ugh

[Vintersemestre]

My primary physician wanted me to try different narcotics for my condition because he was very curious about some facts I showed her about oxycodone differing significantly from others due to it's chemical similarity to endogenous human endorphin (the total or near total absence of which being my condition). It's very unfortunate that many people have lived with this for years without diagnosis or treatment and rather strange because it's not really that uncommon as far as uncommon ailments go; and endogenous opioid-peptide dysfunctions are in most cases clinically verifiable, although in a somewhat crude fashion as far as observing exactly what is happening goes, through the miracles of nuclear medicine via a test known as a SPECT scan. However due to my inexplicable aversion to having my face violently electrocuted or my skull cracked open and the contents butchered by some arrogant bourgeoisie psycho on methamphetamine (when asked why I might find this totally unnecessary in a condescending and accusatory manner as though my unwillingness were obviously the product of insane schizophrenic paranoia I informed him that he can feed his zombies with someone else's brains) it's the best thing available and is logically rather conclusive through a process of comparison and specific tests done by a neurologist.

Now I take oxycontin 10mg twice a day and it basically controls the condition to the point where I don't suffer from any of the debilitating symptoms at all, I had initially started at 20mg twice a day but began feeling slightly overmedicated after a few months. Back to the point, they wanted me to try other ones and observe what happens to me and I was told to skip an oxycontin dose before I came to the hospital to make sure the receptor binding sites were clear. This isn't a problem because the symptoms don't return immediately, they tend to begin appearing after about three days and gradually worsen until they baseline at their most severe after about two weeks and stay that way.

They first gave me fentanyl which I can only describe as "unpleasant". Thoroughlly and totally not pleasant. I felt very peculiar, disoriented and confused and could not think clearly. I'm fairly certain that is not something I could or would want to acclimate to. After it wore off and I felt normal again they gave me morphine orally which was even worse. It is a terrible feeling of heaviness, drowsiness with thinking muddled and ponderous to the point where I felt like a total imbecile, any "euphoria" that I experienced was quickly dashed when I realized I was so impaired that I had to mentally walk myself through the process of picking up a cup and drinking water.

My question is is this the "high" that people describe?? I can't fathom how anyone could possibly find that pleasant. Maybe because of my condition I don't experience it like a normal person would but that is NOT what happens when I take my normal medication, not even close at all. I have never in my life experienced anything so awful and draining. Is this what it was like for you and if so what did you get out of this continuous experience and how, while you were doing, did you find it to have such a positive effect on your psychology that you continued doing it for so long? This may seem like a dumbass question but I just really cannot comprehend that THAT was what all the fuss is about. I'd rather dodge oncoming traffic on a bicycle than repeat that fiasco.

[windysan]

What is it you got?

[Vintersemestre]

It doesn't really have a name but is most often cited as "endogenous opioid dysfunction" or "endorphin dysfunction". It basically ***** up your **** alot lol. It's not considered a psychiatric disorder because although the most horrifying effects are primarily psychiatric ones, the cause is clinically verifiable and almost totally eradicated by the administration of opioid agonists. I also have severe nerve pain because my spine is still a bit screwy and due to the endorphin dysfunction, all pain is magnified to beyond levels that are tolerable by any person who cares at all about their health. Rest assured, I've already been told that it's an excuse to "use" and how terrible that makes me, by people who enjoy/enjoyed getting high and can't stand seeing someone taking narcotics as prescribed.

[Cherybaby66]

Yes, believe it or not, that mashed up, mush for brains feeling is the high that most opiate addicts seek. Crazy, isn't it? Mind numbing...and enough so for us to still maintain the thought process that we were experiencing euphoria and increased energy.

I still can't fathom that I chased that feeling for as long as I did.

Sorry you had to go through that, V. It's a horrible feeling.

[krisgrace]

I am so grateful that I finally taken the steps to the road to recovory.

[windysan]

Originally Posted by Vintersemestre

It doesn't really have a name but is most often cited as "endogenous opioid dysfunction" or "endorphin dysfunction". It basically ***** up your **** alot lol. It's not considered a psychiatric disorder because although the most horrifying effects are primarily psychiatric ones, the cause is clinically verifiable and almost totally eradicated by the administration of opioid agonists. I also have severe nerve pain because my spine is still a bit screwy and due to the endorphin dysfunction, all pain is magnified to beyond levels that are tolerable by any person who cares at all about their health. Rest assured, I've already been told that it's an excuse to "use" and how terrible that makes me, by people who enjoy/enjoyed getting high and can't stand seeing someone taking narcotics as prescribed.

