a struggle. Cravings are maddening sometimes. Just get through each hour...little by little. It's really the best you can do right now. I know you must feel so overwhelmed. I sure do.

Keep coming back and checking in. I couldn't have gotten to where I am now without the support of the great people here.

Good luck to you.

[Dee74]

(((TKK)))

Sorry I missed you, the last couple of posts.
Update us on how you're doing, ok?

D

[thiskidknows]

i'm in sch a bad place i don't know what to do. my drug worker is on leave so someone else said theyd call me after lunch, i have a drink counsellor coming at 3 to my house but feel like hiding away becuse i feel so bad. i want to drink, i want to use, i'm trying not to but each second the urge is getting worse. i'm trying, jus seem to mess up.

[Dee74]

I'm glad you're still reaching out J - having the drink counsellor come to you is a great idea.
Don't hide from them - support is a great thing to have.

D

[Cherybaby66]

TKK - I completely understand what you are going through. I had a really bad night last night where the urges were so overwhelming, I started to cry. It was unbearable. But, if you can get through the next hour and then, the next...the feelings will subside after awhile. Try not to fixate on it the way I did. Distract yourself. Jump into a hot shower, watch some TV, put on some relaxing music. Try to drink some herbal tea without caffeine (the caffeine will only make you more anxious). Are NA or AA meetings available to you? If they had one at 1am last night...believe me, I would have been there! Take a walk. Call a friend. Do anything you can until the moment passes. And, of course, this forum is always available. They talked me down last night when I was really suffering. You have support here. Please keep reading and posting. We care.

[helpformyson]

TKK,
Get yourself into a state funded rehab, pronto. They will detox you the way it should be done, then into a 30-60 day rehab program, then 1/2 way house.

My son is an opiate user. Started orally, then snorted, now injecting for the past 2 years. He has massive infections and abcesses on his arms. The infections have now traveled through his blood system and has settled into his spine. It's called osteomylitis and very common with dialysis, diabeties and intravenous drug users. His MRI shows black spots in his spine. This is where the infection has settled into his bones and is now eating away at the spine. He will have to have the infected areas cut out and according to the doctor, possibly be on antibiotics the rest of his life. If he does not die by the needle, he may die from the infection or at the least have to spend the rest of his life in a wheel chair. It has gotten totally out of control. He is 22 years old.