I don't know what all those words mean but, DANG, it sounds real bad. I took narcotics as prescribed (even less than prescribed !), when I broked my laig this summer. I thunked you was just crazy but now I see you is both crazy and maimed !! Dang.

[Vintersemestre]

I would have just sawed your laig off with a hacksaw instead. Remember you cannot take drugs for any reason, dude. Seriously that looked goddamned painful to the point of sheer absurdity with all the plates and screws in it, it looked like the bone had completelly shattered or something.

[windysan]

Originally Posted by Vintersemestre

I would have just sawed your laig off with a hacksaw instead. Remember you cannot take drugs for any reason, dude. Seriously that looked goddamned painful to the point of sheer absurdity with all the plates and screws in it, it looked like the bone had completelly shattered or something.

It did shatter. It was like broken glass in there. Spiral Tibia/Fibula fractures and the ankle got cracdeded. When I lifted my laig outta the water to see if bones were pokin out the skin I kinda weirded out when my toes was pointin the udder way. I was like, dang !! This ain't good. Not good at all. Then I had some drunk dudes help load me on my boat and one of em kept sayin, "Hey man, You goin in shock !?!?!"(in backwoods Louisiana-not Cajun but Redneck voice). I says, "Keep askin me and I'll do it for ya".

Butt, my higher power held my hand and kept me away from the dopes.


Until I got in the ambulance and the hefty, burly, mullet-headed EMT chick put ole debbil morphine in me. It was all over then. I were doomed.

"nobody knows, da troubles I done seen"

[Vintersemestre]

Uncleaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Live]

oxycodone does NOTHING for pain for me, Goodie's powders are more effective. IF I took enough oxycodone to touch severe pain, I would throw it up before it helps. I know this because of some severe dental pain many years ago.
Before migraine pills were discovered, my Dr used to chew me out for waiting so long to come in and put a shot of Demerol in my butt. It didn't stop the pain either, but it put me to sleep for several hours and then when I woke up from being that relaxed it was mostly over.
After a surgery I was given morphine. That didn't relieve the pain at all. I yelled alot. It didn't confuse me. I could have cussed them out just fine.
I am NOT a wuss about pain. I only went in for the migraines when I would start thinking about decapitation as an alternative.
One time I did take an unauthorized oxy-something. That BAD stuff. It was the most pleasant feeling I have ever had. I said Self, you can NEVER take another one of those again. And I never did.
I am a Goodie's powder gal....which is basically crushed up Excedrin...but I have sure gotten some funny looks from people about that white powder I dump in my mouth.

[Vintersemestre]

It's the opposite for me, when I take things like that it's like I've taken nothing at all. Oxycontin + Lyrica has been like throwing polar ice on a fire for my neve pain and hasn't lost it's effectiveness at all since Jan.

[Live]

Lucky you, I am glad that you have something that helps.
I don't need pain meds except on rare occasion, but what they give me is usually absolutely worthless to me.
Wow, I can't even remember when I last needed to see a Dr. for pain.
So I guess I should have said lucky me!
But the psych Drs keep me medicated.
They think I am crazier than I really am, if you ask me.
Altho' major depression is totally miserable and I am glad that is treated really well for the first time.

[ex D-Boy]

Originally Posted by Vintersemestre

My question is is this the "high" that people describe?? I can't fathom how anyone could possibly find that pleasant. Maybe because of my condition I don't experience it like a normal person would but that is NOT what happens when I take my normal medication, not even close at all. I have never in my life experienced anything so awful and draining. Is this what it was like for you and if so what did you get out of this continuous experience and how, while you were doing, did you find it to have such a positive effect on your psychology that you continued doing it for so long? This may seem like a dumbass question but I just really cannot comprehend that THAT was what all the fuss is about. I'd rather dodge oncoming traffic on a bicycle than repeat that fiasco.

The further and further I got away from using, the harder it was for me to understand what drove me to the feeling that opiates provided (heroin). When fresh off the dope, I couldnt imagine even a couple of days without that feeling, these days its a much different tune. The feelings I went through after using are much like the ones you described with one key difference of having the 'pins and needles' feeling in my brain.

While in active addiction, my mind really did believe that I loved being comatosed 20 hours a day, laying on my couch, drooling. The reason I used and kept using for so many years was because it was my reward system. The only way I knew how to treat myself was shuving opiates into my veins.

Glad you didnt enjoy the feeling at all!!